Oh God, No! I hurdle the couch, am on the other side of the room and ripping the garment from Usopp's hands before I can think; stashing it behind my back and out of sight as quickly as I can, like if I move fast enough, I might make him forget what he thought he saw. Why, dammit why did he have to find it of all people?
Usopp blinks up at me blankly for a heartbeat or two—I mean, I did seem to appear out of nowhere. It's only by mere chance that I came back to check on him—it's only understandable that I phased him—but, before he has a chance to recovered, I start barking the first things that come to mind.
"What were you doing in my locker?" I demand, leveling him with a heated stare. Usopp looks like I just slapped him and I feel my heart twists. Shit Usopp, don't look at me like that.
"I-I was just," he starts. "I was just putting away some of your stuff. You know… like you asked me to."
I'd have to be fucking blind not to notice the laundry hamper he's got with him. Usopp lowers his eyes, that stupid panicky look in them. I feel like this is all my fault—Who am I fucking kidding!?—it is my shitty fault. I didn't stuff them away deep enough. It's not like he meant to find them. He wasn't snooping around or digging through my shit. You could see it all from the door. They fell from the top shelf while he was putting things away in the lower half.
"Sanji?" he asks, his voice so quiet I have to strain my ears to hear him. "Why-why do you have those anyway?" His voice tries to sound light, but... It's a heavy question to begin with. He's looking at me, waiting for my answer...but-but I can't tell him the truth. I can never bring myself to tell anyone about that.
"What do you think?" I ask, bringing my façade together as instantly as I can. "Why else would a guy have a pair of lady's underwear stashed away?" I say holding up the garment in question—a pair of rather lacy light blue panties. "There obviously a woman's, Usopp."
"A-a woman's?" Usopp stutters. He cocks an eyebrow while at the same time he looks totally heartbroken. How can he manage to make his face look that sad while doing that? "Ya-you mean they're like a trophy?"
"Yeah... Something like that," I say playing along and even trying to act like I'm proud of it. The thought of actually stealing a woman's panties sounds too scandalous and wrong and at the same time too tempting that I feel a shiver creeping down my spine, temporarily lost to that world of thought.
In that moment, I manage to miss the change in the man in front of me, because when I look back at him, he's seems like he's gone cold inside. His eyes are down cast and moving from side to side like he's trying to think of what to say.
When they return to my face, he looks so confused, I hope he can't see through my shitty lie. "So, heh"—his laugh sounds so fake—"You, uh..." His voice cuts off and he tears his eyes away from me again.
He's been hurt, that much is simply a given. I don't know if it's just his pride that's been injured or if it's his heart, or whatever else I can possibly fuck up, but he's wounded...
All the same, I keep telling myself, I can't let him know the truth. I don't know what repercussions would come if I told him it, but I can't see it going very well at all. At best, I'd never be able to look him in the face again if he knew. Having a pair of underwear from a lady I was once with is better than the alternative. I mean, since it sounds like an old relationship, it can't be something to get too upset about, right?
~.~
Lunch being the noisy and uncivilized affair that it is, I lean in close to as to place another tray of food on the table to replace an empty one. I try to stand closer to him than necessary in an attempt to catch his eye, but he turns his head the other way, almost like he didn't notice me. As if I didn't know better.
He jumps into an almost one sided conversation with Chopper who's sitting on his other side. I'm not sure if he's aware, but his little evasion was more obvious than he intended. And not just to me. More than half the room's noticed. In fact, I think the only one that's not looking at me with either confusion, suspicion, and—in that shitty marimo's case—smugness, is Luffy and Chopper. Luffy is too busy trying to stuff his gullet and steal food off the other's plates, but even the reindeer look's a little bewildered with the scenario. He can't stare at me because Usopp's insisting on talking to him, launching into one of his exaggerated tales that usually distract the crew's doctor. Forced to deal with the blunt of the crew's curiosity, I try to play along and act like it was unintentional for the sake of not having this conversation in front of everyone.
