It was the evening of my twentieth birthday, which happened to coincide with the reaping of the 70th Hunger Games. I had survived five years of being used for sport and amusement by the Capitol but still very few things could remind me what real fear felt like in the way that the reaping did. I was uneasy. Sitting by the window watching the bustling night life of the Capitol and dreading having to put on a happy face and venture out into it. There was a knock on the door.
One of the Avox who served my particular wing and tribute suite arrived with some food and a note. Attached to it was a single white rose and it was about enough to make me scream right then and there. This particular Avox was one whom I had befriended secretly in my time there. The look on her usually expressionless face matched mine. I took the rose and the letter and pushed the rest of the tray back at her.
"You eat it. I'm alright."
She nodded silently and departed. I sat down uneasily on the back of the couch and carefully fingered the envelope so as not to tear my latest set of instructions.
I didn't like what I read. And no sooner had I read it, two peacekeepers knocked and walked in all at once and I knew where they were taking me.
I had been summoned by Snow.
When we arrived by car at his mansion I felt like I was living a nightmare. Like I was watching it play out for someone else. I was carefully tying and untying knots...trying to close my mind and picture the beach. More specifically the red headed girl I had met there who probably had no idea she had helped me survive the past two years.
I was escorted inside and stopped by several Capitol show people...some of which had previously had the pleasure of my company. One of which went as far as to pull me into an embrace and run her hand up and down my crotch. I tried to brush it off...I had bigger problems.
Wen the door to Snow's grand dining room opened everyone stood and clapped, but it was slow and insincere mockery from most...especially Snow. I took my designated place at the table directly across from him.
Don't eat...don't drink...I reminded myself. In my years of trading secrets, some of the women who hated him as much as I did had offered me protection from some of his traps. Most notably his penchant for poisons.
The room stilled as Snow stood to make a toast.
"Happy eve of the Hunger Games," he roared, to great applause, "as a special gift to you, my guests, I have requested the presence of Finnick Odair. Arguably our nations most famous and most loved victor, to join in our celebratory meal and regale us with the stories of how powerful being a victor is. To remind us how lucky we are to be where we are, surrounded by the peace and prosperity of our city, and to show us gratitude for plucking him from an insignificant life in a dying district...to allow him to live with us here."
They clapped and cheered again. I tried as best I could to not throw something off the table. Instead I forced a smile and a quiet thank you. Through gritted teeth as Snow watched me and waited for me to mess up. He raised his hands to silence them.
"Finnick is also a wonderful reminder of how, even if we idolize our victors...and crest celebrities and icons out of them...they will still always know their place in our society. At the bottom. To serve us."
I felt every muscle in my body ache and twitch at the same time and I was gripping my knees so tightly under the table I thought I might draw blood. He sneered at me and I was silently wondering what I had done wrong to deserve this before reminding myself it never mattered.
"Finnick, please stand, won't you?" His fake manners and sincerity made my blood boil and I found myself desperately trying to find something in the room to stare at so as not to make eye contact with anyone. I heard the rustle of napkins and clatter of silverware and I wondered how many of them were as uncomfortable as I was.
"Take your clothes off." He sat down as he spoke and I saw him wipe the side of his mouth as my heart started pounding so loudly it was all I could hear. I hesitated a second too long.
"Maybe you didn't hear me..." He hissed and then laughed and was joined by several other guests. I forced a smile but didn't speak. Symbolically I was as mute as the Avox that were clearing the table and meant as much to Snow.
I undid my jacket and laid it on the chair beside me before undoing my shirt slowly because my fingers were trembling so much I stifled to pop the buttons through.
"He's trembling, President. Trembling! Poor boy is shy in your presence. May I help? Please sir!"
I didn't look down to see which of Snow's guests was speaking but it was a high pitched, rattling voice that came with a throaty giggle. He nodded to her and granted her permission and just like that I heard the click of her high heels rounding the table. She came up behind me and wrapped her hands around my chest. She cooed and laughed and moaned from behind me as she peeled my shirt off. She turned round my side, tracing her long black fingernails across my stomach and then chest. She let out a gutteral moan and tilted my chin to face her.
"Finnick Odair I have heard...such...wonderful...things..." Her words were breathless and full of lust and I swallowed hard before taking her hand and kissing the op of it.
"All true, I'm sure." I whispered to her and she giggled. I had to play this game. I was picturing the ocean and then seeing my family drowning in it. I had no choice. I reached for my pants buckle and undid it, letting them hang open at my hips before my new best friend pushed them down over my legs, exposing me. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to take my mind somewhere else as this table of Capitol elite ogled me and whispered. The woman standing by me was running her hands up and down my body and I had to convince her I was enjoying it.
"Would you like him...right here?" I glanced quickly at Snow and then at the woman beside me. She was drunk. Worse than drunk.
"Please! Oh yes! Thank you! Mister President, sir!" She was already placing herself back into my chair and raising her skirt. How obscene that she wouldn't be just as embarrassed as I was, but she did not hesitate the way I had. She was giddy and already in the throes of excitement.
"Please Finnick, sweet boy, be gentle." The other guests all scooted and swiveled to watch and I wondered if not one of them would resent this depth of depravity. I was naked, vulnerable and optionless. I positioned myself over her and tried as best as I could to get myself hard enough to even attempt what I was being asked to do. The audience was not helping. The Avox standing by were not helping. This ridiculous woman who wreaked of alcohol was not helping. I took a hold of myself and tried to make them all disappear and just get it over with but my ears were ringing with the silverware clattering of an anxious audience and I couldn't do it.
The woman beneath me was watching and her face quickly turned aggressive. She slapped me so hard my head spun and then spit at me before grabbing me between the legs and pulling so hard I saw stars.
