Author's Notes: Anyone reading this knows that Nickelodeon owns the rights to Big Time Rush, right? I just like to play chess with the boys, moving them around as I see fit. This fic is more a series of snapshots than an actual progression of events, and I rely on mostly dialogue to tell the story. If you like it, please let me know. If you don't like it, please let me know because otherwise how will I ever improve?


Three Months Later

The only real fallout from James joining their clique comes from the many females who previously worshiped James. His looks are good enough to keep them around no matter what he chooses to do with his time, but it isn't the girls who are suddenly not interested anyway; it's James. He now spends every free moment with Kendall, Carlos, and Logan, and except for the mild friction between him and Logan, it's like James has always been part of the group.

Carlos treats him with a "Where have you been all my life?" attitude. Kendall and Logan accept Carlos for who he is, but they don't always understand him. James not only encourages Carlos' mania, but he is just plain fun with a daredevil streak of his own. Who else would join Carlos in random dancing on a daily basis simply because a casual comment reminds him of a song? James is the long-lost party-loving brother that Carlos never knew he was missing.

Logan does not address James unless he has to, and never when they're alone. Kendall reiterates daily that Logan will "come around" and while James doesn't let it get to him, he's not so sure Kendall is right. They work well together on the ice, and coexist within the group, but otherwise Logan pretty much gives James the cold shoulder. When Kendall unfailingly apologizes for Logan's behavior, James brushes it off because he sees what Kendall does not.

Logan is jealous of James because Logan is in love with Kendall.

Maybe Logan hasn't quite made it far enough to realize that himself, but it's obvious to James because James knows what someone in love with Kendall looks like; he sees that every time he looks in the mirror.

He also sees that Logan and Carlos are perfect for each other. It's almost funny how there are all these feelings running around between them, and for the most part he is the only one consciously aware of them. Carlos loves Logan. Logan loves Kendall. Kendall...well, Kendall is oblivious to anything but hockey.

And James loves Kendall. It has intensified since the day he caught Kendall checking him out in the auditorium, the same day Kendall invaded his lunch table and in essence, his world. He fought it for as long as he could, knowing it would be a mistake to let himself be distracted by someone or something that could pull his focus away from the future.

Kendall wouldn't let up, though. Stubborn charming jerk with his beautiful smile and big green eyes. James was a goner the moment Kendall dropped to his knees in the basement and pleaded with him. Now there is no going back. Instead of fading over time and closer proximity, the crush has deepened.

James suspected when he was thirteen that he was gay, or at least bisexual. He told his mother and she simply nodded as if she'd expected it, and suddenly there were a lot more nights she had to work late. He told his father a week later; instead of raging at James, his father took the opposite route and began to ignore him completely. None of this was new to James, who was accustomed to being home alone for hours at a time. He just channeled his hurt into The Dream and used it as motivation.

But now it's not just him. It's them. James has never been part of a them before, never even wanted to be really, but now he wonders how he ever lived alone for so long. He's on a sports team, he's part of a theatrical cast, and most importantly, he's part of a friendship. He plays hard for the team because it's fun and because it's so important to Kendall. In return, Kendall spends at least three hours each Saturday and Sunday rehearsing with him for the play; not just their scenes, but every scene James has with every character.

"Alexander" is a hit. Many aren't sure what to expect from two freshmen leads, but Kendall and James wow the crowd with their intense chemistry and when James' Hephaestion dies, even Logan can't stop the tears. James immediately tries out for the next play, but Kendall decides acting isn't for him, no matter how talented he's shown himself to be. He does, however, promise to continue to rehearse with James every weekend so that James can be at the top of his game.

Logan is increasingly mopey each weekend and Kendall knows he will have to address the situation soon, but for the time being he lets Carlos handle Logan while he fulfills his promise of helping James in every way he can.


Carlos gives Mrs. Knight a big hug before running to the bedroom. "Logan! I'm here!"

Logan looks up from his bed, where he's been staring out the window. "Yeah, I saw you."

With an exasperated sigh, Carlos drops his duffel bag on Kendall's bed. "Here we go again."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on, Logan, don't do this. I came over here to have fun. You always get like this on the weekends."

"Like what?"

"Like that." Carlos gestures toward Logan, who is still in his pajamas at noon. "Dude, you do this every time Kendall goes over to James' house."

"Well, why can't they stay here?"

"Maybe because you're a jerk to James. I wouldn't stay here, either."

"James should at least invite us over, too. We could all practice on his rink."

"Kendall doesn't go over there for practice, Logan. They're working on his acting."

Logan spits out a disbelieving sound and rolls his eyes.

"Dude, why do you hate James so much?"

"He's annoying."

"So am I, and you don't hate me."

"You're not annoying, just...you know. You. Besides, he totally lied to Kendall."