On any normal day, after the food's gone the room usually clears out pretty quick—everyone heading off to their part of the ship—but the process seems grudgingly slow today. Usopp's the one that actually insists that Chopper and Luffy come outside and play tag with him or something. There's not protest from Luffy—eager beaver as he is—and even though Chopper's a little apprehensive, he can't really turn down that sad looking hint in Usopp's smile. A hint that I don't miss either.
That shitty moss-head follows them, muttering something about a nap while looking over his shoulder at me with that arrogant look that just seems to rub in that I'm in the doghouse. I'd kick him, but the ever benevolent Nami-swan calls after me. Robin-chan, Franky, and Brook excuse themselves and clear out until it's just me and Nami-swan, like their giving us space. She's looking at me. Her lovely eyes that are narrowed are asking me to tell her what happened. Those intellectually orbs leave such an impression, she doesn't even need to give her question a voice.
It's been a couple of days since I walked in on Usopp's discovery of those shitty things. Ever since, Usopp's been distant towards me. It's not hard to miss, especially with our noticeable closeness recently. So I want to hang out with the sniper when I'm not doing anything...or even when I am—there's nothing wrong with that! He wants to be around me too. But now he's trying to subtly do the opposite and... and—
"I know. It's my fault," I say, attempting to get back into the kitchen. There are dishes that need to be cleaned and I need to be doing something with my hands. I'm a shitty liar. I don't know how I would stand up against Nami-san and the truth right now without some kind of meager diversion.
"That's obvious," she says watching my back. When I don't say anything she sighs in the lovely aggravated way that she does. "What'd you do this time?"
While some part of me envies the fact, I'm happy that Nami-swan is so valiantly concerned with my Uso-swan. Since I've grown closer to Usopp I've started to notice their tight knit relationship between the two of them. It's like they've almost formed a small alliance within the crew, leaning on each other when they have to. It's weird to be happy about this, but I'm glad that Usopp has someone he can talk to so easily. I'm a little surprised that he hasn't brought this up with her yet.
I personally feel caught between a rock and a hard place. There is nowhere for me to run. I can't just admit all of it, but...but it's Nami-swan! I can't lie to her either!
I take a short, quick, but deep breath. The first sentence rushes out of me with the next exhalation. "I lied to Usopp the other day about something and now he thinks I'm treasuring something from an old relationship." It's not like I lied, it's just... not the whole truth.
I don't turn around. I don't want to lay witness to the lovely Nami-san as she contemplates what I've said; her lovely face screwed up in concentration, lips puckered and slender eyebrows knitted. Even all confused and serious, she would still look breath-taking.
She takes a moment before speaking again. "If it's a lie, then just tell him the truth. It's that simple." Oh, the lovely Nami-swan, how wrong you are.
"I..could never tell him the truth. I-I don't think he would ever look me in the eyes again." I stare down at the sink full of sudsy water that I'm elbow deep in, scrubbing at some grease that's clinging stubbornly to a pan.
"It can't be that bad..." and then she pauses for a moment. "It's not something like you cheated on him," she says slowly like she doubts it.
Anger swells up in my chest. I'm offended at the mere suggestion, even if it is Nami-san that said it. "I would never," I shout. I could never. I might be a lot of things—such words as pervert, playboy, and philanderer may come to mind—but I would never actually commit adultery. Once I'm pledged to another... Just the suggestion of a man being unfaithful makes me want to kick the shitty bastard—...Now, if it were a lady cheating, I'd be more lenient. I'd hear them out at least. They probably have some kind of reason—but all the same, it's a taboo that I wouldn't tolerate.
After I've raised my voice, I shrink back and apologize to Nami-san. She's just concerned for her friend Usopp. For a moment she seemed kind of startled at the harshness of my voice, but Nami-san has always been good at playing it cool. I tell myself that I'll make her something special to eat later to extend the apology.
"Well, if it's not that, you should just tell him. You know how open minded Usopp is. And how could he hold anything against you."
