how could i be the last to know / when they told me where the fool had gone?
Basia Bulat, "Gold Rush"


5. Vision


Charlie let Jacob stay for the rest of the morning. A tightening around his eyes gave away his displeasure at how I sat on the couch and folded myself into Jake's embrace, and he scowled when he saw Jacob's hand nudge up the edge of my shirt to press firmly against my bare hip, but my breathing had become slow and steady so Charlie apparently felt it was worth it to keep his mouth shut. He'd even lent Jacob a shirt - though lent implied something much more generous than the way he'd held out the Forks Diner tee with a dark look.

That being said, Charlie didn't leave the room for a second. He didn't so much as blink even though he'd been up all night. After he and Jacob had wordlessly fixed the front door we all sat in the living room and silently watched a documentary on the history of basketball.

I wanted to pretend that this was normal, that we were all just spending a comfortable day hanging out together, but my imagination was no match for the sick guilt and humiliation and fear that remained in my bloodstream.

Around eleven Jacob flinched. Tension stiffened his entire body, and his hand tightened around my waist. I'd felt him react that way enough times in my bedroom to know what it meant. "Do you have to leave?" I whispered.

Jacob took a deep breath, then shook his head firmly. But his fingers kept digging into my flesh.

We watched another hour of the documentary, which seemed to be determined to cover every single personal foul from the last fifty years. By the end Jake's knee was bouncing constantly, and he kept glancing in the direction of the door. It was clearly only his restless stroking of my skin that kept him in place.

Finally I pulled away, breaking contact. "Go on," I said, releasing him with my words.

Jacob shook his head again. "No."

"She told you to go, son." Charlie's voice was firm, but his tired expression was much less harsh than it had been a few hours earlier.

I glanced at my father. "It's not like that, Dad, Jake's just... got somewhere to be."

"I don't have to leave, Bells." Jacob sounded strangely reserved and collected. "I don't. Sam will wait."

Charlie froze. "Sam Uley?"

Oh, no. "It's fine, Jake," I said quickly. "I understand. You can't-"

"Yes, I can. Watch me."

The last thing that needed to happen right now was for Sam to send someone to collect his wayward pack member. I wanted Jacob to stay - maybe he felt that, he had to feel that - but the trouble that would result... I stood up and held out my hand, wrapped in new bandages. "Come on, I'll walk you out."

Jacob appeared mutinous, but the steady look I gave him - combined with my mental repetition of I'll be okay I'll be okay I'll be okay - made him get off the couch and follow my lead to the front door. Charlie turned down the sound on the television, but he didn't follow us.

Once we were out of my father's line of sight, Jake pressed a burning kiss to my forehead. "Tell me to stay, Bella," he whispered. His hands edged under my shirt again and curled around my waist. "Order me to stay."

My eyes widened. "What?"

"If you order me to stay then I will." Jacob still sounded strange, cold in a way that didn't suit him at all. "Sam's call won't mean a damn thing. He can rot for all I care."

"Jake, no-"

"I'm not going to leave you."

"You have to," I said urgently, alarmed both by the iron certainty of his words and the purring approval I felt at hearing them. I wanted him to stay, I wanted him at my side with his teeth bared-

-but that wasn't the way things worked. "Jake, I swear, I'm fine. Charlie is here, and..." I swallowed hard. "I really don't think Edward's coming back."

A growl rumbled from deep in Jacob's chest.

"I'm serious. You've got to go. What if someone needs help?" If one of the wolves got hurt because I'd been keeping my wolf away from where he was needed... I'd never forgive myself.

Jake hesitated for a long moment, but finally his shoulders slumped in defeat. I knew his loyalty to his brothers was one of the few things that could compete with the imprint. "All right. But I'll be back as soon as I can, honey."

"I know." This was definitely one of the nights he'd be with me until the sun came up. "See you soon."

"Right." He paused again, then looked towards the living room and called, "Thanks, Charlie." My father humphed, but it wasn't an excessively hostile response; I figured it was about the best we could hope for.

As Jacob reached for the door handle something occurred to me, something that made my blood turn icy with horror. "Jake?"

He looked back. "Yeah?"

