"Look," I stated with a small sigh. "I don't want to do this but I think it's time."
Kent looked miserable. I rolled my eyes and wound my hair into a bun, jabbing my wand through it to hold it in place. I, Elizabeth Alice Longbottom, was going to move this situation forward but to do that I needed Kent on my side.
Kent bit down on his thumbnail and looked back towards the bedrooms in our flat. It's been a week and nothing has changed. I've been drifting between staying with Kaylie and staying at my own place. When I wasn't here Kent was staying in my room because James still refused to come out of his and when I was here he was sleeping on the couch. Neither Kaylie nor James will talk to each other. Neither of them will really talk at all. Nobody but Kent, his Mum, and me knows what's going on.
Work is impossible for them because Kaylie is in no state to do whatever it is they do at work. As for James' family, they just thinks he's avoiding them all for the cake fiasco. This is turning into more of a debacle then Kent and I anticipated. We thought they would cool off and talk it out. But James just makes angry noises from the bedroom and Kaylie just cries.
With what she told me, I honestly think she made the right decision to confront him about taking responsibility for things. I love James, with all my heart. I've grown up with him. Our Dad's are best mates. I've bathed with the boy as a toddler. But it's only because of all that that I know the one thing James avoids like a plague. Change. He doesn't do change.
When he was younger it wasn't that big of a deal because change wasn't prevalent. He didn't need to change much while in school. He was good working towards graduation. It was a steady slope that didn't cause him to do much with himself except be carefree. But then once school was over we all moved on. We left Hogwarts. We moved on to careers that made us happy. Slowly but surely we grew up. And James, James just stayed. At first it wasn't a big deal. Nineteen was still an age at which it was acceptable to stay in a minimum wage job and not really care. But twenty-two? Twenty-two was too old to blow up a cake at a wedding and work with kids five years younger then you.
I think what hurts Kaylie the most is the fact that she was forced to make this choice for the good of herself and for her own well being. For the first time she is having to face being without the person that's been by her side since she was eleven. For the first time it's what's good for her and she doesn't want it to be.
They could've worked it out. I really think they could've. If Kaylie just learned to talk about the problems she was feeling instead of pushing it down and hoping it'll get better and if James was willing to work on himself and change for her. But they're both immovable walls of stubborn right now. Stubborn and pain and now that's it's festered just talking to each other isn't going to fix it.
"Kent," I sighed again. "It's obvious. You can't keep sleeping on the couch and I can't keep drifting back and forth. I'll move. It's what's going to work right now."
"Get him out of my room then," Kent relented, slumping against the back of the couch.
"Thought you'd never ask," I grinned, skipping over and kicking at the bedroom door with the toe of my trainer. "James!"
"Go away, Elizabeth!" came his shout.
"No! I'll blast the door down if I have to. I get that you're hurting, Jemmy. I know you're coming out for food but you can't avoid us forever."
"What?" James snapped, whipping open the door. "Do you want to yell at me for leaving? Because she didn't leave me much of a choice. I know you're all going to pick her side. I know you're all probably blaming me for this shit, but I hate to break it to you...she was the one that said she couldn't do it anymore. She was the one that said she was done. If she's so unhappy with us then me leaving is the only option."
I blinked at him. His hair was peaked with grease. There were dark circles under his eyes, which were red and puffy, and he was still in his rumpled suit from the wedding. I felt my heart break just a little bit more.
"Oh, Jemmy," I groaned, yanking his shoulder and pulling him into a hug. He stiffened for a second before hesitantly wrapping his arms around my waist. "For one, only Kent and I know. It's your business when you want to tell people so forget this everyone talk. Two, we're not taking any sides. We would never choose between you two. Three, you look like shit. Four," I finished, pulling back for this one. "You're welcome to sulk as long as you need to but I'm just trying to get you out of this room. You're taking mine. I'm going to go move into your old flat. Kent really wants his room back."
"Lizzie," he groaned, pressing his forehead against the top of mine. I buckled slightly under the weight. "I don't know what went wrong. I don't know where she came from."