"You know why, Logan."

"Oh, please. 'My name is James and I can't let anybody know I have a masculine side because I want to be famous.' That doesn't even make sense. There are tons of manly actors out there."

"But James isn't manly, and he knows it. He told me that he knows what his strengths are and he plays into them."

"So he's gonna go around acting metrosexual? What does that prove?"

"I don't know, but it sure does get him noticed, doesn't it?"

Logan refuses to answer.

Carlos takes a seat on Kendall's bed, across from Logan. "Tell me why James is annoying."

"Because whenever he's around, Kendall-"

"No, Logan. Without mentioning Kendall. How is James annoying?"

Logan shoots him a mutinous expression.

"That's what I thought. James is cool, dude. He's fun! Why won't you give him a chance?"

"He doesn't need me. He's got a million girls around him all the time-"

"Not anymore."

"That's his problem. And who chooses to hang out with us when he could be hanging out with all those girls?"

Carlos chuckles. "Both of us would. You just don't like that Kendall likes him so much."

"Stop analyzing me, Carlos."

"You have to face this, Logan. What are you gonna do when Kendall gets a girlfriend? He'll never be around then."

Silence.

"It's gonna happen. I've seen the way those girls look at him."

Logan's eyes narrow. "What girls?"

"The girls always trying to talk to James. They think Kendall's hot. I can tell."

"So? Kendall doesn't care about anything except hockey. He's oblivious to those girls."

"For now."

"You know what? Shut up. I don't even want to talk about this."

"Logan, come on." Carlos moves over to sit next to Logan, who scoots away. "James already told me we can all go hang out at his house over the summer, so we can practice. But if you don't start being nicer to him, he might change his mind. And then it'll just be Kendall over there. All the time. Not just on the weekends."

"James doesn't need me; he's got thousands of friends."

"You don't even know what it's like for him, do you? He doesn't have friends. Just us, Logan. You and me and Kendall. He's alone all the time, did you know that? His parents are always working. They don't pay attention to him. Can you imagine what that's like?"

"Kind of. My mom used to work all the time, too. I remember that much."

"Okay, but you had Kendall and his mom. You had a family. James doesn't have anybody. Except now he has us. Well, he has me and Kendall."

"Carlos..."

"What?"

"I hate it when you make sense. Can't you just let me mope?"

"No. Because it's like I'm alone, too. You haven't been a good friend since James started hanging out with us. Even when you're here, you're not here. And I'm tired of it. I'm gonna stop coming over to spend the weekend with you."

"You are not."

"Yeah, I am. I'll leave right now." Carlos stands up and reaches for his stuff.

Logan grabs his hand and pulls him back down. "Oh, shut up. You're not going anywhere." He falls back onto the bed, dragging down Carlos with him. "I think he likes James more than me," he says in a very tiny voice.

Carlos struggles with his next words; he has to do this right. "I think he likes James...different. Because James is different. He likes you a certain way, me a certain way, and James a certain way. We're all different. But I know Kendall loves you like a brother and he's always here for us. If we ever needed him, he'd be here. Right?"

"I guess."

"Youknow. And if you treat James better, we'll be included in more stuff with them."

"Think so?"

"Yeah. James thinks you're really smart. He wants you to like him."

"He said that?"

"Yep."

Logan is quiet for over a minute. "Do you think maybe we can just stay here for a little while? I need to uh...face some things. And I don't want to do it alone."

"You got it, dude." And for once, Carlos is still. He snuggles up to Logan, who has a magical calming effect on him, and enjoys the peace of being close to his best friend.


Kendall is watching James rehearse, listening to his delivery, and somehow it's just off. "James, stop."

"What?" James crosses his arms defensively over his chest, knowing what's coming.

"What's wrong? Something's on your mind and it's distracting you."

"It's embarrassing."

"Dude, it's me. You can tell me anything. Come sit down." Kendall seats himself on James' bed and scoots over to make room for James to join him.

James considers protesting, but then remembers that Kendall doesn't back down ever, so he finally gives in and settles himself next to his best friend.

"What is it? Did Logan say something?"

"Logan? No. It has nothing to do with him. Or you. It's me."

Kendall rarely sees the shy side of James; his curiosity is piqued. "Is it your parents?"

"No. No, Kendall, it's...the play."

This is unexpected. "You have a problem with the play?"

"With this scene."

Kendall considers the scene. "Because it's a love scene? You don't have any problems with that, you've been nailing your lines all week." They have rehearsed it over and over with Kendall reading the female character's lines.

"Yeah, but tomorrow we're doing it at rehearsal. I haven't done it with anyone else, just you."

"So?" Wow, James is really red now. "Dude, out with it. What's the problem?"

James stands up and starts to pace. "I have to kiss her tomorrow. The big kissing scene? We're doing that tomorrow."

