Author: Raven Shadowrose
Title: Epiphany
Rating: K
Pairing: Jeff/Dixie
Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.
Author's Note: Thank you to everyone that has read this story, I was going to end it after the last chapter but I think that Dixie and Jeff's story isn't quite finished yet so I'm going to continue with it for a little while longer. Again Thanks to Beethoven RIP and 4444 for their comments, I love reading your reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter :)
Chapter Seven... Jeff.
Dixie is furious with me, I'm waiting for her to call me in for a word, I hate it when she says those words. I want a word is what Dixie says when she is going to chew your head off and spit it out again. She hasn't said anything to me since we've returned from the shout, the waiting for her to call me in and yell at me is the worst part, I just wish that she would get it over with. Having had the time to think about my actions, I'm not sure that going into that building was a good idea. I've never been very good at staying away when I know that people are in trouble. Dixie ordered me not to go into that building and I disobeyed that order, there will be consequences. I should have known better really, I'll be damned if I ever admit that to Dixie though.
'Jeffrey,' Dixie called out, she used my full name, that is never good, she only uses my full name when she's annoyed. It's her calm voice, that is the most dangerous voice she can use, it is only a matter of time until she explodes. 'Dixie, I just want to...'
'Sit down Jeffrey, I'm not interested in your apologies. I want to know why you went back in that building when I gave you orders not to do so.' Ouch, straight to the point, clearly she is not going to budge an inch on this issue.
'There were people in there Dixie, I was doing my job and saving them.'
'There was a rescue team in there already, it is their job to get people out. That building was dangerous and about to collapse, why do you insist on disobeying my orders?'
'I'm not a child, I don't need you holding my hand all the time. I can make decisions for myself.'
'You make the wrong decisions Jeffrey, that is the point, you don't think before you act and you put other people in danger.'
'What are you saying?'
'I'm saying that maybe if you listened to people then you wouldn't make so many stupid decisions.'
'Stupid decisions? Is that what you think?'
'Sometimes, yes, I would call walking into a building that is nearly rubble stupid.'
'It's not like you haven't gone into buildings before to get people out Dixie.'
'Never when they were about to fall down at any moment. You were reckless today and that recklessness could have ended up in you getting injured. I am just trying to protect you.'
'I don't need you protecting me, everything turned out fine, I don't know why you have to make such a big deal out of this.'
'You're a selfish man, Jeffrey Collier, what would have happened if you had got hurt or killed in there today?'
'I didn't though, did I?'
'That's not the point, do you honestly think that I want to tell your kids that you're dead because you walked into a building that was about to fall down?'
'I don't see why you're being so over-dramatic.'
'Over-dramatic? Your playing the hero will get you killed one day.' I could see her point, at least part of me could, the other part was angry that she was treating me like a child..
Dixie folded her arms, something was bothering her, I could sense it. 'What do you want from me Dixie?'
'I want you to behave like a professional for once in your working life instead of running off half-cocked all the time.'
'You have got some nerve Dixie, there are times that you have done exactly the same thing.'
'I'm not discussing that again. Why do you have to play the hero? I thought at your age you would be past pretending and trying to be the boy hero.'
'Pretending, you want to talk about pretending, okay, how about you?'
'What about me?'
'Did you forget about marrying me so that your dad wouldn't find about you being a lesbian, only it didn't work did it?'
'Why are you bringing that up?'
'You tried pretending that you were normal so don't berate me over pretending Dixie, maybe you should have just been honest with your father and then he wouldn't have been so angry with you.'
'Can we try and keep on the subject, Jeffrey.'
'Touched a nerve have I?'
'Drop it Jeffrey.'
'No, you wanted to have this talk so we're going to have it. I'm tired of you preaching to me all the time when you are not perfect yourself.'
'I never said that I was perfect, I know I've messed up in the past but this is about you and your screwing up today.'
'Fine, if that's the way you want to play it, do you want me to list the times that you've messed up? There are plenty of them, you drove Cyd away with your feelings for her. You knew she was straight and still you opened your mouth, it is your fault that she left.' Dixie's eyes filled with tears and I knew that I had gone too far. 'Dixie, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...'