"Don't tell the pack what happened." Panic rose so fast that it choked my breath away. The idea of everyone seeing the images in Jacob's head, how I'd cried, no doubt combined with the memories of Jacob's disgust at my smell, the evidence of my betrayal... "Promise me you won't tell them what I did."

"What you did?" he said slowly.

"Promise me!"

I didn't think it was possible, but Jacob's expression turned even more remote. "I promise, Bells. They won't know."

My knees nearly gave out in relief. "Thank you."

"No problem."

After the front door shut, as I was collapsing back onto the couch and praying Charlie was too tired to notice that Jake hadn't brought a car, my father turned to me with a firm expression. "This doesn't change anything," he said seriously.

It took a moment for his words to register... and then my mouth fell open. He'd seemed at least a little less angry! "Dad, come on-"

"No. He's still hanging out with that Uley gang."

"But can't you see-" I couldn't understand his reasoning, not at all "-it's Jacob, Dad! It's just Jacob!"

There was a silence as my father rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Yeah," he said finally. "I know. And I'm glad to see that he's doing better than I thought he was."

"So why not-"

"Because you're my daughter," he said, cutting me off with a frustrated look. "I've cared about that kid a lot longer than you have, Bella, but you're my child and he's not. And whenever anything bad happens to you, Jacob Black or Edward Cullen are always somehow involved."

My heart sank... because I couldn't formulate a convincing argument against that. Even if Charlie knew the truth it wouldn't change his position. After all, he wasn't entirely wrong.

Charlie sighed. He looked beyond exhausted. "I'm going to take a nap, Bells," he said, standing up and stretching. "Will you be all right?"

I nodded sadly. "Yeah. I'm okay."

"Are you sure you won't go to the hospital-"

"No."

He paused for a long moment, then gave me something that almost resembled a wry smile. "Best friends, huh?"

I burrowed into the sofa, ignoring his rhetorical question and hoping he couldn't see my blush.

My father threw all the locks on the doors before he went upstairs.


The halogen bulbs burned my eyes. No sounds touched my ears; no breezes blew across my skin. I didn't see anything except endless white.

And I couldn't move.

"It's okay," Edward's angelic voice said, warm and soothing. "It's all right, Bella."

I scanned the room - was it even a room? - fearfully, trying to find him so that I could argue or plead. I didn't want to be here. But even after a headache-inducing effort to bring my eyes into focus, all I could see were yellow irises against the infinite, blinding blankness. The rest of Edward's frame blended into the snowy backdrop. I looked down at myself; I was white too, white against white tile. I couldn't make out where my body ended and the floor began.

I was in a strait jacket.

"There," Edward's voice said, sounding satisfied. The amber eyes glowed against the padded wall. "Now you're safe."

From a distance, I heard Jacob sobbing my name...

...and I jerked awake with a gasp.

My bedroom was bright with the light of early morning.

One breath, in and out. Two. Three. I'm at home, I told myself, trying to control my shaking. I'm just at home.

Once my heart rate slowed down, I flopped back down in bed - the sheets were soaked with sweat - and looked at my alarm clock. 7:12 AM. Time to get ready for school.

I blinked in shock. Had Jacob really not come all night? He'd said... I searched my feelings as fast as I could, checking for some pain or anxiety, but I didn't sense anything beyond the remaining terror of my nightmare. If something was seriously wrong, I would know; but what other than an emergency would have kept Jacob away from me?

Where was he?


"You don't have to go." Charlie kept the cruiser running in the school parking lot, clearly ready to burn rubber at the slightest sign of my consent. "It really is okay if you want to take the day off."

I shook my head for the eightieth time. "Dad, I'm two weeks from the end. I've got five million exams to take and six million papers due."

"You can finish them from home-"

"No. It'll be fine." I opened the door gingerly with my broken hand. "I'll see you this afternoon, okay?"

Charlie glanced around the lot darkly, looking for the Cullens. There was no sign of them. "All right. Three on the dot."

"Okay."

I couldn't articulate to Charlie why it was so important to me to be at school. It wasn't like I wasn't scared of Edward, of my own traitorous reaction to him. I was terrified that something would happen again. That my own hopeless fwould come to the surface, that I would start something... even the thought of seeing him face to face made me want to die of shame.

