She should have listened to Kira, because after that, things became rapidly more complicated, and their temporary haven became increasingly precarious.

For one, the phone didn't stop ringing; Marion Bowles called to give Sarah a heads' up that Rachel was showing signs of recovery (no new eyeball, of course, although Sarah wouldn't have put it past her to steal one from another clone if she could find a way; but she was through the surgeries and beginning to be able to walk around and rehabilitate), Cal called to let her know that Kira had calmed down, but that she was saying some weird things about Mrs S and remained convinced that Cosima was dying. Sarah didn't begin to know what to do with any of that.

Then some time past midnight, her phone rang and rang, and Sarah couldn't find the damn thing, and when she finally dug it out from a mass of discarded scarves and eyeliner pencils on the coffee table, the screen was blank. She stared at it bleerily, trying to catch up after being startled awake.

Then the ringing began again, despite her phone being immobile in her hand, and she was just sleep deprived enough to be bewildered before she heard Cosima's sleepy, confused, "Hello?" from the next room.

That was enough to wake her up in a hurry. Cosima's clone phone hadn't rung the whole time she'd been here, and her regular phone had been switched off after she'd made a carefully phrased phone call to her parents. That it was ringing now… only five people had that number, and three of them had no need to call her. A call at two in the morning would only be coming from Scott or Delphine, and Sarah knew where her money was.

"Delphine? Holy - holy shit. Are you - are you okay? Where are you?"

Yeah, Scott had been pretty good at keeping his head below the parapet. Delphine, on the other hand, was always going to make some kind of desperate stand to get back to Cosima with a cure.

"No I'm - I'm fine. I mean, I'm not fine, I want you here, but I'm like, I'm getting better. And you -" Cos stopped, listened, and Sarah found herself craning to hear without meaning to, "Delphine, where are you? Where have you been?" She paused again, longer this time. "No, that's - Delphine, don't. Please, don't. Not if you're going to be in danger."

Cosima was sitting up by then, legs over the side of the bed but still entirely tangled in the sheets, gesturing large with her free hand. Sarah avoided her eyes, giving her what little privacy she could. "Del - it isn't worth it. If you fly, they'll be records, they'll be able to find you. I want you here, but not if the DYAD track you down - do you not - Del - Delphine - no, I'm fine, I don't need a cure, I need you alive and - I - fuck. Please don't. Please," her free hand was over her eyes now, "I understand, I just - I love you too. I can't do this without you. Please, please, be safe."

Cosima dropped the phone into her lap, her head hanging low. Sarah waited, trying to give her a moment, then went to her, sitting carefully by Cosima on the bed. "Hey. You okay?"

When Cos opened her eyes, sans glasses, Sarah could see tears glinting on her lashes. That shook her; she'd seen Cosima cough and puke and spit blood, but even when she thought she might be dying, she'd barely seen her cry. It looked wrong on her face.

"How long have you known?"

That wasn't the response Sarah had expected. "What?"

The look Cosima shot her then held fire. "How long have you known where Delphine was? What she was doing?"

Oh. " - a while now. She managed to get a phone off the grid, kept calling while you were… out of it… Eventually I answered your phone." Sarah tried to smile, "Your girl is real persistent."

Cosima ignored that entirely. "She's in France, but I suppose you already know that."

Sarah found herself fumbling for words; Cosima was the last person she expected accusations from. "I uh - no, she was still in Germany last time I talked to her… trying to get the original DNA, she must have moved." She paused, "Is she coming here now? What's happened?"

Cosima didn't respond, and Sarah found herself edging closer, still hesitant to touch. "Cos, what's wrong?"

Cosima dropped her head into her hands for a long minute. When she lifted it, her face was unreadable, no more tears visible in her eyes. "What's wrong, Sarah? What's wrong? How long have you been in contact with her?"

"Um, a couple of weeks, I guess?" Sarah hazarded. It was probably longer, but admitting that seemed like a bad idea.

Cosima shook her head, disbelieving. "And you didn't think to, I don't know, tell me that you'd heard from her? That you were chatting every other day? That she was rummaging around in the depths of the DYAD where anyone could fucking find out and decide that she was a problem? You didn't fucking think I might want to know any of that?"

Sarah floundered. "No - Cos - I thought - you were so sick, I didn't think you'd remember -"

"I was not so goddamn sick I wouldn't have remembered that, you idiot! I thought she was dead!"

Somewhere in the flat a tap was dripping, a repetitive drub-drub-drub that Sarah had never noticed before. It was the only sound she could hear beyond Cosima's harsh breathing, crackling in her chest and through her mouth and nose. Cosima clutched her fist over her heart, rubbing hard, and Sarah opened her hands to her.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry. I didn't know you were scared, I just," she grasped for answers, "I didn't want to tell you unless I had good news. I didn't want you to worry, alright?"

Cosima snorted, then had to catch her breath, her flattened palm now rubbing over her breastbone. "You really didn't think I'd be worried anyway?"

It wasn't like she didn't have a point, but - "I kinda thought you were focussed on the whole not-dying thing, to be honest. And you were sicker than you think," Cosima gave her a disbelieving look, and she supplied, "Last week you made a lot less sense than you thought you did."

Cosima huffed a dry laugh, the sound rattling from her throat. Sarah braced herself for more nature versus nurture, or worse, further accusations, but Cos went quiet instead, pulling her blanket around her shoulders and tucking her feet up onto the edge of the bed.

Moving slowly, Sarah put an arm around her shoulders, pulling Cosima into her. Beneath the blanket, her clone still felt too hot and too skinny, each shoulder blade distinct against Sarah's arm. Cosima turned her face into Sarah's shoulder, allowing the embrace, but not returning it.

It took a long minute before she spoke again. "Did you put her up to this?"

Sarah had to backtrack. "Did I… talk her into snatching the original DNA and doing a runner across Europe? Nope, that was all her idea."

"Of course it was," Cosima huddled in on herself still further, and Sarah found herself absently stroking her hot back, calming the racing heartbeat she felt too easily. "Sarah, how could you not tell me?"

Sarah couldn't let herself pause, or she wouldn't be able to say it. "I wasn't sure you'd need to know."

Cosima closed her eyes. "You thought I was going to die."

There it was. Sarah had kept so many things to herself, only halfway thinking her efforts would ever make a difference, without ever admitting why. She pursed her lips, looked down. "For a while, yeah."

Cosima nodded slowly. Then she turned away and coughed, coughed, coughed again, and gasped for air like it surprised even her. She hacked in a way Sarah hadn't heard in weeks, and she scrambled to get behind Cosima on the bed, recognising she was choking.

She didn't get there before Cos gasped, hacked again, and brought up a clump of mucus onto the floor. Even in the poor light from the window, Sarah could see it was clotted with blood.


I am so sorry. Please don't hate me.