Desires

Hawke had been worried about Leila the entire night and had barely slept at all. He was sure that she was safe with Anders. Otherwise, he would have heard something by now. She was so angry with him and why wouldn't she be? What he had done was unforgivable. How did he end up in this mess in the first place anyway? His father had taught him better than that. But that didn't matter now. What did matter was making sure that he could do anything for Leila possible. He was sitting in the study staring into the fire when Leandra came in.

"You haven't slept at all have you?" she asked as she gave him a cup of tea.

"No... I feel so guilty. Leila is stuck here because of me. I want to help her, but I don't know how." He rubbed his face with his hands. Leandra sat down in the chair next to him.

"She is such a sweet girl. She reminds me of Bethany sometimes. So gentle, polite and such a thirst for knowledge. Let her continue to live here."

"You just enjoy having a pretty girl you can show off to the nobles. I know how you Hightown women are, always trying to be matchmakers," he teased.

"I do enjoy having her here. As for you helping her... You could help her by teaching her about this world. Help her get a new beginning and let her know that she is not alone."

Hawke sat still for a moment and then a grin formed on his face.

"Mother, have I told you that you are the most brilliant woman I know?" he said with a big grin, kissed her cheek and ran out the door before Leandra could even ask him where he was going. She shook her head and took a sip of her tea. It was nice to have some life in the house again and for the first time in three years thinking of Bethany didn't seem as painful.


Leila awoke the next morning. She stretched and when she opened her eyes it all came rushing back. She could hear the rain pouring and the water running through Darktown and down into the sewers. It was comforting if it wasn't for the memory of where she was. She felt a little better knowing that Hawke had been worried about her, so she supposed that she still had a place to live... for the time being. But the worried feelings were still there and were not likely to go away anytime soon. She felt a pain in her back. All in all, she was definitely not the unluckiest person in Kirkwall. People living down here had it far worse. Perhaps she should be a little more grateful. She got up and gave a low groan as her back ached.

"I know they are not very comfortable. Sorry about that." Anders smiled at her and went back to working on some potions. How long had he been up? Had she snored? Had he heard her snore? Or drooled? The thought alone was enough for her to be mortified. No one had seen her sleep in over two years. She decided not to think of it.

"You gave me a place to sleep and I'm grateful. I should show some sympathy. You sleep on them every night."

"You get used to it. Besides, when I escaped from the Circle I rarely had a bed," he smiled.

"You speak as if it happened more than once?"

"I escaped seven times," he chuckled a little.

"Seven?! You'd think they would get tired of going after you and just let you run. A terrible waste of human resources," she teased and he laughed.

"I guess we'll better get you home," Anders said, but immediately regretted it after seeing the mournful expression on her face. He cursed himself for his choice of words.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to..."

"It's alright. I have to get use to the idea sooner or later. I just don't think I can face Hawke just yet."

"I know you are angry with him, but he does care about you. Leandra as well. She must be worried for you."

Of course... Leandra. Why didn't she think of her? She had been so kind to her since her arrival and this was how she repaid her? It was clear to Leila that one of the reasons for this kindness was that she had lost her daughter. Leila should take comfort in the fact that there was someone willing to look out for her and it was nice to be appreciated for just being around. Being around Leandra made her miss her own mother less.

"You are right... I just don't know how to get back to Hightown. We took the basement down here, but I don't have a key for the cellar door."

"It's alright. I'll show you back. We better get going, before the rain starts again."

"Why do you worry about the rain? I thought feathers repelled water," she winked as she gave him a teasing smile and he just shook his head. At times, she was almost as silly as Hawke. Wonderful... all he needed in his life was another impulsive person who was capable of goading him and teasing him into insanity. Now she was stuck here because of Hawke's stupidity. Justice, however, seemed strangely confident that justice would be done in time. Death had indeed not been a demon. Justice would have recognized him as such. Little did it matter now. Thankfully, Hawke seemed to live up to his responsibility and took care of Leila. Anders just hoped that he would not take advantage of her, but at least, now, one of his unending lines of responsibilities was taken care of.

As they were walking through Darktown, Leila began to see how bad things really were there. If it was not for Hawke's (hopefully continuing) generosity she would be down here with them. Living in filth and falling asleep to the sound of children crying of hunger. She decided that she would find a way to make a difference for these people. They continued up to Lowtown and they could see the black clouds getting closer. The merchants at the bazaar were removing their wares and getting home for the day. It was unlikely that they would sell anything with the weather being as it was. Anders and Leila had only just reached Hightown when the rain started pouring. They just managed to take shelter from the rain where it overlooked Lowtown and the Gallows. Leila stood at the railing looking down at the view.

"Were you in the Circle down there?"

"No, thankfully not. I was in the Circle in Ferelden." He stood beside her and he could feel Justice stir at the sight of the Gallows.

"It is worse here, then?"

"Yes... The circle is an injustice over all of Thedas, but the Knight-Commander is far more vigilant here," he said grimly, remembering the last words Karl ever spoke. Leila sensed his tension and since she had no desire to offend him again, she let the topic go. She looked out at the rain that was now really pouring down. She always loved the rain. It cleaned the air somehow and brought change with it, leaving everything feeling new and refreshed. Leila smiled as she decided to do something she hadn't done since she was a child. She walked out into the rain and raised her face towards the clouds, enjoying as the rain touched her face. She smiled, enjoying the sensation. Anders looked at her with disbelief.

