Out Of The Darkness Came Her Light
Chapter 7
Anna lost herself in the forcefulness of Daryl's kiss, in listening to him struggle to stifle his groans as she pushed her body into his and rocked her center against the hardness of his cock, in feeling his heart pounding fast and hard against her breast in time with her own.
Her mind had momentarily chosen to ignore the dangerous consequences of what would happen if they were caught, because for the briefest moment she only wanted to enjoy feeling all the things she'd never felt for anyone before; lust, desire, love, and an overpowering need to have the man she'd loved for so long inside her.
As his tongue softly lapped at hers, his lips sucking and licking in exquisite ways she never imagined Daryl Dixon would even be capable of, her hands eagerly found and opened the buttons on his shirt. Her fingers were inside, sliding over the muscles of his chest, over his broad strong shoulders and caressing his neck before she registered his hands were on her shoulders, too. Pushing her away. Gradually pushing with more force until she stopped, opened her eyes and peeled her mouth away from his. "What's wrong?" she gasped, her eyes wide and dark and her lips a deep red as she stared at him in confusion.
"We can't," he moaned breathlessly, his nose nuzzling itself alongside hers as the rough skin of his palms began to slide back and forth along the soft smooth flesh of the naked thighs holding him captive. Anna's hot body still pressing into his erection in a way that made him want to groan out so loud the whole goddamn world would hear. "I wanna. But I can't," he whispered, his voice strained, filled with disappointment and sadness as her fast, warm heavy breaths skimmed his face, making him wish he'd never stopped kissing her. Making him wish he'd just gone with it and shouted 'fuck you' to the consequences.
But for once in his life Daryl was determined to do the right thing, he was making a decision after thinking through the consequences, instead of just running head long into them and getting people hurt, or killed. He was going to keep Anna safe if it killed him. He was going to leave her alone, despite knowing this might be the only chance he ever got to make love to her.
"God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have put you in danger," she mumbled quietly in apology, resting her forehead into his and holding his face between her hands as she realized how stupid and selfish she'd been.
Anna's heart didn't slow its pounding as his arms continued to hold her. His fingers stroking her, and his face so close to hers that a heady mix of desire and fear rushed her every sense until she thought she might be sick. Knowing he was right here but she couldn't have him was worse than any punishment Negan could inflict.
They sat that way for a few long moments, neither wanting to stop what they'd started, but both knowing there was no choice.
Anna finally pressed a kiss to his cheek and re-buttoned his shirt, sitting herself back into the couch next to him, and tugging down and rearranging her dress.
"Ya didn't do nothin' wrong. I didn't stop 'cause I'm afraid a' him. I don't give a shit what he does to me, but if he hurt ya, if he took ya away, if I couldn't see ya ever again… that would fuckin' kill me," he confessed, running his hands through his hair and rubbing at his face. "When we're outta here I'm never lettin' no-one take ya away from me again."
Daryl glanced over at her, gently reaching out to stroke a few flyaway strands of hair from her face with his fingertips before running them gently over the scar at her temple. Anna turned her face to look at him and felt her heart soar as she found the same happiness and hope staring back at her as she'd seen the night they'd decided to make a go of it. The night she'd been taken, and this whole long nightmare had started.
"Ya wanna tell me what happened?" he asked softly, subtly trying to adjust his aching cock as they both shuffled around to face each other.
Anna smiled at him and nodded, swallowing thickly. "My head was poundin', and everythin' sounded fuzzy… kinda like a dream. When I opened my eyes and finally focused, I realized I was with a man I didn't know, he was carryin' me and talkin' to me… Next thing I remember is feelin' warm... I was layin' beside a fire. The man told me he'd found me locked in a car and that he thought I was a walker at first, nearly bashed my brains in before he realized I was wakin' up, not tryin' to eat him. He took care of me, fed me, and protected me until I was better. He was so nice, Daryl. Quiet, kind, good. He never asked me for anythin'. He just took care of me. But he never told me his name. He said he would if I told him mine, but I couldn't tell him mine because I couldn't remember it… not for a long time, not until after he was gone. I couldn't remember you, or Maggie, or anythin' that had happened. The man and I planned to stay together and travel north. He was looking for someone, a friend and his son, and I thought maybe DC would be the best chance at findin' more survivors. Better to be with someone than be on my own. But after a few weeks on the road we got separated. A herd of walkers came through our camp. We ran, and he saved me all over again, but when I looked back, he was gone. I don't know if they killed him, or if he managed to hide or get away from them, there were too many of them to see, too many of them to try to help him. So, I kept goin', I had to keep goin'."