But you don't understand, Nami-swan. Usopp... this is something even he would think is unnatural. Uso-swan is a great many wonderful things, but even he is a man, and I can't tell him the truth. It's not just my pride that I'm protecting anymore. I'm protecting my relationship with my lover.
Nami-san stands there a little longer and then sighs again. "Well, just hurry it up and fix it. I'm tired of sticking my neck out for you idiots. Next time you two get in a fight, I'm going to charge you for my counseling." She walks out of the room and I'm alone again.
I've missed Usopp these past two days that he's been avoiding me. I've missed him hanging around me while I cook or watching him tinker with his odd cogs and screws or drawing with that half-there look in his eyes.
Oh, Nami-san, you're right, I admit to myself. But... My face feels hot, the weight of shame almost crumbling, as memories flash through my mind. All that shitty pink...
I can't dwell on it too long or I'll start channeling that thing they created inside me. It's not something as crazy as another identity. It's just that I—I... I thought after I got my head back, after I pulled it together, that everything had returned to normal.
How wrong I was.
They'd done something to me. I wonder if this was their shitty intention from the start. I'm not sure what it was, but it fucked me up good. I thought once I'd escaped them and returned to normality, I could block out those unpleasant memories and it could fade into a bad nightmare. When I finally stepped back on Sabaody, I was back to me—maybe I was a little deprived—but it was back to a reality that made sense. Men wearing dresses and heels and lipstick, that is the shitty nightmare.
It took me awhile to realize I was wrong, months almost. Every once in a while something felt wrong. I'd gush over something that was cutesy—not a woman, but something that would belong to her. I'd make strange sounds when I didn't intend to. Sometimes I would take extra time when helping the ladies on our ship with their laundry. I once caught myself holding one of Robin-chan's shirts up to my chest and panicked. I tried to convince myself that I was just over thinking it.
And then there was that one day that I was performing a shopping run and I walked past that lingerie's boutique. It caught my eye and I found myself staring. But the longer my brain admired the garment, the sooner I realized I wasn't envisioning it around a lovely woman's hips, but thinking of putting them on myself. I left the store front with a sense of dread dragging me down and returned to the ship full of despair.
...but I came back. I couldn't get the thought of it out of my head. It was then that I realized that I'd been broken. Something was wrong with me. Men don't want to wear frilly lacy underwear. They want to give them to ladies, take them off ladies. I don't remember going into that shitty store or what money I used to purchase them, but at the end of the day, I was sitting alone in the men's quarters staring at them.
I guess it sort of became a way for me to control it. I couldn't let the crew know about this. It would kill me. And if it didn't manage to, I would have killed myself. But if there was a day that I woke up feeling especially not myself, I..I'd wear them. And-and then nothing strange would happen. Yeah, there might be a slightly greater spring in my step, but it wasn't noticeable. It seemed like a good way to treat whatever was wrong with me... or at least a good bandage. Heh, this had all started with shitty underwear anyway, right?
But this had all been before me and Usopp had... Now it just seemed all that more important to hide it. Usopp has a great sense of manly pride. You'd have to be fucking blind and an idiot to not see that in him. He always admired strong men, like the warrior giants. He'd even confessed to me that it was a quality in me that had first attracted him. How could I ever tell him the truth?
I know it's harsh of me to hold it against him even now, but when he said that they'd once belonged to a woman—well, it wasn't like I was jealous exactly. For a while I was saying stuff to myself like 'why he would keep them,' or 'why he would flash them in front of me like that,'; you know, those normal things that come to mind. And then I thought that, even though I've never experienced it myself before, that it's kind of a guy-thing to be proud of your 'experiences', right?
But that's not what I felt. Um, feel?… Sanji liked women before. It's almost like what I feel right now is…uncertainty. Is the reason he has those because he has doubts about choosing me? I guess that's how it usually goes. Loving someone else isn't the most...sure thing. There are lots of reasons to have insecurities.
I sigh.
Well... I guess it's about time I stop acting like an idiot, I decide. I don't want to be mad at him anymore like this. I don't like forcing myself to stay away from him.
