Disclaimer: I don't own...Willing to marry into the family though.

Roy's dialog belongs to ZaKai. Be sure to check out Roy's POV for his side of this via my profile XD

Chapter 07

Chaos. The metaphysical concept of disorder, or utter confusion. That was what Ed first noticed. The chaos of noise, the chaos of shadows moving through the light under his eyelids, the chaos of touch and smell. He could smell gasoline, sweat, and blood. He could hear people moving around, talking, but it was only noise. He could feel the hard seat below him, knew the feel of his coat on his skin, but there was something...wrong. Something...abnormal.

"Careful, now. Cut so you don't jostle him too much," said a voice cutting through the noise. Ed moved his eyes beneath his eyelids, trying to find a meaning in what had been said, and failing. The voices faded back into the distance, becoming an insistent buzzing in his ears.

The drone rose in pitch, and he could feel the sound traveling down through his body. He could smell metal as it began to heat up and as the sensation grew, it drew him out of his stupor making his eyes fly open. He took one second to blearily look around before filling his lungs and letting loose with a horse cry of pain that rose up over the other noises.

"He's awake!"

"Stop the saw! Stop the saw!"

"Quick, some morphine!"

Whatever it was that was causing him pain stopped, leaving his body buzzing with the remembered sensations. Someone unknown to Ed moved though the driver's side door and approached him with a syringe. With a grunt, Ed swallowed. The pain was making it hard to see straight, and he didn't know what was happening.

Looking out the front of the nonexistent windshield, Ed saw many people standing around looking at him. They pointed at him, and at the car. He could see their mouths moving, but the crowd was too far away to hear what they were saying. Panting, his chest heaving, Ed shifted his gaze back to the person in front of him.

"Calm down, Edward. I'm just going to take the edge off," said the woman holding the needle up for Ed to see. Ed stared at the tip, or tired to, blinking rapidly as his vision swam. "You've been in an accident and you were injured," continued the woman. "I'm here to help you."

Ed just stared at her, his mouth open in confusion. An accident...? Behind him, someone began to tug at his clothing, making him turn his head to look awkwardly over his shoulder. A man was hacking away at his coat with a scalpel. He turned back around when he felt a hand on his left arm, pushing up the sleeve.

"Nngh!" Ed pulled his hand away from the woman's grip. Panic was finally staring to hit him. Nothing made sense. Why was he in a car that looked like this? Why were these strangers here? His eyes danced around the mangled car and outside, to the people standing around, gawking.

"This isn't good. We got to get him out of here, Sherry," said the man at Edward's back. "He'll tank if this keeps up."

"I know."

Ed's arm was tugged back towards the woman and the needle was quickly inserted into his vein before he knew what was going on. He was too busy staring at all the faces around him to react. Almost immediately the high, loud noise started up and the vibrations were back. Only now, they didn't bother Ed near as much. When the movement stopped, Ed's jacket, along with his shirt was pulled off and discarded to the floor of the car.

Someone put their hands under his arms and he was lifted out of the car, backwards, and put on a stretcher near the front tire. More people were moving around him, touching him. His left arm was held up and someone inserted something into the back of his hand, and then attached a tube to a glass jar. The voices around him faded away, making him frown as he tried to understand what was being said. He could see everyone's lips moving, but no sound was coming out.

More hands and people swirled around him. Too many people were touching him. He didn't like to be touched so much. Not if he didn't know them, and he was sure he didn't know any of these people. The woman from inside the car began to cut away at his pants, ripping them down the front of the leg. Someone was behind him, pressing on his back. His heart rolled in his chest, making him want to cough.

With his chest heaving, Ed watched the woman work on his leg and then move up to his stomach. When her face started to turn green before his eyes, quickly taking on the appearance of a lizard's, Ed tried to push her and the gauze in her hand away.

"No! Stop! Leave me alone! Don't touch me, Envy!" Ed kicked out with his leg and caught a passing medic in the gut. He began to shuffle awkwardly to the end of the stretcher, trying to get away.

"Is he hallucinating? How much did you give him?" asked the dog-man that was coming towards him. His wrist was lifted and forced down, while someone pulled his legs out from under his body, stretching him out on his right side. "Strap him down," the dog-man said. Once again, everyone's voice stopped even though their mouths kept moving.

