A/N Just briefly I want to remind you this isn't beta'ed so hopefully you can make your way through my punctuation. Thank-you to everyone who is reading, following and reviewing - I appreciate everyone's time taken to leave feedback. This chapter is a bit longer (not long in comparison to my average chapters, just in the context of this one.) I try to keep them as balanced as possible but it doesn't always work out that way.

Warning: More nice Leon in this chapter. Oh what the heck - he will be a relatively good guy for the remainder of the story and just for the record it isn't the first time I've portrayed a nicer Vance. In Agent Anthony Afloat he was supportive in Operation Atonement too.

I Shouldn't Have To

Chapter Seven: Moving On

Frankly it had been a revelation for the whole DC office that after such a long time at the top of the heap with his agents, Gibbs team only outwardly looked to be solid and the epitome of excellence but that was illusionary. In reality, what they were was less a team than one agent's personal fiefdom, who flouted rules and procedures blatantly over the years and everyone had turned a blind eye to it since they got results. Yet it was an undeniable truism that no one person should ever be above the rules or law and results were not enough to justify questionable methods, ever, and they'd all lost sight of that. So Leon decided it was definitely time to bring in fresh ideas and ways to do things and he thought that it was beyond time for younger individuals to be given a go. He admitted that until recently, he'd thought that it would be Timothy McGee but he knew now that wasn't going to happen – not with a field team anyway.

He'd started looking at some of the innovations Tony had introduced during his four months at the helm of their flagship team, more than half a decade ago. Despite his absolute loyalty to Gibbs, it hadn't prevented him from trying to introduce innovations that had a lot of merit when he was presented with the opportunity. Even if Gibbs had ditched them immediately he bulldozed his way back into the job he'd foisted onto DiNozzo with no warning. Shepard made a huge mistake when she let Jethro come back the way he did, since it reinforced his belief that the normal rules didn't apply to him. And they were all continuing to pay for that lapse since it had done irreparable damage to DiNozzo's standing, but she was compromised by her personal vendetta and her feelings for Gibbs. A damned good example of why a director should not have the hots for an agent under their purview, since it clearly biased her actions.

Be that as it may, that was the past and he couldn't change it but soon Gibbs would be forced to step down from the MCRT since he was too old for field work. He had pulled strings with some heavy hitters to prevent his retirement but eventually those influences would wear thin and in the meantime, Vance was busy putting in place an exit strategy.

Gibbs' new SFA, Mendez was Balboa's former 2IC and DiNozzo had been instrumental in his selection several years ago, recommending him and helping to train him. Rocky happened to have a great deal of respect for DiNozzo; he'd discovered belatedly that all the DC team leaders did and had been impressed by his time leading the MCRT. They all felt his talents were woefully underutilised and Balboa had pointed out that the close out rates for the team had risen when Tony had first been hired but hadn't shown a similar increase as other team members joined Gibbs team. When Gibbs had retired, instead of a decreased closure rate as one would expect of an inexperienced SSA, they'd held steady. Considering he'd had a SFA with inadequate field experience for the job, a liaison Mossad officer with no background in investigative techniques or familiarity with US justice and legal requirements and a probie agent that had no field experience and was actually a lawyer, it was a freakin miracle.

Looking at the team, one would be forgiven for thinking that giving Tony such an obviously inexperienced team was a deliberate attempt by Jenn Shepard to sabotage him as team leader. Yet he had done the impossible and maintained an impressive result while also working an unsanctioned undercover mission fulltime without any backup. It had been an astonishing achievement and yet all he got for his efforts had been a heap of shit from them all. Perhaps none more so than himself who as someone totally removed from the situation, should have done a much better job of analysing his performance since he prided himself on his analytical abilities. So now Leon was hoping to redeem himself and utilise his obvious talents to rectify some issues.

Rocky had agreed to step in as the next SSA for the MCRT after Gibbs but it was on the proviso that it was a short term measure. His wife wanted them to transfer to the San Diego office as they had grandchildren there who they wished to have a more hands-on role in bringing up. The new analyst, Ellie Bishop who Gibbs hired as a replacement for Ziva would continue to grow and Leon was hopefully in time, Tony would take over from Balboa. For now though, Leon wanted him to regain his confidence and be free to introduce innovations away from the spotlight of being a known entity.