I bit my lip to hide the frown and pushed him off of me, grabbing his hand and yanking him towards the bathroom.
"You need to shower, you'll feel better. As for what went wrong? I think you need to think about it, Jemmy. I can't tell you what to do here. Nobody can. This is something you two need to fix on your own."
James paused in the doorway to the bathroom and gave me a pitiful look.
"I don't think it can be fixed. Even she said that. I don't think there's anything to think about."
Kent came up behind me with a helpless look on his face as the bathroom door shut.
"How do we fix it?" he questioned hesitantly. I groaned and turned to one of my oldest friends. This wasn't going to be easy on him, having to pick sides and play the middleman, but it was the only route we can take.
"We don't," I replied quietly. "We just be there and hope that they fix it on their own."
"What if they don't?" Kent questioned, running his fingers through the back of his hair. "What if they can't fix it now?"
"Then we move on, just like they eventually will."
Kent
"So, he comes bursting into my room at two in the morning and chucks the t-shirt at my head screaming about how it smells like her and I planted it there to try and coerce him to talking to her and then he burst into tears. Which he immediately tried to cover by stalking back to his room. Completely mad and it ridiculously breaks my heart. I mean it's been three weeks. I don't get why we can't go back to normal. At least he went to work today. Though I have no idea how that's going to go."
"Sounds rough," Caroline whistled, reaching over and grabbing a handful of popcorn from the cardboard container in my hands. "I mean they were like the 'it' couple in school. I'm pretty sure that it's going to take longer then a month for them to start even living again."
"True," I sighed, grabbing a kernel of popcorn and tossing it in the air. It missed my target and bounced off my forehead. Caroline giggled. "I just don't know what to say to him. I'm afraid to say anything wrong."
"Kent, you need to get out," Caroline groaned, tucking her dirty blonde hair behind her ears and jumping up on the edge of the curb. She held out her arms for balance and carefully moved one foot in front of the other. "It's really brilliant that you're trying to be there for them but you're going to go crazy. They have to mourn and then they'll slowly get back to normal. But you-you don't need to wait that long."
"What do you call now?" I laughed, quickly grabbing her waist as her foot slipped and she toppled off the edge of the curb. She looked at my hands real quick and raised one eyebrow, her nose crinkling slightly. "I'm out with you, Freckles."
"I meant like on a date. I have a mission after all," she declared, grabbing some popcorn and moving away. I frowned and busied myself with shoving some more into my mouth.
"I guess you have to find me a candidate first," I announced carefully.
"I'm working on it," Caroline shrugged, nudging my shoulder with hers. "Surprised you didn't try to pick anyone up at that wedding."
"Well they were all pretty much related to my flatmate. I've grown up with them. It would be like dating Elizabeth Longbottom."
"Yeah," Caroline sighed, plopping down on a bench. "There are a lot of them. They kinda ruled the halls and if they're not related they're close family friends. You all just kinda stuck around each other. So nix that idea, you'd probably choose a bad one anyways."
I froze mid bite and frowned, depositing my handful back into the popcorn carton.
"Where'd you say you went to school?"
Caroline grinned and cocked her head to the side.
"I didn't say where I went to school," she laughed.
"Well where did you go to school?"
"Where do most British Wizard's attend school?"
"No," I concluded. "You couldn't have gone to Hogwarts. I would've known you. I mean there's no way I couldn't have."
"Oh but you didn't. I was a total loner in school," Caroline exclaimed, brushing her fringe out of her eyes.
"What house?" I babbled. "What year?"
"Same year as Lucy Weasley. Same house," Caroline answered carefully. I quickly picked Lucy out of the line up and tried to pin what year she was in. Hufflepuff house for sure...two years behind me.
"Why didn't you say that you knew who I was?" I questioned finally. "Now I feel like an arse for never noticing you. I mean I still don't get how I couldn't have."
"Kent," Caroline giggled. "You were too busy ruling the school with James Potter and your sister to notice me. It's all cool though. I was a mad one. Dyed my hair horribly. Got a tattoo. Total rebel."
"You don't have a tattoo," I laughed.
