This chapter is dedicated to those, who did crazy things while being drunk... ;)
I have to tell, I'm very happy some of you are still with me, waiting patiently for the updates. I hope it was worth it this time
:)
I need some help with the next chapter. If anyone has an idea, please share, I'm sure you know what kind of chapter I have in mind...
x)
Beta reading was done by the amazing DiTab1, who I love for this
:)

Are you sitting in a confy chair? Do you have your frazzled teddy? Then let's read! Hope you will enjoy it...

Liz


4. Desperate

Castiel was drunk.

He didn't get just a bit squiffy, he was really drunk. He couldn't even stand still in the motel doorway.

Dean stared at him for minutes, not knowing whether to cry or laugh at his friend. While he just stood there, blinking often, Sammy rushed to the door and helped him in. His brother reached under Cas's arm, trying to hold him steady until they reached the bed. The beast in the Dean groaned angrily, it almost hurt to him to see his angel in Sam's arms. But fortunately the moment went by and a minute later Castiel sat down gently on the bed and Sam stepped back.

An incredulous smile played on Sam face, as if he couldn't believe what he was looking at. Castiel, drunk, for the second time in his life. Dean wondered why this happened, but Sam asked the question before he had the chance to.

"Okay, Cas. What the hell happened?" Sam couldn't stop smiling.

"I bought a bottle of... I think it was called Tequila." Castiel laid back, loosening his tie a bit.

At least he has good taste...

"Ahh...This is not good." Castiel hissed, getting up quickly, holding his head with both hands. "I feel...dizzy?"

"Yeah, that would be about right..." Sam laughed, driving a hand through his hair.

"Sam, go and get some aspirins and a few beers, he'll need those tomorrow." Dean shook his head while giving the orders, then he threw the car keys to Sam and waited until he heard the door closing behind his brother.

As he was an expert, he knew exactly what Cas needed. The only problem was he wasn't sure how he would manage it.

He stepped in front of Cas. When he looked down and Cas looked up at him, a sudden rush of emotions went through him. He wanted to caress the black curls and he wanted to kiss the man in front of him so badly it caused actual pain in his heart.

He squatted, putting a hand on Castiel's thigh, and tried hard to suppress his feelings.

"How do you feel?" he asked gently, thumbs caressing Castiel.

"I feel like I was flying and didn't see the meteor coming at me then, after smashing into it, I started falling down, spinning the whole way. And my head hurts." He paused for a moment and Dean could almost see him running through the list of complaints, "And my legs won't do what I tell them to do." Castiel mumbled and Dean couldn't help but smile. Castiel wasn't making much sense, but at least he had understood the question.

He stood up and reached a hand out to Cas.

"Come on, get up! You, my friend, are going into the shower."

"Shower? I'm not...dirty."

Hell you aren't Cas. All anyone has to do is look at you... Or maybe you just cause dirty thought in others...

"No, you're not dirty Cas, but a shower will refresh you a little, you know. Clear you head."

"Oh..." Cas accepted the hand and got up.

As soon as he was on feet he began to sway, his balance was as precarious as a new-born reindeer's. Dean slid his hand around Castiel's waist and he felt a heavy arm on his shoulder.

They walked towards the bathroom, moving step by step, slowly and carefully. Castiel was heavy and he hadn't been lying when he'd said that his legs were not doing what he told them. They arrived safely in the room and Dean leaned Cas against the wall while he turned on the water.

"Get undressed!" He said and he forced his mind NOT to think of anything else but setting the perfect temperature of the running water.

He heard Cas kicking off his shoes and when he turned back he could see him trying to get rid of his second sock, leaning against the wall, still balancing like an acrobat on a tightrope.

When the sock finally landed on the ground, not too far away from its mate, Castiel threw himself back against the tiles. His head fell back to rest against the cold wall, he took deep breaths, which sounded a bit too loud to Dean, even with the water still running behind him.

"This is hard..." Cas groaned, almost inaudibly.

Dean looked at Cas, examining his short black hair, lips, closed eyes, lips, his bristly jaw, moving Adam's apple and again, the lips. Just fucking kissable.

Bad idea.

He knew he'd had a lot of extremely bad ideas in the past couple of weeks but, at the moment, he didn't care. He stepped closer.

"Your water's ready."

