Chapter Seven: The Sibling Situations
A/N: So… Hi! I'm not dead! Uh, heheh… If you haven't noticed, I've been on a Star Wars craze, but I'm back, for now, with this (originally posted on my birthday 3 days ago). Woo! Skipping to episode 11 now, which I'm borrowing heavily from because writer's block is a you know what. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Please don't kill me.
"Okay, even I have to admit that, when he's not so uptight like a good little soldier, he's just about at our level. Now when would I ever do that?" asked Lucifer, who was currently in control of Castiel's vessel. Castiel's little… episode… a few weeks back sounded jarring to say the least. Actually feeling the power surge was exhilarating, almost making him uneasy. Almost.
"How many has it been now, three, since the first time?" Gabriel questioned. "Are they all the same, or is there something different each time?"
"They're getting longer, a little unstable at times. Ya know, if you really think about it, and ignore the fact that he's… well, him, you could mistake him for-"
"That's happened once, and that angel didn't survive the process. Does it have an off switch, because I'm not about to let Castiel destroy himself it if does."
" *sigh* No one knows, baby brother. No angel has survived to tell the tale. I guess you could ask daddy dearest, if you can reach out, though he is still on vacation after all. You'd have better luck than me…" Gabriel finished his slice of red velvet cake and deposited his plate in the kitchen sink of the bunker. "Even Aunt Amara can't get his attention and she's been trying, believe me. You think I'm sadistic? Mmm."
Harshly releasing a breath, the trickster asked, "Have you talked to Castiel about it yet?"
" *opens and closes mouth* Weeeeell… It's kind of like the Ginny, Tom Riddle thing where she doesn't remember doing all those horrible things and writing in blood on the walls except with… me and Cassie."
"So, you're saying that he doesn't remember and all this is your fault?" he quietly accused, eyes flashing sapphire for a moment. The Devil held his hands up in surrender.
"I'm not for sure yet, but I think I'm part of the reason. The rest is out of our hands."
"Meaning?" Gabriel growled.
"Meaning I don't think there's anything we can do." Gabriel clenched his hands into trembling fists in fury and defeat. He knew it wasn't Castiel or Lucifer's fault, that this instance was a random happening and out of their control, but he couldn't help but want to… to… he took a deep breath as his mug of sweetened ice tea slowly cracked on the verge of exploding into shards of porcelain. If Castiel kept enduring that level of power, then he'd- "It won't come to that. I'll do what I can, but… I can only ground him for so long-"
"Does he know, what this is doing to him I mean?" The fallen archangel gave him an overdramatic guilty look.
"Uh, let me think. NO. I haven't said a thing. He can't hear a word we're saying right now and it's going to stay that way when we're on this topic. I don't need him trying to kick me out now do I?"
"And you think that he won't get suspicious that we're blocking him out?" the younger archangel questioned with worry.
"Blocking who out?" a new voice rang out. Sam attempted to saunter into the room, but both of them saw through him in an instant. He dropped the upbeat look instantly, dragging himself into the room. Gabriel felt Sam's distress, sending him a pulse of reassurance he was grateful for.
"Couldn't sleep?"
"Uh… not really that, but…" Gabriel leveled him with a concerned look. "No, not really." The hunter turned towards the other angel in the room. "Lucifer," he greeted calmly, if a little cold.
"So you did tell him. Also, is it that obvious?"
"I've spent too much time around you. Of course I'd be able to tell it's not you." His voice held a bit of malice, but Lucifer seemed unaffected.
"So, Sam, what brings you here, intruding on our conversation?"
" *sigh* Dean and I found another case on our way back from killing a shifter. He wants Cas on the case with us. Apparently, some more rogue angels, if the surveillance footage is any indication, are looking for him. We need him with us to-"
"- draw them out. I… understand," Castiel finished, now back in control of his vessel and unable to push away the empty feeling in his gut. Did you get a name, an angel or a faction, perhaps?"
"Not yet, but we do know where they'll go next. One of them got word of you in Kenesaw, so they'll probably head that way and go from there." Castiel was silent for a moment before responding.
"No." It was soft, barely audible, but Sam heard it, dumbstruck.
