Title: Love Only Yourself
Characters: Akane (Gaara) Kamiko (My OC Akane's godmother)
Mentioned Characters: Kyoko (Kankuro) Tadao (Temari) Yasu (Yashamaru) Oka (GBGaara's Dad) Kaito (Karura)
Rating: T for death
Warnings: Death
Pairings: None
Notes: Poor Akane! *hugs Akane* Poor Gaara! *hugs Gaara* Damn you Fourth Kazekage and Kaito! Just damn you to hell! MY BABIES! *hugs them again* Bloody prejudiced Suna…demon…BAH!...Kiss my ass Kazekage…
I don't own Naruto but I own the gender bent versions in this story and I own Kamiko. Please don't take any of these characters.
…
Listening to: Everything Burns by Anastacia ft. Ben Moody
…
Akane sat on the ledge of the balcony of the Kazekage Tower, her face buried in her hands. She was crying, silently for once, usually she would be sobbing.
'What am I?' she thought to herself not for the first time. 'Why does everyone hate me? I didn't do anything wrong!'
She didn't notice the tall figure sneak up behind her, nor did she realise multiple kunai had been thrown at her until she sensed the sand create a wall behind her to protect her from the oncoming blades.
Akane jumped, startled, and turned to face the new comer. The person was obviously a woman, her face was hidden by a veil, her eyes were hidden by dark glasses she were wearing an ANBU uniform, and she was using her chakra to levitate multiple kunai in front of her, all of them aiming at the small red head. Akane's tears quickly stopped flowing, only to be replaced with two emotions she rarely felt- hatred and absolute fury.
'Why? Akane thought furious, 'Why is it always ME? Why am I the only one treated this way?'
She leapt off the ledge with a scowl on her face, her breathing deep and quick, the sand wrapping around her arms. She was so sick of this! She sick of the hate, the loneliness, the confusion, the pain, she was sick of all the hurt. She couldn't stand it anymore!
The assassin sent more kunai at Akane which the sand blocked with ease. Akane raised her arms and the sand wrapped around the assassin lifting the tall figure into the air. In that moment her control over the sand was absolute. Akane flexed her fingers, glaring at the woman trapped in the sand all the while…
And then her fingers clenched and a sickening crunch echoed throughout the night as the sand broke all of the woman's bones. Akane's arms fell limply to her side as the assassin fell to the ground with yet another sickening crunch.
Akane stared at the limp figure on the ground in horror. She wanted to vomit. What had she just done?
But…who was it? Who tried to kill her and why?
Her veil had partly fallen off; Akane noticed as she walked shakily towards her would be killer, terror washing over her in waves. Why would someone do this? What was going on? Why her?
What had she just done?
Then she noticed the colour and style of the hair that was exposed. It was black and it was in a braid...
Akane shook her head. 'Don't be stupid' she mentally berated herself, 'Black in a common hair colour and a braid is a common hair style…it could be anyone…'
Only one way to find out.
Akane reached out, trembling, and removed the veil and glasses from the assassin's face…
She quickly dropped them in horror when she saw whose face they had been concealing from her.
Kamiko.
Her godmother.
Her godmother had just tried to kill her. What…why…how…what was going on?
"K-Kamiko?" Akane stuttered. 'No, no it can't be' Akane thought, 'I'm dreaming, this is a nightmare…but I can't sleep…so…so this is real! Oh God…'
She couldn't help it- she fell to her knees and started screaming, tears falling again, gripping her hair as the sand flew around her. Why? Why would she do this? Why Kamiko? Of all the people to do this to her, why did it have to be the one person who actually cared?
Kamiko turned towards her with great difficulty.
"Impressive Akane-sama" she said quietly, as she regarded her now sobbing goddaughter.
"Why?" Akane sobbed, "Why would you…?" Why did you try to kill me?
"Your father" Kamiko said answering the unfinished question, as she said it she started coughing blood, "He ordered me to kill you…"
Her father? Certainly he hated her, she was terrified of him, she hated him deep down but…but why? But for some reason Akane wasn't surprised. Horrified, heartbroken, sick to her stomach and scared yes, but not surprised. But she couldn't focus on Father now, she had to focus on Kamiko.
"Then you just did this because Father told you to" Akane said, feeling a small burst of relief. So Kamiko didn't have a choice, it was because of Father…
"No" Kamiko said so quietly that Akane almost missed it.
"W-what do you mean?"
"If I wanted to I would have refused" Kamiko said preferring to look at the full moon, rather than her heartbroken goddaughter.
"The truth is you were born to contain the One-Tailed Demon, Shukaku and that is why your mother died giving birth…I tried to love you, I really did, but…" she continued in the same quiet tone, "Deep down…I suppose…" she coughed more blood, "I have always resented you…you were born taking the life of my best friend…I tried to love you, I tried to see you as a reminder of her, but I just couldn't…She died cursing her own stupidity as it was her idea to place Shukaku in you and she died cursing the village too. She wanted you to avenge her…she didn't love you and neither did I… Oka believed your existence would be preserved if you lived only for yourself and loved only yourself…You were never loved."
