I know it seems boring but I need ot get his all out of the way because people may die in the next chapter if I get it my way. It will be a surprise to who does and I warn you that I may be changing the story so it will be a slight AU and not like the actually TV show. I think you all understood that when I kicked Lori out of the picture. I know I wasn't going to have her in the story but I thought, hey why not.
Sorry for any spelling mistakes and such. If you notice any please feel free to point them out I don't mind - everyone makes mistake, I'm no different.
Please review, it means a lot. Wanted to say thank you to everyone that had reviewed and has been reading this story Please look out for the next update - probably tomorrow. Comet96 xxx
"Mom said you died," Carl stated looking up at his dad as we sat around the fire with everyone else. Rick glanced down at Carl before shooting his eyes to me. I knew he understood why I had told our son that and I knew he wasn't upset.
"Your mom had every reason to believe that. Don't you ever doubt it." Rick told him, running his hand over my lower back as I rested my head on his shoulder. He pressed another kiss to my head. I ignored what was being shared with the group, I knew Rick was talking, I could feel his chest lifting with his words but I didn't listen to them. I didn't pay attention until the orange flames were dancing before my eyes and I realised someone had added another log to the fire.
"Hey, Ed, you want to rethink that log?" Shane questioned looking over to Carol's husband with a questioning look. I glanced over to Ed and noted he was perched in a comfy looking camp chiar while his wife and daughter sat on a log. Carol shook her head at me and I knew she was telling me not to worry. I liked Carol, she was a lovely lady but her husband was not a very nice man.
"It's cold, man." Ed replied not giving a damn about anyone else in the camp. We were all cold, couldn't he see the blankets around our shoulders? Kelly placed her hand on my knee when I shifted slightly. She must have been worried I'd do something.
"The cold don't change the rules, does it? Keep our fires low, just embers so we can't be seen from a distance, right?" Shane reminded the man shifted around in his chair to glance at the man. Ed stared right back at him daring him to do something.
"I said it's cold. You should mind your own business for once." Ed spat back ignoring the fact that everyone was watching now. Shane stood up then and I couldn't help but tense slightly. I knew what his temper got like and I wished to god he wouldn't do anything.
"Hey, Ed… Are you sure you want to have this conversation, man?" Shane questioned and I knew he must have intimidated Ed in some way because the man looked over to his wife before glancing to Shane and then back again.
"Go on. Pull the damn thing out. Go on!" he snapped at her and Carol shot to her feet, obeying her husband's orders. I turned away then, running my hands through Carl's hair and ignoring what else was being said. I didn't like the way Ed treated Carol, she deserved so much more but I would never tell her that.
"Have you given any thought to Daryl Dixon? He won't be happy to hear his brother was left behind." Dale's voice had me turning to face the older man as he sat forward on his chair. The group went silent then and I knew what was on their minds. Merle Dixon had indeed been left behind but Daryl didn't know that.
"I'll tell him. I dropped the key. It's on me." T-Dog grumbled and I could see that this was weighing on him. I knew T-Dog, we had spoken a few times around camp and I knew that he would never forgive himself for this. He was a kind hearted man and he would never intentionally hurt anyone, not even Merle Dixon.
"I cuffed him." Rick grumbled looking over to T-Dog as he spoke. I knew what he was doing. "That makes it mine." He was trying to make it his fault, he always did that. I knew him to do things like that. He blamed himself when I got stabbed, tried to make it his fault when we both knew it wasn't.
"Guys, it's not a competition." Glenn stated interrupting them both before anything else could be said. "I don't mean to bring race into this, but it might sound better coming from a white guy." He added glancing at T-Dog with sympathy. Glenn had been there on the roof, he had seen what had happened. Rick told me what Merle had done and I felt disappointed that the man would do such a thing. Apparently he was taking drugs, after I had told him to stop and after he promised nothing would happen to Andrea, he was still taking drugs.