First and foremost, he thought that Tony needed the challenge to rebuild his confidence where he had a degree of anonymity before taking over the team he'd been groomed for from his first hiring. Sending him to New York was also a win-win job in the short- term because the office was ripe for a major overhaul of just about everything including personnel and processes ,so they got to fix the trouble plagued office while Tony got back into the field.

So that was why Leon was here in Milan at a highly regarded cancer treatment centre confronting Dr Brad Pitt, searching for answers about SA DiNozzo.

Earlier he'd asked him, "Is he going to make it, Doctor?"

"I sure hope so, but it's too early to say. At the moment we are looking at remission. If he stays in remission for five years we can start to talk about a cure. But off the record… as someone who has beaten the plague, I'm feeling optimistic. Any particular reason?"

"Well it's like they say, you don't appreciate what you've got until it's gone. I want to offer him a team lead position in the New York office. It's in a mess and I think that he can turn them around if he's well enough to be coming back."

That answer had not gone down as well as he'd expected, which had been a bit of a surprise.

ISHT

Brad Pitt stared at him, his hostility barely disguised as he confronted him about what he'd said before. "You've hardly been Tony's biggest fan, Director. What's changed?"

"The truth, Doctor? Agent DiNozzo's personal journal. I believe Gibbs obtained it by nefarious means and I have seen a few entries."

"You mean he stole it right out of my office, the asshole." Brad growled. "I had it in my office when he came storming in, demanding to know where Tony was and obviously recognised it, so then nicked it. Tony had forgotten it in the aftermath of his surgery and departure and I fetched it from his apartment so I could take it to him."

Leon nodded. "Ah, I wondered why you had it. I thought perhaps you had set him up but obviously there was no intent there."

"Of course not. It had highly personal, private thoughts in there. I know you have no idea but Tony is actually a highly complex introvert who feels things deeply. Since he's been surrounded by males who have indoctrinated him to believe emotions are a sign of weakness, he conceals what he views as his flaws."

Brad was still furious with Gibbs for taking Tony's precious journal. He had been devastated at the realisation that Gibbs had it since it represented years of private thoughts and emotions and it was a huge betrayal of trust. Brad had felt enormous guilt that it was in his custody when it had been lost.

"What I don't get was he was so damned gung-ho to know where Tony was, yet the diary lead him right to the hospital in Milan. We were all trying to figure out how to protect Tony when he turned up…yet he never did. What gives?"

Leon chuckled ironically. "Jethro got a Hell of a lot more than he bargained for when he read it, I think. I guessing that he had to confront a lot of really painful home truths – he wasn't the only one. Although I only saw a few passages but having said that, they were explosive so I'm surmising that the rest was equally so. I don't think after having to confront all that, he could face DiNozzo. Then the death of his father has shaken him further."

"Tony was very upset when he heard, he was very fond of that old man. But he wasn't well enough to travel back for the funeral." Brad observed. "He'd just started the second round of chemo to make sure that we got any stray cells that survived the first lot of chemo and radiation."

"When will he finish this treatment?"

"Another month, all going well."

"And when will you clear him to return to work?"

"He won't be fit to go back into the field for quite a while. In fact it isn't 100 percent certain that Tony's lungs will allow him to go back into the field."

Leon stared at the doctor. "You really believe that or are you ass covering, Pitt?"

Brad thought about it. He hadn't thought he'd survive the plague but he beat the odds. He didn't really think that he'd achieve remission yet it looked as if he was going to go into remission. Since it was likely due to an experimental drug, there was no data to suggest if it was likely to be a short term remission or if it would be longer term.

In a weird way, Tony's scarred lungs had probably saved his life. He'd trained him after much tearing out of his hair to react immediately when the federal agent noticed changes in either his lungs or his respiratory function. Since the damage to Tony's lungs meant that even slight changes had much more impact, he couldn't afford to ignore them but the upside was he was more sensitive to those changes as well. That had resulted in the tumour being diagnosed when it was still relatively small.