That's why when he comes up to me later on the lawn deck, long after dinner, and asks if he can talk to me privately, I don't hesitate to follow him back to the galley. But when I close the door behind me, I get this feeling that I've just cut off everything outside. It's like it's not just this room; Sanji and I are the only two people left in the world. It's kind of intimidating, but as I swallow hard, I tell myself that I'm just being stupid. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. I can't be all nervous like this. I don't want to be fighting and ignore him any longer.
...even though I just told myself all that, it still takes a while to force myself to face him. The heavy feeling in my chest only gets heavier when I see Sanji's face and an expression I've never seen there before. He looks.. he looks beaten, almost like he's given up.
My heart starts to thrash around in my chest. It's over. He's going to end it. I-I shouldn't have avoided him. I was getting too cocky again. Negative thoughts were swirling around in my head. I should have seen this coming. Why am I surprised?
I'm panicking. There's a long instant where I spend trying to pull myself together and halt the automatic reaction I've got coming. I've got to take this like a man. Hold my ground and everything. No Tears. I-I can take it, I tell myself. It will hurt, but it's just a little heartbreak. I-I'm not that weak that I'm going to fall apart like this. I just need to—
"Usopp?" Sanji starts and his voice sounds just as tense as I feel. I force myself to focus on his face. But there's something wrong about this. I can sense it.
Sanji stands there, rubbing at the back of his arm, eyes on the table cloth and not on me. He looks on edge and panicking and as he licks his lips nervously I notice that he doesn't have a cigarette like he usually would. That's not like Sanji at all. What's going on?
"Usopp, I have to tell you something..." he says drily.
I-I'm not so sure that breaking it off is his intention anymore. Is it something worse? He looks like he's forcing himself to look me in the eyes; his body language looks like he wants to run away, like he doesn't want to face me. "I..I lied to you earlier," he admits and there's a noticeable tremor in his frame when he says it.
"Lied to me?" As unexpected at it is—I thought I was the liar in our relationship—I'm wondering just what exactly he lied about that would make him look so defeated.
"About the underwear," he says solemnly. "It's...It's mine."
"What?" I feel like the floor under my feet just shifted sharply two feet to the left. "What?" I repeat.
"I-I lied about it being something from another woman. I-I just didn't want you to know." He takes a deep, shaky breath and continues. "But I'm going to tell you, because I have to. You should know... even though you might lose all respect you have for me anyway."
I don't get it. It's like there's some kind of gravity to what he's feeling that I can't seem to tap into. I don't know where this conversation is heading, but Sanji seems to be dreading it. Sanji's knees start to shake slightly, though it's barely noticeable unless you're someone with experience like me.
"During those t-two year that everyone was training... I told everyone that mine was a living Hell." His face twitched, probably at the memory, I guess. "There was so much shitty pink," he shivered. "I-I fought my way out of there... but I guess something happened before I escaped." Sanji was starting to lose all the color in his face. "They-they did something to me.. I don't know what, but there's something wrong with my head."
And then the story just started tumbling out. There were more shivers and twitches and some details that I'm pretty sure were being glossed over. It was the most depressing and humbling story I'd ever heard. It was darker than anything I could ever come up with. More disturbing than anything I would ever make up. By the end of it he seemed so hallowed out, I was afraid he'd just fall over.
"Sometimes I start acting weird and I know it's because I'm channeling that thing they created. Y-you might not believe me, but I think that wearing the panties helps control her."
Did he just call it a 'her'? No-no wonder Sanji never talked about it. I-I'm surprised he's not more traumatized. Then I take a mental step back. He said that wearing those lacy blue panties helps him control it. He wears those? Is he wearing them now?
As if Sanji could hear me, he started messing with the belt of his pants. I opened my mouth and started waving my hands. He-he doesn't have to—
The look on his face was panicked, but determined. I could see them now. He didn't pull his pants down, but there they were, peeking out from the flap of his zipper. "S-seeee?" he stuttered. "I-I told you." But he looks like he's just working himself up more. "I know I'm a freak, but-but I don't want you to—"
"Sanji."