"Wait, what? Cas, we need you-"
"No, you really don't. Besides, Gabriel and I were just leaving before you and Lucifer interrupted."
'We were?' the trickster thought to him. Castiel gave him a look that said, "Just go with it."
"Yeah. Castiella here thinks he has a lead on Auntie Amara. We're going to go look into it. We'll roll in like Sherlock and Watson and vamoose before anyone knows we were there." Uncertainly, Gabriel flashed Castiel a mostly confident smile and nodded to Sam before the two disappeared with a flutter of wings. Sam blew out a breath in agitation, leaving the room to find something to occupy his time with. Meanwhile, the two angels reappeared in a peaceful nature park some ways away. The sun cast a beautiful golden and orange glow across the surface of a lake occupied by gulls. The honey golden brown eyed archangel crossed his arms as the seraph stared into the distance.
"Alright, spill. You don't want to be around Dean right now, do you?"
"No. He'll know I'm different, that something's changed. I don't want him to suspect."
"He's already started suspecting since you've been radio silent the last few days. At this point, he'll probably bite your head off if you show your face."
With a perplexed face, Castiel inquired, "How would Dean-"
"It's a figure of speech. My point is, running away with your feathers in a bunch won't make your problems disappear."
"You're one to talk," the seraph retorted, surprising them both. Gabriel growled.
"Don't say I didn't warn you," he hissed, leaving without a second glance, a golden feather landing lightly at the water's edge. Lucifer had a hand over his mouth, an overjoyed look on his face as he tried to keep from laughing.
'Are you gonna tag me into the fight now?' Lucifer asked. Castiel, relieved for a break, gladly traded spots with his older brother, who proceeded to buy bread to feed the gulls with later.
XxX
"I'm fine," Sam insisted lowly. He didn't want to deal with this right now, deciding to continue doing maintenance on his gun.
"Well, good, 'cause I think I found us a case. Harold Miller, 65, a resident of Oak Park, an old folks' home, was found yesterday in his room with his head bashed in. But get this- The doors were locked and there was no sign of break-in." He sounded so proud of his discovering the case. When he got no response, he continued. "Ghosts? Demonic possession? *exasperated look* I figure it's worth a look. What do you think?" he asked, walking around to the front of Sam. "Oh, and the best part is, Oak Park is fifteen minutes from here. It's in our backyard," he finished with a smile. Sam finally put his pistol down, trying not to be cross with Dean.
"First, I thought we already had a case, on angels?"
"Yeah, but that's a whole state away-"
"That's never stopped us before. Second, what about the Darkness?" Dean seemed lost at that. "What about Cas? We haven't heard from him." Dean felt a pang of guilt at the mention of his angel.
"Okay, first of all, we've got zero on Amara. And Cas? Cas'll be fine. He always is." As much as Dean wished he could believe his own words, he knew they were a lie. Castiel was not fine by any measure at the moment, and it was all his fault.
XxX
"Who then? Who will wield this weapon once you find it? You, Sam, Crowley, Rowena, some random supernatural creature?"
"You, Cas," Dean answered genuinely, softly, looking his angel directly in the eyes. Castiel stared at his soulmate in confusion.
"What do you mean me? I'm no archangel, that's for sure." Dean paused, not sure how he should word his response.
"What about the power surges you keep getting? Dude, when you're glowing like a supernova and causing a tornado, you definitely feel like one. Maybe, if we could trigger that while you hold the Hand of God, it could work. Screw Lucifer and forget about Gabriel. All we need is you and-"
"It's funny," the seraph interrupted, calm demeanor rapidly melting into anger, to both of their surprises. "Every time you need me it's for a case or a favor. It's never just to hear my voice or see me before you leave the bunker for a while, well, outside of today, that is. I thought you and Gabriel had put aside your differences, yet you have no faith in his abilities whatsoever…"
"That's not it and you know it. I-" He paused. "What's this about?" the hunter demanded to know, staring holes into the side of his angel's head. Sapphire eyes met emerald and that's when Dean saw the utter agony that Castiel was feeling, recoiling and looking away.