That factor and the effects of the experimental drug combined, was the reason Tony was looking at such a positive outcome. And the fact that the resection was much less aggressive than if he'd let it go on longer before seeking treatment. It meant the surgery was far less traumatic than it might have been, under normal circumstances. If Tony's lungs had been pre-plague with no scarring, it may have taken him a lot longer to actually notice any symptoms. So while you could argue chicken and egg about if his scarred lungs might have been a contributing factor to rogue cells developing which possibly lead to cancer or not, it probably lead to early detection in a bizarre way and saved him.

Which stood him in good stead if he attempted to get back in the field because he hadn't lost significant amounts of lung tissue. And Brad reckoned that if anyone was capable of making a comeback, it would be Tony. All they could do was wait and see!

"If things continue as we hope, he 'may' have regained enough stamina in a few months' time to return to the office part time. But Director, may I recommend if you are hoping to entice him back, don't stick him behind a desk doing administrative duties. Even cold cases won't cut it for him after this experience. Unless he's challenged, he may decide on a complete change."

Brad seemed to consider his words carefully. "A life threatening experience such as this, where the prognosis didn't have him surviving ...was always going to have a dramatic effect on him. And while remission is a wonderful outcome, its unexpectedness has caught him off guard. He didn't expect to survive, not really. Now he's going to need to reassess his life and goals. He might need new horizons or a complete change…time will tell."

"I was thinking about giving him a role creating solutions to the issues in the NY office – sort of trouble shooter role with some of the more challenging cold cases thrown in until he could assume the SSA. I was impressed with some of the innovations he brought in when he was team leader and would like for him to trial them in the teams in New York with a view to rolling them out agency wide, eventually. I'm sure that he has more ideas but frankly the environment he's been subject to isn't conducive to developing them. Although some of his colleagues on other teams have been more open to exploring fresh ways of operating."

The director considered his words carefully. "I was wrong about DiNozzo. I judged him based not on his record or achievements but the box into which he'd been forced into on the MCRT. If I'd done my job better I would have ensured he was in an environment that supported his unique talents, not extinguished them. Even when he tried to act more in keeping with his real personality his co-workers were threatened by him and badgered him to return to the role he'd been assigned as the class clown. We need people like him who are talented, loyal and not in the job for the ambition or power."

Brad decided that a final warning that Tony wasn't the same desperate for validation agent who would meekly take one for the team any more. His priorities had altered drastically, as had his lifestyle. "Tony is in a committed relationship, Director. You'll have to convince not just Tony to return to the agency that treated him like shit and his partner won't be as easy to convince. She's damn scary!"

Okay, so Leon had not been expecting that development. Nope, nun uh. How the Hell had that happened. "Um this is recent, someone he met in Italy?" He thought that given his history, it was unlikely to last.

"No, they've know each other a long time and she's in it for the long haul so prepare to woo them both." Brad advised him seriously.

ISHT

Four weeks later:

Tony stared at Emma Ingham with a combination of awe, exasperation for her refusal to take no for an answer and what he was afraid to label as love lest that was enough to destroy a rare and long desired gift. His whole life he had been searching for someone who loved him, who accepted him for who is was, his many flaws and all, who could look at him at his worst and see not his faults but what he could be. He thought he had found that a couple of times in the past but he'd been wrong. Most children get to experience unconditional love in some form or another but he'd never felt any love, if he did actually receive it, then it was with conditions attached and as a child he had never felt that he measured up to those expectations.

Even as an adult the sense that he was good enough were fleeting and unsatisfying. The feeling of flying down the basketball court or football field, flying through the air for a slam dunk, chasing down a dirt bag or discovering a clue at 0300 after an all-nighter in the bull pen or squad room that lead to another murderer being arrested. Such wonderful feelings and yet it was nothing compared with the feelings he experienced when he was with Emma. Or when they were apart and all he could think about was what she was doing and was she happy, was she safe.

It made him feel dizzy but not in the way that two torturous courses of chemo did and left him wanting to puke his gut, intestines and lungs up. No the way he felt about her was way worse. It scared the absolute crap out of him, yet at the same time he felt ten foot tall and able to do literally anything. The trouble was that he knew that Emma had made a terrible error in judgement, falling for him but love was blind and all that crap. Tony thought it was just a matter of time til she figured out what he had known from the get go – she was way too good for the likes of Tony DiNozzo.