"I do!" she exclaimed. "I wasn't a rebel but I did get a tattoo."
"Where?" I declared, grabbing her arm and searching it.
"Not anywhere you can see," she replied cheekily. "Don't worry about not noticing me. I thought you were a bit fat headed to make an effort anyways."
"I was not fat headed!" I exclaimed. "That was James and always will be. So you've known the whole time that my flatmate was Potter and that he broke up with my sister?"
I'd neglected telling her the whole story. Only that my flatmate was going through a really rough breakup. I figured it'd be too complicated to explain that it was my twin he'd broken up with and that I was in this awkward place in the middle. A little bit too much to lay on someone if you ask me.
"Of course," Caroline declared with a small eye roll. "I'm actually quite shocked that they were even still dating."
"If you spent time around them you wouldn't be. They were just so-perfect. Well not perfect. They just completed each other in all the right ways. I mean I had absolutely no say in what position they put me in by dating because frankly there was no stopping it. And now..."
"Kent," Caroline sighed. "Do you want to go check on James at work? We can pop over to the joke shop-you said he still works there, right?"
"Yeah," I replied quietly. "I should make sure he doesn't get himself fired."
"Doesn't a Weasley own the shop?"
"Yeah, but frankly I wouldn't be surprised if he cursed a customer. It's the busiest day of the summer for them since term starts on Monday and not really the best day to choose to go back. George basically told him he had to come in today since he couldn't be in."
"Then let's go," Caroline declared, standing up and offering her hand to me. "But you owe me Moppet."
I grabbed ahold of her hand so she could apparate us and forced the feelings that were bubbling up inside to quell. Yeah, I might fancy her a bit. She was nice to talk to and she made me laugh. It's been a while since a girl could keep me on my toes. She just was blatantly not interested in me, at all. Small problem, really. Because you know, I needed more problems in my life right now. Dealing with one faltering relationship clearly wasn't enough for me. I had to put myself in an unrequited situation-one I've sorely avoided all my life because they were frankly exhausting and not worth it. Bloody brilliant, Kenneth. Bloody brilliant.
James
"I've told you for the millionth time, we don't have any bloody Skieving Snackboxes! We're sold out!"
"James!" Fred exclaimed, grabbing hold of my shoulder as I took my inner turmoil out on a snotty little fifth year that thought they knew everything. I hated George for basically telling me I had to come to work today or look for a new job. He wasn't supposed to give me that ultimatum. I was family. Didn't he see that I was going through shit right now and the last thing I wanted to do was go to the bleeding joke shop. Martin and Lauren both eyed me apprehensively and quickly busied themselves when I glared back. "Back room, now."
I slammed the till drawer closed and stalked after Fred into the back room. Great, now I was going to get a lecture from my cousin. Just because his dad put him in charge today doesn't mean he can treat me like a child. He pointed to a chair and frowned when I gave a sharp shake of my head. He sharply took an intake of breath and just stared at me.
"Did you need anything?" I questioned. "We're awfully busy out there."
"Seriously," Fred snorted. "I'm surprised we're still busy. I'd have thought that you would've scared away all my customers by now. What is with you? Has Kaylie couched you for that prank you pulled last month? I mean while executed flawlessly it could've had a better venue. Only you would have the guts for that."
I stiffened and felt the ever tightening of my chest that's been present every waking hour for about a month. The anger surged to my fingertips and I had to hold myself back from breaking something.
"Oi!" Fredrick exclaimed, clapping a hand on my shoulder. I jerked away and turned towards the wall. I hadn't told anyone yet. I hadn't told anyone yet because if I did it'd be real. This is the longest we've gone without speaking for seven years. This is the longest time in twelve years that I've spent since even seeing her. I'm afraid to see her. I don't think I can look at her without bursting into tears-a fact I certainly wasn't proud of and defiantly not something I wanted her seeing. The thought of not holding her ever again made me feel physically sick. But then I remembered what she said to me. How she seemed so crazed at the thought of continuing our life together and I got angry again. It was a vicious cycle that I couldn't escape. Fred shook me a little.