"What are you doing?" he smiled at her expression.

"Enjoying the rain, of course," she stated as if standing there getting soaked was the most normal thing in the world.

"Get back here before you get sick," he replied with a little concern in his voice.

"For bliss like this I would gladly die a slow agonizing death," she sighed with content.

"Are you sure you didn't hit your head at some point when you got here?" he chuckled teasingly.

"It feels like a thousand kisses on my skin," she smiled, completely ignoring his insult. That did it. By her mentioning something as intimate as a kiss, he noticed the way her white soaked shirt embraced her body. He thanked the Maker she was wearing that black corset or his thoughts would have become less gentleman-like. Her hair was now completely wet and was embracing her face in the most charming way. It was framing it and showing off every sweet facial feature. It was only enhanced by the way her cheeks were flushed and her lips red. He averted his eyes before she realised that he was practically gaping at her. Anders looked at her again when she began humming an unfamiliar tune. She looked at him, her eyes full of mischief and there was something almost childish about her. She began twirling around in the rain as she started to sing, though not very loud. She was practically laughing (at herself most likely) and Anders couldn't help, but chuckle. Her singing wasn't pretty, but he suspected it was because she didn't bother to make it so. It reminded him of one of the first times he had escaped the Tower. He had been fifteen and hadn't seen the sky in three years. The joy he felt resembled the one Leila was displaying… though not quite as vigorously. When was the last time he had appreciated anything as simple as the weather? He remembered enjoying getting out on the Wounded Coast and away from the smells of Kirkwall, but beyond that, simple pleasures seemed few and far between.

Leila didn't care that this was embarrassing. After all she had been through, she needed to feel happy. She knew she must have looked foolish and to preserve some sort of dignity, she made it look as foolish as possible. At least being foolish on purpose was not as embarrassing as if it was unintended. When she stopped twirling, Anders walked towards her, shook his head, but had a grin on his face.

"Come. I better get you home before you catch a cold."

"Aaaawww… and here I was so proud of my performance," she fake pouted and Anders laughed.

When they got to the mansion, Bodahn opened the door, urging them to come inside and out of the rain. Leila was absolutely soaked, but Anders had only gotten damp. Leandra came out into the hallway. Her expression was one of motherly concern and Leila was beyond happy to see her.

"You poor dears. Leila, you better go up and change before you get a cold. Then, I'll make you some tea to warm you up."

"Thank you. I'll go right now." Leila walked past her, but Leandra gently stopped her with her hand on her arm and smiled warmly.

"It's good to have you home."

Tears started forming in Leila's eyes and she wanted to hug Leandra. It made everything a little bit better that there was one person who cared for her so much even after such a short while. Instead of hugging her, Leila gave her a small peck on the cheek and Leandra smiled warmly and urged her to change again before she got cold. She then turned to Anders.

"And you, young man, why don't you take off your coat and we can leave it to dry by the fire?"

"Thank you, but that is not necessary."

"Oh yes, it is. Garret told me that he is unable to send Leila back to her world and that she was angry with him. He also told me that you were kind enough to look after her. The least I can do is make sure that you'll get warmed up and dried. Hawke will be by with the others a little later."

"Yes, he told me to bring Leila here and that I should wait here until he came back with the others. Do you have any idea what this is about?"

"Not at all. He is very impulsive, like his father before him. He became wiser as he got older, though. You remind me of him… my husband."

"Thank you. From what Hawke has told me, he was a good man."

"The best."

He followed Leandra into the sitting room and took off his coat and outer robes, leaving his shirt on. Leandra then hung them to dry by the fire. She then asked Orana to make some tea for them.

"Garret admires you, Anders, and takes a great deal of inspiration from you," she smiled.

"Ha… you'd think he would take my advice more often then," he chuckled with a slight hint of disbelief.

"He didn't even listen to his father… After you saved Carver's life, he has tried to better himself. I thought it was getting better, but now this business with Leila. I shouldn't have laid so many responsibilities on him."

"You could not have known what …." Anders tried to console her, but was interrupted by Leila coming down the stairs. Her hair was still wet, but now loose and she was only wearing a pair of trousers and a shirt. She was pretty and Anders had to look away. The thought of this woman living under the same roof as Hawke was too much for him to bear. It would only be a matter of time before this woman snuck into Hawke's heart like so many others before her. She would become another reminder to Anders that he would never again get what his heart desired.

"There, now I'm dry for the most part… Leandra, I don't know what Hawke has told you, but my circumstances have changed. I understand if…"

"You are an Amell now, dearest. You belong right here with us," Leandra smiled, but Leila's face turned sad and remorseful. Anders couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"I am not your daughter. I wish I was, but…" Leandra stopped her again and took her by her shoulders.

"I know that. Nothing can give me my little girl back. I want you to stay with us not only because Garret is responsible for stranding you here, but because you are a sweet and clever girl. And I'm going to do my very best to make you start a life here."

Leila's eyes started to water and this time she hugged Leandra. They then went into the dining room to get some tea.