"I'm truly glad you think so highly of me," he bit out, half sarcastic, "And I know that wasn't your intention, but I can't help but feel like you don't care, not about my feelings at least." The Winchester was beyond crushed at the moment. Had someone shoved an angel blade through his chest?
"Why would you say that? Of course I care about your feelings! We're-"
"Is that why it took over seven years to finally confess to me? Is that why you treat me like a tool that can be used and reused at will whenever you need it? I have tried to let it go, but it's always the same: everyone calls Castiel because they want something and never seem to consider my opinion on the matter or how it affects me. Even after the fall of the angels, you said you needed my help. Even after I lost my grace, you forced my cooperation. Do you know how much of a toll everything since then has taken on me? Do you know how it feels to know that you're responsible for a war between your brethren that almost endangered the entire world? Everything that's happened since then and even before, I have been to blame, whether fully or partially. Then, I've had to drag myself here to listen to one of your plans where, once again, I have to do something. I've had it up to here with you!" he suddenly shouted, on his feet, true voice making itself known and eyes glowing unnaturally. "I won't play your games anymore, Dean. If you want to defeat Amara so badly, I suggest you retrieve Lucifer because you're certainly not getting my help," he finished almost brokenly. Dean was speechless. Did Cas really feel that way? Had he always given the impression that the angel held no importance?
"I'm so sorry," he murmured, to which Castiel glared angel blades at him.
"Is that all you can say? Is a sorry all I get?!" 'Woah now, brother. Maybe you should just simmer down a bit and… ya know, let him talk? Listen before you lose it?' Castiel silenced him with a wave of his hand internally. Lucifer scoffed silently before, with some effort, regaining his voice. 'Oh, so is that how it's going to be?'
"I'm sorry that I haven't been a better… soulmate (Dean Winchester would not classify them as boyfriends), sorry I never showed you just how important you are to me… I'm sorry you don't think that I care." The sincerity in his voice began to morph into annoyance and anger. "I'm sorry you're being an asshole right now. I'm sorry I can't say the three Goddamn words I need to get my point across! I'm sorry that I don't spend enough time just being with you when it's the end of the Goddamn world and there are billions of people that need saving, which is made a lot easier when you're there, by my side, fueling my confidence! I'm so fucking sorry, okay, Castiel?!" he raged, now on his feet, startling the angel out of his furious stupor. His eyes stopped glowing and the agony in them multiplied tenfold.
"Dean, I-"
"Just shut up," he said, pulling his angel close, breathing heavy and uneven. "They're getting worse," he commented after a time. "The surges and outbursts I mean. At first, we thought it was linked to me, but then it was Gabriel, then Sam… And your feelings, man? Do we know what this is?"
"No, and I'm not eager to find out. *sigh* Forgive me, Dean. Please…"
"Don't. Don't start that. If anything, I'm the one who should be, should keep, apologizing. And let's face it, neither of us is good at this kinda thing. It's alright… But I promise you, we will find a way to fix this."
"How?" the angel finally whispered after a long silence.
"We'll find a way. We always do."
XxX
From there, Castiel had left, saying that it might be best if he had some space. Dean, drowning in emotions he refused to let control him, spent the next however long searching for a case, something to get his mind off things. It wasn't until he found himself at the grave of one Jake Townsend on their Oak Park case that he finally had to stop and think.
"Dude?" Sam uttered incredulously as Dean climbed out of the mostly undug grave.
"Hmm? Oh, you got this. You got this. You're doing great… So no retirement, huh?" Sam looked to him, panting slightly with effort.
"Hey, you're the one who's always wanted to go out blaze of glory style- Preferably while the Bon Jovi song is playing." He resumed digging.
"I am a candle in the wind," Dean responded. "Yeah, but the way you said it, it was like that blaze of glory was gonna happen sooner rather than later." He let the concern for his brother he was feeling make its presence known. He leveled a serious look at Sam. "Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not, actually. Not at all," the younger brother replied after pausing. Dean raised his head at the honesty, both in shock and as a sign to continue. "Being so close to Lucifer again, that… Brought stuff up… Stuff I thought I forgot about." He dug some more.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Sam shook his hair out of his face.
"No."