Ed stared up into the snout that was over his face, and then it moved away, and he was no longer able to move. "Don't! Stop!" cried Ed tugging weakly at the bindings on his left hand and legs. The stretcher was lifted and the next thing Ed saw was white metal.

"Keep 'im talking, Sherry. Don't let 'im fall asleep."

"Edward." The lizard girl was back, bending over him to look at his face. "My name's Sherry. You've been in an accident, and have been badly injured. Do you understand? Edward? I want you to keep looking at me, okay?" The lizard girl reached out and began to touch his face, making Ed whimper from the unwanted contact. "I know. It hurts. Please bear with us. We're taking you to the hospital now, where they'll fix you up, okay?"

Her voice faded. There was too much going on, and Ed couldn't keep up. Nothing made sense. Ed continued to watch the lizard's mouth move, her tongue sometimes slipping out to taste the air. Then the confusing bits drifted away, and Ed was playing on a grassy hill with his brother, their mother yelling at them from the clothes line to come in to wash up for dinner.


With a violent, full body twitch, Edward Elric's eyes snapped open. He had the feeling that he had been dreaming for sometime now; weird, confused images that blended and combined into a mix of his usual nightmares. Whatever he'd been dreaming about it was quickly fading to the point that he couldn't even remember what they were about. Only the lingering sense of horrors lived and re-lived was left with him now.

He slowly focused his eyes on the bed frame in front of his face in confusion. There wasn't a second twin bed in his dorm. His eyes flickered up to the very high, unfamiliar ceiling and then down to the empty chair near his feet, and a curtain that was placed at the foot of his bed. His gaze moved past the chair to another row of beds lined up under tall windows on the other side of the room. Where the fuck was he? And how the hell did he get here? He looked back towards the bed beside him and down the room filled with beds all the way to the double doors at the end.

He was currently laying on his right side, nestled against several flat pillows. A thin blanket was pulled up to his waist, leaving his upper body feeling a bit chilled. Pulling his left hand up from beside his stomach, Ed planted his palm into the mattress and pushed. Though his body felt weak and exhausted, he didn't pay it any mind. He needed to find out why he was here, and he couldn't see anyone around.

Gasping in surprise at the supreme tenderness in his stomach and back, he halted his attempt. What was that? The sterile feel of the beds, the standard issue metal bed frames, even the cheep, scratchy bed sheets, all felt familiar. Then...maybe he was in a hospital.

Settling back into the pillows weakly, Ed looked down his chest. Reaching down to pull at his pale green shirt, Ed noticed the tubes attached to his arm on the back of his hand, and he titled his arm so he could see it better. He then looked up near his head and saw two glass jars hanging upside down and dripping some sort of fluid into his veins.

Returning to his investigation, he began lifting the fabric of his shirt to find out what was wrong with him. A large bulky bandage, taped to his side, was covering his lower left part of his stomach. He could see rusty red in the very center as whatever wound was under there seeped blood through all the gauze to the top. Tenderly he began to touch around the bandages to see how far the soreness extended.

He bit his lip in concentration. Seems it went pretty far; almost extending to his lower rib cage. He probed below his waist and found that even his leg was tender as well. He could feel another bandage on the top of his left leg, and winced when he pressed a bit too hard. Even his shoulder hurt when he moved his arm. Three wounds all along one side... Strange...

Weakly pulling the shirt back into place, Ed looked over his shoulder and then back to the doors at the end of the room. Where was everyone? He had about a million questions that he wanted to ask. Some of these beds looked used, with rumbled sheets and pillows, so where was everyone?

Ed waited patently for a few moments before he became frustrated with being patient. With a large sigh, he planted his arm into the mattress once again, and despite the pain, slowly pushed him self into a sitting position. Panting, he ran his hand over his forehead to wipe at the sweat there when his fingers caught on another bandage. He frowned at that, making his head ache. A head wound too? What happened to me? Did I get in a fight? His fingers rubbed over his forehead while he tried to think of who he might have been fighting.

It was then that he noticed that his auto-mail arm was gone. He felt a flare of irritation that the hospital staff would disconnect his arm like that. Why bother? It was just as easy to leave it there. Ed couldn't think of any reason why the staff would have had to take it off if he was injured in the back and stomach on the left side. It didn't make sense. He ran his hand over the port quickly and then let his hand fall down to his lap.