"Did I hit a nerve? I mean just buy her flowers, that'll get you back in her good graces. But if it's been this long it's going to have to be like a Code 10 bouquet."
I felt my hands begin to shake. I wasn't going to be able to hold it in for much longer. I was either going to burst into tears or punch something. My emotions were getting harder and harder to contain. I felt so out of control. I groaned and reared back a fist, slamming it hard into the concrete wall. I felt my knuckles splinter at the contact. The pain almost was welcomed at this point. Anything was better then what I felt inside.
"James!"
"I can't talk about this!" I exclaimed, whirling around and expecting the exclamation to be from my cousin. Instead Kent stood in the doorway, his face aghast. "I can't just sit here and talk about this!"
"Well obviously punching things isn't going to do you any good," Kent pointed out with a small shrug. Fred was still staring at me with his mouth slightly open. "Maybe you should just let it out."
"Why are things being let out? I mean, is he in that much trouble over a bloody cake that he's getting physical?!" Fred spluttered, grabbing my fist and examining it. I'd split the skin on contact and blood was pouring down my wrist from my already swollen knuckles. Kent gnawed at his lip, eyeing me apprehensively.
"It's not just the cake," he declared suddenly.
"Kent!" I warned. His glare cut me off.
"Stuff it James," he groaned. "Mum knows because we obviously can't work right now. You're in the same boat. He has a right to know that you're dealing with something right now."
"Dealing with something? So you weren't just sick? Dad's going to skin you for skieving off.
"He and Kaylie split up," Kent exclaimed. The words cut into me like a knife. It was the first time hearing them out loud. Hearing them so final. "He moved back in with me. They haven't spoken in about a month."
Fred had dropped my hand by now, his frown deepening and his eyes wide.
"She dumped me," I declared. "Happy to hear that, Kent? She declared that I wasn't grown up enough. That she was tired of cleaning up my messes and couldn't do it anymore. She said she was done and left it at that."
"Jemmy," Fred sighed. What was with everyone using my childhood nickname with that tone of voice? "Do your parents know? I mean, I'm pissed you didn't tell me. It's me we tell each other almost everything but your Mum is going to have kittens."
"It's none of their business," I sniffed, feeling the panic rising in my chest. "I mean nothing is going to change it."
"Well maybe if you-" Fred started, but drifted off mid-sentence.
"She's better off without me. I don't need to be her dead weight. I don't need to hold her back. It's obviously just time. She changed and doesn't want me anymore."
I plopped down in the chair that Fred first offered me and buried my head in my hands.
"I get it now," I declared, feeling my nose start to burn. "I get that I can't be the person she wants me to be."
There was silence.
"James," Fred sighed, pulling up a chair next to me. "It's going to be okay. Not now obviously. But eventually. I mean every time Adder walks out on me I feel like dying but everything eventually works itself out."
"That's a really awful example," I groaned. "It's not going to be like you and Adder, Fred. You two break up weekly. This one...this is final."
"Well if you want to go back to your flat or something, that's okay," Fred offered. "I can handle things around here."
"No," I sighed. "I should just work. I can't sit and stew about it anymore. It's driving me insane."
"Maybe you shouldn't punch things. It makes you look even more mad," Kent admitted with a small laugh.
"I just couldn't," I groaned. "I still can't deal."
"Just talk to me, mate. It's what I'm here for," Kent declared with a small clap to my shoulder.
"It's not easy," I replied. "I don't know how to talk about it without falling apart."
"Just take it one day at a time," Fred suggested. "Just do me a favor and don't kill any of my customers, yeah?"
Kent
"So it's been building?" Fred questioned quietly. I nodded, handing the fifth year girl that seemed to be taking Fred's whole stock of Wonder Witch products her change.
"She said she can't take care of him anymore and I guess the wedding thing was the last straw. He apparently also lied to her and left without talking it out. But Kaylie isn't completely innocent, either," I admitted, waving at Caroline across the store. She also got roped into working. "She could've really talked to him about how it was affecting her instead of picking at what he was doing. At least that's what Lizzie said. Kaylie would just try to fix James instead of telling him that he was hurting her in the long run. It all could've been fixed a month before the wedding but they didn't get the right hints."
