A/N - Now accepting anonymous reviews in case some of you have tried to review but couldn't. Thank you all so much for your continued support of this story.
His words hit her through a desire induced fog like a torrent of ice water. Her lips were blissfully sore and swollen, there was an ache between her legs and yet she could swear he was refusing her…worse he looked sorry about it. She blinked several times in confusion, her heart still thumping like wild elephants across a grassy terrain.
"Wait…what?" She shook her head to clear it. Did he just say they couldn't do this? Here she was, so wet and ready for the taking and he wanted to stop? The color of embarrassment flooded her features. How much of a fool was she?
"Make no mistake…" He held her hands tighter, seeing the blush and worrying that she was thinking he didn't want to make love with her. "I want it more than anything I've ever wanted in my life." He swallowed heavily. With both of them on their knees facing each other, he couldn't concentrate…Jesus, he could still smell her musky scented arousal. With a groan, he stood up and helped her to her feet, never letting her go.
"Then…why?"
Tucking her hair behind her ears and giving her a rueful smile, he attempted to explain.
"I made a promise to you earlier that all we would do is talk…and as much as it's killing me to do so, I am going to keep it." He tilted up her chin so she would look at him in the eyes and see his sincerity. "I want you to trust me again and you won't be able to do that if I start breaking promises…especially ones I made only a few hours ago." He sighed heavily and rested his forehead on hers. "And perhaps more importantly, I don't want our first time together after all these years be because we're both buried under a shroud of grief, mourning all that we lost…I want it to be a celebration of what we have found."
Bella nodded in understanding. Oddly enough, what he was saying made sense. It would be a mistake that they both would probably regret in the morning. He was right and here she was throwing herself at him when she had promised herself she wouldn't do so.
"I should…um…" Bella said glancing around for her shoes. "I should probably go"
When she tried to pull her hands from his grasp, he made no move to release her. "No. Stay…please. It's very late and I don't want to send you home in a cab at this hour."
"But…"
"Shhh" He placed a kiss to her forehead. "You can sleep in my guest room…for now." He added so she wouldn't misunderstand any of his future intentions. "Wait here for just a moment." He said as he reluctantly let her go of her hands immediately feeling bereft from the loss of contact.
She watched him walk towards a long hallway until he disappeared from view. Her mind was reeling. Should she…could she spend the night? She vacillated between wanting to stay and quietly slipping out the door before he came back. Biting on her thumb cuticle, not caring about her expensive manicure, she sat down slowly afraid her shaky legs would no longer be able to hold her up.
When he returned, she noticed he had changed into blue cotton sleep pants and a white t-shirt. His chest looked broader now that he was no longer wearing the suit and his biceps bulged out of the sleeves. Dear Lord in Heaven, she wanted to jump him all over again.
Edward smirked knowingly at her heated expression as he handed her a gray t-shirt and a pair of athletic shorts. "Here." He cleared his suddenly dry throat. "You can change into these. There is a half bath down the hall, first door to your left."
Silently she accepted the clothes he offered her and gave him a tentative smile, still unsure of what she should do.
"We're not done talking about what happened." He reminded her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I'd like to continue our conversation if you're not too tired."
Tired? Bella knew she should be but she was wired from everything. She couldn't sleep if she wanted to and she owed him the rest of the tale.
"No, I'm not tired."
Pleased, he smiled. "Good. Now go get comfortable."
When she came back (after trying not to be nosey and inspecting inside the bathroom cabinets for any feminine supplies) she noticed the dirty glasses were gone and new ones were in their place. He was sitting down staring up at the photos she had taken. His lips were moving but she heard no sound. If she didn't know better, she'd think he was praying.
Edward turned to her and smiled seeing how she was practically swimming in the shirt he gave her. It was his old NYU t-shirt, he dug out from his closet. When he had purchased it, he hadn't been into working out yet but apparently it still wasn't small enough to fit her. He let his eyes roam down her form, over her tanned, shapely legs. He wasn't the only one who had been working out, if what he saw revealed by the shirt was any indication.
"You look good in my clothes." He said honestly although she'd look better out of them. There was something about her wearing his clothes that did something primal to him...like it was tangible proof that she belonged to him.
She blushed under his openly hungry gaze as he suspected she would. He was so glad, she hadn't lost that adorable quirk…that she hadn't let the years jade her like they did to him.
"NYU, huh?" She pulled at the t-shirt with a lopsided grin.
Edward shrugged. "I completed my bachelor's in economics and business there when I could afford it." He patted the spot next to him and she sat down, curling her legs under her as she picked at the hem of the shirt nervously.
"I'm glad you went back to school."
"So am I." He wryly admitted. "I realized quickly that the business world would not take me seriously without a degree. Jasper helped me get in."
"He's been a good friend." She stated softly.
"The best." He agreed. "…but Bella, I don't want to talk about Jasper right now." His voice was low and husky and filled with emotion. He couldn't stop himself from touching the soft ends of her hair, watching the illumination from a lamp dance on her highlights. "I want to hear the rest of what happened."