He looks up at me and I actually see tears in the corner of his eye. That's so wrong. Sanji's never looked-looked so broken.
"Sanji," I say his name again, slowing trying to cross the space that separates us. "It's okay."
"No, it's not!" his voice jumps an octave.
"No it is," I say. He's got to be having a break down or something. I've got to calm him down. "I don't c-care about the panties."
"R-really?" Sanji asks looking up at me with large hopeful eyes and I can't fight this feeling that something's still wrong.
"Yeah, real—"
Sanji's lips are pressed up hard against mine and he's kissing me desperately. He just kind of appeared in front of me. I sigh internally and kiss him back, but something feels different. Sanji's body, against mine, almost feels smaller—not like he's shrunk—but like he's not standing at his full height. He's leaning in, not controlling the kiss like he normally does. I suddenly feel his hands. They're working at the buttons of my pants and my brain needs air for a moment so I can figure out what going on.
I pull back, take a gulp of air, and looked into Sanji's visible eye. "Sanji? What are you—"
"You don't want to?" He says staring into my eyes and it-it almost looks like he's pouting.
"Wha..-no, it's-it's not that I don't want to, but-but this is your kitchen.. and-and—"
"I want it," he says and his voice sounds a little too sweet.
Wait! Something is definitely wrong! Sanji's not—Sanji eagerly pushes me and we slowly tumble back down to the floor. He's still messing with the waist band of my pants while I'm struggling to process everything.
"Sanji," I yelp as he pulls them down all the way to my knees. My shorts too. "Ahh!" I chirp as I notice. "Sanji?"
But he's a little busy trying to take off his own clothes. He sheds the jacket quickly and kicks off his shoes and pants, leaving them on the floor besides us. Stripped down to his dress shirt and underwear, it's really easy to see those feminine panties now. It's looks so pervy and—and at the same time, I kind of want to keep staring. There's something kind of alluring about it, which, God, makes me feel like a pervert too. I try to tear my eyes away.
"Sanji, you c-can slow down." Something's wrong with him. I'm not completely convinced, but...
Sanji reaches for the bottle of hand lotion. It's kind of been replaced several times since the first time we used it, almost like a normal thing now. He climbs back on top of me as he squirts some into his hand. This is moving really fast, I notice. Usually Sanji likes to take it slower, like the whole art of sex is a ceremony. He really likes feeling each other, and kissing, and stuff... I l-like it that way too. I feel like he's really serious about it when he's with me. Now... I don't know what to do right now. Should I stop him? He seems desperate, like he's still scared of something.
Sanji leans over and starts kissing me again, one hand planted right next to my ear. He's kissing me feverously and his breath hitches into my mouth once or twice as I feel him moving above me. He finally releases my mouth and gasps for air. I'm worried as he sits back on my stomach. And my mind kind of catches up with me as I feel the slimy moisture of the lotion over my belly button. Wait! This is—
Sanji reaches behind himself and grabs my dick and I hiss at the slick, warm, oily feel of his hand. I'm already really hard. Shit, is he going to just—
He rubs his slippery hand up my length and then leans forwards again and I can feel him lining everything up. "Sanji, you can't—SANJI!" I scream his name as he does just what I feared he would. He doesn't take his time lowering himself like he does with me. He just slams down and it's-it's so warm and crushingly tight. I-I can't catch my breath. I-I didn't know that this is what it felt like. Every time Sanji and I have done this, I've been the one on the bottom. It just kind of worked that way. I've never really asked about it. A-and I liked it like that anyway. This is different. This is lots different.
Sanji's body starts moving and I'm losing my head even as I was trying to get it back. "Sanji!" I say, trying to get him to at least pause for a moment. Something is wrong. I know it is. I force myself to look up at him and Sanji—whose eyes are squeezed shut—opens them in time to look down at me. His face it so hot and flushed. He looks crazy sexy. I-I just can't think straight right now.
"Sanji," I say trying to keep my breathing even. "What—" I am suddenly aware that he's still wearing the girly underwear and gulp "—what are you doing."
