Hey, so I worked REALLY hard on this chapter, and I really hope you like it. I also want to thank you all for our amazing reviews.
Jade's POV
Tori is sitting on her bed, hugging her knees to her chest. Cat is beside her, looking nervous and playing with her hair. Tori's hair has been braided, probably by Cat. Her eye make-up is smudged, and she has huge dark circles. I sigh. She looks like shit. She is wearing sweat pants and a huge baggy t-shirt.
"You look disgusting." I mutter.
"Gee, thanks. I hadn't noticed." She says, and puts her head on her knees.
"Jadey," Cat says. I shrug and sit on her bed. Tori lifts her head up, and there are wet spots on her pants. She is crying.
"Tell Jade what happened." Cat tells Tori. She sighs.
"I remember that last night I was upset about what you said, and that I kissed Andre at Nozu. He drove me home, and we drank… a lot. I can't remember anything after we watched a weird movie… And then this morning I woke up and there was just a text from Andre that said 'I'm sorry.'" She said. "And that's it. I can't even think about him without wanting to die." She starts to sob again. I know the feeling.
"Well, what do you want me to do?" I ask her.
"Give me advice! Help me!" She says, standing up. "You need to help me!" She shouts.
"Calm down. You probably just passed out, and Andre left instead of tucking you in." I say, rolling my eyes. "Why don't you just call him?" I ask her.
"I'm too scared of what he'll say! What if we… you know. Things won't be the same after this." Her voice wavered.
"Haven't you guys hooked up before?" Cat asked.
"Yeah… But this time was different." She murmured. I knew what she meant.
"Yeah, alright. Cat, call Andre, and put it on speaker phone. DO NOT tell him we are here." I say to her. Cat sighs, and mutters that I'm bossy.
"WHAT?" I say, and glare.
"Nothing." She murmurs, and dials his number.
"Hey lil' red." Andre says.
"Hi Andre!" She says.
"So, what do you want?" He asks her.
"I was wondering what happened with you and Tori after you guys went outside. Because Tori doesn't usually just like walk out on people."
"Uh… Yeah, well. We just went back to her place and… hung out." He says.
"Ah-ha-ha-ha," Cat laughs. "But seriously." She says.
"Yeah, I have to go... uh… BYE!" He says, and hangs up.
"Dang it." Cat says, and tosses her phone onto the bed.
"Wow, Tori. What a catch." I say. She rolls her eyes.
"Maybe Beck can help us? He's a boy, right?" Tori asks, and Cat nods.
"Judging by what I've seen, yeah. He's a boy." I mutter. "But we shouldn't ask him for help, he can't go behind Andre's back like that." I say to them.
"Well, then you need to tell us. About the party after the platinum music awards. Maybe it will help." Tori says. I shake my head. I hate to think about that night.
"No."
"Jade, Just tell us."
"No! It is not going to help with this."
"Jade, get over yourself."
"NO!" I scream.
"Jade, please." There is a pleading in her voice. One that is almost scary.
"Fine!" I yell. I lie back on her bed, and start to talk.
-Jade's Flashback 5-
I sit in the audience, and watch Tori sing. She is good. Great, even. Not as good as me, or even Cat. But she is nice. And sweet. And relatable. And really pretty. And I'm not. But being nice and sweet and relatable and pretty is all that matters in Hollywood. In life, even. She really has it all. Stability, confidence, Beck. God, Beck. I love him so much. It makes me want to die. But he can't know. So I just look over and smile. And he smiles back. And I watch her.
When she said 'Because of Jade,' I knew that this girl really didn't deserve my shit. So I made a deal with myself to try to stop from hurting her.
After, they invite me to a party. I just want to go home and watch The Scissoring. And cry a little bit. But they will notice that something is wrong. And no one can know. Except maybe Cat. But still, Robbie and Andre and Trina and Tori and Beck, they can't know. Especially Beck. If he knew, it would all be over. So I just smile and say that I would love to. So I go.
I see people that I have only seen on TV. In magazines. On the internet. So many people. I am so scared. Cat squeals and runs off. Robbie goes after her. Trina sees somebody famous and tackles him. Andre and Tori are trying to get her off. So now just Beck and I are standing together. I want him to go away.
"So… I am just going to go…" He says, then points at a lamp, and walks away. There are different types of alcoholic drinks everywhere. I take one, and then I sigh, and sit next to some guy on a popular TV show. He is hammered, and keeps asking me if the sky is falling. I swear if he asks me one more time…
"Is the sky fal-," He starts.
"NO!" I yell, and walk away. I put my drink down, and go dance. I let the music take me over, the beat controlling me. I see Cat and Tori dancing, and I work my way over to them. It isn't a whole lot of fun dancing on your own. We dance in a circle, occasionally one of us will break away to dance with a guy.
"Want to dance?" I hear from a familiar voice behind me.
"Yeah, sure." I say, I'm really not thinking straight. I am asking for something bad to happen, but I grab Beck's hand anyways. Cat says something, but I ignore her. Beck and I dance. We dance face to face, and I remember the first time we kissed. And all of a sudden the memory is too real and his lips are on mine. Crap. But I can't stop it. It is too powerful. We move away from the crowd into the back corner. We are kissing; his hands are sliding from my shoulders to my breasts. His hands are under the top of my dress. Then one of his hands goes onto my knee, and slides up. He wants more. And I remember it all. All of the sweet nights in his RV. All of the times he told me he loved me. Every time I said it back. Every time I regretted falling for him after we broke up. And then I can't breathe. I think about how when we kissed, my heart grew. And how when we broke up my heart shattered into a thousand pieces that couldn't ever be put back together by anyone else. And how I want him to love me so bad that it hurts. And I can feel all of the pain inside of me explode. And I am gasping for air.