She looked down, her eyes focusing on the purple NYU insignia printed on the shirt. "I was afraid you would say that."
"If you don't want…"
"No," She stopped him. "You have a right to know and I already told you the worst part of it."
Edward grabbed one of the newly filled glasses and handed it to her. "It's just water, " He smirked. "I figured we both had enough alcohol for one night."
"Thank you." She took a greedy sip to coat her dry throat and steeled her shoulders to finish the rest of the story. "So…I was questioned by the police…and when I told them the reason Laurent came over in the first place, they obtained a warrant to search his house. Ironically enough, they found the stash that he thought you took. It turned out Laurent was so high when he hid it, he forgot where it was." She laughed but it was bitter and tasted horrible in her mouth.
Edward felt sick all over again. The whole thing could have been avoided had the fucking asshole remembered where he put his God Damn drugs. He didn't trust himself to speak so he waited for Bella to continue.
"Anyway, he was charged with attempted murder in the second degree and cocaine possession. His lawyer wanted to cop a plea down to a lesser charge but the District Attorney's office wanted to make an example of him, so knowing they had irrefutable evidence against him, they refused."
"Thank God."
"Yeah…I thought so too." Bella smiled, genuinely this time. "The trial was pushed up because Charlie was one of the key witnesses and his health was declining so rapidly…" She choked, eyes starting to fill again. "I'm sorry."
"Hey, it's okay." He wiped a tear away with his thumb and gently embraced her, rubbing circles in her back.
"They gave him fifteen years…thirteen for the attempted murder charge and two for the cocaine possession."
Edward made the quick calculation in his head. "So he's in for another five. Not enough time for me but I'll take it for now." He felt Bella stiffen beside him. "What? What is it?" He asked worriedly.
"Actually..." She said drawing the word out. "He was up for early release this year but Sue, your mother and I spoke at the Parole Board hearing along with the DA's office and we managed to convince them to keep him incarcerated. He has another hearing for parole next year."
His arm went around her and he clenched his eyes shut in fury. The thought of her having to face that fucker again after what he had done to her made him want to go back down to Florida and kill him himself.
"I was really proud of your mom…" Bella said in that soft husky voice of hers. "It was first time…I think…that she spoke up to him to his face."
"She did, huh?" Edward snorted unimpressed.
"She's better now, Edward." Her tone held a slight reprimand. "She went through extensive therapy…and I know she misses you. Don't forget Laurent abused her too."
"So I'm supposed to just forgive her for not protecting her own son?" After all these years...all the therapy he'd been too...he still felt the harsh, bitter resentment. He tried to get over it and when that didn't work, he tried to stamp it down and pretend it didn't exist.
"Sometimes forgiveness is the only way we can move forward."
"And is that what we're doing, Bella? Moving forward?" He asked because he just didn't want to think about Elizabeth Mason anymore.
Bella thought for a moment. "I…I think so…I mean I'd like to try."
Bella woke up disoriented, not knowing where she was at first. This was the third time in as many days that she had slept in a bed different from her own. Edward's, she was at Edward's. It felt so strange saying that after all these years.
At Edward's.
She rolled over in the bed, liking the feel of the luxorious fabric of the expensive cotton on her bare legs. She had not been lying when she had told Edward last night that had he stayed in Jacksonville, he would have never achieved the powerful and wealthy status that he had now.
There had been no Jasper in Jacksonville, whom she assumed had quite a bit to do with Edward's transformation from an angry young man with no determinable direction to the real estate mogul he was today.
He owned buildings in New York City for crying out loud.
But according to him, it was an empty life...made desolate by her absence. Bella found it difficult to wrap her head around that. Although, he said there was no one but her, she knew he couldn't have been celibate all these years. She'd be a fool to think it. Edward was a very sexual man. It exuded from his every pore. And no one knew that more than she did...the way he used to constantly touch her, speak to her...the way he discovered ways to please her and in turn she did so for him; some of them quite uncoventional.
She also saw how other girls had looked at him and could only surmise that it was even more magnified now.
But she hadn't been celibate either...unfulfilled maybe but definitely not celibate. It was a conversation she didn't want to have.
After a quick message to Alice's cell phone telling her where she was and that she was alive and safe, she decided it was time to venture out of bed.
She was grateful the guest room had it's own private bathroom so she could see how much of a wreck she looked like before facing him. Not too bad, she thought as she looked into the mirror after she washed her face with the expensive facial soap provided. She found toothpaste but no toothbrush so she improvised by placing the paste on her finger and rubbing it over her teeth and tongue.
There was no way she was going to face him with morning breath.
Still dressed in the clothes he had given her, she followed the smell of coffee to the kitchen and stilled when she saw him. He sat at the breakfast bar, wearing only the blue cotton sleep pants and nothing else with bed tousled hair, reading the morning paper, a pair of black rimmed reading glasses perched on the edge of his nose.
It was the sexiest thing she had ever seen in her life. Last night, she didn't get to appreciate the full effect of seeing him bare chested. It wasn't like she was seeing something she never had before but in a way it was. He was cut and defined in all the right places without looking like a complete muscle head.
