I woke up curled next to Alex and felt 100 times better than when I had fallen asleep. That good feeling dissolved instantly when I saw Matt staring at me from the back seat. He averted his eyes after a split second of eye contact.
I rolled over and faced Alex, burying my face in his neck trying to disappear from Matt's sight and the world completely.
Even in his sleep he instinctively threw an arm around me and pulled my closer.
This is where I belong. This is where I belong. This is where I belong. I belong with Alex, not Matt, not anyone else in this world.
Then why was I having second thoughts and dreams about kissing Matt like I had last night?
Was there anywhere on this damn tour I could be to get some peace and quiet away from all the drama my life seems to never be rid of for long?
I laid there with Alex listening to Jack talk loudly like always until my body started to cramp from the way we were laying. I untangled our bodies, Alex snorting softly and then rolling over to cuddle Jack's duffle bag. I really hoped the underwear hanging out of it were clean.
The first thing I noticed was that we were still parked behind the venue.
"Uh, why haven't we left the city?" I asked.
"Because we're catching a flight to Arizona tonight," Matt informed me.
"Oh," I said.
"I thought you knew all the dates?"
"No, Kim does. She has them in her phone," I explained running my hand through my messy hair. "Does this mean I have to go back to my van?"
"Nope, you just have to go get your stuff from the van," Rian said.
"Good, because I bet you anything they fought at least twice in the past two hours," I said.
"Anything?" Matt smirked.
"They fought after you left to come to the van actually," Zack said.
I ignored Matt and looked at Zack, "Lordy. About what?"
"Whose fault it was you weren't talking to them," Rian chuckled.
"Oh my fuck," I sighed.
"Hey, aren't you guys supposed to be doing some last minute recording in Flagstaff on the two days off?" Matt asked.
"Unfortunately," I grumbled, "I hope they don't expect me to do anything other than lay down the vocal track and then sit there in silence."
"How many songs do you have left to record?" Rian asked.
"Uh, two or three, and we have to finish Taking Over Me since I lost my voice that week and we didn't have time to finish."
"So you're going to be in there for at least half the day," Jack stated and then laughed at the hopeless expression I made.
How terrible was it that I didn't even want to be in the same van as my band mates let alone a recording studio for four to six hours. We really needed to sort this out.
I sighed and leaned against the wall, pulling my knees to my chest. That's when I realized how badly I needed to shower.
"What time are we getting to Flagstaff?" I asked.
"Our flight leaves at six so we need to head out right away and we should get there and to the hotel by midnight," Matt answered.
I sighed again. Looks like I'll be pulling a 13 year old prepubescent boy and drowning myself in axe or some other body spray. Clean clothes might be a good idea too. I pushed myself off the wall and climbed out of the van, walking over to mine.
I pulled open the door and grabbed my bags, slamming it shut before any of them registered that it was me.
I walked a little ways away from the van and dropped the bag. I rummaged through it, pulling out clean sweats and a tank top. I took a quick look around to see that there was no one watching and pulled off my shirt.
I heard whistles and turned to see Alex leaning against the van watching me. He whistled again as Jack stuck his head out the window, "Damn your girlfriend is shameless, dude."
All Alex could do was grin as I finished changing. I went through the other bag, grabbing a brush and running it through my hair and then throwing into a messy bun. I pulled out a bottle of perfume and sprayed it all over my body along with apply deodorant. I sniffed myself. I guess that'll do until I can shower. I felt my self-esteem skin like an anchor.
I put everything back in my bags and opened the door to the van. This time Taylor was ready.
"Kayleigh wait—" She started. I closed the door, not bothering to let her finish.
I went over to Alex and he pulled me into his body.
"You look beautiful," He said before kissing me. I felt better about myself instantly. We got back into the van and Rian took over driving. Alex and Jack took the backseat while Matt, Zack and I were stuffed in the back with everything else.
"You guys have so much junk," I said, pushing it all to one side.
"It's not junk if it's useful," Jack stated.
"And is all of this useful?"
"Nope," He shook his head.
"Exactly," I giggled.
I ignored Matt's watchful eye on me the entire drive to the airport. His words about drunken words and sober thoughts echoed around in my head.
We arrived at the airport and went through the hectic-ness of airports and finally got to board the plane on time. Guess who I got to sit by?
Matt.
I kept my sigh to myself as I took the seat next to him. I glanced across the plane to see Alex sitting beside a gorgeous blonde in a mini skirt with full makeup. My self-esteem plummeted again, along with the good mood I had just barely conjured up while waiting to board.