Daryl took hold of his girl's hand and slid his fingers through hers, squeezing gently as he pulled it into his lap, feeling more tears stinging at his eyes. He desperately wanted to explain what had happened, he needed to finally tell someone, tell his Beth. He needed her to know how alone and sad and broken he'd been since the night she'd been taken, and how guilty and ashamed he now felt for abandoning her.
"That car he found ya in… we put ya there so the walkers couldn't get ya. Was only s'posed to be till we'd dealt with 'em," he explained, Anna watching him intently, noticing how pale and upset he looked, and rubbing at his hands lovingly, smiling encouragingly.
"I know you found me, Daryl. I know you must have never stopped lookin' for me. I remember standin' in the hospital corridor and seein' my family, seein' you and knowin' you'd come for me. I remember there was a shot, but then there was nothin', not until I saw the stranger," she paused a second before deciding to be more forceful. "I know you would never have left me alone if you didn't hafta. That's why I was so afraid you hadn't made it. I knew somethin' terrible must have happened to keep you all away. You came for me in Atlanta, so I knew you wouldn't have just left me."
As she spoke, Daryl let his eyes slowly drift over every perfect inch of her face. Even with the small feint scars to her cheek and forehead she was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, still the most honest and kind and forgiving person he'd ever known... and all he wanted to do was hold her tight. Keep her locked up somewhere safe and never talk about any of this ever again. But she needed to know why they left, and he needed to know how she ended up here... in that man's bed, so he shuffled closer, pulling her hands to his lips and gently kissing them as she gave him the most beautiful love filled smile he'd ever seen.
"After ya got shot, I carried ya outside. Maggie and Carol checked ya, they both checked ya over a hundred times. They fuckin' swore ya were gone. The plan was gonna be the same, leave in the fire truck Abraham rolled up in. We were gonna bury ya and then head north, but the piece a' useless shit wouldn't start. And there was too many of us left, we couldn't find another ride big enough for everyone. Couldn't find nothin' that had gas. Not in the parkin' lot. Rick, Rosita, Abraham and Glenn were gonna search further out, but a second later we heard shootin', and then there was walkers comin' at us from all directions. We ran, all of us, but I couldn't keep up. I was holdin' 'em back and the herd was closin' in. They said I had to leave ya. That ya were dead, and I had to put ya down. That they weren't losin' me, too. They took ya away from me and put ya on the back seat of the first car they found. Maggie promised we'd come back and get ya when the herd passed and it was safe. That we wouldn't leave without ya. I didn't wanna do it, but they fuckin' made me… Glenn, Abraham, Rick, Tyreese, they pulled ya away from me and locked ya up like ya didn't mean shit anymore," he told her honestly.
He didn't want to upset her, but he was so fucking angry he couldn't help it. Her friends, her family had just dumped her. They'd made him dump her, too, like she was a sack of trash that was nothing more than a burden.
It had broken Daryl, knowing he'd left her dead body there, unburied and uncared for, all alone and at the mercy of walkers. But now he knew she hadn't been dead he felt even worse. He'd left his girl there and she'd been alive. He felt utterly sick, and he was filled with guilt and shame that he knew would never ever leave him, however many times she forgave him. It wouldn't matter how many times she told him she loved him and that it wasn't his fault, he would always hate himself for not being strong enough to carry her further, for not standing his ground, for not checking her body a hundred more times for signs of life, and for not being there when she woke.
"We survived. We ran, and hid, fought, but when we stopped to catch our breath, we were miles out from where we'd left ya. It was almost dark, so they took a vote to leave ya there till the mornin'. They said ya'd be okay, that tomorrow we'd bury ya somewhere pretty in the woods, Maggie was gonna choose somewhere that ya'd like, then we'd head north as planned. But when we got back to the place we'd left ya, ya'd gone. The car door was open and ya weren't there. I looked, I fuckin' searched everywhere for ya but I couldn't pick out anythin' 'cept walker tracks, and our own footprints. We searched in every direction for any sign, but nothin'. The area was destroyed from the herd, and I know they all thought that the goddamn walkers had gotten to ya and eaten ya, or you'd turned inta one of 'em. Somehow, you'd turned even though the bullet went through yer brain. They never said it, but they looked at me all sorry, like I was some fuckin' poor stray dog that needed puttin' outta its misery. When we couldn't search any more, we left. We walked north until we found an RV and a couple a' cars that would get us at least part ways to DC," he finished, wiping at his eyes and sniffing but refusing to cry anymore.