But under that was a stubbornness that seemed to be coming from my bones. I would not be chased away. Not now. Not when I was this close. Almost nothing in my life could be classified as normal, but I would at least finish high school like other teens. At least that.

Besides, I seriously doubted the Cullens would be returning.

"Hey, Bella!" Angela and Jessica waved me over; they were leaning against Ben's Dodge, reading over some notes. Was there a test today? Oh, no, there was, wasn't there...

"Oh my God Bella you have to help," Jessica said in a rush as she flipped through her binder. "You're practically a Shakespeare specialist, I can never keep track of which quotes are Taming of the Shrew and which quotes are Much Ado About Nothing."

"That's because there's no difference," Ben grumbled, making marks in his own folder. Angela shook her head as he highlighted something, pointing to another line; Ben groaned and made a huge X in response.

"If it's just plain funny, it's Much Ado." I glanced over Jessica's shoulder. At least the test was on Shakespeare; I stood a chance of passing even though I hadn't studied. "If it's bitter, it's Taming. That's the safe bet, anyway."

"I figured that much," she shot back peevishly. "I'm not an idiot. It's that half the time Bianca and Hero have, like, the same lines-"

"They're basically the same person," Ben grumbled again.

"I know, right? Shakespeare might've been super-prolific, but I swear he's only working with about six standard plots that he just reshuffles over and over and over. He'd flunk if he was taking Mr. O'Neil's class."

"Hey, Bella?" Angela said quietly. She'd stopped correcting Ben's notes; now she was looking over my shoulder. "You might want to go inside."

I froze.

Jessica turned around, not making the slightest effort to be subtle. "Oh, honestly," she said, rolling her eyes. "Some people just cannot take a hint."

Had he really come to school after what happened?

"Bella." I didn't turn at the sound of the golden voice, but I felt all the blood drain out of my face. "Bella, may I please speak to you?"

"I- I don't want to talk, Edward," I managed to say, holding my cast against my chest to stop it from shaking, keeping my focus on the license plate of Ben's car. Six-seven-three- I could see Angela and Jessica watching me out of the corner of my eye, their faces in identical expressions of worried confusion. Was my humiliating weakness was written all over me? It had to be, bright letters all over my skin, they could see it, everyone could see it...

"Just for a few moments, Bella-"

"Hey, she said no." Ben was five-foot-seven, but he glared at the man behind me. He must have been able to see it too. "So you should listen."

I didn't have to look to feel Edward's amusement. Even without his supernatural advantages, Edward wouldn't have had anything to fear from Ben Cheney. "I appreciate your sense of chivalry, but Bella and I-"

He was interrupted by the roar of a motorbike.

My heart leapt - and my stomach dropped.

This was not good.

"Excuse me, Bella." The angelic voice had turned steely. There was a sudden absence against my back. Edward was going to meet the rider of the motorbike.

Maybe if I didn't turn around it wouldn't be happening.

Angela and Jessica had gone back to staring. "Is that Jacob Black?" Angela asked, a little breathlessly. Ben scowled at her.

I nodded. I didn't have to look to know. I could feel him all over me.

"Holy God." Jessica's eyes were almost popping out of her head. "Bella, how do you do it? How do you get these guys? What's your secret?"

"Apparently I smell good," I said weakly.

"What kind of body wash are you using? I'm gonna buy a case."

Jacob!

Panic finally broke through my desperate desire for avoidance, and I whirled around, running toward the vampire and the werewolf before they killed one another.

For a moment I couldn't put my finger on what looked so different about Jacob, but then I realized he was wearing full jeans and a t-shirt. That strange control was still in evidence; every movement - way he set down the kickstop on the bike, the way he put his keys in his pocket - ooze with an edged, deliberate reserve.

It frightened me.

Edward had been waylaid by Alice, who was holding onto his shoulder by the Volvo and speaking too low and fast for me to hear; I ran straight past them. Jacob's arms opened as I approached. I fell into them without pause. The dread that I hadn't entirely been able to shake since my nightmare faded instantly... but the panic remained. "Jake," I whispered urgently against his throat, "Jake, you have to get out of here."

Jacob's strong embrace held me off the ground without effort. "Hey, Bells," he murmured, ignoring my words. "Sorry I didn't come back yesterday. There was... stuff."