"What did you mean last night?" I finally asked Matt during take-off, mostly to calm my nerves. I hated flying.
"About what?" He grinned.
"Drunken words and sober thoughts and Alex."
"What makes you think I'm going to tell you?" He raised an eyebrow.
"You brought it up so now you have to."
"What do I get out of it?" He asked in a flirty tone.
Alright, Flyzik, I'll play your game. I matched his flirty tone, "What do you want?"
"You," He said bluntly.
Whoa. Okay. That was a shock. I didn't let him see through my poker face.
"How do you want me?" I asked, never breaking the eye contact we had.
"Anyway I can have you."
I leaned in close in his ear, breathing down his neck. I could see Goosebumps appear on his skin, "Sorry darling, I don't play that way. You've got to earn it."
His breathing became uneven and I pulled back and smirked at him. "But you can start with what you meant."
Before he knew what he was doing, he spilled his guts to me, "Alex has said on multiple occasions that he wishes he was single. Don't think he doesn't see the fangirls and band sluts that lurk around the show."
Hurt and anger flooded my body.
"But don't be mad," Matt continued, "He's a teenage guy. If he didn't notice them, I'd suspect he was gay or blind."
"Yeah but still, to notice them is one thing, to want to be single so he can bang them is different," I stated.
I looked over to see Alex and the blonde laughing and talking.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you deserve better."
I turned my attention back to Matt. "But, he loves me."
"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?"
I sighed and leaned my head against the back of the seat. Fuck my life. I was quiet for the rest of the flight there, ignoring Matt's attempts to talk to me.
How did things go from so awesome to so terrible in less than a week?
Against my better judgement I rode with All Time Low to the hotel. I even let Alex put his arm around me but I didn't snuggle into him like I usually would, or play with his hands. I just sat there like a brick wall.
"Everything alright?" He asked as we got out of the van and went into the hotel lobby. I nodded and faked a yawn, trying to give a hint that I was tired. After checking in we piled into the elevator and up to our floor. Unfortunately for me there was only one room per band so I had to make the decision between my argumentive band and boyfriend who didn't want to be my boyfriend anymore.
I choose the latter, dropping my bag on the floor next to Alex's. Without a single word to anyone, I entered one of the bedrooms, closing the door behind me and threw myself onto the bed.
Alex came in an hour or so later. Loud laughter and yelling penetrated the blissful silence I had slipped into. He closed the door and the noise was cut off instantly. Thank God for sound proof rooms.
"Hey, are you okay?" He asked again crawling into the bed with me. I reluctantly rolled over to look at him. He placed his arms by my side, hovering above me. His hair hung into his dark eyes as a smile played on his lips.
"I'm fine," I said quietly.
"Are you sure?" He sounded genuinely concerned. I nodded, lacking the effort it took to actually talk. "Good, because I love you and I don't want you to be upset or stressed out about anything."
He lowered himself and kissed me softly, tenderly. My hands slid up from his forearms and rested on his biceps. We stayed like that until the door flew open.
"YEAH ALEX, GET SOME," A half-naked Jack yelled. He had his shirt wrapped around his head and a box in his hand. If it had been anyone else, I would have been confused, but since it was Jack, it was normal.
Jack ran down the hall laughing as Alex stood up and closed the door, shedding his shirt so he was just in sweat pants. My favorite look on him. He resumed kissing me and all thoughts and doubts about him wanting someone else disappeared.
The peace of secure thoughts only lasted so long. Shortly after Alex had fallen asleep I laid there wondering if maybe he was lying to not only me, but himself about loving me. Maybe he was only with me because everyone expected us to be together. Was he really happy?
I guess only Alex really knew the answer to that question, and maybe Jack. The fear that Alex might not be happy with my overwhelmed me and my heart started to race. I honestly couldn't imagine life not with Alex. He was my rock, the person who was there for me no matter what, even if he was the problem.
If I wasn't with Alex who would I be with? Matt? The idea of being with Matt wasn't completely revolting. He was hot, of course, and seemed to be pretty nice, other than the constant hitting on me. He was blunt and knew what he wanted and he had made it clear that it was me. But how could he have fallen for me in less than a week? It had taken Alex and I a good seven years to fall for each other and finally be together.
By the time I had fallen asleep my head was spinning with questions no one could answer.
I ignored all people trying to tell me to get out of bed until Kim stormed into the room and ripped the blankets off.
