Emptiness…
That's all I felt at the moment. I lay on my back as I stared into the darkness. I heard Konohamaru start to cry again and I slowly made my way off the bed, out of my room, and into his. He lay curled in a tight ball as he scrunched his face up in pain. I placed my hand on his shoulder and pulled him to me. He cried on my shoulder as I rubbed his back and told him that everything was going to be alright. Konohamaru stopped crying after another 10 minutes and fell asleep. I placed him down into the bed and tucked him in. I placed my hand on his forehead and sighed as I made my way out of his room. I looked at Asuma's door and put my hand on the knob. I slowly turned the knob and opened the door. The room still smelled like smoke. I looked around the room and went to his dresser. Picking up a picture, I sat on the bed and just stared at the picture. I remember the day it was taken. Konohamaru just became a genin.
-Flashback-
"Auntie Anako! Uncle Asuma!" Konohamaru yelled, running to us.
"Congratulations Konohamaru!" I said, hugging my nephew.
"Good job bud. Now you can live up to the Sarutobi name just like we do." Asuma said, ruffling Konohamaru's hair. "Come on. Let's go celebrate." The three of us made our way to Asuma's favorite place, Yakiniku Q.
"We can come here and the bill won't be crazy expensive." I said, laughing.
"Isn't that the truth?" Asuma said, chuckling. "Although, I don't mind paying for my team."
"I hope my master brings me to eat!" Konohamaru said.
"Isn't it going to be Ebisu?" Asuma asked.
"Yes he is! And I already know Udon and Moegi are going to be on a team with me."
"That isn't fun. When I went in, I didn't know my team." I said.
"Neither did I."
"What are they teaching these kids now-a-days?" I said, joking.
"Auntie! You're the one who has taught us stuff too." Konohamaru said. I started to laugh and we started to eat. Once we finished, we made our way home. I pulled out my camera and looked at the two. Asuma and Konohamaru groaned.
"Oh don't be such grumps." I said, smiling at them. "This is a very special moment for Konohamaru. And as a family, we need to take a picture." I stopped a passing woman and asked her to take our picture.
"Oh, of course." I stood in the middle of the two. Asuma stood on my right and Konohamaru on my left. "Ready: one, two, three, smile." The flash went off and the lady handed me the camera.
"Thank you so much." I said.
"Anything for the princess." I just smiled at her and the three of us made our way home again.
-End Flashback-
I curled in a ball on Asuma's bed and clutched the picture to my chest. The tears flowed out of my eyes as I wasn't able to hold them in anymore. I expected the door to open and Asuma to come in and comfort me, but no one came. I was all alone.
Kurenai went and put flowers at Asuma's grave. Konohamaru just cried and Naruto placed a hand on his shoulder. All the jonin were upset as well. Gai and Lee couldn't stop crying. I put my head down and then I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"How're you holding up?" Master K asked me. I just shrugged my shoulders. "It's okay to be upset you know. He was your brother after all."
"I know. I've done my crying. And crying won't bring him back." I said in a harsher tone than I realized.
Master K sighed and put his head down. 'I'm sorry, Anako. I know you don't want pity or anything.'
I just nodded again and people began to leave. Everyone that passed me gave me a sympathetic look as I stood there. Kurenai came to me and hugged me. She didn't tell me sorry and she didn't try to make everything better. She knew my pain, but her pain was a different pain. What I felt for him is what she is feeling right now for Asuma.
"I'll come by later tonight. We can start having dinner together." She said.
I nodded and she left me; leaving me the only one left in the cemetery. I looked down at Asuma's grave and then made my way to the front of the cemetery. I sunk to the ground and just looked at my dad's grave. The tears began to form and I just started crying.
"It's not fair dad. It just isn't. Things were finally getting better. I was coming to terms with him leaving and I was starting to get better and then Asuma dies. Asuma wasn't supposed to die now. He has a baby on the way. That baby will never know their father, dad; just like I never knew mom. It's the same exact thing. Why do these things happen to me dad? Things were only supposed to get better. And they just got worse." I cried out. I just felt my heart start breaking all over again; only ten times worse this time.
'Asuma.' I started crying even more when I got no response. Nightfall soon fell and I didn't even realize it. I shivered from the cold.
"You'll catch a cold being out here at this time." Master K said. I felt him placing his jacket on me.
"At this point, I really don't care. I'm sorry for the harsh tone I used with you earlier today." I said.
"Kurenai is worried about you. She said you were supposed to be home for dinner, but you didn't come." He said.
"I didn't realize the time. I didn't mean to worry her." I said. "That's the last thing she needs right now."
"Yeah, like I said earlier, it's okay to be upset and hurt, but you have to let someone in; whether it's me, Kurenai; even Naruto. Don't bottle everything in. It'll only hurt you in the long run."
"I'm not at that stage yet. I'm not ready to sit and talk about it. You know how long it took me to talk about my dad dying. Shit, I still haven't even talked about him leaving. I'm not ready to just talk about my feelings." I mumbled.
"I can accept that, but everyone knows when you're hiding behind the fake smiles and laughs. I'm not the only one who sees it. Naruto sees it all the time."
"I don't want to force my problems on Naruto. He has enough of his own problems to be worrying about mine." I said.
"That may be true, but Naruto is your best friend. And you are his. Best friends tell each other everything, don't they?" Master K has a point.
"I'll speak with Naruto when I am ready, but right now, I must be getting home." I said, taking off the jacket and handing it to Master K. "Thank you, Master K, for everything."
"You're welcome, Anako. Feel free to come to me with anything."