Working his legs free of the thin blanket, he swung them over the side of the bed and looked at the linoleum floor below him. It seemed like a long way down, but Ed knew that it really wasn't, but even still...sitting up had drained him. He slouched over his knees, blandly staring at the floor and wishing someone would come along.

Where was everyone? Where was Roy? Didn't he know he was in the hospital? What about Al? Did he know? He hoped that Roy would have told his brother. Maybe they were out getting something to eat. Maybe it's lunch time. He looked at his bedside table and saw a collection of cards and one small flower arrangement with a single red rose. If he had his right arm he would have reached out to look at them, but the thought of twisting around in order to reach them just made him more tired.

So I guess someone knows I'm here, going by that, he thought. Ed sighed. He started to feel kinda lonely here all by himself. Where is Roy? Why wasn't he here with him? Didn't he care? Ed sniffled against an intense and sudden feeling of loss. He felt like bawling his eyes out and he couldn't figure out why. Well, if Roy wasn't here, he'd go and find him. Wiping at his moist eyes, Ed shuffled his bum towards the edge of the bed until he was perched on the very cusp of the mattress. With a small hop, Ed landed shakily on the cold tiles, his left leg almost collapsing to the floor if not for the grip he had on the bedding.

Pulling the needle out with small jerk of his teeth, he let the tubes fall to away. He hardly noticed the pain of that small irritation compared to the other complaints of his body. Trailing his hand down the bed covers, Ed shuffled between his bed and the next, around the chair, out into the walkway in the middle of the room. He reached across his body to hold on the bed frame at the end of next bed over, swaying slightly.

"Hey!" he croaked hoarsely at the door at the far end. His throat was raw and dry. Not conductive to speaking at all. Swallowing, he lurched forward. "Anyone there?" Ed rasped. Panic and fear warred within him. Where was Roy? As he passed one bed for the next, his left hand continued to grip at the plain metal bars of each bed's footboard. "Anyone!" he shouted as loud as his voice would allow.

He took a shuddering breath, and an involuntary sob gasped from his mouth. Gripping the frame of the fifth bed he had passed, he leaned into it with his right hip. His vision became blurry, and his chin fell forward onto his chest. He was all alone! There was no one here. No Al, no Roy, not even any sign of Winry or Pinako. Tears fell freely onto the floor and the tops of his toes. What could he do now? He'd barely walked a few feet and he was ready to curl up and pass out. More tears ran down his cheeks. He didn't want to be the only one here. Someone, anyone...

He sank painfully down to the floor to rest on his knees, letting his hand fall before him to support his weight. His bound hair slid over his shoulder unnoticed. Roy! Dammit! Where the fuck are you? he thought in distress. He knew he was being irrational. Crying like this, and pushing his obviously wounded body past what it could handle, but wasn't that the point of being irrational? Doing stupid things was his specialty after all. That thought just made him cry a little harder. When was he going to grow up? Why was he reacting like such a kid?

"Whaa! You're a jerk, Tommy!" a shrill girl's voice cried.

Ed looked up through his bangs, with a sniffle, his sobs forgotten, and watched a small girl with her brown hair in fat, bouncing pig-tails come running in through the door at the end of the hall; her arm in a cast with a sling over her neck, and a stuffed black teddy bear in her other hand. Her soft rubber shoes squeaked on the tiled floor as she pelted towards him. She was the first person he saw since waking up, and it was a little kid...not Roy, but a small girl.

"Hey...hey, you," croaked Ed. He didn't much care that his face was wet with tears, he just needed help and some answers. If this kid could help him out... "Can you help me—get an adult, or something."

The young girl skidded to a stop and stared wide eyed at him, clearly startled to see him. Clutching the teddy to her body, she blinked at him stupidly, in Ed's opinion. She then turned around, running at the door, screaming, "Whaa! The dead kid's alive!"

"That wasn't very nice," mumbled Ed. He breathed in as shallowly as he could, letting his eyes go unfocused as he looked at the molted colors of the floor beneath him. His wounds were starting to tingle with pain, growing in intensity with each passing moment. But that was okay, he'd had much worse.