"I don't give a fly fuck if you're pissed at me and Taylor, we have an album to finish and our recording session starts in an hour. Get your ass up and get ready." She said and then left the room. Under any other circumstances I would have flipped her off and went back to sleep, but since this concerned our careers, I obeyed her demand and stumbled into the shower.
The hot water wasn't enough to wash away the thoughts that still clung to me. My bummed out mood worsened when Alex told me him and Jack were going to explore the city while we sat in a hot studio all afternoon. A city where it was hot and girls walked around in short shorts and tiny shirts.
I didn't bother with makeup or doing my hair. What was the point? There was no way I could even compete with most of these girls.
My mood sunk even more when Taylor announced loudly that she and Matt were going out to dinner after the session.
I silently followed Kim and Haylee out of the room while Taylor made last minute details with Flyzik. I could tell Kim wanted to ask a flood of questions, but held her tongue knowing that I wouldn't answer her.
I took the keys from Haylee and got in the driver's side. Kim took passenger's side and Taylor and Haylee took the back. I was counting down the seconds until they stared fights as I pulled out of the parking lot and sped towards the studio. Not a single person made a comment about my speeding.
No one said a word period. Haylee glanced around, probably wondering why no one was talking, Taylor and Kim both glared out the windows and I kept myself focused on the road.
We got to the studio and made our way into the recording room. The silence was finally broken by me.
"We'll start with finishing Taking Over Me and then vocal tracks for Mean." I stated, leaving no room for anyone to argue or suggest something else. Our producer whose name I didn't bother to learn set everything up and I entered the small sound proof room.
I channeled all of my anger and frustrations into singing and sung the best I had in the studio. I belted out the chorus and then looked over at the producer who flipped a switch.
"That was great Kayleigh, but we weren't recording."
"Fuck," I yelled and rolled my eyes. That was like a once in a life time thing. I waited for the go ahead signal that we were now recording and started singing again.
Okay, maybe it wasn't a once in a life time thing. I nailed every note, pitch and tone.
After laying down the vocal track, Kim went over to a different room and sat behind her drum set. She did the same thing I did and took her frustrations out on her music. I couldn't help but grin at the faces she made as she slammed her drum sticks against the drums.
Somewhere near the end of the session Alex and Jack showed up. I had mixed feels about Alex being here and ignored the feeling of wishing it was Matt.
We all gathered around the sound board thing and someone pushed a button. The finished product of Taking Over Me flooded the room. Everyone listened to it silently, nodding.
"Wow," Alex said when the song ended, "You guys should get angry at each other more often. This is amazing."
Jack nodding in agreement, "That was by far your best song recorded."
"Thanks," I mumbled. So we had an amazing sounding song, but at what expense? Our band was slowly falling apart.
"I think the drums got slightly weak at the end of the first verse," Taylor commented and my anger, along with Kim's, Jack's and Alex's flared up. Did she really just do that?
Kim raised an eyebrow and narrowed her eyes, "Really? And what the fuck do you know about drumming?"
I cut in, "Nothing, so she doesn't have the right to say anything. If anyone had thought it was weak, she would've rerecorded it."
Taylor opened her mouth but Alex cut her off again, "I think it's time to record the harmonies and back vocals."
I sighed, not wanting to be any closer to them than I was now. I followed Alex and Jack into the recording area since apparently they were helping. We gathered in a small circle around the microphone and got ready to sing when Jack stepped out of the circle.
"Shit, I forgot something," He said and went back to the sound room. A few seconds later he called, "Alex! I need you."
Alex made a weird facial expression and left, closing the door behind him. I rolled my eyes slightly and started singing when the green light came on.
We barely got through the first set of harmonies when Kim stopped. "Taylor, you're singing too high. You sound like a fucking balloon."
"At least I don't look like one," She snapped back pathetically.
I swear my eyes were going to get stuck in the back of my head from the amount of times I roll them.
"What the hell? If you were going to call me fat, just straight up say it. Don't try to be witty because you aren't." Kim snickered.
"I'm so fucking done," Taylor yelled at her and turned around, going to leave. She reefed on the door but it didn't open.
"Can't open doors much?" Kim sneered.
"It's not me you bitch." She pulled again, "It's not opening."
I sighed, taking off the head phones and going over to the door. I pulled on it and jiggled the doorknob.
"It's actually not her," I said, looking at Alex through the glass, "It's fucking locked."