"Pathetic." She spit again before pushing me off of her and then proceeding to whip herself into a frenzy...sobbing in embarrassment and asking to be taken home. There was much talk and confusion as the other guests weren't sure how to react. I stood there naked and exposed right in the center of it and caught Snow staring at me...seething. He rose slowly from his seat.
"Take him to my quarters, immediately."
Some peacekeepers were immediately under my arms and flinging me down a hallway. I wondered what kind of sight that must have looked like, but I didn't care...as long as I was away from being put on display and publicly humiliated.
I hadn't been in Snow's room long but I found myself desperately looking for something. Information...a clue...a way to make him hurt the way he had done all of us, some way to make this evening worth it.
I heard the door clock behind me. When I turned it was Snow, entering the room alone. His face was drawn...not even a trace of the fake good humor he displayed on a usual visit.
"I do not like to be humiliated by people whom I have lavished every possible luxury on."
I swallowed hard, standing there like a spoiled child, my hands held together between my legs to not be completely exposed to him.
He rounded me and spoke right into my ear as he was pulling gloves off one finger at a time, "You could be doing much worse for yourself than living in a mansion and being wooed by the most powerful people in this Capitol."
"It's rape. Don't pretend you don't know that." The disobedient words spilled out of me before I could stop them and his eyes widened, surprised by my insubordination. He threw his gloves aside and reached into his pocket for a handkerchief. Before I knew what was happening, he had moved behind me and wrapped me in some kind of sick embrace, which included placing - and holding - his handkerchief over my nose and mouth. As soon as he did I could tell by it's sharp medicinal smell that he was poisoning me. I fought against him..hard...and managed to break free from him. But no sooner had I done that did I fall almost flat on my face.
The room was spinning. My hands were clawing at the ground as it seemed to buckle and wave under me. I fought my eyes to focus and tried to crawl. Away from Snow. Away from this place. I started to feel sand beneath my fingers and I clawed at it helplessly, sinking into it. I saw Annie in the water in front of me. I whispered to her under my breath, my voice failing to make much sound. I heard Snow laughing behind me...his voice coming at me like it was from a cave, deep and bellowing, loud and monsterous.
"Oh, you'll see her soon enough..." He laughed again and I felt myself being pulled to my feet but I couldn't so much as keep my head from flopping backwards. I stared up at the ceiling and the next thing I would see would still be ceiling, but one I didn't recognize in a bed I didn't recognize with pain shooting through most of my body.
I closed my eyes to try to piece together what must have happened, where I was, how I had gotten there. I thought maybe it was good that I couldn't remember...that I may not want to know. I fought my eyes to stay open and focus as I turned to my left and saw a vase with several white roses and a card that wished me a happy birthday. I closed my eyes against it and began to cry to myself laying there. I silently wished that he would just kill me. Just end this. I wished I had been brave enough to just kill myself. But I thought of Mags. I thought of Annie. My family, for whatever they were worth. I wanted to go home.
I was lost in my thoughts when the mandatory viewing screen lit up against the far wall and announced the District Four reaping. I scrambled to sit up in bed and hissed at the pain but it was ebbing quickly as I became more concerned with watching the people of my district. My heart physically hurt as I watched the camera scan the crowds. The children. Some I recognized. Knowing that for two of them their lives ended that day whether they won the games or not. No one won. Ever.
It moved in slow motion. Until they drew the first name. I still remember it so clearly. I think in the back of my mind I already knew. But when her name was read...I came completely unhinged.
"Annie Cresta."
It rang in my ears. I stumbled backwards but kept watching all the while just to see her. She walked boldly and fearlessly from the back of the crowd. When she stood on the platform she didn't waiver once. She stared into the camera with a great resolve that I felt like was right at me. Even as her mother was carried out screaming by peace keepers.
I couldn't take it. I pushed through the unlocked doors of the room I was in and realized I was still in Snow's mansion. I surprised the two Avox there.
"Where is he. Take me to him."
They complied and led me down the hall, not far from where I had been. I burst through the door and made a wild lunge at him, before two peace keepers had restrained me and clubbed me in the gut, knocking me to my knees.
"You son of a bitch. I have done everything you've asked me to. Don't tell me you didn't have everything to do with this."
I was struggling to find my words while doubling from the pain in my stomach. Snow smiled.
"Love does make you think you're invincible doesn't it. You see Finnick that's the problem. That's why we had to do something about Miss Cresta."
I roared and screamed at him and he just laughed. I wanted to throw myself out of his window. If I'd have gotten free that would have been exactly what I did. This was my fault. I should have never talked to her on that beach. I knew I was dangerous. I just didn't know how much.
"Finnick you have done much, much good for this Capitol. And you are rewarded for it. But I can't have you thinking you're somehow above the law. You are still just a rebel from District Four. As is Annie. And you'll be be punished for it."
"Let me train her." I whispered, not sure why, but with little left to lose. Snow walked toward me and held my chin as the peace keepers lifted me towards him. He smiled and I wanted to vomit.
"My dear boy I would have it no other way."
He dropped me harshly.
"Take him back to his quarters and have his prep team prepare him to go meet Miss Cresta..." He hissed orders at his men and started to leave before turning back to me, "oh and Finnick...my guests last night wound up being very impressed by the pleasure of your company."
He smiled and I felt every fiber in my body fill with a terrible heat. He had completely defeated me and I felt powerful to stop it. And unsure in that moment that anything I had done to protect my loved ones had saved them at all.
I filled with a resolve. I thought of Annie's face on that platform. I thought of her swimming in the sea. I thought of her kissing me on the beach. Those same things that may just have cost her her life. And I knew in that moment that, as her mentor, I was going to do every humanly possible thing to keep her alive. And then I was going to figure out a way to get the both of us far from this place.