'Get out.'
'Dixie.'
'Don't, you can work with Will for the rest of the day, send Jessica to me.'
'But Dixie.'
'I said get out Jeffrey, I am not in the mood for you right now.' I nodded, I couldn't believe I had been such a stupid idiot, I had to bring up the one thing that had hurt Dixie the most.
I tried to speak to Dixie several times throughout the day but she ignored me every time, I had hurt her with my words, the worst part of it all was that she hadn't smiled once today since I had opened my stupid mouth. She was sad and it was all my fault and even worse everyone seemed to know it was down to me and nobody was really speaking to me now. It amazed me how everyone had sided with Dixie, she was liked in the station and I was learning that now more than ever.
The end of our shift was rapidly approaching, people were getting changed and heading home. Will had reluctantly told me that Dixie was in her office, I had to try and make what I had said to Dixie right again. I knocked on the door and there was a muffled 'Come in,' from the other side. I opened the door and was met with the sight of Dixie trying to secretly wipe her eyes, she'd obviously been crying. 'Dixie, are you coming home?'
'No, I have work to do.' There was no warmth in her voice at all.
'Do you want me to wait for you?'
'No, go home, I'm going to be a while.'
'I'll wait.'
'I said no, for once in your life will you do as I ask.'
'Okay, I'll see you at home.' Dixie sounded tired and emotionally worn out and I knew that it was all my fault. I waited to see if she would say anything else.
I didn't know what to do so I did as Dixie asked, I figured that I had done enough damage for one day without making it worse. I got into the car and started the engine, it was only then that I thought about how Dixie would get home. I shut off the engine, I couldn't leave her here with no way to get home. It was getting dark and there was no way I would let her get a taxi or walk, she was my princess and I would make sure that she was safe. I knew that I had hurt her badly today, I only hoped that she would forgive me.
Dixie didn't usually take this long with the paperwork, I wondered if she was staying here to avoid me. I stood up and walked towards Dixie's office, I had to do this before I changed my mind, we needed to talk this through. If I have learned anything in the past then it is not to let arguments run on. Dixie's door was ajar, I stood outside and took a deep breath. I pushed the door open the rest of the way, she might yell at me but I needed to do this. Dixie was lying with her head on the desk, the finished paperwork was placed to one side, I wondered if she was sleeping. I hated myself for hurting her like this, her eyes were red from crying. I gently stroked Dixie's hair. 'Princess, come on sweetheart, you can't stay here.'
'Go away Jeffrey.'
'No, you can yell at me all you like, you can hate me and push me away all you like but I'm not leaving without you.'
'You stubborn, selfish man, just go home.'
'No, I'm not leaving, I don't want anything to happen to you.'
'Why should it matter to you?'
'Because I love you.' I hadn't meant to say it, it just slipped it out, Dixie looked at me in shock.
'What?'
'You heard me, I love you, there's no hiding it now, you know how I feel.'
'You can't do, it's not possible.'
'Why isn't it? We spend almost all of our time together, we even argue and fight like a proper married couple.'
'But I'm...'
'You're what Dixie?'
'I don't know. I was going to say that I'm a lesbian but lately I'm not so sure.'
'Why, what is going on?' Dixie was silent. 'Find the courage, tell me.'
'I think I love you too.' I wrapped my arms around Dixie and held her tight, there was a chance that she loved me.
'Come on princess, let's go home, we're both tired and it has been a hell of a day. We need rest, we can talk about this in the morning.'
'Okay.'
'I am sorry Dixie, what I said about Cyd was wrong and I'm sorry that I hurt you, can you forgive me?'
'It's okay, I think I said some things that I shouldn't have too, you're not stupid, you just wanted to help the people in the building.'
'I did but I should have gone about it differently.'
'Come on Jeff, let's go home.' Dixie curled her fingers around mine, she was calling me Jeff again and hopefully I was back in her good books.