Castiel watched Dean behind his half lidded eyes. His gaze shifted from the hunter's leg, up to his hip, taking its time as it passed over Dean's groin, then moving up again to his chest and finally settled on his face. Dean was surprised to see that his eyes mirrored the exact expression that his usually held when he was staring at a freshly made cherry pie.

Cas pushed himself away from the wall, trying to unknot his tie, but his fingers weren't doing what they were told either, so Dean stepped even closer and helped him. Because he was such a nice guy, he was just helping his friend... that's all it was, really.

He was sure, his friend was trying to look in his eyes, but he didn't dare look up. He was just too close to those hypnotizing blue eyes and he remembered well, how it ended the last time he was this close to Castiel.

His fingers slid to the first button of Cas's shirt, and a second later, moved down to the next and so on. Castiel didn't speak a word, didn't move, the only thing he did was breathe. His chest rose and fell under Dean's gentle touch.

Dean pulled the shirt out of the black pants, and when the last button was undone his hands went under the white shirt. He closed his eyes as his palm was slid slowly upwards on the smooth skin, as finger's running over the hard muscles and the silky nipples. He reached Castiel's shoulder and the shirt fell to their feet.

He stepped a bit closer and looked at the door behind Castiel, not daring to take his eyes off of it while unbuttoning the black belt, because he hated himself.

This man before him was his friend, who was drunk and not fully conscious and Dean was taking advantage of him. He touched him ways he could only dream about and if he was lucky, Castiel wouldn't even remember this, but if he did, Dean could expect at least a punch or worse. Because if Castiel wasn't drunk, Dean was sure positive, he would push him away right now, hit him, yell at him.

But Cas was drunk enough to let Dean do whatever he wanted. And no matter how good it felt to be so close to Cas, Dean hated himself when his three fingers slid between Castiel's pants and boxers to undo the button on his slacks. His hands were shaking too much and this little act took him more time than it should have.

Or maybe it wasn't because of his hands; maybe it was because of Castiel. When his fingers first came into contact with him, Cas responded by laying his head on Dean's shoulder, his breath warming his neck as his hands went to Dean's side, gripping onto his black shirt tightly.

Maybe the shaking in Dean's hands was caused by Cas's luscious lips, grazing over his ear.

"Dean..." Castiel whispered, oh so lightly, and he felt the lips forming the letters of his name, hot air touched his skin, and he almost came in his pants from the sensation alone, it was too much, devastating.

Cas's mouth moved a bit and it wasn't just Dean' hands shaking anymore, now his legs were trembling as well. He almost collapsed when he felt the hot, wet lips kissing his neckline. The tiny noises the lips created made him deaf, or at least he couldn't hear the rushing water anymore.

Oh shit.

His eyes shut tightly; he tilted his head towards Cas's, moaning as he felt the velvet, wet tongue on his neck, teeth scraping over sensitive skin. Small gasping noises left his mouth as Castiel sucked on his skin.

Oh sh...

Sucking lips trailing up on his neckline then his jaw.

Oh...

Soft lips coming closer and closer to his own, he heard ragged breathing, maybe his own, maybe Cas's. His head felt dizzy and foggy, but he clearly felt the lips begin to nibble on his own...

Oh yeah...

He kissed back, forcefully. His hands entwined in Cas's soft black mane, gripping. He moaned when Castiel's tongue thrust into his mouth and his swirled around it, sucking, tasting Castiel and the tequila he'd drunk. This reminded him that one of them was drunk, one of them was not thinking straight, and Dean became desperate. He couldn't stop, he didn't want to but he knew he had to.

And then, right before he could push Castiel away he felt a hand, gripping his ass hard, pulling their bodies as close as possible. Dean groaned loudly, as he felt Cas's hard erection pressing into his, and he rubbed his cock against it, moaning wildly, kissing fervently.

"Y... You're drunk..." he murmured roughly, because he knew he had to do something, had to make this stop, because this was wrong, completely wrong and still he loved it too much, every bit of it.

"Am I?" And indeed, Castiel sounded like he was perfectly sober, but that was impossible wasn't it?

But Dean didn't have time to think, Castiel pushed him backwards, right under the shower.

They didn't stop kissing, not for even a second. They were wild and ardent. They were kissing water drops from each other's lips as they sucked or bit passionately, hardly having time to breathe.

Dean was lost in the sensations but he couldn't shut out that hateful but honest voice, which kept whispering that he was taking advantage of Cas, he was using him to satisfy his own desires and he didn't have the right to do that.