Oh my.
Edward felt her prescence immediately. He knew she was inspecting him and he let her under the guise that he was involved in reading the paper. The truth was he couldn't concentrate on the words in front of him. He found himself reading the same paragraph about three times already.
Ready to stop the charade, he turned and looked at her, his breath immediately catching in his throat at the sight of her standing there. She was fresh faced, devoid of make and the wild mane of her hair made it look like she had just been good and properly fucked. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
He smiled slowly...gloriously...his joy obvious at her presence here. If he had his way, she'd never leave.
"Good morning." He said. "Did you sleep well?"
"Very well...surprisingly enough." She answered, advancing closer to him. "and you?"
She couldn't know it was a question with no easy answer, of course. Did he tell her that after an hour of tossing and turning, he had finally fallen asleep only to wake up from the throes of a nightmare, being compelled to sneak quietly into the guest room to reassure himself that she was there...that the night had actually happened? Or that as he watched her sleep peacefully with her hands tucked and curled under her chin, he fought hard not succumb to the desire to crawl into bed beside her and spoon himself against her? Or that after finally deciding to do the right thing and leave, he couldn't help but reach out and trail his finger down her cheek, watching her smile softly and purr in sleep as he did so?
But he said none of those things.
"I slept well, all things considered." He commented cryptically as he poured her a cup of coffee. "Do you still like it the same way? Black with three no-calorie sweetners?"
Bella couldn't answer at first. Her eyes were glued to the small of his back, where he wore a tattoo that was the exact identical of hers. He still had it.
"Bella?" He asked her again, turning to face her, his brows creased.
"Oh...um...yeah...the same." She flustered.
He gave her a knowing smirk as he saw where her gaze had been focused.
"Yes, I still have it too." He placed the coffee in front of her. "And as insane as it might sound, it was the only way, besides the photographs, that I could feel connected with you...to feel like you were a part of me always." He said opting for complete honestly.
"No." Bella whispered. "It doesn't sound insane at all."
"So..." He cleared his throat. "Would you like some breakfast? I have eggs, bacon, toast, cereal...?"
She was momentarily thrown by the sudden change in conversation. "Um...sure...cereal is fine."
He smiled and pulled two bowls from the cabinet, grateful for the distraction of the mundane task.
"Is Corn Flakes, okay? I have fresh fruit too...strawberries?"
She blushed at his eagerness to please her and nodded. Her stomach was in too many knots to even think about food.
"That's fine."
"So...what do you usually do on Sunday mornings?" He asked as he served her her cereal with cut strawberries.
"Oh...well, me and Jake usually went for a run by the beach and afterwards get an iced coffee at one of the beachside cafe's."
Edward's hand stilled, spoon filled with cereal in mid-air. "And was Jake your dog?" He asked conversationally but there was a wealth of tension behind the casually toned question.
Bella nearly choked on her coffee. "Um...no. Jake is an old friend from college. He lived across the hall from me in Miami."
Ahh, Edward thought, Mr. Over Protective Work Out Guy.
"Yes, I believe I ran into him yesterday morning when I went looking for you." He said with the tiniest bit of steel in his voice.
Bella's eyes went as round as saucers.
"You did?"
"Mmmm." He nodded. "He seemed very protective of you. Wouldn't give me any information of your whereabouts. I was quite perturbed." That was putting it mildly, he thought.
"Yeah, Jake is like that." She blushed.
It was on the tip of Edward's tongue to ask if she ever slept with him but he didn't. She might call for a bit of quid pro quo and he didn't want to go down that road just yet.
"I'd like to spend the day with you." He blurted out.
She gently placed her cup down, not sure if she was ready for this just yet. "Oh, Edward...I don't know. I have so many things to do and..."
"Please." He reached out and covered her hand with his own. "I could could give you a tour of where your new offices will be and maybe we can take a walk around Bryant Park...see the library."
His offer was tempting...very tempting.
"But I don't have anything to wear."
"We'll go back to your place, you can change, then we'll head out."
It was obvious he wasn't going to take no for an answer and she didn't have all that much fight in her this morning. She really did want to see where her new offices were and that he thrown in a tour of the New York City Library...well that was just the icing on the cake.
She bit her bottom lip in indecision.
"We can't erase the past, Bella...I know that. I want a fresh start and after our conversation last night, I believe you do too." He implored her with his words and his steady gaze. "We could begin that today."
Bella sighed. "I can't make any promises about the future, Edward because I really don't know this new version of you but spending the day together seems like a good start in that direction and I guess we'll go from there."
There, she thought proudly. That sounded completely logical and mature. It was too bad her heart and body weren't on the same wave lengths as her brain.
The fact that she wasn't as sure about them as he was almost physically hurt but he could work with it. Just as long as he kept some aspects of his past hidden from her. Even though, he knew, technically he had done nothing wrong, committed no betrayal...they hadn't been together at the time but he couldn't see Bella accepting that more depraved side of himself. It sickened even him.
Plus he knew he would go insane if the situations were reversed.