"Fuck," Fred breathed out, tossing a bag at Martin to restock. "Of all the couples. How's Kaylie?"
"A wreck," I concluded. "She won't get out of bed until Liz or I force her to in order to eat or shower. I keep telling her to talk to him but she said that she meant what she said. That it's past talking and until James starts growing up a bit she can't deal."
"Well she has a point," Fred groaned. "James isn't the most mature bloke on this side of Diagon Alley."
"But she also is refusing to talk to him and let him know what's going on," I pointed out.
"This is a mess. Can't we just tell James that she won't take him back until he man's up?"
"I said that too," I admitted. "But Lizzie won't let me. She said that this is too big for us to try to fix. That they need to do the job themselves."
"I hate that Longbottom, always so smart and non-meddlesome," Fred grumbled, his eyes cutting to James. Now that he violently released his pent up feelings he just seemed listless and empty. The only redeeming factor was that he was out of the flat and talking to people. Well that and not breaking my stuff anymore. There's only so many times you can magically repair something without it's integrity and chemical makeup getting compromised.
My eyes dragged to Caroline. She was giggling with Lauren, while examining the 'Inflatable Butt Pants'. Fred followed my gaze and made a noise of approval in the back of his throat.
"Fit," he whistled, grinning at me. I grunted and brushed my hands on the seat of my pants. "What's her story?"
"Helping me find a non-clingy, non-mad girlfriend. And here's the twist. It's not a game where the end prize is her," I grumbled.
"Ouch," Fred snorted, hitting open the cash register with his fist and handing me a few sickles. "Go get her ice cream or something. She'll get whipped cream on her face and you can get it off-with your face. Works every time."
"Or she punches me in the face. Do you recognize her?"
"Why would I?" Fred questioned innocently.
"She went to Hogwarts?"
"What year?"
"Lucy's," I answered. Fred frowned for a second, cocking his head to the side and looking at her.
"Nope. She would've been a fourth year in my seventh so she couldn't come to the parties anyways," Fred concluded.
"I didn't notice her either," I groaned. "And she totally knew who I was. Which makes me a prat."
"Not a prat," James declared, keying in on the last part of our conversation as he meandered over. "It was a big school and you were two years above her."
"Are you actually conversing?" I questioned with a small smile. James merely lifted one shoulder in a shrug before pulling off his apron and jerking his thumb over his shoulder at the door to the flat.
"I'm taking my lunch," he announced, slipping into the stairwell. I watched him go and frowned.
"You should fix your hand," I shouted after him. He merely grunted in response. "So much for that."
"He's right though. It doesn't make you a prat. She's probably embarrassed about knowing who you were," Fred suggested. I shook my head.
"Freckles does not get embarrassed, that's for sure." I flipped the coins in my palm and gave Fred a small smile. "I am going to spend your money though."
I watched Caroline for a second, reaching up to a higher shelf to get an item down for a shorter customer. She shot him a dazzling smile and cut her eyes to me briefly.
"Oi Freckles!" I declared. She propped one hand on her hip, giving me an expectant look. "We've been paid."
"For what? Ten minutes of work?" She laughed, coming over and looking at the money in my palm. "We're millionaires."
"I say we go eat in style. I do owe you for the errand."
Fred snorted into his dust rag but covered it into a cough when I shot him a dirty look.
"I'm down." Caroline smiled, tugging at the hair tie that held back her ponytail. She ran her fingers through her hair as it tumbled down her shoulders. Fred poked me in the back as I stared and gave Caroline a toothy smile.
"You're a cheap date then," he declared. I stomped on his foot. He swore at me under his breath. Caroline didn't even miss a beat. She raised one eyebrow and flicked the mass of her hair over her shoulder.
"Oh," she stated casually. "He would know for sure if this was a date."
Again the stupid sinking feeling in my gut. Why can't I tell what she's thinking?
Kaylie
"Why is it so dark in here?"
"Kaylie, get up."
"Aunty Kay? You sick?"
"Did you have to bring Violet?"
"There was nobody else to sit for her!"