You couldn't fight the inevitability of genetics bestowed on him by his asshole father or the fact both his parents were addicts. Oh sure not in the meth head, crack house, working girl sense, since they come from a privileged background, but they were still unable to function in the real world without chemical crutches to help them cope. Like Senior, he was lousy at relationships. Wendy was proof of that and Jeanne who he'd loved like no one he'd ever met before- well he had been a complete bastard and hurt her so badly.

Tony was terrified Emma would wake up one day and come to her well justified senses that he just wasn't partner material, not in any meaningful long term sense. Or infinitely worse, he would end up breaking her heart and that would be a thousand times worse – even if he didn't intend to. Since Emma swept into his life and heart at the bleakest time in his life he had argued that starting a relationship with a guy who was dying was nuts and would only lead to him hurting her. Now that he was in remission, it made it even scarier since they dared to dream and if he were to fall ill a second time - the crash would be that much harder to deal with. So it seemed to make sense to break up with her before that happened.

"You are totally not going to push me aside, Tony DiNozzo, so forget about it right now." Emma threatened him in a scary display of clairvoyance as they prepared to leave the hospital for the last time. "Either one of us could be hit by a bus or flatten by random space junk crashing back down to earth." She stopped to consider that scenario. "Actually for someone who managed to get infected by Y- Pestis by an avenging mother for a crime that was never committed, that isn't so outrageous, so perhaps we shouldn't go giving the Gods any idea." She giggled, hugging him to remove any perceived sting from her words since she knew that his team had regularly made stinging comments intended to draw blood and understood why he was still sensitive.

Tony had to admit that having been thrown out of a plane, drugged, beaten, chained inadvertently to a serial killer, taken hostage numerous times, nearly perishing in a burning building and being blown up on numerous occasions, it wasn't that far-fetched to get clobbered by an obsolete satellite. "Okay but are you sure, you and me I mean… not the satellite? What if…"

Interrupting him firmly, she asked him. "What if I get sick? Will you dump me in case your heart gets broken?" Not even deigning to wait for his response, she continued." Stop acting noble and take me for a cup of espresso instead. I'm going to miss being in Milan, well I'm going to miss Italy when we go home next month." It was true, even with the reason for their sojourn, they had managed to find some precious memories along with the horrific ones. It was one thing that she had always admired about him, his unwavering ability to find positives in the worst of situations.

Seeing his smile, the one that said 'I know something you don't, something good,' Emma congratulated herself that she'd derailed his most recent bout of feeling that he needed to save her from himself. Turning on her pleading look that persuaded even the most uncooperative patient to eat or Tony to take pain meds, she knew that he would give in and his expression changed as he decided to share. Basking in his smile and Oh My Goodness what a smile it was, a joyous, mischievous and wholly unguarded beam that lit up her heart and the whole room, she continued to pout, knowing he would spill.

"Ms Ingham, would you do me the honour of accompanying me to Venice, Tuscany, Florence and Naples for a month, finishing up with a sun-filled week on Santori while I work on getting healthy?"

So okay, who knew that calm-in-a-crisis Emma Ingham was capable of squealing like a fan girl as she flew into Tony's arms and hugged him ecstatically. Tony really wished with a reaction like that he'd waited til they were back at the apartment they were sharing with Brad and his wife Lara. He wasn't up to anything too strenuous, but hey, at the moment he'd settle for a cuddle and a nap.

Having made the love of his life happy, it was now time to say what he really hoped was a final goodbye to the amazing staff at the Istituto Europeo Di Oncologia. He'd already organised to have gourmet food hampers, chocolates and flowers delivered to the nurses for being there for him through the whole horrible Chemo treatments. He couldn't believe these amazing people did this day in and day out – they were so not paid enough to do what they did.