"Fine. Great. 'Stuff.' We can talk about it later. You've got to leave. This is a bad idea, you can't just-"

"Don't worry, Bells, I'm here on Pack business." Jacob moved his hands to my waist, pulling me off him gently and setting me down. I looked up anxiously, but his eyes were on the 'bloodsuckers'. "Message from the Alpha and everything."

I gawked. "Are you serious? Sam sent you to talk to Edward?"

"I might've volunteered."

"Jacob-"

"I won't blow my cover, Bella." He glanced down just long enough to give me a humorless smile. "I have orders."

My eyes widened. "Sam can order you not to phase?"

"I guess we'll see. Keep an eye on my bike, okay?"

"Wait!"

Jake walked right past me, approaching the Cullens slowly. Every inch of him looked tightly leashed, so much more restrained than I'd ever seen him. There was nothing of my Jacob there.

This was the wolf.

I didn't wait by the bike.

Edward and Alice were waiting with polite, disinterested expressions. "Jacob," Edward said courteously as we approached - or rather, as Jacob approached. I didn't so much approach as scamper behind; it took me three steps to keep up with every one of Jacob's strides. "I think we-"

"Shut up," Jacob said, his tone clipped. "Which one of you was it?"

Edward's eyebrows furrowed. "Excuse me?"

"Don't play stupid. Was it the blond?"

"I don't know what you're-"

"Where is she?"

"No one-"

"This is a treaty violation, Cullen."

"Jacob," Edward said, a touch of exasperation in his voice, "if you'll slow down-"

"Sorry, I don't have a lot of time. I have to go back and see who else in your family has stepped where they don't belong. And then burn them."

We were gaining an audience. The ringing of the first bell had done nothing to clear the parking lot; the students clearly sensed an epic fight on the horizon. They had no idea how right they were. "Jake," I said quietly, "keep your voice down."

When I spoke, Edward's honeyed eyes flicked back to me - and Jacob growled low in his throat. "Don't even look at her," he snarled. His huge, hot hand spanned across my stomach, and I found myself pushed back and behind his body.

Edward's expression cooled about fifty degrees. "Perhaps Bella ought to step away until you've calmed down," he said, his voice soft and dangerous.

"Oh, I'm calm," Jacob retorted. His hand stayed pressed against me, but it didn't shake. "I'm just fine. Now, for the last time: which one of you crossed the boundary line yesterday?"

"None of us. We were all at home, Jacob, and you can carry that back to your Alpha." Edward frowned slightly, then narrowed his eyes. "Though if you stopped focusing on Bella for a moment, perhaps I could concentrate and see what you're talking about-"

"Stay out of my head."

"What's in your head doesn't make sense." Edward sounded frustrated. "I can't follow your train of thought. How do you even function like that?"

"Tell me who it was."

"If you'll at least picture-" Edward broke off, blinking. His expression turned stunned. "You're sure?" he asked blankly. "You're positive that's who you saw?"

Jacob grimaced, using his other hand to press a fist to his temple. "Yes," he growled reluctantly. "That's who it was."

I heard a sharp inhale. Alice's gaze had gone unfocused. "Edward," she gasped, stepping backward, "Edward, move, move, I can't see, get away from the wolf, I can't see-"

"What is she talking about?" Jacob demanded.

Edward ignored his words, retreating a few feet and leaning against the trunk of the Volvo. As he did, Alice clapped her hands over her mouth, her enormous eyes even wider than usual. Edward stiffened at the same moment, and I knew he was witnessing the future Alice had just envisioned.

Whatever it was, it was bad.

Alice's frightened stare turned to me. "Bella..."

Jacob took another step in front of me, the growl in his chest deepening. "I told you not to look at her."

The feel of Alice and Edward's gazes, accompanied by the touch of Jacob's fingers, made me dizzy and confused. Something was very seriously wrong here, and I was getting very scared. "Jake-"

"I'm not sure who your trespasser is," Edward said smoothly, catching Jacob's eye. His sculpted face was dispassionate and stoic, reminding me of how he'd looked in the days before he'd left me in the woods. "But I have a few guesses. Allow me to consult with Carlisle, and we'll contact your Alpha within the next few days. Being as the boundary line was not crossed by any of my family, the treaty remains intact." The topaz-colored eyes narrowed. "And we're willing to overlook the violation yesterday, when you crossed into our territory in the... incorrect fashion."