He felt awful because of that, he almost cried from the hatred, but he couldn't stop kissing him. He was desperate to touch Castiel, to feel him all around himself, moving on his cock, driving his manhood deeper inside him, moaning feverishly from the pleasure and with every passing second he just wanted more, a lot more. Everything.

His hands were roaming over Castiel's naked chest, holding him as close as possible, when he heard his car. He didn't know how he was capable of hearing it, when he didn't really hear anything else just his rumbling heartbeat.

"We... have to stop..." he groaned and he still couldn't stop kissing Castiel. His tongue was in Cas's hot and wet mouth when he turned them around and crushed Cas to the wall, biting his lips harder, more desperately.

He heard the door of the motel open up then close loudly, he almost cried out from the frustration he felt. There were just too many emotions in him, he couldn't deal with them one by one, but all of them together were overwhelming at the time. And he couldn't stop, he kept touching Castiel, scratching more wildly, leaving red marks on the previously untouched body and he knew, though he didn't feel it yet, that under his shirt he was full of marks too, and he already loved them.

He leaned his forehead against Castiel's, they were both breathing fast and hard, gasping for a little air, and still they couldn't stop kissing, they were giving tiny kisses to the each other's lips.

"I really...need...to go..." Dean said, his voice almost inaudible, just a rough moan.

"Stay." Castiel answered, and his right hand slid down to Dean's erection, skimming over it once, twice, making it clear what he had in mind.

Dean groaned, loud and husky, as his lips closed over Cas's, his tongue thrusting in and out.

And then, he heard the sound of the bathroom door opening and without any hesitation he turned around, and rushed out, pulling Sam with him.

"He's having a shower now. When he's done, tuck him in bed, and let him sleep." He ordered, almost tearing the car keys out of Sammy's hand. "Tomorrow, when he wakes up, give him two aspirin and a beer!" he said, dashing out of the room.

"But Dean, why are..." he didn't hear his brother, he was already in the car, driving away from the motel.

He was driving for half an hour when his head finally cleared enough and he realized his clothes were dripping wet. He parked the car in the middle of nowhere and leaned back against the seat.

He hated himself. What he did was unforgivable. It didn't matter what Cas did, he was drunk and we all do crazy things when we're drunk. But he was sober; he didn't have any excuse for what he had done. He rubbed his face and hit the wheel and a moment later, then felt sorry about doing it, this was his baby after all.

His cock was still as hard as steel, arching for any touch. But he didn't touch himself, not after this. Not after he'd felt Castiel's hands over it. He wished for a moment that they could finish what they'd started, that Castiel could reach inside his pants, gripping his cock, seizing it hard. His hips bucked up, he was gasping and he almost came as the fabric shifted against his sensitive skin.

Then he realized what he was fantasizing about and he regretted all.

"Dammit! I'm such a bastard." he yelled, shoving his head back, rubbing it with his palms. His fingers rushed over his lips, then came back and he started caressing his swollen lips gently with the tip of his thumb, while trying to figure out what the hell he should do now.

He could still taste Cas.

o.O.o

He went back the next morning.

"Where the hell have you been?" Sam greeted him.

"How are you?" Dean ignored his brother and walked to Cas.

"I'm fine, thanks. My head hurts but Sam says it will go away soon. Look Dean... I want to tell you, how incredibly sorry I am for anything I did yesterday."

"You what?" Dean asked, sudden pain in his chest.

"Sam told me, that yesterday, when he got back, he only saw you, rushing out of the bathroom and he also said you looked very upset. I don't know what happened, what I might have said or did, but I'm utterly sorry." Castiel said, barely looking at Dean's eyes as he spoke, except when he apologized.

The pain in his chest got much worse when he replied in an easy voice, "Come on Cas! Nothing happened!" He forced a fake smile on his face. "If you're okay, let's get going. I think I found a job for us in the papers this morning."

"But Dean... where have you been all night?" Castiel looked at him, eyebrows knitted into a frown.

"Oh, I saw how much fun you had with Mr Tequila so I went out to meet him myself." And this wasn't even a lie. He wished he had been as drunk as Castiel because he needed to forget, but he couldn't.

That would be best, to forget everything. Every kiss and every touch. Every wild, raw bite and rough moan. His hand slid to the red mark on his neck that he had discovered this morning, and he looked into the deep, blue eyes.

Forget; as if nothing had ever happened.


TBC

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