"What's the meaning of this, Kelly. I've told you not to run in the halls, but you continue to disobey me—"

"But, Nurse Hunter, the dead kid's on the floor."

Ed looked up as the loud voices approached the door. The door opened and the nurse, followed by the same little girl stood looking at him.

"Could use some help here," croaked Ed when neither of them moved.

"What are you doing out of bed? You've been seriously injured," the nurse, a large, brisk looking woman admonished, spurned into action at the sound of his voice. Her steely gray hair was pulled away from her face into a severe bun at the back of her head, with her small round spectacles perched on the bridge of her nose.

"What if your wounds re-opened?" she scolded, hurrying to his side to kneel beside him. She brushed his hair off his face so that she could look at him, tilting his head towards her. "Let me see," she commanded and lifted his shirt from the back. Panting softly, Ed bore all her prodding, his eyes coming to rest on the small girl who was standing a short distance away.

"What happened to me?" asked Ed as the nurse gripped him firmly under his arm, pulling him to his feet.

"You've been in an accident. By all accounts, a very horrible accident."

"I don't remember," mumbled Ed shuffling along the floor in his bare feet.

"I should say not! You've knocked your head so hard that you've given yourself a very serious concussion. Now, I need to know, now that you're awake, what's the last thing you remember clearly?"

"I remember..." Ed thought back, trying to sort through the fog of his memories. The last thing he remembered...it was the day after his blow up at Roy, he'd gotten a muffin and coffee...they had sex, and then... Ed stumbled over his feet. Roy had attacked him, said all those things to him. Al hated him. "I remember leaving the house and then no more," said Ed gruffly.

"And your name is?" she prompted.

"Edward Elric," he answered.

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen and a half," said Ed, his lips jerking into a smirk as he remembered that night on New Year's Eve when he'd proudly boasted about his age to Roy.

The nurse steered him to the bed, turning him around and helping him sit. "Now, listen here young man," the nurse began. Ed looked up at her stern face, feeling very little considering that he seemed to be in trouble yet again. "I don't want to see you out of this bed again, you hear me?"

"Or what?" he asked numbly.

"Or I'll strap you to it." The woman pushed him onto his side, adjusting the pillows for his comfort, and pulling the blanket over his legs. "Alright, I'll tell the doctor about this. I'm sure he'll give you a more through examination later." The nurse turned and then stopped short. Clicking her tongue she scooped up his hand, shaking her head at it. "You even pulled out your IV, and look what you've done to the back of your hand. Now we're going to have to use the vein in your arm. I'll be right back."

Ed lifted his hand up to look at what he'd done. Blood had dried over the top of his hand, trailing down between his fingers. The wound did look quite mangled. It didn't bother him none. He was used to being poked and worked on. A few more holes in his veins didn't bother him. Ed let his eyes close while he quietly tried to manage his growing pain.

"Did it hurt?"

Slowly, Ed opened his eyes to look at the girl hovering beside his head, clutching her bear under her chin. "What?" The small girl reached out and touched his auto-mail leg lightly. "A little..." whispered Ed.

"I might have to get one, if my arm doesn't heal right," explained the girl. "But it's really expensive; dad is working really hard to make sure we have enough money." Ed nodded. "We all thought you were dead, cause you didn't move for so long. That man was always yelling at the nurses and causing trouble."

"What man?"

"The man from the military. Dad didn't like that he was hanging around, he doesn't like them," whispered the girl.

That had to be Roy. "Where is he—the military man? Has he been here yet today?" questioned Ed. The girl shook her head hard enough to make her pig-tails slap against her face. Ed sighed.

"Alright, that's enough, Kelly," the nurse said when she returned. The small girl was shooed out of the way and the woman went to work reinserting the IV needle and reattaching the dip, and then placing a piece of tape over the whole thing to hold it in place. "It's good to see you awake. You had us very worried while your fever spiked at 104.6 °F."

"That bad?" asked Ed drowsily. He could feel the cool drip of the liquid enter his arm and start to work it's magic, making his pain drift away.

"Very."

"How long have I been here?" Ed asked, remembering the girl's comments about Roy hanging around. She made it sound like he'd been here forever.

"Going on four weeks now," said the nurse, fussing over him for a few moments more, before leaving him to rest.