It took ages to make his way round the whole crew who were working today, saving his favourite nurse til last to farewell. Blonde haired, green eyed Alessandra had sat with him on many a night when he'd been unable find sleep and they'd watched movies together. Brad had joked that if Emma hadn't come along Tony might have been applying to the Naples field office instead of heading to New York. He grinned, since who knew what might have happened if Emma hadn't come along and kicked his butt. He smiled broadly, recalling her telling him that she expected him to kick the tumour's ass because she had season tickets to the 75th Anniversary season of the American Ballet Theatre in 2015. Seeing his befuddled expression about what one thing had to do with the other Emma explained.

"Well because you're going to take me to every performance at the Lincoln Centre in New York. I can't wait to dress up for you and see in your Armani tux. So start visualising that chemo annihilating your tumour cells," she instructed firmly as she handed him a bunch of nutritional supplements which he swallowed obediently.

Tony thought back to that stern lecture and wondered whether an ability for presentiment was something Emma was keeping from him since at that point, he had no idea that Leon Vance would offer him a Supervisory Special Agent position in the NY field office. When he decided to go back to NCIS, pending his ability to regain his fitness levels and receive medical clearance, he decided to accept the offer because a) it would allow him to keep his promise to Emma about the ballet b) he really wasn't sure if he wanted to return to DC even to take over the lead of the MCRT and c) the lure of being able to implement some of his ideas without the negativity of his old team sabotaging them, was too tempting to refuse.

He thought that at least in the early stages of their relationship, starting some place fresh, where his workmates were a blank slate would make it easier to focus on their relationship. Tony was convinced that it was Emma that made sure he didn't stop fighting and he counted himself as incredibly fortunate to have her. He'd made a conscious choice to cut himself off from everyone in DC when he decided to come to Italy for treatment. He'd tried to stay 100 percent positive but it was tough and having contact with anyone associated with DC brought up too many issues he just couldn't deal with while fighting for his life – their life. His and Emma's.

Brad had offered to keep anyone in the loop. Jimmy, Ducky, Balboa and Mendez had all agreed to the constraints that Brad laid down: regular updates from him but Tony needed space. He also asked them to respect his privacy which they'd agreed to. Abby he'd figured, was too close to McGee and Gibbs and wouldn't be able to adhere to the limited contact through Brad that he was prepared to give her. He was willing to renew personal contact with the four guys though, once he had set down roots in New York – as long as they could accept that he wasn't the same person anymore.

It would be a different friendship to before and if they could handle that then he would maintain a friendship with them. Shrugging, he refocused on the here and now. That was one of the things he had taken away from his cancer experience. Time was precious and if you spent too much energy focusing on 'the what had been' or ' the what will be' then you wasted time that could never be regained. The past he couldn't change and the future might never come to pass but he had right now and he wasn't about to fritter it away.

While he would never say that having cancer was a good thing – it had forced him to re-evaluate everything about his life and he had learned to live in the moment. And that hadn't been a bad thing – not at all. Smiling at his favourite nurse, he approached her and drew her into his arms, grateful for leaving here in remission, for however long that may be. It was much more than others in his situation had.

Hugging Alessandra he smiled as he whispered in her ear, "You're coming to dinner tonight, right Ale?" Brad and Lara were holding a small dinner party at the apartment tonight to say goodbye to his colleagues at the Institute. Tony had issued a personal invitation to Alessandra and Giovanna as well and Emma had a couple of colleagues coming from the American International Medical Centre, where she'd been working. Brad, Lara and Emma were going to cook a Creole feast and Tony's job was to go home to rest so he would be able to make it through the dinner party without face planting into the main meal. Although food still tasted bad – mostly metallic and he had to be careful to avoid spicy and acidic foods, he could still enjoy some great company and was looking forward to tonight.

The blonde Italian grinned. "I'll be there, Tesorino. We're going to miss you," she told him. "But, we don't want to see you back here, again. Milano is fine but not the Institute." She told him sternly before giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Smiling obediently, he nodded his agreement before telling her he'd see her tonight. Finally saying goodbye to the doctors who were on duty today, Emma and Tony exited the lobby for what both were hoping was the final time. They stopped off for coffee for Emma and a green tea for him before headed back to their apartment, feeling incredibly fortunate. Both of them knew that he was not out of the woods yet; wouldn't be for a long time yet but still it felt good to be alive.