"I-I love you Usopp," he says in that slightly higher voice. I thought it might have been hysteria earlier, but— "I don't want you to hate me. I-I..."
I reach up and grab Sanji's face, bringing it down to mine and I kiss him lightly. "I-I could never hate you..." I pause. It's hard to breathe with everything going on. "I'd love you even if you ripped me up and kicked me... I don't care about... this weird Candy-chan stuff... I love all of Sanji... Can you p-please be you again?"
Sanji goes still for a moment, his eyes looking at me seriously. And then he exhales deeply—like a sigh of relief, I think—and then pulls in again, kissing me. The kiss is soft at first, but then Sanji's tongue parts my lips and coaxes mine into his mouth and the kiss suddenly takes on a more playful and natural feel.
When he sits back, the motion reminding me of the position we're in—and Sanji as well, from the strange twinge that travels over his face—he doesn't have that desperate look on his face anymore, and my heart stops twisting like it has been. He smiles down at me before giving a sudden jerk with his hips that startles me so much that it makes me moan. I look up in time to see him smirk.
"You better be shitty happy with this, idiot," he says doing some kind of experimental roll thing with his hips and I bite my lip to keep from moaning again. Then he sighs, "You're the only person I'm ever given my ass to."
My breath hitches and he doesn't give me another chance to say something besides a "you jerk" which is actually more of a moan then a comeback.
Lying on the leather bench with Uso-swan curled up and resting in my arms makes me practically giddy. Yeah, I can already feel the stiffness in my backside, but I can ignore that for a little longer before I have to get up and start dealing with it. I'm so relieved right now, it's almost euphoric. My Uso-swan over looked everything and said that he loved me besides all of it. The amount of fear and anxiety I had with me—the dread of the moment when I confess to Usopp and bared the truth to him—it's nothing compared to the sensational feeling I have right now; relief doesn't even begin to describe it. Weights and Shackles have been thrown off and I feel like my old self again.
Usopp stirs and wiggles besides me, braced against the back of the seat. I stare down at him lovingly. When he opens his eyes sleepily and tilts his head back to meet my gaze, he plays a silly smirk on his full lips and rolls his eyes at mine.
Still with one arm wrapped around his body, I sit up. "What's that for?" I ask.
"You," he says, closing his eyes and leaning his head against my chest again.
"Me what?" I insist. Did I miss something?
"Just you being you... I—" he yawns. "..I guess I missed it."
I pause, reflecting on how I kind of lost it earlier. I was so upset that I let that thing out unbridled and it really ran amuck. There's that to consider, but—But Uso-swan missed me too!? He Missed me!
"Uso-swan's so endearing when he's honest," I say hugging his head tight to my chest.
He flails a bit, but after a moment sighs in defeat. "And you're so tiresome when you get like this," he mutters against my shirt.
"So, heh, all is forgiven?" I ask. He struggles a bit and I release him. He sits up, running his fingers through his hair before looking over his shoulder at me. He studies me peculiarly before he turns his face around the other way. "Yeah, for the most part," he says half-heartedly.
"Most of it? What's that supposed to mean?" I'm trying to stay neutral, but is he still put off by that weird thing that, uh, came over me earlier, or is it the underwear thing?
"You lied to me," he says, stretching his arms over his head before folding them over his chest, his back still to me. "I don't know if I can trust you."
"Why you shitty long-nose—" I start, feeling extremely like the pot is calling the kettle black here... but then I think better of where this is going. We just fixed it. We just finished one fight, I would like to keep it that way. I did lie to him. I can apologize for that. I can be the bigger man.
"Usopp," I start again, softer this time. "Don't be like that. I had a good reason. You can't really hold that against me."
"I don't know," he muses, shaking his head. "Your honor was one of the big reasons I liked you."
Really? Uso-swan loves my honor? I feel a giddiness wash over me even as I remember that by lying to him, I've already kind of blown it. "Uso-swan," I coo. "I won't lie like that to you again. I swear to you on... on the existence of the All Blue, I won't tell you another shitty lie like that ever again."