He'd lost four weeks! He tried to warp his head around what the woman had just told him. How was that even possible? Ah, and he forgot to ask what exactly had happened to him. He'd have to try and...remember...to ask...the next...

Whatever was in the IV had begun to work on him, letting the pain he'd been feeling fade away. His mind began to drift in a drug induced daze. He faintly registered the chirping of the winter birds outside, and he shivered from the slight chill coming from the window near his head. Sharp, fast heels clicked down the room towards him, making Ed open his eyes slowly to see an older, portly man, with a full head of gray hair, stride towards him.

"Good morning, Edward. I'm Dr. Maple, how are you feeling?" the man asked kindly.

"Heavy...and slow," said Ed. He frowned and then said, "And thirsty."

Dr. Maple chuckled good-naturedly, and scooped up his hand, placing two fingers over the inside of his wrist. "That's understandable." He pulled out a pocket watch from his pant pocket and clicked it open. "Pulse seems normal," the doctor said after a moment. "Now follow my finger with your eyes," he directed, which Ed did. "Good...and I'll just test your reflexes."

The doctor flipped up the blanket at the end of the bed and pulled out his pen, quickly running it up the underside of Ed's flesh foot. The doctor nodded happily when Ed jerked his foot away. He replaced the blankets and said, "Well, everything looks good. There was some speculation that you might have some brain damage, since you were unconscious for almost ten minutes at the scene of the accident. With everything else we had to deal with in order to save your life, we couldn't do more than x-ray your skull for the time being. There were no signs of hemorrhaging or swelling, nor any skull fractures, so we remained hopeful that that wouldn't be a further complication."

"What happened to my side, and back?" asked Ed, placing his hand gingerly over his stomach, after he had digested all of the doctor's explanation.

"Quite horrific. A section of the car door came loose and impaled you from behind. The surgeons had a terrible time getting it out of you, and then repairing the torn organs. There were a couple of tense moments during surgery, but you fought very hard. The driver, Colonel Roy Mustang, got off a tad better." Ed blanched. Shit, it sounded like he could have died. Roy was with him? "Well, I have to see another child who's just getting out of surgery, but I'll be back to speak with you later."

Ed watched the doctor leave for a moment before letting his eyelids slide closed. He hoped Roy would get here soon. He wanted to speak with him, make sure they were good. He missed him, and he really wanted Roy to cuddle with him on the bed, but knowing him, he'd not want to do that so out in public. Maybe holding hands...yeah, that sounded fine. With that in mind, he slipped into a light doze.

Someone else entered the room after a time, waking Ed enough for him to notice, but not fully. The slow uneven steps, and a mismatched clunk was quickly dismissed, and he started to fall back into sleep when he heard the shuffle and a chair creak right beside him. When he finally got his eyes to open he saw Roy.

Ah, hell, it was good to see Roy. His eyes ran up and down the man's body taking in all the changes. He had his head in one hand resting his elbow on his knee and the other in a white plaster cast. A crutch was leaning on his thigh, and Ed noticed a knee brace on his left leg. Even dressed in civvies, Ed could tell that Roy was looking very haggard, and thin. Ed hated that. Roy was such a commanding presence in not only his life but others as well, that to see him beaten down like this, to see him broken, was terribly hard to see.

Shifting a bit to ease his growing discomfort in his side, Ed, in his typical brilliant fashion, said the first thing to come to mind. "Hey...you look like shit," said Ed, forcing the words past his bone dry throat.

He watched in slight amusement as Roy's head jerked up and he looked on him in surprise. A ghost of a fond smile pulled at Ed's tired face, as Roy turned away to swallow and then looked back at him. Ah, those eyes, he loved Roy's eyes. So dark, so hard to understand what was going on behind those eyes. Those were still the same.

"Yeah...I guess I do," Roy said quietly, before looking away again. Yeah, Roy had a good profile too, Ed mused. That hadn't changed, either. He turned back to look Ed in the eyes. "How long have you been awake?" he asked.

Geez, start with the hard questions, eh? He mentally tried to tally up how long he'd been awake, but in the end he didn't have a clue. "Um...like an hour? I don't know, my pocket watch ain't here." Ed chuckled then, remembering the way he had been 'yelled' at by the nurse. "I got in trouble..." he said, wanting to share his mistake with Roy because he thought it was funny. "I guess you're not supposed to get outta bed when you're messed up, go figure."

