I opened my emerald green eyes. I blinked a couple of times, before realising it was morning. I hadn't been sleeping very well, after all my beloved fianc- I mean my beloved.. My beloved what exactly? I sighed. There was nothing I could do about it anymore, Yuuri had ended our engagement and decided to go for my personal maid.
"How many more sleepless nights.." I whispered to myself. I heard the door open, and I at an instant knew who it was. It was her. The woman that had taken Yuuri away from me. She had been outside my room with him last night before he told me, she had to know about the cancelled engagement.
"Kakaa." Her voice was soft, it almost sounded like she felt sorry for me. I didn't reply.
"Kakaa," she spoke again. "Are you feeling any better this morning?" What a stupid question. I couldn't possibly reply to that, could I? Despite what had happened – I didn't want to make her feel as if she'd done something wrong. Had she really done something wrong? It's not as if Yuuri ever loved me in the first place. May be she just did us both a favour. Yuuri didn't have to marry me and be unhappy, and I didn't have to be the cause of his unhappiness. He would marry of love instead.
"What do you think?" I replied harshly. She sat down on the edge of my bed.
"I'm terribly sorry things turned out the way they did," she whispered. "I had no idea that you were engaged to Heika." So that's why she'd acted so weird a couple of days ago.
"As long as you make him happy I'll be happy."
"But that's not entirely true, is it?" she asked. I didn't reply, just gave her a look.
"Kakaa.. I can see sadness in your eyes." I still wasn't replying, but made a move that said 'go away.' She finally realised trying to talk to me about it wouldn't work, and sighed.
"Would you like to have breakfast with Yuuri Heika?"
"Why don't you have breakfast with him?" I asked sarcastically, getting up. The question obviously shocked her.
"Kakaa.." she started.
"I don't wanna see him," I replied shortly. "I don't wanna see either him or you. And don't think you're entitled 'Kakaa' yet just because you're Yuuri's.. Yuuri's.. Just return to your duties immediately, prepare my breakfast. I'd rather get dressed alone than having you drooling over me." She didn't say anything, just bit her lower lip and nodded.
"As you wish, Kakaa." She bowed before leaving the room in a hurry. I slumped down on my bed again, not bothering to get dressed after all. Not having anything to do, I automatically started thinking about mine and Yuuri's conversation which had found place in this very room a few hours ago only. I felt a sting in my heart. I cuddled my pillow and buried my face in it.
I didn't feel like doing anything. Didn't wanna get dressed, didn't wanna eat breakfast, didn't wanna cross swords, didn't wanna get up, didn't wanna knit, didn't wanna go outside, didn't wanna see Yuuri, didn't wanna see my brothers, didn't wanna see nobody. I just wanted to stay right here for all eternity. If only I hadn't fallen in love with that stupid wimp.
I whipped my face. I hoped the ring Yuuri would give Lavinia at some point would turn her finger green. Thinking that only made me feel worse, it made me feel cruel. It was just, nobody could ever love Yuuri like I loved him. No, I had no idea how Lavinia felt, but I knew it in my heart.
I heard someone knocking on the door.
"Come in," I said. The door opened and Dorcas came in.
"Miss Lavinia wants to know where you'd like to eat," he said.
"Tell her I've changed my mind. She can eat it or give it to Günter, just tell her to do whatever she wants with it."
"But Kakaa.."
"Do it now," I replied. He nodded.
"As you wish." With that, he left the room. I closed my eyes, trying to sleep.
-
"Kakaa," a girl's voice said. I opened my eyes, and there she was, Lavinia, standing right beside my bed, staring me in the face.
"Kakaa please get dressed. Sir Gwendal told me to fetch you for dinne-"
Dinner? For how long had I been sleeping?
"I told you I didn't want food. Go away," I said, closing my eyes.
"But Gwendal insists," she replied. I got up in a hurry. I felt anger rise inside me, my breath getting heavier by the minute.
"I don't care!" I yelled.
"What's going on?" I heard a male voice say. I turned around seeing Gwendal in the door.