"I did what I did. Hell if I'm gonna hide from him." T-Dog stated and I knew he had some sense of pride. Not pride for what he did but pride for standing up for what he did. He wouldn't hide away when Daryl returned, not when he got told about his brother.
"We could lie." Amy suggested but was shot down immediately by her sister.
"Or tell the truth." Andrea cut in, rubbing her sister's arm as they sat next to each other. She glanced over to Dale then T-Dog and Glenn. "Merle was out of control. Something had to be done or he'd have gotten us killed." She glanced over to me and gave me a soft smile. "Your husband did what was necessary. And if Merle got left behind, it is nobody's fault but Merle's." she told the group but I knew some people would disagree with her.
"And that's what we tell Daryl?" Dale asked looking over to the blonde woman. "I don't see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you?" he wasn't asking Andrea, but the whole group. We all knew what the Dixon's were like, just saying that to Daryl wouldn't end it. It would make it worse. "Word to the wise… We're gonna have our hands full when he gets back from his hunt." He concluded and I knew he was right. Merle was all Daryl had, they would die for each other. Daryl would not be happy when he got back. Not after going out there for us.
"I was scared and I ran. I'm not ashamed of it." T-Dog muttered after a while and everyone turned to look at him. Andrea looked at him with that same sad smile she gave me.
"We were all scared. We all ran. What's your point?" she asked knowing like I did in that second there was something more to his words. T-Dog had made it his point that he didn't want to leave Merle but he did. T-Dog glanced over to her before directing his gaze to my husband, looking defeated.
"I stopped long enough to chain that door." He started and I understood then why he seemed proud earlier. He knew Merle had a chance at surviving. "Staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at any one time. It's not enough to break through that… Not that chain, not that padlock. My point… Dixon's alive and he's still up there, handcuffed on that roof. That's on us."
His words seemed to settle around the group but they also seemed to be a signal for everyone to go to bed. Andrea, Amy and Dale were the first to leave and Kelly followed the three of them into the RV. Dale said she could stay there until there was space for her in a tent or until Glenn picked up another one. She didn't want to impose on us now that Rick was here.
When most people had left the camp fire Rick took a sleeping Carl into his arms and lifted him to the tent. He set the boy down on his camp bed and pressed his lips to his head.
"I love you," he mumbled to our boy before joining me on our bed. It was slightly bigger than Carl's but it wasn't a double bed. He climbed over me, his hands slipping over my stomach as he settled behind me and pulled me to his chest. "I love you," he said to me placing his lips to my neck.
"I love you as well," I sighed letting my neck drop resting against his chest. I needed to tell him about Lori. He needed to know that she was here. She had left quickly when Rick returned with the others and hadn't made an appearance tonight but she would be there in the morning. "I need to tell you something." I told him not knowing how he would react.
"You can tell me anything," he assured pressing his face against my neck waiting for me to speak.
"Lori's here," I whispered fearing my words would get the wrong reaction from him. I felt him tense at my words but I knew I had to tell him. "I wanted to be honest. I didn't want you to stumble upon her tomorrow."
"Carl?" He questioned and I knew what he was asking.
"He doesn't know. She hasn't been near him. I warned her when I saw her. Told her she had no right to talk to him. I told her I would -" I paused then not knowing what to say to him.
"Told her what?" He asked tensing again as he waited for me to say something.
"I told her I'd kill her if she went near him." I muttered wondering what he was thinking. I didn't expect him to laugh. I knew he was, I could feel him shaking behind me. "Oh don't laugh." I moaned turning in his arms and smacking him lightly.
"God do I love you," he teased pressing his lips to mine as I slid under him. He climbed over me his hands on either side of my head as he settled over me lightly.
"Stop telling me. I already know." I told him lifting my head up to give him the passionate, hungry kiss I had wanted to give him the moment I knew he was alive.