But instead of laughing with him, Roy nodded and averted his eyes. "I should have warned the nurses that you were a handful," said Roy softly.

The way Roy said that, so like how they used to play back and forth with their words, but different. It was more sad, more painful, more...defeated. It made Ed truly worry about what was going to happen to them now. It seemed that Roy couldn't even look at him. Was it that bad?

Ed's heart beat heavy and slow beneath his chest. It seemed that the next beat wouldn't come, until it did, painfully. Ah, his body couldn't take this right now. Adrenaline pumped sluggishly throughout his system, making him edgy, but not being able to do anything about it. Lifting his hand from the bed, Ed weakly pulled some of his bangs back that had fallen into his face and tucked it behind his ear. How to deal with this...how to make it right.

"I was told what happened...I don't remember it..." confessed Ed, letting his hand fall back to the mattress. "It sounded awful." He hoped Roy hadn't been too upset that day. Maybe he hadn't seen him messed up. He could tell he was getting shaky, and tried to calm down. "Are you alright?" asked Ed, wondering if Roy's injures were as bad as they looked.

Roy looked at him. "Yeah..." said Roy softly. "Of course, I'm fine." Roy paused, seeming to think of something. "And you?" he asked, and shook his head. "I mean, obviously you're not alright, but..."

"I've had worse," said Ed with a sardonic smile. How much worse can one get then having a leg ripped from your body and then going back for more to willingly give your arm to save your younger brother. Or how about getting auto-mail, and having someone play with your nerves like they were marbles. This was nothing really. And to distract Roy, he asked, "What'd they do with my arm? Seems stupid to take it off."

Roy rubbed his hand over his face before moving it through his hair. Ed watched the hair fall back into place over Roy's forehead, noting the scabs scattered across his face. Yep, Roy had definitely lost some weight. He could see it in his face.

"It was damaged in the accident. You'll have to get the Rockbell girl to fix it for you," said Roy, not meeting his eyes.

Oh damn. That wasn't what he wanted to hear, not at all. "Well, fuck," he cursed, forgetting about his inspection of Roy's face. He'd been hoping that it was just in a cupboard somewhere, waiting to be put back in. This changed things dramatically. "She's going to kill me—" said Ed. Holy crap, Winry was going to lay into him big time for this. He could just picture how'd she react upon seeing him all busted up. Which made him wonder if they even knew yet that he was here. "Did you tell them yet? Does Al know?" Ed paused as another thought came to him. Al wasn't here, that much was obvious, was it because he didn't like Ed anymore?

"Hey, come closer. I wanna hold your hand...please," begged Ed. He wasn't used to feeling insecure, and he just wanted to know that no matter where he and his brother stood, Roy would be here for him...he hoped. He realized that Roy was coming to mean a whole hell of a lot more to him then he would have thought possible, even rivaling Al's spot in his heart, which had to have taken a lot to manage that one.

Roy looked at him funny, making Ed swallow weakly. He reached out his hand towards the man, willing him to come closer. After a moment of contemplation, Roy pulled his chair forward and stretched his arm towards Ed's own waiting hand.

"I tried..." said Roy, letting Ed place his hand in Roy's. "Calls were made to the Rockbell residence, but it seems that your brother and Miss Rockbell are away from the house. The old woman said she'd try to get a message to them."

Ed gave Roy's hand a weak squeeze. It was a bit unnerving just how weak he had become. He, who was always strong, for his brother, for himself, was now weaker than the kittens Al loved. Irony sucked. But the thought of Al reminded him of the things Roy had said to him. That Al was afraid of him.

Al had gone to Roy with his concerns, and that hurt. Really bad. The two most important men in his life were going behind his back. He could forgive Al, even if he hated him. Hell, he could even forgive Roy for not telling him sooner, he just needed to know what was on Al's mind.

"You and Al are close, eh?" asked Ed lowly. "You talk a lot? Don't you?" he pressed, desperate to know just what Al had said to Roy. Ed watched closely, wanting to catch any hint of what was going on in Roy's face.

Roy flinched and looked down at the bedding. "No..." said Roy faintly.