"Well, look, Lucifer is never getting out of that cage, ever. And you are never going back, period. So… case closed." As he said so, Sam's breath caught in his throat at the statement and his shovel hit the coffin they were looking for. "And so is this one." As they salted and prepared to burn their supposed spirit suspect, he said, "It's kinda nice being back on a case, huh? Get your mind off things."
"Let's burn the bones so we can go home," Sam responded wearily. Dean gave him a look before tossing the miniature flame into the grave.
XxX
Banshees. Of course it had to be banshees. All he wanted was a simple case, something easy that they could solve in their sleep. Apparently, that was too much to ask, and so was being able to retrieve a golden blade for the case without someone or something breaking into the bunker. Just his luck. They weren't subtle or careful, whoever they were, because he could hear the racket from the staircase. Pistol out, he cautiously made his way through the halls until he came across one of the file rooms, lights on and door slightly ajar. Kicking it open, he yelled, "Hey!" at the intruder, who turned out to be, "Cas?" He found the angel, sans trenchcoat, pouring over a pile of files and papers on a desk, facing away from him. "What the Hell are you doing, man?" His demeanor was off, expected given their last encounter, but way more off than usual.
"Hello, Dean," the angel finally spoke, raising his head.
"Right, yeah. We don't hear from you for days, you show up, and start wrecking the joint?" Castiel sighed, rising from his seat.
"I'm sorry," he said, voice devoid of any actual sincerity. Dean threw his hands up.
"Okay. W-W-What are you doing?" His face couldn't reflect his tone any better, dumbfounded.
"Well, I'm… looking for a spell, something to draw Amara out, but there's… there's nothing." Dean attempted to restore some order to the room, closing drawers and moving loose papers. "I had her in my sights. She was hurt. I should've ended it." Dean froze, holding a hand up.
"Wait, what?... How?"
"Well, I don't know, but there has to be something… And how many more chances are we gonna get?"
"Yeah, I know. Saying you're gonna kill is one thing, but… actually doing it's something totally different." Castiel cocked his head slightly, confused.
"What do you mean?" Dean gave him a serious look.
"I've had two shots at Amara. I struck out both times."
" *approaches Dean* What are you talking about?" The hunter shook his head.
"I don't even know where to start."
"Dean… Tell me everything." The hunter couldn't hold back the guilty look on his face. At that point, Dean spilled everything: how he'd seen Amara when she'd first been freed, their encounter when she was with Crowley and how she protected him, all the little moments in between… and their kiss… He couldn't see Castiel's expression as the angel was once again rifling through files by the time he was finished explaining. "Well, the two of you are connected somehow by the Mark."
"Yeah, no, it's, uh… It's more than that." He put his head down in embarrassment.
"Attraction?" his significant other asked. Dean let his expression answer for him. It was then that Lucifer lost control temporarily, Castiel fueled by his emotions to respond.
"Oh, Dean-" he began. He wasn't upset. He wasn't disappointed. He was more… uncomfortably intrigued than anything else. An aftereffect of the Mark surely.
"I know, okay? *brandishes gold blade* Whatever it is, a… attraction, connection… I gotta tell you, man, it scares me. I don't know that I can stop it... I don't know that I can resist it." He looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder give a light squeeze.
"Hey, it scares me too. But we will find out what this is, I promise. In the end, it may help draw her out. This could be a good thing."
" … About before…"
"I… still need a little more time, but… I'm not upset with you, Dean." He placed a hesitant kiss on his temple, and Dean let a small smile grace his lips before his phone rang. As Dean identified the caller as Sam, Castiel went back to work before following Dean out into one of the main halls. He didn't drag his attention away from a tome until Dean called his name.
"I gotta get back to Sam. Listen about what we talked about-"
"Dean, that's not-"
"Cas, just… trust me."
" … Just between us. I know… Alright, but the next time you face Amara, you won't be alone." Dean looked down to find the fingers of one hand intertwined with Castiel's. Trying to keep a straight face, he nodded.
"Thanks, Cas," he whispered. "Are… Are you gonna be okay? Lately, with everything going on, it just seems like…"
"Like…?"