"Go away," I declared, pulling the blankets tighter around me and making sure I was completely under them.
"No, I left my honeymoon early for you. Get out of bed," Dominique declared.
"Dom," Lizzie sighed. "I literally have to get her to do things when she's fast asleep. It's not going to work."
"Well obviously you don't try hard enough, Elizabeth," Dominique snorted.
"Mummy," Violet piped up. "Is Aunty Kay sick?"
"Yes dear," Victoire sighed. There was the sound of rummaging. "Why don't you go color her a card?"
Violet squealed and then there was the sound of pattering feet.
"Get up," Victoire commanded. "Or at least come out of the covers."
"No," I declared again. "I'm staying here."
"Kaylie," Dominique groaned. "I don't have the patience for this. I'm too pissed that you didn't tell me. I mean, a month! You wait a month and I don't even find out from you!"
"Yes," I announced, flipping the blankets down and immediately covering my eyes as the sunlight assaulted them. "It was because I wanted to hear for the rest of my life about how I ruined your honeymoon. That was definitely on my to-do list."
"Kaylie," Dom sighed, the weight next to me shifting a bit. "This is a good reason to ruin my honeymoon."
"You look awful," Victoire exclaimed, pulling at my hands. "When was the last time you showered?"
"Last week," Lizzie piped up. "The last time I was able to get her out of bed."
"When was the last time you had a proper meal?" Victoire questioned next.
"Does toast and tea count as a proper meal?" Liz countered.
"No," Dom and Vic answered simultaneously.
"Then a month."
"You've been living off of toast and tea for a month?!" Victoire shrieked. "Do you want to die of malnourishment?"
"I'm fine," I argued. "I just haven't been hungry."
"Up," Dominique commanded. "You're going to shower and Vic is going to cook. And by shower I mean everything. Shave, hair, all the bits. Then you're going to put on real clothes."
"I don't want to," I argued, pulling the covers up over my shoulders and burrowing into my pillow. "I just want to lay here. How'd you find out anyways? I wasn't telling everyone for a reason."
"Fred," Dominique and Victoire declared simultaneously again. "He's worried about you."
"Why would Fred be worried about me?"
"Because we all care about you!" Dominique snorted. "Just because you broke up with James doesn't mean we don't love you."
I felt the ice run through my veins and the tears that always seem to be just there spill over my cheeks. I hadn't heard it yet. It didn't sound good. I didn't like it. It hurt. I may have broken up with James, but he still left. He walked out and didn't stop to think about just fixing what we were going through. I'd never felt so abandoned in my life.
"Oh Kaylie," Victoire sighed. "This isn't like you. When you're upset you organize not shut down. You throw yourself into things."
"I just don't have the energy to do anything," I wailed, covering my face with my hands. "I don't want to do anything."
"But anything has to be better then just laying here and thinking about it over and over again," Dominique pointed out. "You broke up with him for a reason, right? Because you felt like he was holding you back? Well guess what, you're holding yourself back right now."
"Dom," Lizzie sighed. "I don't think she wants to hear that right now."
"No, Liz," Dom declared. "You've coddled her enough. It's okay that it hurts. It's okay that she's sad. But wallowing isn't going to get her anywhere. Lying on the same sheets for a month is frankly just gross and she's better then this. She's a survivor. She's not just going to kneel down and die. I won't let her."
"Jeeze," I groaned, the tears still winding down my face. "It's not like I'm coming back from a terminal illness. Though it feels like it."
"You're getting up and showering and putting on real clothes," Dominique commanded, yanking the sheets off of me. "And you're going back to work tomorrow."
"That I can't do," I exclaimed, fighting off the urge to burst into tears again and curse Dominique at the same time. "It's complicated but I can't go back to work until my mind is one hundred percent healed. It's too dangerous."
"Well then request for transitional. Do something! Get out of bed, talk to real people. Live again, Kaylie," Dominique declared, waving her arms wildly.
"And you call me dramatic," Victoire snorted. "But as overtly stated as it was, she's right dear. You need to take baby steps and lying in bed is no steps at all."