"I'll show ya then," he growled sliding his hands down my chest and to my yoga pants. He slipped them off quickly, my underwear following quickly and then he filled me.
It was magnificent. The feeling of him inside me. It had been nearly two and a half months since I had been with him. Since I had been with anyone. The moan I released was loud and I quickly buried my head in his shoulder to muffle anymore noise I would make. His lips ran over my neck kissing and sucking but also masking his own moans.
I wouldn't be forgetting this moment for a long time. It was amazing and showed the pure love between me and Rick. Some people had sex just for the pleasure but it was never just that between us. We may have fooled around a lot while living together before we go married but we had been together for over half a year and we had said the 'I love you' to each other before that as well. Our first time wasn't rushed it was passionate and wonderful. Every time we were intimate we shared our feelings and that had never changed.
When we both reached our high he collapsed on me, crushing me at first before he rolled off me and to the side. Our breathing was fast but we both kept in mind that Carl was on the other side of the tent sleeping. As our breathing slowed I turned my head to look at him and rested it over his chest listening to his heart.
It was his heart that had me knowing what was going to happen tomorrow or the next day. Whatever was going to happen when Daryl returned. Once he found out Merle wasn't here he would bae out into the city to get him back. And I knew without a doubt that Rick would go as well. It was the type of person he was. He would do it whether I wanted him to or not.
"You're going back for Merle aren't you?" I whispered when he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly to him. His hand was running through my curls, something he always did after we had sex. He told me once that my hair reminded him of wild flames and it fascinated him.
"You know I have to," he mumbled knowing I wouldn't be exactly happy about this. I could tell from the way he held me to him. He always did this when he told me he was going to do something dangerous at work. He would hold me close and try to get me to forget that he would be going out there to face the danger.
"I won't stop you but what if I don't get you back?" I asked not knowing what I would do if I lost him again after finding him alive. "I just got you back." I whispered feeling the tears slip down my cheeks at the thought of losing him again.
"You won't lose me. I found you even when I wasn't sure you were alive. I could feel that you were still here, you and Carl. I will always find you." He stated lifting my head up lightly and pressing a soft kiss to the tip of my nose. "I love you and I will come back."
"I know," I slurred feeling the sleep take over me as everything came rushing back. These last sixty-one days had been exhausting and I was finally letting it all out. And that for me was exhausting. "I love you." I muttered one last time before settling down against his chest and listening to his beating heart as it lulled me to sleep.
I woke seconds before Carl did. It was like I knew he was going to wake and my body woke seconds before his. Eye glanced over to us and I pressed my finger to my lips warning him to be quiet. I slipped out of the bed when Carl turned to change into his clothes and slipped on a fresh pair of underwear and some jeans. I tugged on my boots and then a tank top before pulling our son from the room.
"Let's leave your dad to catch up on his sleep little man," I told the boy as he glanced at the sleeping man looking pained. It was obvious he wanted to speak to him, he didn't have much time after everything that happened yesterday.
"Okay," he grumbled running his hand threw his newly cut hair and sighed as I pushed him towards the centre of camp. I had hoped the boy would be in a better mood now that Rick was here but he was still down like the days before. I suppose the world coming to an end and things that were once human eating away at us could scare a child senseless.
Glenn was stood by the camp fire talking to Kelly when we joined them. He looked to be enjoying the conversation they were having and it made me happy that the two were getting along well. I had spoken to almost everyone in the camp and over the weeks I had made a few good friends; Glenn was one of the closer ones with Andrea and Amy but there was also Carol. The woman may have been slightly older and she reminded me of a mother figure. If there was one woman besides Nana that I would want as a mom it would be Carol. Dale had also become quite fond of me, Carl and Kelly while we had been here. He was like a grandfather to Carl, something he had never had in his life and I think the boy enjoyed it.