I shivered.

"Well," Jacob said casually, "I was kind of in a rush."

"Apparently," Edward murmured. "Is that all, Jacob Black?"

"Yep." Jacob's hand pushed me firmly backwards; I had to back up several steps to keep from stumbling onto the asphalt. "That about covers it."

Then Jacob punched Edward in the face.

There was a crack like a baseball bat hitting a brick wall.

"FIGHT!" someone yelled, and the crowd of people immediately erupted into yells and catcalls.

The adrenaline racing through my body seemed to slow down the events, allowed me to take in more details than I would ever have thought my human mind was capable of. I saw Edward reach for his unhinged jaw and push it back into place; I watched Jacob's twisted and bleeding knuckles heal in less time than it took to blink. I had a moment to hope that I was the only one seeing this - then Edward hit Jacob in return, who reeled and spat out a mouthful of blood before throwing another vicious punch, crushing his hand a second time.

My scream was lost among the shouts of the students.

It looked surprisingly like a normal fight between two teenagers who wanted to beat each other to death. But it was all happening just a little too fast to be natural, and no one else was close enough to hear what I was hearing: the constant snap of breaking bones and cracking concrete. They both repaired themselves so fast that there was no evidence seconds later, but Edward clearly had the upper hand - he was made of stone, and Jacob was made of flesh.

Edward was also quicker. His fist closed around Jacob's throat, golden eyes blazing - no wait no! - Alice and I ran forward at the same moment-

-but not before Jacob shoved out powerfully against Edward's shoulders. Edward flew fifteen feet through the air and crashed into the Volvo, shattering the back window. Then Jacob was straightening again; he coughed up more blood, too much blood, but he was able to remain standing nonetheless. Edward jumped off of the car, glass clattering to the ground. There was not a mark on his flawless white skin.

The battle so far had happened in the space of thirty seconds, but Edward should not have been unharmed, and Jacob should not have been on his feet. This fight should not have been continuing. It literally wasn't possible - and yet it was happening all the same.

The crowd had gone completely silent.

I heard myself begging, "Jake, stop, please..." It wasn't fair, without phasing there was a limit to how much damage he could do and no limit to how much damage Edward could take, there was only so long this could go on until Edward would overcome the limits of Jacob's werewolf healing and beat him to death with those marble fists-

-then a gentle wave of relaxation washed over me. This wasn't so bad. There wasn't anything to worry about. Things would be okay.

Edward and Jacob stopped in their tracks, Edward blinking, Jacob shaking his head like his ears were full of water. After a moment light chatter started up, and the students began to disperse.

"Thanks, Jazz," Alice murmured.

I looked to my right; Jasper stood next to Alice, watching the proceedings with a look of mild concentration. If the unbelievable amount of power he'd just emitted - calming the charged emotions of over thirty people, including a vampire and a werewolf - had caused him the slightest bit of strain, it didn't show.

It occurred to me with a detached sort of realization that Jasper might be the most terrifying of all of the Cullens.

Edward appeared to be the more affected; the tension ran out of his body effortlessly, his topaz-hued eyes shut. But his words remained pointed. "I don't appreciate this, Jasper."

"I wouldn't expect you to." Jasper placed a hand on Alice's head. Her eyes fluttered shut as well, a serene smile coming to her face.

Jacob wasn't nearly so tranquil; I could feel his caged fury beating against my own ribcage. Jasper's suppression didn't seem to work as well against him. "Knock it off," he spat.

"No," Jasper replied frankly. "You've conveyed your message. You are not in your territory. Turn around and go home, boy."

Jacob raised his chin defiantly. A wide smear of blood was drying on his cheek.

"Jake," I whispered. "Jake, let's go. I'll come with you." There was no chance - none - that Jacob would leave me here alone. Not right now. He wouldn't be able to... and I didn't want him to.

Edward's eyes flew open at my words. "Bella-"

"Get in the car, Edward," Jasper said quietly. "She'll be all right."

"Alice can't see that!"