Akane's eyes widened at Kamiko's words, her hand clutched at her chest, where her heart was. It felt like it was being ripped in two. But how could it be breaking when it wasn't even whole to begin with? She couldn't stand it. Her mother didn't love her…Kamiko had lied to her…She couldn't say anything. It was as if the life had been sucked out of her. Her head felt like it was being crushed, her heart being ripped in two, every inch of her in unbearable pain…
She only snapped out of her trance when Kamiko moved.
Her godmother had opened her vest, revealing the paper bombs that lay hidden beneath…and she had lit one…
"This is it" she whispered, still not looking at Akane, but obviously addressing her, "Please die…"
And then the bombs exploded.
Akane was thrown backwards screaming, until the sand wrapped around her in a grim parody of a hug and more formed around her as a shield.
As quickly as it happened it was over.
Akane was lying hunched over, head in her knees, sobbing, crying more than she had ever cried before in her life. She looked up. Where Kamiko had lain was now a crater. That was the only evidence that her godmother had been there at all. There wasn't even any blood though the scent of it still lingered. Akane wanted to vomit, to scream, to bring Kamiko back just so she could smack her in the face, or to scream at her, to make her take it all back…
"I believe Oka truly loved you Akane-chan."
"Love?"
But it was all a lie…no-one loved her.
"You were never loved."
And finally Akane snapped.
"Kamiko…Father…Mother…I HATE YOU! I HATE ALL OF YOU! I HATE THIS DAMN VILLAGE AND EVERYONE IN IT!"
And she screamed. She screamed and screamed as the sand went berserk, wrapping around her, flying everywhere, and cutting violently against her forehead, for once because she wanted it to.
A moment later she raised her head, glaring at the wall. Her green eyes suddenly seemed much too old to be on a six year old girl's face, they were now blank, emotionless, lifeless…
Blood dripped down her face now along with her tears, dripping onto her dress. Why? Because she had used the sand to carve the Ai symbol, the symbol of love into her forehead. Ironic as there was no love in her life, so it would be taken as a symbol of a demon loving only herself. After all instead of fighting the fact that everyone hated her she might as well embrace it right? It would be easier that way…
"She lied" Akane muttered to herself. Her voice also seemed too old for her now. It was the voice of someone who had been through too much pain, it was the voice of someone broken. "She lied" she muttered again, "She didn't love me, she never did. Mother didn't either. She thought I was a monster, just as the rest of the village do…and I am, I am! Father hates me, my siblings don't care, Aunt Yasu doesn't know how to act around me…I'm alone. I finally understand that. I won't love or trust anyone ever again…I'm alone."
She stood up, wiping the blood away from the new mark on her forehead, her face twisted into a horrible cross between a glare and a scowl, tears still falling silently down her cheeks.
"From this day forth" she vowed, "I will live only for myself. I will fight for myself, I will love myself and only myself."
After all wasn't that what monsters did?
…
Love did nothing but hurt and shatter her. Love was painful. Love was useless. Love was non-existent.
She KNEW this…
So then…
Why was she still crying?
…
"Monster? Huh. In that case we are the same Uzumaki-san. You ask why I do this, I'll tell you why; because I am nothing. Plain and simple, I am nothing. I was born taking my mother's life at birth, she died cursing the village, herself and me. She named me Akane as a tribute to her hatred, she only wanted me to destroy Suna. And Suna certainly didn't want me. To them I am only a weapon to be discarded at a moment's notice, I am a relic to erase...The truly pathetic thing is when I was younger I was stupid enough to believe someone cared. Then one day that hope was proved to be false in the worst way possible; the one person that seemed to love me tried to kill me under my father, the Kazekage's orders. I was six. So I realised that day I was not needed. My father mentally and emotionally abused me, my siblings didn't give a damn, my aunt didn't know what to do with me. My existence was un-necessary. And you need a reason to exist otherwise it's the same as being dead. I thought about it and I realised the only way to make sure I continued to exist, to feel that I am still alive is to kill those who threaten my existence. I kill all those who stand in my way…I live for myself, I fight for myself, I love myself and only myself. That's me, Sabaku no Akane, the demon of Sunakagure." –Sabaku no Akane to Uzumaki Nariko and Nara Sachi.
A/N: My poor baby! *hugs Akane yet again*
Okay as stated before Kamiko is my OC, Akane's godmother. She takes Yasu's/Yashamaru's place in trying to kill Akane/Gaara obviously.
She truly did love Akane but she was, to put it into words, a push over and couldn't stand up against the Kazekage even though it broke her heart to do this to Akane, who she loved like a daughter. She just…she just wasn't strong enough to go against her leader and childhood friend and she hated herself for it…Her true last words, although Akane did not hear them over the explosion were; "I'm so sorry Akane, please forgive me sweetheart…I love you so much."