I nodded to him and made my way home. I walked past many places that Asuma and I had been to together. Memories flooded my minds as I continued walking home. When I got to the door realization dawned on me. Shikamaru was there when Asuma died. Surely Asuma said something to him about me when he died. I changed my direction and made my way to the Nara home; raising my fist, I knocked on the door a few times.
"Anako." Yoshino greeted me. "I'm sorry for your loss." She wrapped her arms around me and gave me a big squeeze. I hugged her back.
"Thank you. Is Shikamaru here?" I asked, pulling back from her. "I need to speak with him."
"Yes he is. His father just left him, he's in the shogi room. Feel free to make your way there. And if you need anything dear, please do not hesitate to come over. We're just down the road and we'll be happy to help you."
"Thank you so much." I said, smiling at her.
I left her and made my way to the shogi room. I knocked on the door and made my way in. Shikamaru laid on the ground and tears stained his face. He finally came to terms with Asuma's death.
"Shikamaru…" I said. He turned to look at me and then looked back at the ceiling. "I came to ask you some questions."
I made my way to him and sat down next to him. I looked around the room and noticed that shogi pieces were everywhere and the board was thrown as well. I stood up and gathered all the pieces and put them back on the board.
"I don't like messy places. It bothers me to no end." I said.
"You didn't have too." Shikamaru said.
"Shikamaru, I need to ask you some questions." I said again.
"What do you want to ask?"
"What happened to Asuma?" Shikamaru turned to look at me.
"Why do you want to know?"
"I need to know if he said anything about me." Shikamaru turned to look back at the ceiling again and silence fell between us. My eye twitched as I just stared at the boy in front of me. "Well?" Nothing. Shikamaru didn't say anything.
"Fine. I'll just do this then."
I left my mind and slipped into his. I deviled around into his memories until I saw Asuma lying on the ground. Shikamaru held his head up while Ino and Choji were on the side of him. The others stood behind them as Asuma spoke his final words to the three.
"Shikamaru, one last thing." Asuma said. "I need you to do something for me. This sash of mine, give it to Anako. And tell her something for me. Tell her I love her so much. Tell her I am sorry that I left her. Tell her to be strong for Konohamaru, because in reality, she is all he has now. Tell her it's okay to still be upset about Sasuke. Tell her that things are going to start getting better for her." He forced out a chuckle. "This isn't going to help her at all, but just tell her that I'll always be in here no matter what." He pointed to his heart. "And that I'll always love her."
I left his mind and the tears were falling down my face. Shikamaru sat up and just gasped at me.
"How?"
"I can read minds, but that's not all I can do. I can put thoughts into people's heads. I can control multiple people. It's an ability I have had since I can remember." I said.
"So all this time, you know what everyone thinks?"
"Yes. I always know. But it is not something I share with everyone. Now only one person knows; now that Asuma is gone."
"Who's that?"
"Master Kakashi. Naruto doesn't even know. Two people know now."
"I guess I need to keep my thoughts to myself for now on."
"Can I please have the sash?"
"Oh right." Shikamaru got up and left to his room. A few minutes later he returned with the folded up sash. I stood up and he handed it to me.
"Thank you. I must be going now. I've worried Kurenai enough already. I don't want to worry her more."
Shikamaru pulled me to him suddenly and he put his chin on my head. I inhaled his scent and I couldn't help the tears start to flow out of my eyes again. I felt drops on my head and realized Shikamaru was crying as well.
"I'm sorry so sorry Anako. I couldn't save him. I couldn't help him. I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't-"
"You don't need to apologize to me." I said, cutting him off. "It's alright. I'm going to be okay."
Shikamaru didn't say anything more. He accepted the fact that I was going to be alright. I pulled away from him and he wiped away the tears.
"Don't hesitate to come and talk to me. You're one of my closest friends. I don't want to lose you either."
"And you won't. One last thing, don't tell anyone about my ability. Let's just keep it between us." I said, giving him a small smile. I left his house and made my way to my own. I opened the door and was greeted by Kurenai.
"Is everything okay?" She asked.
"Right now, no. Everything is not okay. I'm hurt, I'm tired, and my heart is broken. I miss Asuma, I miss my dad, and I miss Sasuke. I pretend I am okay when in reality; I'm dying inside every day. I wish my mom was here, so I can cry to her about this. And she can wrap her arms around me and tell me that everything was going to be alright. I shut everyone out when I'm hurt because I feel like I am burdening them with my problems. I'm tired of being alone and I'm tired of always feeling horrible. I just want to be happy again. I want to feel my heart instead of feeling this giant hole that is there right now." I cried out to her. She wrapped her arms around me and I knew she was crying. "I just want my family."
"I'm your family now. We'll be strong together. You're never alone Anako. You have me, Konohamaru, Kakashi, Shikamaru, and all of your other friends. One person you have the most though, is Naruto. I know for a fact he'll always be there for you. It's okay to be hurt and upset, but let me help you. I'll be here for you always." She said, crying with me.
"Auntie Anako, Auntie Kurenai." Konohamaru said.
"Come here." I said, holding my arm out to him. He ran over to us and he joined our hug.
"The three of us are a family now. And family sticks together no matter what." Kurenai said.
I smiled at her words and hugged the two closer to me. This is my family now. I may be still upset and I may still hurt, but I know I am never going to be alone.
Chapter 07! Another slight, sad chapter. But it does get better at the end! :) Please don't be a silent reader. I know all the followers and favorites. Please take a few moments and let me know that you still like this story! I also feel like I kinda made Anako a little whiny, but who isn't whiny and upset when they lose someone.
Thank you for the review:
StarTrail (I always appreciate the reviews! You are amazing! :))
Thanks for the favorites and follows as well! I love you all! :)