"No, but I can."

Alice turned her wide, frightened eyes to her brother, clearly communicating something to him without words. Edward flinched, gave me one last longing look - tingles ran up my spine as he did - then allowed Alice to grab his hand and pull him into the Volvo. More glass from the rear window fell to the ground as they slammed the doors.

"He won't come back to school," Jasper said - not to me, to Jacob. "I'll see to it. The girl will be safe."

"The girl has a name," Jacob growled.

"True." Jasper turned to me and inclined his head slightly. "My apologies for this unpleasantness, Bella."

I swallowed and tried to speak with something resembling composure. "Thank you."

"C'mon, Bells," Jacob said, grabbing my hand. It too was covered in blood, though he no longer had any obvious or open wounds. "Let's get out of here."

I squeezed his fingers.


It took about five minutes - or three miles, depending on whether his ability was based on time or proximity, I wasn't sure - before Jasper's emotion suppression wore off. I was clinging to Jacob's back on the motorbike, one of his hands holding my cast in place, and I felt his body abruptly tense in my arms. With a jerk we pulled over to where the road met with green, mossy forest.

Jacob got off the bike and removed the helmet from my head wordlessly. I glanced around in confusion. "Jake, we're nowhere near the treaty line."

He didn't respond, but I could feel the intensity blazing inside him; it seemed to heat my body like a furnace. He grabbed my forearm and pulled me into the line of trees with a firm tug.

"Jake?" I tried again, barely managing not to trip over a fallen log. His grip steadied me. "Where are we going?"

I didn't get an answer.

After a hundred or so feet, the road was no longer visible. We were surrounded by nothing but ancient evergreens and knee-high ferns and lichen clinging to rocks. Jacob's hand shook where it held my arm; in fact, he beginning to shake all over, his abnormal composure finally starting to crack. Part of my mind told me to pull myself free and get away because he was in danger of phasing, but the instinct-driven part of me, the imprint-driven part of me knew that that wasn't the case. This was something different. Jacob needed me.

A moment later my back slammed against a tree and Jake's lips crashed into mine.

The purring thing inside me thrummed with satisfaction.

This was nothing like our first kiss. This was nothing like any kiss I'd ever had. Jacob moved roughly, grabbing my thighs and lifting me clear off the ground, wrapping my legs around his waist and bracing me against the trunk. Hard scales of bark dug unforgivingly into my spine and I felt sap dripping into my hair. After I was held in place his hands moved up, underneath my shirt, where they'd been a hundred times before but never in this way. He felt so hot that he seemed in danger of setting me on fire.

I wanted to burn.

After a moment his mouth broke away; he turned his attention to my neck, groaning as he licked along the sensitive skin. I panted for breath, my hand clinging to his arm painfully, the scars pulling beneath the glove. My eyes closed and I found myself wanting more than anything for him to bite down, to mark me again, the way I ought to be marked. I wanted everyone to see it. I wanted everyone to know that the man who left that brand belonged to me and me alone.

Mine.

"Mine," he growled against my throat. His hands moved higher beneath my clothes. "You're mine and I'm not giving you back."

I opened my eyes.

I was wrong.

This was everything like our first kiss.

"Jake," I murmured, making an effort to calm myself. I couldn't figure out how much of the desperation was his and how much of it was mine, but as I focused it seemed to fade a little. I stopped digging my nails into Jake's arm and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to be soft. It was difficult when his face was pressed against my collarbone, his tongue swiping up the beads of sweat that were collecting, stoking the flames already consuming my body. "Jake, c'mon. Stop it."

The words weren't an order. They didn't have to be.

It took Jacob a moment, but his breathing started to slow, and the hands that had been clutching began to stroke instead. His lips brushed across my shoulder; I felt them form my name over and over.

I leaned my head back against the tree and tried to find the sky, but I could only see the brown of branches and the green of pine needles.

"It's worse," Jake finally whispered. He sounded like himself again - himself, but broken. "The imprint. It's getting worse."

"I know." It took so much effort to disobey the instinct that told me to keep going and claim what was rightfully mine, but this wasn't the way it should be. This wasn't us. "I want to, but... we shouldn't do this now. Not because you're scared."