I just barely manage to catch Usopp smirk as he turns around, planting a kiss on my lips with alignment that we've got down to a science. He holds me there, kissing me with all the coaching I've given him. He pulls away. "Hmm," he hums. "Maybe."
It's then that I realize I'm being screwed with. Shit, Usopp. "So you like pulling my chain, huh?" I ask going back in to nuzzle my head against his collarbone. I can breathe him in easily this way, a strangely alluring scent unique to Usopp; a mixer of gunpowder, axel grease, and an earthy scent that he gets from digging around in his flower box.
"Only 'cause you let me," he says, voicing hitching slightly as I nip at him. "Oi, hey... uh—"
"Yes?"
"Could I..." he pauses, biting his lower lip, and I smile up at that before going back to nuzzling my face against him. "Well, uh, do you think that maybe I-I could be the top again sometime?" he asks nervously.
My eyes fly open as his words sink in. This was an accident. I wasn't really aware of what I was doing. My backsides going to be killing me tomorrow as is. I never intended to switch positions with Usopp and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Even if he's talking about in the future, some other time... I don't know what I'm going to do if that long-nose starts topping. "Uh," I say nervously. "I-I guess we'll see."
Author's Note:
Hello everybody! I hope this chapter didn't put you guys off my works for good. This chapter's kind of the final one in a bunch of dabbles that were meant to create/show a certain amount of balance and Sanji and Usopp's relationship. In Denial & Patience, I went into how insecure Usopp is about their relationship, and how Sanji wants to be better for Usopp (ignoring the bit about how Sanji doesn't realize he noodles). Role Reversal showed that Usopp's not just the submissive role in the relationship and that Sanji has, well, growing issues about being weak around Usopp. This last drabble kind of made a bigger deal of that. I wanted everyone to see this issue that I kind of had with the relationship.
I illustrate Sanji as being a romantic. He loves the idea of moonlight dates and creating sweet and loving moments. Usopp's shy, very conservative, and not sure of himself. At least in this drabble, I made clear that Sanji sees Usopp as a man. Not a replacement for a woman, a man. Usopp is very content with the balance in their relationship; he doesn't have uncertainties about roles. Sanji on the other hand does he thinks he supposed to be well the provider, the protector. At least this is just what I think. Also…
When I watch the episode where they broke Sanji, my heart went out to that strong animated man. Up until that point in the anime, Sanji was definitely not one of my favorite characters. I supported him and Usopp, his only redeeming feature. But after watching that episode, I couldn't think that thinking that longer. I read a fanfiction, or rather a drabble, that went a little into the repercussions of what that island did to him. I liked it, but I was like "OMG, Sanji'd have so much more PTSD from this!" I decided to elaborate on it a little more. This "Candy-chan" may or may not have more roles in future stories I write about Sanji and Usopp.
By the way, there might be an open missing week in between this drabble and the next. I think I write better when I'm actually writing between work schedules. Christmas break has thrown me off and I have written almost nothing related to this fanfiction or even anything related to this fandom. And that really hurts me, too because I have, like, this story, and then a story about Chopper and an OC (because I can't write a cannon character with Chopper. Believe me I tried, so OC was the best option), and then this other cute story that I'm going to write about Biri-chan and Carue. It hit me randomly the other night and I was in love with the thought. Yaoi-Duck! Or rather Shounen Ai-Duck. I don't think I could write anything about that unless they were furries... or would they be featheries? I stay away from animal explicits. Anyway, I finally caught up to myself and now I don't have anything left prewritten. Darn.
Thank you everyone who still reads my Author's Note even though they are incredibly long and only getting longer—hopefully I cut back next time. I'm sorry I can't do a response to the reviews this time. I will do one next time and I will respond to you SniperingSardines. I am sorry, but I've already made this one too long. I promise at least two more romantic based drabbles before I end Forging Ahead. But for those of you who like reading my SanUso stories, do not fret. I'm going to write another series following this one that I already have the first, um, prologue…to. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. Read and review all of you lovely people.
