A Lack of Color
Chapter Seven: The One You Feed
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Obviously. Nor do I own the rights to Voula's Offshore Café.
Review Responses:
Icegirljenni: I enjoy the mysterious side of writing! [:
Keepoff: More interaction with Sesshoumaru next chapter. Say what! :D
Jaylonni Love: I'm so glad! I hope you like this one just as much!
Tsukimori. Kuchiki. 13: I'm glad at least one of you does!
oOo
"Rin…baby, look at me…"
She was curled in on herself. She didn't want to open her eyes. The pain had sought her out, it had found her and now it owned her. Everything hurt. Her heart ached. She didn't want to open her eyes. She didn't want to be afraid anymore.
She was sobbing; always sobbing and begging. He was ALWAYS begging. She could hear his faint words more clearly now a serious of 'please don't' and 'don't please'.
"Remember, Rin. You must always remember that I love you…"
She opened her eyes, her entire body bathed in warm sunlight. But she had seen it, hadn't she? Buried in the deep recesses of her mind; the silhouette of a beautiful woman. She lay there, still, allowing the onslaught of tears that fell from her eyes to fade away. She glanced over, half expecting to see Kouga sleeping beside her but she wasn't surprised to find him gone. On his pillow, she could faintly make out what appeared to be a diamond and a post it note. She chewed thoughtfully on her lip before reaching over to grab what he had left.
The other half of her earring; that figured…
You left this at Bankotsu's.
Be more careful, wench.
And that was all he wrote. She sat up slowly, clenching the diamond in her hand. Why she chose to keep it was beyond her. He stood in her apartment, roses in his hands, and a look of pure helplessness on his face. He'd begged her to be with him, to want and to need him like he wanted and needed her. And part of her, that small part that still wanted to believe in petty things like happily ever after, wanted to say yes. That part of her wanted and needed him too, but it was so tiny, so insignificant that she could pretend it didn't exist.
She was angry at him. Gods, was she angry. Kouga, her could have been, should have been, maybe one day knight in shining armor…was promised to someone else and pack tradition was law. Just because he hadn't accepted it, didn't make it true. So she begged him to leave. She was practically shoving him out the door and his roses too. But the earrings had sat forgotten, sitting on her counter top as a painful reminder of what could never be.
Deep down, somewhere inside of her, Rin knew Kouga was not the one just for her, if there was such a thing. And if there was, she told herself, Kouga was not it. And it was selfish of her but she kept his small trinket, wore it on her person on few occasions, and thought about him even less. But she wanted to remember what he looked like, professing his love for her and undying loyalty. She wanted to keep that image in her head because it was all she feared she would ever have.
And she cursed him profusely.
She wasn't in love with him, but she cared about him with all she had. No matter how little it was but what little it was just enough to keep her coming back to him.
What kind of horrible person did something like that?
She dressed quickly in her clothes, straightening his bed and purging herself of everything they had done. She left him a simple note, hastily shoving the earring into her jean pocket.
What kind of fucked up person did something like that!
The answer was simple, wasn't it?
The kind that hated herself…
oOo
Rin opened her apartment door, glancing around to see if Sango was home. The house was painfully silent, but Rin counted it as a blessing. Crossing the threshold to her room she roughly closed the door and peeled off her top. She stared intently at her bed for a long while, shirt grasped tightly in one hand. Someone had slept in her bed and there were two things she was most certain of:
It hadn't been Sango.
AND
That someone was still here.
"You smell like that disgusting wolf."
His voice was bitter, cutting through the silence like a fine tipped sword. Rin's entire body went frigid, the hair on her arms stood on end and inside she was fighting what appeared to be a losing battle not to scream. But she wouldn't show him this, he who was cold and hard. She turned slowly to face him, leaning against the back wall of her room, arms crossed over his chest like he was the 'be all that ends all'. His long hair was pulled back in a ponytail, revealing his perfect jaw line to go with his perfect face.
So many things she wanted to say to him. So much hatred inside, bubbling up and dissipating in the fear she couldn't keep in check. And all she could manage to ask was, "Did Naraku send you here?"
He smirked, pushing off the wall, taking a step closer to her person. She backed away as he knew she would, but where was she to go?
"No," he finally answered. "Naraku is more than confident in your ability to perform his task."
"And you're not?"
He took another step toward her but she found she had been cornered. Between her bed and nightstand where there was nowhere else to go. He smiled wickedly at her and she was sure her heart skipped a beat.
"The idea of you among dogs entices me little. You belong to me, Rhiannon."