"Breakfast's in the RV. Dale didn't want any flies getting to it in this heat." Kelly stated as she cooked off whatever it was she was cooking. It looked like beans but I didn't mind that. It was almost always the same food we ate for breakfast. Beans or rice, whatever we had most of in the mornings.
I ushered Carl over to the RV where Dale was waiting for us in his usual chair. If he wasn't on top of the RV he was either in it relaxing and keeping watch or helping out around camp. I never saw that man actually having alone time but I knew that suited him.
"Good morning you two," he greeted us smiling at me and offering a handshake to Carl. The boy took Dale's hand eagerly and sat beside him as I placed a spoonful beans into a bowl and handed them to the boy. It might not have been much but we were all getting used to smaller portions as the days passed.
"You been up for long Dale?" I asked him sitting down at the table as I watched the elder man carefully. I knew he would lie if he had been up all night but after the first three times he had decided it was better not to lie.
"As soon as the sun rose." He told me and I knew it was true when he opened his eyes wide. It was hard to sleep now-a-days but I knew what it was like for elder people. Nana used to get up all the time when the sun rose. "Been quiet this morning but I got a feeling Daryl will be back soon. Can't stay quiet for this long and not have anything go wrong." He grumbled sending a quick look to Carl as the boy finished his breakfast.
"I'm sure everything will be fine," I told the older man as I stood from the chair and quickly washed Carl's bowl. I wasn't up for beans this morning, I would grab a fruit and grain bar after I made sure everything was sorted within the camp. "You wanna go play Carl?" I asked the boy as we stepped out of the RV. Sophia could be seen skipping with Eliza before waving over to Carl. He nodded and went to walk off to join the girls. "Stay within sight." I called to him before joining Glenn as he stood in front of the beautiful red car.
Jim was looking at the engine and I heard Dale step out of the RV and watched as he joined the mechanic. They started muttering between each other before pulling something from the car. I heard Glenn moan beside me and I felt for the boy. After everything he had done for us, going on the runs and risking his life they had to rip apart the one thing he got from this.
"Sorry Glenn," I muttered to the man placing my hand on his shoulder in what I hoped was comfort.
"Look at 'em. Vultures. Yeah, go on, strip it clean." Glenn cried out turning to look at Rick as he joined us in front of the car. Dale looked over to Glenn and gave him a sad smile. Dale knew how much Glenn loved the car and I knew he didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings but it needed to be done.
"Generators need every drop of fuel they can get. Got no power without it." He stated knowing that his words were right. Glenn knew it as well but he really wanted to keep the car. "Sorry, Glenn." He added seeing how upset the guy had gotten over it.
"Thought I'd get to drive it at least a few more days." He mumbled ringing his hands around his cap as he let out his anger. He was acting like a child now but I knew I would probably feel the same way if I was him.
"Maybe we'll get to steal another one someday." Rick muttered to Glenn trying to get the guy's hopes up again. I knew Rick wanted what was best for everyone and even while Glenn had been the one to save him the fuel needed to be used to keep power in the camp. He looked over to me then and I walked passed Glenn and into my man's arms.
"Hey, did you sleep well?" I asked pressing a kiss to his lips as Glenn huffed out in disgust. I didn't know whether he was disgusted at me and Rick or at the 'vultures' as Glenn had called them.
"Best sleep in a long time," he replied brushing his lips across my hair line as he glanced at Glenn also.
"Carl wanted to wake you but I told him to leave you be." I told him leaning back in his arms and peeking up at him. I still couldn't believe that he was here, it seemed unreal.
"What we talked about last night," he started but I wasn't sure what he was talking about. One thing had been Lori and the other Merle – two people I didn't want to talk about right now.
"Lori or Merle?" I asked knowing he would understand with the two names I gave him. Rick raised his eyebrows at my words. Did he think I was one of those girls that got jealous when a past flame entered our lives? To be honest Rick was the only man I had been with so I couldn't know.
