[Disclaimer] All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer
[A/N] Thanks for your reviews. It makes me happy that you like the pairing in this story.
*7*
You can't like her. I keep telling this to myself again and again. It is obvious that Lee is somewhat interested in me and there is no way I can give her what she needs. I'm too scarred, too hurt to trust anymore. Plus, I'm still very sure about my straightness.
The only problem is that it is so easy to like Lee. She's like a warm blanket in a shitty cold night. Maybe I can try being friends with her. Friendship is safe. Isn't it?
Making my way outside to bring the trash out, I can hear a howling somewhere in the distance. Why does Lee insist they don't have any wolves around here? That's so weird, when I can hear them so very clearly out there.
"Good Morning, beautiful." A melodic voice greets me cheerfully. Lee is dressed in a blue top and a pair of cut-off jeans, as usually nothing appropriate for the cold weather here.
"Morning," I whisper. "Did you hear them this time?"
"Hear what?"
"The howling, what else?" I tell her, walking towards the house again. "Don't tell me you didn't hear it again. I'm not making it up."
"I know. I know what you heard. Can we pretend you didn't hear it though?"
I raise one eyebrow and ask her if she has time for a coffee. She has.
"Why don't you want me to report it to the police that there are wolves out there?"
She sighs and sits down on one of my kitchen chairs.
"It's complicated. Can you just trust me when I promise you no one is going to get hurt?"
Trust is a difficult thing for me. I don't do well with it. Yet, I can't tell her no, it seems impossible.
"Aren't you scared when you're running around in the woods all by yourself?"
"I know how to protect myself."
I shake my head and pour her a cup of coffee, placing it in front of her together with one of the banana muffins I brought home with me.
"How would you defend yourself from a wolf? It would kill you."
"Wolves don't come to close to humans. They are shy. A bit like you, you know?"
"I am not shy." I tell her, sipping on my own coffee. "I just like to keep to myself."
"Why?" she asks, circling her fingertip over the edge of her mug.
I shrug my shoulders and sigh deeply. It is too easy to talk to her and I can't risk telling her too much about my past.
"Bad experience," I mumble, starring down at the table.
"I thought so." she says, reaching out her hand to place it gently underneath my chin. "But I also want you to know you are safe with me."
I shake my head and the tears come before I can manage to hold them back.
"No one can make me feel safe." I sob, burying my face in my quivering hands.
"I can," she whispers as she pulls me against her chest. I cry for a long time, unable to calm down although she continues humming softly into my ear.
When I finally mange to stop with the crying, I stand up, mumbling some excuse before I rush upstairs to the bathroom.
Washing my face, I brush my hair and twist it up in my neck. My eyes are red and swollen. It makes me look ugly.
Downstairs, Lee is leaning against the counter, drying off the plate and mugs.
"Feeling a bit better now?" she asks me, placing her warm hand on my forearm.
"I'm sorry." I tell her. "I shouldn't have let myself go in front of you. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe it's cause my period is due."
"If you say so, I can't even remember how it's like, has been over a year since I had my last one."
"For real? Did you see a doctor about that?"
"Not necessary. It's some genetic thing that some of the people in my tribe are suffering from."
"Oh, I see. Is there a treatment for it?"
She shakes her head and for a moment she looks tensed, like she's thinking very hard about what she's going to say next.
"I know how it's like to have secrets. You don't have to tell me yours, if you're not ready."
"What kind of secrets would I have?" I stumble out, crossing my arms around my chest. "I've just come here to Forks for a new start after my divorce."
"Of all the places in this country, you choose this city? Why?"
"It seemed far enough."
"Are you on the run? From whom? The police or your ex-husband?"
"Stop asking me this stuff! I don't want to be reminded of Royce. I hate him."
"Royce. So, that's the man who hurt you."
"He didn't hurt me." I whisper but the words sound terribly fake in my own ears.
"It's enough," she says while she presses her thumb against my mouth. "We don't have to talk about him, if it's painful."
I nod my head and reach my hand out to wrap it around her wrist.
"Your hands are so warm. They are always so warm."
"Comes from my condition, it's not making you uncomfortable, is it?"
"No, it doesn't. I like the warmth." I confess, letting my fingertips circle up her arm.
"I like you. You know that, right?" she says leaning forward to brush her mouth softly against my cheek.
"I know. But I can't be with a woman. I'm not that way. It's not who I am."
"If you say so, beautiful." She whispers before her lips touch against mine. It's only for a split second and then she pulls back.
"I have to leave now. Do you want to come over to dinner at my place tonight?"
"You mean like a date?"
"It's only a date, if you think it's one. We can just be friends, if that's what you need now."
With that she walks out of the house, leaving me alone. I feel cold, like she has taken every bit of warmth with her and I don't know if I can endure the cold for long.