"You haven't been yourself, and I know that everything has been hectic and chaotic and then the Cage…"
"I don't think any of us will be fine until this whole Amara business is resolved, but, for now…" Dean met his eyes. "I'm as okay as I can be… And I have you." This time, it was Dean who placed a gentle kiss on his angel before reluctantly leaving. Castiel felt the last of his willpower drain away watching the hunter walk off, and Lucifer retook the driver's seat in the vessel. He grinned at the newly obtained information, making Castiel uneasy as they disappeared from the bunker.
XxX
Dean, nursing a migraine that wasn't likely to go away soon, wandered into the kitchen, catching the beer Sam threw to him and taking a seat at the table. Mildred's words echoed in his mind. Following his heart is what got him into this mess in the first place. As nice as it would be to be able to sit and watch a sunset with Castiel, the world at peace, not about to be killed by something that could destroy the world in the blink of an eye, that definitely wasn't going to happen in the immediate future.
"Cas gone?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"What was he doing here anyway?"
"He was looking for lore on the Darkness. Something a little off about him too."
"Something always seems a little off about Cas. *scoffs* Yeah, you know, being so close to Lucifer probably wasn't easy for him either. We'll just keep an eye on him." Dean hadn't thought of that possibility, that the whole Lucifer thing was what was bothering Castiel the most right now. He nodded to Sam distractedly. "You were right, by the way. Getting back on the job, it… It helped." He took a sip of his beer.
"Wait, say that again. The— That part about me being right." Sam chuckled at his brother's behavior.
"You're an idiot…" He suddenly became serious. "Dean, when I was with Lucifer, he, um… Showed me things. It was like a highlight reel of my biggest failures."
"Yeah, he was messing' with you. That's what he does."
"Give me a sec. *sigh* I should've looked for you… When you were in Purgatory, I… I should've turned over every stone… But I didn't. I stopped." He looks to Dean, a wave of sadness overcoming him. "And I've never forgiven myself for it." Dean was silent a moment.
"Well… I have." He looks to Sam. "Hey, that's in the past, man. What's done is done. All that matters now, all that's ever mattered, is that we're together, so… *smirks* Shut up and drink your beer." They both do, though Sam's face held a crestfallen look for a moment. "Yeah. You gonna be able to sleep to tonight?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I think so. *rearranges a paper* What about you?" he asks, looking to Dean with concern.
"Well," he begins, gesturing to his injured head, "I still got some ringing going on in my head, but nothin' some good music can't wash out." He gives his brother, he taps his book on the table as he gets up, a weak smile. "How's Gabriel? He and Cas have been pretty quiet. How's he takin' everything?"
" *shrugs* It's, uh, really hitting him hard, but he tries to keep a strong face. He's worried about Cas, about us, about how this is going to end, and I can't blame him. But he'll pull through." After a pause, Sam is just about to walk out the door when he stops, something still nagging at him.
"Y'know, I still can't figure that out. I mean, banshees go after the vulnerable, right? So, why did it go after you?"
"You're overthinkin' it. It was going after Mildred, saw my gold blade, acted out of self-defense. Simple." Sam seemed to agree.
"Yeah. You're probably right." He turns to leave.
"I'm always right."
"Yeah, yeah." They said goodnight to each other. Sam found that sleep came easy to him that night. Dean, however… He tried in vain, settling under the covers and willing his eyes to stay closed. Something just wouldn't stop bothering him though. Castiel seemed so casual about his admissions. His angel was definitely forgiving, but his last outburst had been about his feelings for Chuck's sake! Something wasn't quite right with the situation. For some reason, his mind supplied him with a traitorous thought, one he knew couldn't be true. He couldn't shake the feeling though, the feeling that… 'That wasn't Cas.'
Closing A/N: So, that's that. The season finale part with Mary got me right in the feels, but I guess I should've expected it given the rep of the writers. Uh… I'm going to go ahead and say this now while I still can for any loyal readers looking at these notes. I am going to be extremely extremely busy this summer (particularly between late July and early August), but especially this school year. At the end of summer, I may or may not have to go on hiatus until a holiday week or such if my schedule proves too hectic. Just warning you now, just in case. I feel horrible, absolutely awful, for not updating for almost six months; a million apologies and I'll see y'all next chapter.