"Baby, I don't blame you. It's not your fault," she whispered lovingly as she stroked his hair back and pressed her lips into his, a soft lingering kiss that she wished she could have turned into so much more.
"I know none of you would have left me if you'd known I was alive, and I know everyone would've only done what they thought was right. Rick's always done what he thinks best for the group. I was okay, that man took care of me, and now I'm here, and you're here. We found each other in a world where it's impossible to find anythin' anymore. That's got to mean somethin'. What you told me, all the things you lived through after I was kidnapped…the Claimers, Terminus, Negan… do you think I would've survived all that? Honestly, do you think I would still be breathin'? I'm not as strong as the rest of you, I'm not good at fightin' and killin'. I would've died, or I'd have gotten others killed. Me not being there with you after Atlanta was how it was supposed to be. You hafta believe that fate and destiny wanted our paths to go separate ways for a reason," she told him, her eyes now locked with his and her fingers curled tightly into his hand.
"Jesus, I bet ya still believe there's good people left out there, too!" he teased, his body shuddering as he exhaled properly for the first time in minutes, wrapping his arm around Anna's waist and pulling her close.
"There are! Wasn't the man that saved my life a good man? What about Aaron and the people at Alexandria? Jesus, The Hilltop? They're good people, Daryl. They helped you, they helped us when we needed it. I'm not so stupid I don't know there's plenty of bad people out there, all around us in this place, too. There's always been bad people, but there'll always be good ones, too. It's just not as easy to tell them apart these days. You hafta have a little faith is all."
"I had faith, I thought I found people I could help, good people… Dwight and Sherry. I was gonna give them a chance. I asked them the questions. I wanted to try and be the man ya believed I was, so I asked them the fuckin' questions. They just threw 'em back in my face. They took my bike, my bow, my clothes. Dwight killed my friend, he shot me, then he fuckin' tortured me," Daryl explained angrily, but with more than a hint of sadness at knowing the trust and the faith that she'd inspired him to put into others had been shattered so badly.
"You don't think I'm angry, too? When I saw him wearin' your things and holdin' your crossbow yesterday I felt like killin' him. I felt like beatin' him until he told me what he'd done to you, explained where he'd gotten your things. But then all I could feel was pity and sadness. I don't think he's a bad man, Daryl. He's just empty inside. Negan's broken him, and I think he wishes he was the man that Negan didn't break, the man that didn't sell himself out, the man that still has principles, the man that wants to help people, and the man that holds onto the good inside himself despite the bad all around him. He wishes he was you, Daryl," she told him.
"Just how much damage did that bullet do when it hit yer head, huh?" he asked jokingly, feeling his heart healing just a little bit as her words soothed his soul like a loving balm.
Anna pulled back from the arm wrapped around her and frowned at him.
"Whatever it did, it made me understand that good and bad isn't as clear cut as I always believed it was. I don't think anyone's only bad, or only good, or at least, the things they do aren't only good, or only bad. The reason we do those bad things is what matters. Dwight does what he does to keep Sherry safe. I understand it. It doesn't make it right, but it doesn't make him evil, it makes what he does forgivable. But Negan is evil. He does what he does for fun, he does it for himself, to become powerful, and because he's a sick fuckin' sociopath. Negan takes advantage of the weak and the vulnerable because he can, and because no-one has ever stopped him. I don't wanna be weak anymore, Daryl, I wanna stop him," she told him angrily, her eyes burning into her mans with a renewed sense of determination.
"Ya ain't weak, baby, ya ain't never been weak," he countered softly, "and we will stop him. I swear."
As they looked at one another, as the silence of the room echoed in their ears, Daryl realized he needed to say sorry, and he needed to reassure her she'd never have to go back to that depraved maniac ever again. But he knew the latter would've been a lie, and the former would've meant nothing. Him being sorry didn't change shit, and however many times he said it, it wouldn't get them out of here.
So, instead of talking, he did something he knew he shouldn't have. He kissed her again. He kissed her until they couldn't breathe, until her lips were red and swollen and her moans were vibrating beautifully through his body making his cock was even harder than it had been before.