"Merle," he mumbled but I knew he was thinking about Lori now that I mentioned her. "You know I'm gonna go get him when his brother gets back. I want to make sure you're okay with it."
"You know I won't be okay with it but I can't stop you." I told him running my fingers over his face smoothly and watched as he followed my touch as I moved away. "We don't control each other in this relationship. We come to an agreement and we work things out. If you want to go I'm fine with that but if you don't come back I will never forgive you, not because of Merle Dixon." I added letting him know that if he wanted to go he could. I didn't want to control him, but I wanted him to know I wasn't pleased with his plan.
"I'll come back, I promise."
"Please don't make promises you can't keep," I whispered to him resting my head on his chest, allowing him to run his fingers through my loose hair. I never really wore it up, not unless it got too hot or I was working.
"I'll come back. To you and to Carl," he assured me running his hands down my back until they settled on my hips. I pulled away from him then and glanced up at him. His bright blue eyes connected with my green ones but I could see his promise in them this time.
"You can tell Carl," I told him knowing that if the boy got told I wouldn't be doing it. I had to tell him once that his dad wasn't coming back, I didn't want to do it again.
"I'll tell-"
"Mom!" Carl's voice cut off Rick's words and my eyes widened in horror. He was screaming and it was out of fear.
"Carl!" I shouted back running from Rick's arms and towards my son's shouts. I should have never left him alone without someone on watch. We were growing reckless and now Carl was in danger.
"Dad!" Carl yelled calling out for Rick this time. I already knew Rick was running behind me but he heard the urgency in Carl's voice. He was scared.
"Carl!" I called out again hoping he would follow my voice and come to me. I couldn't see him and it worried the hell out of me.
"Mama! Mommy!" Eliza shouted and I knew it was her because Sophia sounded different to the little girl. This one sounded younger and I knew Sophia was Carl's age. My feet pounded on the floor faster when I knew it wasn't only Carl in danger.
"Rick!" Glenn shouted behind me but I wasn't sure if it was in warning or encouragement. I knew Glenn had grown attached to Carl and his safety meant a lot to all of us.
"Carl!" I cried out when it went silent but was revealed when I heard his soft cries. He came into my view then and I was thankful to see that he was okay. He rushed into my arms and I dropped to the floor in front of him grabbing his arm and looking over for any bites or scratches.
"Mom," he sobbed letting his tears fall as he tried to wrap his arms around me. I pushed him back slightly feeling horrid that I couldn't just let my boy hold me but I needed to know that he was alright.
"You're okay?" Rick asked coming up next to us, a metal pole in his hands as he looked down at us. I nodded my head at his words.
"We're fine, he's fine. Go," I ushered him knowing that whatever attacked him was still out there and I wanted Rick to stop it. He followed my orders leaving me with Carl but he didn't go alone. Glenn, Shane, Jim, Morales and Dale followed him and I swear I saw Andrea and Amy running after them. Thank the lord he wasn't going alone. "You have any bites? Any scratches? I asked looking frantically at my son hoping he would answer me. He shook his head no and I allowed him to sink into my arms then.
It was revealing knowing my son was alright. After everything that has happened so far in this world we were actually lucky that no walkers had reached us here before.
I stood from the floor ignoring the mud that had covered my jeans and pulled Carl towards the camp where a worried Kelly stood waiting. She had heard Carl's calls as well but I knew she would stay in camp in case there was more threats and Carl made it back without us. It was our plan from the beginning. Someone would always be there to look after Carl.
"Carl," she whispered opening her arms allowing the boy to run into them. I joined them and held them both close while Rick and the others sorted out the problem. That was too close and it could have been a lot worse. Kelly rested her head on top of mine and pulled me closer. She really was a great friend and I don't know what I would do if she ever got hurt.
The group came back to camp a few minutes later and I noticed that they were led by Daryl as he called out for Merle. This wasn't going to end well and I didn't want Carl here to see it. I grabbed Carl quickly and pulled him over to the RV, pushing him inside and allowing Kelly to follow. I caught the comic she had in her hand and was happy that she understood what I was doing. Carl didn't need to see anything like that around camp.