"James did it," Dominique piped up. Lizzie and Victoire both wheeled on her with small glares. "He went to work at the shop. He got up and out. Maybe you should too?"
"That's definitely not necessary for her to hear," Vic hissed, smacking her sister across the arm. Dominique opened her mouth to speak to her but my mind had gone numb. It was like white noise.
He didn't care. He'd started his life again. He wasn't as torn up about this as I was. He was moving on. While all together crippling it made me flare up a bit inside. We were together for seven years and he didn't even try to follow after me. He just gave up. Seven years! It was practically common-law marriage. Seven years doesn't entail someone just giving up! After seven years he should be fighting! I wasn't worth the fight, I guess.
"Kaylie," Lizzie declared, breaking me from my fog. She crawled next to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "It's okay, love. It's going to be hard getting out of bed. Remember when Dylan broke up with me sixth year? I was a wreck. I mean he was my first boyfriend. But you did the same thing to me that we're doing to you right now. You told me that he wasn't worth failing out of school for. While this might've been more meaningful, no guy is worth failing out of life for. I'm going to be here to help you the whole way and one day you'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore."
"When?" I questioned thickly. "Because I don't think it's ever not going to hurt anymore."
"I don't know," Lizzie shrugged. "It's different for everyone."
"But it'll happen," Victoire added, having abandoned her fight with her sister. "One day. And our family isn't going anywhere. I promise nobody is going to choose sides."
"I can never go to Sunday dinner again," I sniffed.
"Sure you can," Vic crowed. "Just note that for a while you're going to have to come when James isn't there. I don't think that's a good idea for anyone."
"Now, shower?" Dom questioned. "Liz will change the bed and Vic will cook. I think it's time you get out of bed, love."
I looked around at the faces surrounding me. Lizzie has been so lovely. Throwing me in the shower with pajamas on to make sure I was somewhat clean. Bringing me food during the day to make sure I didn't starve myself. Going out and getting me a bunch of different pajamas. When Kent wasn't here she was. And now Vic and Dom were here. Dom left her honeymoon early for me. If I turned right around and refused to get out of bed I would be making that sacrifice null and void. I couldn't go and spurn my only allies thus far.
And what she said was right. I broke up with James because I wanted a better life for myself. I wanted a life where I didn't have to take care of someone like I was their mother and grow as a person. But by staying in bed I was stunting myself. I was holding myself back. I've been crying for almost a month and I think it might be time to run out of tears.
"Right," I nodded, scrubbing at my wet cheeks with the heel of my hand. "Shower."
"Good," Dominique declared with a clap of her hands. "And I'm picking out shorts so you might want to shave your legs."
"You're a nightmare," I grumbled, climbing out of bed and making my way into the bathroom.
"I prefer motivational," Dominique shouted after me.
I twisted on the shower and turned to look at myself as the water warmed up. My hair was a greasy rat's nest. My eyes were hollowed, yet red and puffy. I looked pallid and I'd definitely lost weight. It wasn't me in the mirror anymore. But then again I wasn't really me without James. He's so a part of me. Every time I fall asleep he's there and it's driving me insane. Every bit of me wants to go to him and tell him I'm sorry and that I want him back-but then I remember that doing that isn't going to make me happy. It'll bring him back to me but it'll also bring the fights and the anxiety. So I want to break down all over again because the very person I want to make it all better is the reason I'm a mess.
"I don't hear you showering!" Dominique shouted from the bedroom. I resisted chucking a perfume bottle at the door and peeled the flannel pajamas off my skin. I love Dom but I want to strangle her because every time she speaks it's like bullets to my head.
The water hurt. Beating down upon my skin like needles. It was hot but the way it touched my skin left a branding chill on my body. It was like being sick. Every joint hurt as I moved it. Every piece of me was falling apart. I couldn't even find the effort to continue what I started anymore. I slowly slid down the cold tile wall until I was curled on the floor, the water hitting the back of my neck. I felt my very core begin to shake. It was easy to say I wanted to try and take baby steps for them but why was the first step looking like a gigantic leap?
A/A: Nobody likes this story.