He knew he should stop, pull away. But fuck it, he couldn't stop. He wanted her so bad, all of her, and just as he was about to lift her back into his lap and pick up from where he'd stopped her before, a little ball of black fur appeared out of nowhere and launched itself into the tiny gap between them, almost giving Daryl a damn heart attack. "Shit, what the fuck? That's a cat, Anna," he stated as he fell back against the cushions.
"It's only Felix. He's mine. He's friendly… unless he just decided he doesn't like this strange man touchin' his mommy," she gasped, giggling at the expression on both Daryl's and Felix's face. Daryl looked like he was about to burst open from frustration - literally burst open by the look of the bulge in his pants - and Anna was pretty sure if he'd had his crossbow, he would've shot the unwanted intruder without question. Felix looked as smug as a cat could look, climbing into his momma's lap, purring loudly and padding up and down victoriously as he swished his tail and turned his head to look at Daryl, with what could only be described as a smirk on his face.
"Only Felix? Only ya could have a pet in the apocalypse," he chuckled, now fussing the kitten behind his ears with one hand and cupping Anna's chin with his other, and being rewarded with a tiny moan from Anna and an accepting nudge of the head from Felix.
"He was a present from Negan, so I don't get lonely when he's not here, but just like me, Felix hates the ass," she explained in a whisper, tilting her head and closing her eyes briefly as she enjoyed the touch of Daryl's skin on hers. "Uhmm, he definitely likes you though," Anna said as she watched Felix climb out of her lap and into Daryl's.
"Cat's got taste is all." The archer looked down to see a ball of black fur occupying the place in his lap that he'd been hoping a certain blonde would be filling by now. Although Felix really had done him a favor. Now he was thinking with his head instead of his dick, Daryl knew he couldn't have carried on touching her, not now, not here.
As he thought about the complete craziness of Negan, the man that terrorized kids and women, smashed in skulls and talked to a goddamn bat, giving anyone presents, his mind started to wander to darker territory. It started to imagine him with Anna; touching her, kissing her, fucking her… talking to her, giving her presents... and it seemed wrong…
"He give ya lots a' presents? Does he… I know ya said he ain't never hurt ya, but did ya say that 'cause ya thought that's what I needed to hear? Does he give ya presents 'cause he forces ya to… do stuff?" he asked as he dropped his hand from her face, fussing the cat as a distraction and dipping his head so he didn't have to look at her.
"No, I swear he's never laid a hand on me in that way, he's never even been rough with me when we… you know," she answered, whispering the last words in shame. "I… I never told you what happened after I got separated from that stranger… how I met Negan. I want to explain, I need you to know how it was. That if I could go back, I'd do it differently." Anna leaned forward and dipped her head, cupping his chin and making him look at her as she smiled at him, stroking her thumb over his lips.
"After I lost that man, I carried on heading north. I walked for days, I found a couple of cars along the way that I could get a few miles out of, but I started to feel sick. I wasn't eatin' much, or sleepin', I guess I got weak. I must've passed out and hit my head real bad because I cut it open. But this time when I came around I could remember things. My name, you, Maggie, the group, the prison, the hospital. I got my memory back. But I wished I hadn't, because it just hurt too much to think about it all. To think about you and why you weren't with me. I found a house to stay in for a few days and got myself well enough to travel. So, I spent a while longer on the road, but I still hadn't seen another livin' person since that man. I gave up believin' I ever would. I kept movin'. But I was eatin' and sleepin' less and less, I could feel myself disappearin', but I was okay with that. I was okay with dyin' because what I had wasn't livin'. It wasn't even survivin'. It was just a never endin' emptiness with no light at the end of the tunnel. The last thing I remember is my legs givin' way and fallin' to the ground. It was nice, nothin' hurt anymore, I thought I was finally gonna get to see Daddy and Mom, and all the others… maybe even you, if you somehow hadn't made it. But then I was awake again, or I thought I was awake. I was laid in a bed, in the prettiest room I'd ever seen. It was bright and light and quiet, and I thought it must've been heaven, until I heard a voice, felt fingers touchin' my cheek." Anna stopped, letting out a deep long sigh as she lifted Felix from Daryl's lap and put him onto the floor.