There was a lot of shouting going on but I kept my eyes on Rick at all times making sure he was fine. Half of the words muddled up inside my head and I hardly knew what they were talking about. My mind was on the walker that got close to camp, it shouldn't have gotten that close without us noticing.
"It's not Rick's fault." I heard T-Dog say clear as day as he stepped up beside my husband and talked to the redneck. I hated saying words like that but I knew the real meaning behind the word. It wasn't some harsh thing to say to people born in the country. It used to mean that they were hard working men and woman that stayed out in the fields working their asses off from sun rise to sun down. That was the real meaning of redneck. "I had the key. I dropped it." He added putting the blame on him so Daryl would leave Rick alone.
"You couldn't pick it up?" Daryl asked and I knew he was furious. I would be to of someone had left Kelly on top of a roof, alone with no food or water. No one deserved that, not even Merle Dixon.
"Well, I dropped it in a drain." T explained sheepishly and I knew he hated to admit that he had actually done that. It was like something out of the movies – dropping a key down the drain.
"If it's supposed to make me feel better, it don't." Daryl muttered standing from the ground and wiping the mud from his pants. He looked miserable without Merle here but I knew it was because he felt like an outside but also because Merle was family.
"Well, maybe this will." T-Dog started looking at Daryl with hope and determination. "Look, I chained the door to the roof… So the geeks couldn't get at him… With a padlock. It's gotta count for something." I knew he wanted Daryl to believe that, anyone could see that on T-Dog's face.
"Hell with all y'all! Just tell me where he is so that I can go get him." Daryl shouted ignoring the looks people were giving him and waiting for someone to say something. When no one opened their mouths to talk I knew I had to say something. Even if I didn't want Rick to go I had to support his decision.
"He'll take you Daryl," I spoke softly but I knew everyone heard me as their eyes flicked to me before looking to Rick when he looked up to me. I could tell by his eyes that he knew I wasn't mad, just upset that he had to do this.
"I'm going back." Rick stated looking to Daryl with such determination it broke my heart. After everything he had been through he was still the same person before the world went to shit. I suppose I should be thankful for that. But I knew it would eventually get him killed unless he change a little. He would still be Rick but he needed to get a steel spine and stop feeling responsible for every damn thing that happened.
I was alone with Carl in the tent after Rick left with Daryl, Glenn and T-Dog. I needed him to understand that his dad might be not coming back but after last time I didn't want to break his heart.
"I'm not worried." Carl muttered interrupting my thoughts. It was like he knew what I was thinking about. "Are you?" he asked peering up at me as he lay down on his bed. I gave him a soft smile but nodded my head at his words.
"A little, baby," I told him not knowing if we would ever get to see Rick or the others again. It was a suicide mission to go out there for Merle and those guns but it was going to get done whether I liked it or not.
"Don't be worried mom," Carl told me taking my hand in his. It should be the other way round. Me giving him comfort while he worried over his dad. I looked down at him with confusion on my face. Did he know something I didn't?
"Why?" I asked wondering what was going on in this twelve year olds head.
"Think about it, mom. Everything that's happened to him so far" he stopped then, looking at me as if I should know the answer already. "Nothing's killed him yet." He explained and a smile grew on my lips at his words. He was so confident but he was also right. Nothing had happened to Rick yet and I knew deep down inside that nothing would happen to him.
But why was there this nagging feeling ripping at me from the inside?
Carl got up from the bed then, pulling me with him and out into the camp where the others were wandering around. I suppose we should get on with our chores while the others went into the city. Another day filled with worry and chores. Another day of survival. But sometimes survival wasn't enough. Sometimes we needed to have more than just survival on our minds because to me survival's not enough.
Thank you for reading x Please review xx