"Ohhhhhh. Are you nervous about kissing Mandy? Because she's pretty."

"Yeah, I know she is. Thanks for reminding me so I can be even more nervous. But I've never...you know. Kissed anyone." James is refusing to meet Kendall's gaze.

"Ah. Okay. I get it."

Kendall stares at James for a moment, the wheels in motion and James knows that look—Kendall is coming up with a plan. He can't help but be a little apprehensive, but if it helps him get over the nerves, he'll try anything.

Kendall stands up and stretches, works out some kinks, and then holds out his hands to James. "Come on, let's do this."

James stops dead and stares. "Do what?"

"Let's get this kissing thing done so you can get back to focusing on the scene."

Oh my God, you can't be serious, Kendall. My heart can't take this, stop it right now. "You want me to...kiss you?"

"I want you to get past this. I'm sure you'd rather your first kiss was with a girl, and I gotta tell you I never imagined mine would be with a guy, but I promised to do whatever it takes. You need to get over this."

James swallows hard. "You've never been kissed?"

"Nope. Don't ruin my rep, though, okay?" Kendall grins because they both know he has no rep. "Now come on. Let's make sure you know how to kiss so you don't embarrass yourself tomorrow."

It takes all of James' strength to keep him standing. "You're serious."

"I am."

Kendall steps up to James and places large hands lightly on James' shoulders, and then James sees it in his eyes; Kendall is absolutely determined, but also terrified. "No." James steps back and shakes his head.

"Don't get all weird about this, dude. We're not gonna tell anybody. This is just so you won't be freaking out tomorrow." Kendall steps up to James again.

James backs up further. "Kendall, no. You don't want to kiss me."

"This isn't about wanting, James, this is for your dream. Do you really want to go in there tomorrow and make a fool of yourself? You can't be afraid of love scenes your whole life." Kendall steps closer and grabs James by the shoulders again.

My heart is going to fucking explode right out of my chest. "Kendall, stop."

"Kiss me, James." Forward.

"No." A step back.

"Kiss me, James." Forward.

"No." A step back and now James is against the wall, his entire body quaking.

"Kiss me, James!" Kendall is yelling now, goading him.

"NO!"

"Don't be a chickenshit!"

"Shut up, asshole!"

"Just kiss me already!"

"Fuck off!"

"Quit being a pansy and kiss me!"

"Kendall, I swear to God I'm going to deck you-"

"KISS ME!"

"NO!"

"KISS ME!"

"FINE!"

James launches himself forward until he's crashing into Kendall, and it isn't the smoothest of kisses but at least their lips manage to find each other in all the aggression, and then Kendall's fingers are fisted in James' hair and tugging, and James' hands twist in Kendall's shirt to pull him closer, closer, God he can't get close enough to Kendall.

What he realizes first is that Kendall Knight knows how to kiss. Maybe he was lying, or maybe he's just a show-off, but who really cares? Kendall's tongue is in his mouth and their teeth are bumping together and Oh fuck, Kendall, please don't ever stop kissing me. James is pressed up against the wall and it seems as if Kendall is having the same "can't get close enough" problem that James is because What is he trying to do, fuck me into the wall? Sounds like a fantastic idea to James. Kendall is bending James' head down at a weird angle to get even deeper into his mouth; James obliges and moves his hands down to lift Kendall against him, and has there ever been a more perfect fit in history? FUCK THIS IS HOT I'M GONNA EXPLODE KENDALL DON'T STOP KISSING ME BECAUSE THEN WE HAVE TO LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND TALK ABOUT THIS AND HOLY FUCK IS HE SUCKING ON MY LIP?

It's too much then and James has no choice but to push Kendall away or risk embarrassing himself in front of the one person he cares about more than himself; more than The Dream, even. They face each other across the few feet separating them, chests heaving and faces red as they try to calm down. James is trembling and wonders if Kendall feels anything remotely close to the euphoria he is experiencing. When Kendall reaches up to brush his own slightly damp bangs aside, James does a little happy dance inside because Kendall's hand is shaking.

It's not just me. Thank you, God.

"Well then. All better?"

James nods slowly.

"You good for tomorrow?"

"Uh huh." Still panting but the breaths are coming easier now.

"Okay. I think we're good." Kendall licks his lips before taking a long, shaky breath and letting it out. "Let's get back to the scene."

"Right." His head is spinning but the thoughts have never been more clear, and James picks up the scene from the beginning as if that entire volcano did not erupt between them. Kendall recites "his" lines and they fall back into the easy chemistry they have shared from the start, and when it's time for the kiss, there is no hesitation. James pulls Kendall into his arms and kisses him soundly. Kendall returns the kiss as his character is supposed to, and the scene ends.

They do, however, practice that scene more than any other.