"Hey, s'okay, ya don't hafta tell me anythin' else," Daryl told her softly as he reached out to touch her shoulder, squeezing his fingers into the softest skin he'd ever touched.
"I want to. I want you to understand. I need you to forgive me."
"Ya ain't done nothin' that needs forgivin'. Nothin' ya can't come back from. We're gonna be okay," he told her firmly, sliding his fingers up along the nape of her neck and kissing her forehead.
Anna shuffled around, laying herself down until her head was resting in his lap and she was staring up at him, her fingers linked with his as his other hand stroked softly and rhythmically over her scalp.
"I told the man my name was Anna Dixon. I needed to leave my past behind. Not because I wanted to, but because I knew I was never gettin' it back. This was goin' to be my fresh start, but I couldn't quite let go of you, that's why I used your name. You're not mad are you?" she asked hesitantly, her big blue eyes flicking around his nervously.
Daryl slowly shook his head, but he couldn't stop his eyes from lighting up. "Nah, it suits ya," he told her, unable to stop the happiness he was feeling from reaching his face, and unable to stop himself from sayin' somethin' he promised her he wouldn't. He bent down until his smiling mouth was barely touching the shell of her ear. "I like Beth Dixon more," he mouthed, the sound nothing more than a soft breeze of warm air rushing across her skin, setting her insides on fire and leaving her skin awash with goose bumps.
Anna looked at him, her wide eyes turning dark as her fingers squeezed into his, her teeth biting down into her lower lip in an effort to stop herself from saying or doing something stupid again.
"Negan took care of me, he made me better in almost every way. He was sweet and funny and kind, he was attractive in his own way. He made me believe there was a future, there were good things still left in the world. He gave me everythin', and I knew I owed him. I knew he liked me, that he wanted to… you know. And I wanted to give him somethin', repay him, I don't know… give him a chance, maybe try to start over with someone that seemed to love me, in a place that was safe. I know I was stupid and naive, but I never knew what he was. I swear I never knew the things he'd done, who he was. It was too late by the time I did know, because I'd already slept with him. That made me his. Forever. That's how it works with him. Daryl, we're not married, not in any proper real legal way. It's all in his head. I mean, Sherry is still married to Dwight. It doesn't end because Negan took her and told everyone she'd married to him now. But I do belong to him, and he thinks as long as he gives me pretty things, says nice things, takes care of me, then I should be happy," she told him, her words filled with regret and sadness.
Daryl carried on stroking her hair, his fingers playing in it to distract himself from the anger and rage that was threatening to erupt from inside him. Not anger and rage towards Anna, but towards him. That fucking asshole Negan, the man that had taken Daryl's girl and broken her. Made her feel, and think, and do things that she never would have without his sick twisted mind games messing with her already fractured mind. A mind that was fractured because she'd been abandoned by him, by all of her family.
"Ya wanna get outta here?" he asked suddenly to take his mind away from it's current course, lifting Anna off his legs and sitting her back up.
"Yeah, ya know I do," she told him in a panic, looking at him in confusion.
Daryl grabbed her face, and rolled his eyes. "I mean this room," he clarified, rubbing his nose against hers and letting a low groan rumble out into the quietness of the room as she ran her fingernails the length of his thighs.
"Ain't ya allowed to show me around? Maybe we can figure out a plan to get outta here, work out how to keep Negan away from ya till we do. And I need some fresh air, I ain't seen daylight for more than thirty seconds since I got here." Daryl sucked in a breath, closing his eyes for a second, and gnawing into his lower lip as he tried to ignore the feel of her hands moving over his thighs.
"Mmmm. Okay. But only if ya promise you'll see the doctor. I wanna know you're okay, that you're not gonna keel over on me," she teased.
"I ain't goin' anywhere without ya ever again," he told her, his eyes open and his face serious now as he rubbed his thumb along her jaw. "I love ya, Anna Dixon."
Anna stopped moving her hands and let her eyes lock with his, feeling her heart banging into her ribs and somehow knowing his was doing the exact same thing. "I love you, too," she replied. "I know he's gonna come back later, and I know I'm gonna hafta pretend I'm in love with him for a while longer, but if I know you're safe, if I know you're waitin' for me, I'll do it."
Daryl pulled her face into his shoulder, pressing his mouth into the top of her head. "I know ya will. I don't want ya to, and I don't wanna think about it, but I'll be waitin', I'm always gonna be waitin', 'cause yer my girl."