"Beck. Stop." I say, loudly, so he can hear. He just looks up at me and he pauses, just for a second, but keeps going. I can't take it anymore.
"Get off of me!" I scream, and push him away.
"What?" He asks, and tries to kiss my neck. I shove him off. I hate him. I love him. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. So I get up, and walk away.
That was the scariest moment of our entire relationship. I had this feeling, that maybe he would say that he loved me, and that he wanted me back. And I started to cry. But I know he didn't, and that he might never. So I went to the bathroom. I wiped the tears away. And I dealt. I just shoved the feeling into the dark place in my brain where my songs come out of. And I was planning on keeping it there forever. Because I can't ever look him in the eyes if he knew how much it killed me to see him with anyone else. How much it makes me want to kill myself. And I know that anyone would say that this is too much for a 17 year old to think. That I was too young to know what real love is. But I do. Because I am really in love with Beck. And he doesn't love me back. Then I went into a stall, and threw up.
"Jade? Jade! Cat! I found her!" I hear Tori yell, and she runs over and hold my hair. I puke again. And I realize that Tori doesn't want Beck. Because if she did, why wouldn't she be with him?
"Shit, Jade. You really need to drink less." She mutters. "What happened? Where's Beck?"
"Nothing. I don't know." I say, and stand up. We all go back out to the party, and dance again.
I thought that the feelings would stay there forever. But they escaped. And made something amazing.
Jade's POV
"Oh, Jade. Why didn't you ever tell us?" Cat asks, looking hurt.
"Because." I murmur. I didn't tell them about how much I hurt that night. I just told them what they needed to know.
"You're right. That really doesn't help with the Andre thing." Tori says. "But Jade. That is so awful. I can't believe that you went through that on your own." She says.
"Hey! We were all there. She chose not to ask for help." Cat says. Why is she mad?
"I chose to for it to be like that. I knew I would be fine." I said. "Cat. It isn't that I didn't want you. It is that I couldn't." I say, and Cat nods. I don't know if she understands, and I'm not even sure if I do.
"Hey, Jade! My mom wants to invite you over for dinner tonight! Do you want to come?" Beck yells from downstairs. I really don't.
"NO!" I yell back. He will make me go anyways.
"Is that a 'yes'?" He yells. I just ignore him.
"Tori, I think you should call Andre, he might want to talk about yesterday night. I am pretty sure you didn't have sex, though." I say to Tori. She looks confused.
"What?" She questions.
"It would have been your first time, right?" I ask her.
"Uh… yeah." She asks.
"You would be able to feel it…" I say to her. "Call Andre." I say, and pass her the PearPhone that is on her bedside table. She sighs, but unlocks the phone and dials..
"Can you guys wait downstairs?" She asks us, Cant and I nod, and head down to her living room.
Beck is being ambushed by Trina, again. They are sitting on the couch, and she is practically on his lap. She looks so fucking stupid that it makes me laugh.
"What?" Trina yells.
"Just looking at the stupidest attempt at flirting. EVER." I say, and saunter over to Beck. I lean over him, and gently kiss him. He smiles up at me, and I look at Trina.
"MOVE," I say, grouchily. She gives an angry huff, but moves over. I sit with my legs over his, and he laces his fingers through mine. Cat giggles and sits down on the other side of Beck.
"Do you want something to drink?" Beck asks me, and I nod. He starts to get up, but I don't let him.
"Trina! Get me something to drink!" I say, and she starts to protest, but I give her a look, and she gets me a glass of pink lemonade.
"Thanks," Beck says, and takes a sip. "I love you." He whispers into my ear. I smile at him and nod.
"I know. And I love you." I say back. He brushes his lips against mine, and I kiss him, smiling.
"What are you watching?" I ask him.
"Celebrities underwater. David Schwimmer is back for the 3rd time." He says.
"They think he might beat his old record." Trina says.
"Really? Because he was underwater for like thr-" Cat starts, but we hear a thudding, and Tori walks down the stairs. We all turn to look at her, she looks alright. She isn't crying, but she walks, looking like a zombie, to the kitchen. She just sits at the table, her head in her hands. Beck nudges me, and gestures in her direction. I sigh and stand up. I walk over to Tori, and sit across from her.
"Are you OK?" I ask her, and she nods.
"Yeah. We just… made out. Sort of. I think that we were on the track of doing IT, but apparently I passed out just after my pants and shirt came off. God. It is just so embarrassing." She says, and get up. "I am going to go get dressed. Do you guys wanna hang out later?" She asked me, Cat and Beck. I shrug. I really don't.
"YES!" Cat screams.
"Maybe. Jade and I are having dinner with my family." Beck says. "Actually, we've gotta go now." He says. We say bye, and drive back to his RV.
"I'm sorry about dinner tonight." Beck says as he opens the door. I laugh. I don't mind these dinners. They are such a nice family. Damn Canadians.
"It's fine Beck. What time is dinner?"
"6:30." He says, I walk into the RV.
"It is only 3:30. Why did we have to leave?" I ask.
"I thought we might like to have some time to ourselves." Beck murmurs as he takes off his jacket. I smile, and take off my jacket, too.
We start kissing and sit on his couch.
Eventually we move to his bed.
"This is the smallest freaking bed I have ever seen. Why can't you get a bigger one?" I ask when he is kissing my neck.
"I don't know." He whispers.