"Excuse me, but what is she doing in my room?" I yelled. "I thought I told you clearly-"
"I sent Lavinia to get you for dinner," he replied calmly. "She is your maid Wolfram. I know you're upset about Lina leaving but-"
"Get that thing out of my sight," I yelled, pointing a finger at Lavinia. I was getting really frustrated. "I don't want dinner and I most certainly don't want a maid!"
"Lavinia, you may leave us," Gwendal said. Lavinia nodded and left the two of us alone. Gwendal closed the door after her, then turned around to look at me.
"Wolfram, it's about time you got a grip."
"But-" I started, but he interrupted me.
"That Lina is replaced or that you have been ill lately is not an excuse for not eating dinner, and most certainly not an excuse for behaving like this. You need food and whether you like it or not, you are coming back with me."
"Why can't it be brought here?" I asked. I was on the edge of exploding.
"Because you need to see other people than just your maids and yourself. Everybody is worried about you." I sighed. There was no point in even trying to resist, Gwendal would drag me there in my night gown if he had to.
"Alright," I replied. "Alright. But at least turn around while I'm getting dressed."
-
We were few steps away from the dinner hall, and I was on the edge of tears. I didn't wanna see Yuuri. Gwendal was about to open the door, but I stopped him.
"Please let me go back to my room, Anue," I whispered. My voice was shaking.
"This will do you good," he replied. He opened the door, and pushed me forward. I felt everyone's eyes on me. I smiled weakly and sat down two seats away from Yuuri. I knew he tried to make eye contact, but looking at him knowing he wasn't mine anymore would definitely make me break down in tears. Günter served me some sort of meat meal, and a box of powder.
"To calm you down, Wolfram," he said and smiled. "It will make you feel better. Mix it in your drink." I nodded.
"Thank you Günter."
The dinner went by, nobody saying a word. I noticed that everyone finished, except from me.
"Well I have things to do," Gwendal said, getting ready to leave. Yuuri stopped him.
"Please Gwendal, Konrad. I have an announcement when Wolfram is finished." I choked on the food and started coughing hysterically. An announcement? I didn't think I was ready for it, hearing him say the words 'we-are-not-engaged-anymore.' Gwendal punched me in the back and I stopped coughing. I swallowed the food normally.
"I don't want more anyway," I whispered. Yuuri coughed and got up.
"Can I have your attention for a minute?"
"Of course Heika," Konrad smiled. I choked tears. I couldn't cry, not in front of them. Not in front of Yuuri.
"After much consideration I have come to a decision about me and Wolfra-" Günter burst in, interrupting Yuuri.
"Heik- Oh I'm sorry am I interrupting something?"
"No, in fact I'm glad you're here Günter," Yuuri said. "You need to hear this as well." Günter nodded.
"As you wish Heika."
"Go on," Gwendal told Yuuri. He nodded.
"What I was going to say is that after much consideration I have come to a decision about me and Wolfram," he said. "I'm in love." Günter was cheering.
"Aah, Heika! I am so happy for the two of you. We must start preparing the wedding at onc-"
"But not with Wolfram," Yuuri said, interrupting him. Günter stopped cheering and his facial expression changed from happy to shocked. I felt a sting in my heart, and tears that wanted to come out. I somehow managed to choke them.
"And therefore," Yuuri continued. "Therefore I'm breaking the engagement."
Nobody said a word, and Gwendal placed his hand on my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Wolfram," Yuuri said, sadness in his voice, his eyes focusing on me.
"D-Don't apologise," I said, trying to keep a straight face. "You, you're just.. You're too much of a wimp to, to go through with it anyway." My voice was shaking.
"Wolfram are you alright?" Yuuri ignored what I said, he was worried, it was written all over him.
"Why wouldn't I be?" I replied, closing my eyes. He didn't reply. I pushed Gwendal's hand off my shoulder.
"I have things to do and places to go. If anyone needs something, which I doubt, I'll be in my room," I said, breaking the silence. Everyone nodded. Yuuri was chewing on his lower lip.
It was done.