"I hate him. I hate that he touched you. I hate that I could smell him on you. I can't stand it. He'd take you away from me if he could."

The humiliated shame squeezed at my lungs again. "I'm so sorry," I managed to say, fighting back tears. It was my fault that he was afraid of losing me, my fault I'd smelled that way, I'd kissed Edward, I'd made it clear that I could be taken by my own pathetic weakness-

Jacob's hands tightened. "I'm going to kill him," he said quietly. "One day I'm going to kill him for making you think it's your fault. I promise."

It sounded like a vow.

This didn't seem like a good time to argue about that, so I wiggled slightly, trying to shift my weight. Jacob got the message and pulled away. It was very hard not to make a dissatisfied noise as he removed his hands from under my shirt, but when he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and hugged me fiercely it made up for the loss of warmth. Jacob's hugs made everything in the world better.

"I love you." I felt his words more than I heard them, and I smiled in response.

Another moment later and Jake released me with a sigh. "We probably shouldn't spend all morning in the woods," he said.

The idea didn't sound to bad to me, actually, but he was right. "I better get back to class, yeah." I'd missed Chemistry, but that wasn't so terrible, nothing was due today. I wasn't looking forward to all the curious questions about the fight in the parking lot...

"Screw class."

I blinked. "Huh?"

A grin broke out over Jake's face; he looked like my Jacob for the first time that day. "C'mon, play hooky. Let's go to Port Angeles and do something fun."

"What?" I'd never skipped school in my life. "I can't do that! And you're covered in blood!"

He laughed outright at my scandalized tone and started pulling me back towards the road. "Sure you can. I'll wash up and we'll get some ice cream or something."

"No, Jake, really." I pulled my hand out of his reluctantly. Ice cream in Port Angeles sounded wonderful, but... "I've got this big test on Shakespeare. I have to take it or I'll flunk. And what about you?"

Jacob shook his head. "Trust me," he said darkly, "it's better if I stay away from the guys. My head is more trouble than it's worth right now."

"No, I mean, shouldn't you be in school?"

Something flickered across his face, and he didn't quite look at me as he helped me over another log. "Don't worry about it."

It took me a second to understand - it had been a long day, and it wasn't even ten o'clock yet - but then realization hit me like a freight train. "You didn't," I breathed.

He was silent.

"You didn't," I said again, coming to a stop. "Tell me you didn't drop out."

"I had to."

"You had to?"

"Yeah, Bells, I had to."

I couldn't comprehend what I was hearing. Jacob wasn't even through his sophomore year yet. "When did this happen?"

Jake stopped too, brushing a branch away from his face and scowling at the ground. "I didn't go back after spring break."

I paled. "That was almost two months ago! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Maybe because I knew you'd react like this?" he said acidly. "What else was I supposed to do, Bella? I can't exactly run patrol, eat, sleep, see you, and learn about mitochondria. It wasn't going to happen."

My heart stuttered. "See me?" I repeated, my eyes filling with tears.

Jacob froze and finally looked up, his expression dismayed. "That's not what I meant."

I shook my head. "Yeah," I whispered. "It was."

If he'd had more time to himself... if he'd been running more patrols at night instead of coming to my room, he could've had time during the day to go to class, he wouldn't have had to do this...

...another thing that was my fault.

Warm arms wrapped around me gently, pulling me close. "Honey, listen," Jacob murmured. "It's not just me, okay? Everyone dropped out. Well, except for Seth, 'cause Leah threatened to tear Sam's legs off. Embry and Quil and Paul don't have imprints, but they couldn't keep up with school either. So it doesn't have anything to do with you. I was just... listing stuff that's more important. All right?" He kissed the top of my head. "Besides, you'd be the last thing I'd sacrifice to get more time. I'd give up eating first."

I snorted in spite of myself. "Okay. I'll just have to have a hundred bags of Doritos in my room so you can eat dinner and hang out with me at the same time."

"There's an idea." He brushed my hair back, keeping one arm securely locked around my waist. "I mean it, Bella," he said. "I'd've had to quit no matter what. So don't beat yourself up, okay?"

The huge mural of graduation caps in the Cullens' home came to mind. "It's not fair," I muttered bitterly.