Ed breathed out loudly. Okay, so at least they weren't close. Al was his little brother after all. He shouldn't turn to anyone but him. That's the way brothers worked. Maybe Al just couldn't find a way to say anything to him. He knew that he was like that sometimes. "But he told you, didn't he? How much he hates me. What did he tell you?" asked Ed, his voice cracking with his hurt. Ed swallowed, trying to retain some control. "Please, just tell me what he said."

Roy gave his hand a squeeze and then stood abruptly, limping over to the window beside his night table to lean his forehead on the glass. Oh God. That can't be good. Roy looked so miserable. What had Al said?

'All you think about is yourself, and you don't even stop to consider what someone else might be thinking or feeling. I don't know why I thought this could ever work... You're obviously not interested in having a mature relationship.' Roy had said that about him that day. He'd hurt Roy too...somehow...he'd been careless with his dealings with Roy, done something... He'd have to apologize.

"I hurt you too... Roy--" Ed pulled at the bedding in order to be able to look at Roy's back. "I...I'm sorry. I don't remember everything from that day, but I didn't mean to hurt you." He must have done something after he left the house that day, something he couldn't remember. Did he say something? Do something? He could see himself getting all riled up and blowing up at Roy, especially after what happened. Sure he was mad about all the things Roy had said to him, but he felt that now was not the time to bring that up.

It was still madding not being able to recall.

"I—I just didn't know. I've never been in a relationship before. I didn't know that you—" Ed chuckled at himself humorlessly. "Couldn't read my mind. This is all cause of that stupid dare..." Why had he instigated that? He should have known better then to taunt Roy like that. He knew that Roy could be just as stubborn as he was, he should have said something, or done something sooner, then they wouldn't be where they were now. He wouldn't feel like he was walking on eggshells while speaking with Roy.

"Ed..." Roy began, and then stopped. Ed looked up awkwardly from his position on the bed, waiting for Roy to continue. "I lied to you when I said that about your brother," said Roy, his voice deep and raw with emotion.

What? What! He...he lied? As shocked as he felt, a small coil of fear unwound, knowing that Al still loved him. On the heels of that thought, another coil of anger wound tight.

"I should have walked away. I should have let you leave, but I didn't. This isn't your fault. None of it is," finished Roy, still pressing his forehead into the window pane.

"W-what? But why? What happened? You..." his voice faded. You never do anything without reason...right? What's the reason? Ed couldn't take craning his neck any longer. Placing his hand into the mattress, he pushed his weak body into a sitting position with a groan of pain. Ah, his stomach, nor his shoulder, liked that at all. The bandages pulled at his skin, accentuating his tenderness, and he swore that he could feel the stitches stretch. "Why?" asked Ed again, sitting now, watching Roy's back.

Roy lifted his hand and seemed to massage his face. "Ed, listen..." Roy said, his voice painful for Ed to hear. It was so hurt, and then he paused. "I'm not a good person," he continued quietly. "I...I have a bad habit of saying things I shouldn't when I'm mad. I thought I could control that with you. I've just tried to walk away when I was angry, but..." Roy shook his head and said no more.

Yeah, Roy had done that a lot. Just, all of a sudden walking away from Ed. He'd done it for a few little things since New Year's, but the last major time he done that was at the Legion after their misunderstanding. He could never understand why Roy did that. Sometimes it would make Ed even madder, other times he'd be left feeling confused and unsure.

Maybe it was because Roy was unsure as well. Maybe Roy didn't know how he felt about him...maybe he should try and make Roy understand how he felt about him.

"So...was any of what you said true? You still want to be with me, right?" questioned Ed, remembering that Roy had tried to cast him out. Roy was so far away, he had to get closer. He slid his legs across the bed and dangled them over the side. Alright, if Roy needed to hear it, then he'd have to say it. He just hoped he could.

"I...I..." he said, faltering. Come on, Edward, do it. "Really like you," he said in a whisper that he was sure Roy heard anyway. Not quite what he intended, but it should get the point across. He could feel his face heat up, and in his nervousness, he bowed his head and began to play with his lip.

"It might be better if you found someone else to be with; someone who will treat you the way you deserve," Roy said.