The way he spoke her name made her want to vomit. Her stomach churned and her lungs burned. She could remember his hands on her body, the way he laughed when he hurt her. She could remember the way he dominated her and took her against her will to prove that she would belong to him. Only him, he'd reminded her. She'd left his care, spirit and body broken and wishing to die. Sixteen seemed so long ago, but it burned bright in her mind like a forest fire. Naraku had been less then sympathetic.
"Don't be so dramatic," he'd said with a malicious smile on his face. "Judas has done great things for me, Rhiannon. And all he's asked for is you…after you've settled your debts with me of course."
And that was just it. From one monster to the other, that was how Rin would be forced to live her life, assuming she came out alive. She wanted so badly to kill him. There was a gun in her drawer, but she doubted her ability to grab it before he overpowered her. It was stupid to think she had a chance against Judas, this demon who haunted her. And it had to end. She couldn't fear him forever, not if she was going to defeat him.
"I'm not yours yet," she'd told him, surprised that her voice hadn't cracked. He only smiled at her softly, watching as she faltered, leaning against her nightstand for support.
He was on her quicker than her human eyes could detect, grabbing her throat in a vice like grip and lifting her inches off the ground. She grasped at his arm, clawing at what bare skin she could. It was useless she knew, but she was a fighter. She had to fight. He turned, slamming her back against the wall behind her. The sound of her painful cry only made him smile. His grip tightened but she was unable to cry out. Oxygen was becoming scarce, black dots were dancing before her eyes.
"I own you, bitch! Never forget!"
But as quickly as the need to black out was upon her, it was gone, leaving her in a disheveled heap on the floor. She could vaguely hear the sound of her front door being closed. Sango was home. Thank the Gods.
Still, she remained where she was, taking in air like there was no tomorrow. Her entire body ached and she wanted so much to just rest. Just lay here and sleep. Silence wrapped around herself like a warm blanket and time seemed to escape her. It wasn't long lived before the sound of her phone ringing pulled her out of her foggy state of mind. She crawled over to her nightstand and grabbed her phone, leaning back against her bed. Unknown number.
"Hello?" It was a conscious effort to sound normal.
"Rin-chan? It's Kagome!"
Awkward silence edged its way between the two women.
"How did you…get this number?"
Kagome laughed whole heartedly on the other end. "It's the strangest thing! I ran into Sango at the market today. After describing who you were she said there wasn't a doubt in her mind that she knew you and she insisted that I have your number. Is this a bad time?"
Rin chewed on her lower lip, looking over at her clock hanging lopsided on her wall. Annoying, but she was just grateful it wasn't broken.
Yes…
"No, not at all Kagome; what can I do for you?"
"Sesshoumaru has been kind enough to allow me to take you on a tour of Taisho Enterprise, and I confess…I have nothing else to do today. More importantly, I'd really like to see some of your work!"
Rin smiled softly, running her fingers through her thick and somewhat tangled hair. "Sure, I'd enjoy that. Can you give me an hour? I'm just waking up." She lied.
"Of course! Do you know where Voula's Offshore Café is? I'm starving!"
"Yeah, I used to eat there a lot. I'll see you in an hour."
And she wept on the inside. Her plans consisted of many things today but not one of them involved Kagome. Sleep would just have to come later.
oOo
Rin stepped out of her room, closing the door softly behind her and peering over at Sango eating an apple at the bar counter. Making her way to the kitchen she smiled at Sango before grabbing a banana. "I told you I would go shopping today."
Sango shrugged her shoulders. "You didn't come home last night so I wasn't sure."
Rin threw the banana peel in the trash can, making sure to throw away the bottom with it. Mentally she shuddered. Gross. She turned back to Sango. "Yeah I…stayed with a friend last night."
Sango merely nodded but didn't miss the conflict wash over Rin's beautiful face. So much sadness, but it was gone before she could admire it any longer. Rin was a beautiful person, one Sango liked to believe had feelings and cared about others. But her line of work was ugly, snuffing her light and hiding away the pretty woman who felt things like sorrow.
"You know, I was your age when my grandfather told me: there is a battle between two wolves within us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth."
Rin pondered over Sango's words, slowly eating her banana. "Okay," she agreed. As if Sango had told her a fact. She glanced out the window of their fifth story apartment, watching a bird fly overhead. It was a long minute before she said, "I have to leave."
Sango simply nodded, watching as Rin finished off the fruit in her hand. She grabbed her keys from the counter and shoved them into her white peacoat. She walked toward the door, stopping just before she opened it to leave.
"Sango?"
"Hm?"
"Which one wins?"
To that Sango smiled, throwing her apple core in the trash. "Why, the one you feed of course."