"Yeah, well, life sucks and then you die. Didn't anyone ever tell you that?" In spite of his sarcastic words, Jacob sounded relieved. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything. How mad are you?"

"I'm not mad." I sighed. "I'm just depressed."

"Um... is that better or worse than mad?"

"I'm not sure yet. Give me a few minutes."

"Okay."

I leaned into his chest, feeling too many things to properly categorize them. I wanted to fight something, to blame someone - the Cullens for causing the transformations, Sam Uley for keeping the wolves on such breakneck schedules, myself for not finding some way to stop it all from happening in the first place - but regardless of who was at fault, it wouldn't make any difference. Jacob was having to give up everything he'd ever wanted for himself. They all were. And there wasn't anything that could be done about it now.

And I'd eat dirt before I went to Dartmouth.

After a long moment, I kissed Jacob's chest through his shirt. "Will you go back in the fall?"

"Maybe. Or I could always get my GED or something. I'll figure it out."

"We'll figure it out," I corrected him.

Jacob paused for a moment, pulled me just a hair tighter against him. "Right." His voice was husky. "We'll figure it out."


I checked my watch when Jacob helped me off the bike in the parking lot. It was the middle of second period. Could have been worse. "See you tonight?"

"I doubt it. Probably not for a few days, at least."

A shiver of cold ran through me, and I looked up at him in alarm. "What? Why not?"

"Too busy." He rubbed his face, showing that exhaustion again that meant he hadn't slept in awhile. Dried blood flaked off his cheek. "With that bloodsucker trying to get on our land it's gonna be a mess. But if I have five spare minutes I'll come over."

"Don't you dare. Use those five spare minutes to rest," I countered. "You don't know who it was?"

Jake shook his head. "It was a woman, and she was blond. That's all we've got."

"It sounds like Edward recognized her," I murmured. And something about the image had triggered Alice to have a vision. A vision that upset her a lot.

The feeling of dread returned. No good could come of any of this.

"He could be lying." Jacob sighed wearily. "I don't know. We'll get her if she comes back. In the meantime we'll see what we can figure out."

"Let me know if I can help."

"Will do." He kissed my forehead gently. "I've gotta get back, Bells."

"Just make sure Sam gives you Friday night off," I said, nudging him with my cast. "You're not going to stand me up for prom, are you?"

Jacob grinned at the reminder. "Definitely not. Does seven sound good? Where should I pick you up?"

Wow. This was... a real date. The thought made me feel warm. "Seven's great. I'll be at Jessica's. She's eight blocks south of my house, in the blue rambler."

"Cool. I'll have the popcorn ready."

"Good." I shoved him gently. "Go. I'll see you Friday."

"Okay." He kissed my forehead again, then jumped back on the bike and sped away, sans helmet as always.

I waited until he was out of sight before I went inside.


"You're late," Mrs. Green said severely as I slunk into European History. I nodded meekly, and she rolled her eyes before turning back to the chalkboard and continuing her lecture on the Black Plague. I slid into my seat next to Jessica as unobtrusively as possible.

A few moments later Jessica slid a note over to me, written in her neat, curving handwriting. Does he have brothers?

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. Several.

Excellent. You know you have pine needles in your hair, right?

I suppressed a groan.


Coming Soon: Prom

Sanity Update: Brain... struggling... ow... must... make... it... to... end... of... book... one... (For the record, less than a day after I typed the word "hiatus" last week, I shit you not, I cut the scar on my finger with a potato peeler. Trust me, the break will be short. God only knows what Sam would do to me otherwise.) This was a late-in-the-day just-under-the-wire correcting job. I expect to break my finger jabbing at the "edit" button in the morning. (Edited to add: Oh, yeah. Didn't break my finger, but did break the button.)

UNUSUAL REQUEST: I don't usually do this, but... a friend of mine (one of the few RL folks who know what I do, mostly because she's my "finish your goddamn book" cheerleader) asked me how many readers I have. The answer is, I don't know. It's hard to tell about these things. So... if you're lurking, would you mind raising your hand just this once and saying "Present"? I swear I'm not review-whoring, you don't have to write a word about the fic if you don't want to. I'd just really like to know how many folks are out there so I can give a reliable report instead of pulling numbers out of my ass. Thanks :)