Ed had been staring at the floor, waiting for a similar confession out of Roy, but what he heard had his head jerking up to stare at the back of Roy's black hair in astonishment. What the hell is this? Could it be that Roy really hadn't felt anything for him? At all? In all the time they were together, he felt nothing? "No..." he whispered his denial.

No, there were times that Roy was very tender with him. He even got him an amazing book for the holidays. A rare book about Xianian fighting techniques that Ed had spent hours looking at and reading. If he was uncared for, why go to all the trouble and money to get him something like that? And what about how Roy held him through the night whenever he slept over? Why would someone be so tender if they didn't have feelings for him?

"No! I won't accept that!" yelled Ed, jumping from the bed in his anger and distress. He would take Roy's shirt in his hands and shake the bastard for making him feel like this. When his feet landed on the cold tiles, his left leg buckled, and to his horror he pitched forward and collapsed on the floor, a small grunt of pain passing his lips as his body protested such harsh treatment.

"Didn't you just tell me you were to stay in bed?" asked Roy, his hand entering Ed's line of sight.

Ed glanced at the hand hanging down by his head. Why would Roy hurry over to help him, when he couldn't move well, if he didn't feel something for him? It must have been hard to maneuver with that crutch, and yet, here he was trying to help him up. Ed pulled his legs up and under him, favoring his left.

Cradling his stomach with his hand, Ed panted shallowly, frowning at the floor. That had to be it. Roy did care for him. Maybe even a lot... "You're lying," stated Ed, still not meeting Roy's gaze nor reaching for his hand.

"Are you going to take my hand or not?" gritted Roy.

"I don't believe you! Why are you even here if you don't care?" shouted Ed, finally looking up at the man hovering over him. His eyes teared up as he looked into Roy's scabbed-over face. "Fuck, why can't I stop crying today?" cursed Ed in frustration as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him for the second time today. He hated to have Roy see him like this. His body was already so weak; he didn't want to be weak with his emotions too. He turned away to scrub at his face.

He struggled to calm himself enough to be able to deal with this but his throat was closing up faster then he would imagine it was possible. He...he needed to—needed a distraction. These drugs were too numbing. Physical pain ought to clear his head.

Growling at himself, Ed lifted his arm up and buried his face in the crook of his elbow. He used his teeth once again to pull the needle out, and spit it to the floor. Ah, that burned, more than the first time. It helped to bring him back from the edge, focusing him on what was going on now. Not sparing a glance at Roy, Ed rolled weakly over onto his hand and knees, and began to shuffle towards the end of the bed and away from Roy.

At the foot of the bed, Ed reached up and glumly used all his strength to get his wobbly feet under him and stand. Was it just his imagination or did those drugs wear off already? He wanted to feel, but damn, everywhere was hurting.

"Roy...or should I call you Mustang?" asked Ed, his voice becoming hard and strong in the face of his pain. He stared across the room at the unused beds without really seeing them.

"I suppose you should, Fullmetal," answered Roy in his smooth, soft voice.

"You're such a fucking bastard. Was I only your fuck pet? Eh?" demanded Ed, his voice getting loud. He glared at Roy from over his right shoulder. "You said you only wanted to fuck me in the beginning, right? What? You find something younger, more pleasant? A woman? A boy?" questioned Ed, his words like poison on his tongue. "Come on, tell me!"

He could feel his anger spiraling out of control, and he couldn't take the rush of such powerful emotions in his state. He was starting to black out, getting light headed and feeling wobbly. He had to anchor himself. He squeezed the metal footboard as hard as he could, trying to prevent another fall.

Roy limped past him and started to walk down the middle of the room. Ed watched him warily. Was he just going to leave it like this? Then Roy stopped.

"That's right," said Roy, again with his soft, now flat voice. "That's all you were to me. Now, get back to bed and let your body heal so that you can find someone who really..." Roy trailed off. "Loves...you..." he finished and continued down the hall towards the door.

Watching Roy's back move further away, and finally out the door, Ed started to sway more, as the edges of his vision began to whiten. He wouldn't believe that Roy didn't have any feelings for him, at all. It just wasn't possible. He already had found someone who loved him... Ah, shit, he thought slowly, unable to finish that thought. Gonna...faint... He barely registered letting go of the bed frame before he knew no more.

--To Be Continued--

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