So Many Secrets I Couldn't Keep

Kurama POV

Her day can't get worse? Is that because she can't control her own actions? Or because she saw me? I have a sick feeling it's the latter.

She walks back toward the house with a certainty I couldn't have felt at the direction. I don't understand how she doesn't get lost.

Shizuru is waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs. "Hello Anna." Anna nods, the closest thing to a sincere greeting I've seen her give. I see that Shizuru is staring at me. "You need to look at yourself, Kurama, really look. Try to see past the basic features. You running after her was not a good idea. In less than ten minutes, she's already hurt you. This will only end in heartbreak for you." For me. Not Anna. I don't respond. Shizuru shakes her head and turns to walk back up the steps, muttering, "And you're so far gone there's nothing I can say to make you see that."

Anna has her head tilted to one side. "Heartbreak?" I hear her ask herself. "The waiting?" Then she shrugs and follows Shizuru up the stairs. How can she have enough strength to walk up stairs that quickly? She's been living off of who knows what for ten months, with only a week-long break for real food.

And the shoes and socks we bought her are gone. Her clothes are torn again. What is with her? What makes her more willing to live like that than to live with other people?

"Get up here," she suddenly calls. "I know you're going to ask questions anyway, and honestly I'll be more comfortable when you're where I can see you. Although I reserve the right to pass on any or all of the questions." Was that an invitation to ask questions?

I hurry up to her. Something not too threatening to start with… "What's your name? Your full name?"

"Anna."

"I said full name," I repeat, startled by her definitive answer.

"I know. I gave up my middle and last names when I ran away."

That's the first real reference she's made to her past, other than the random comments about where she learned Japanese and The Pretenders. The first comment that truly elaborates on where her hurt comes from.

"Ran away?" I ask.

"Pass." I guess her answering that question was too much to hope for. Particularly considering she won't even meet my eyes.

"Where were you born?"

"America."

So vague. "City? State?" America doesn't necessarily mean the US.

"Pass." Whoa. She is avoiding her past that much?

Something more recent then. "What have you been doing since I last saw you?"

"Surviving." Okay. I guess that answer shouldn't be surprising. She keeps opening and shutting doors. What is she looking for?

"How old are you?"

"Don't know, don't care."

"You don't know?" How can you not know your own age?

"I haven't been around people for a long time. I can tell a rough passage of time by the moon. But eventually I lose track. Age is unimportant. The passage of time is immaterial. Time is nothing more than a human construct. When there are no people, it loses all meaning beyond the fact that seasons come and seasons go. And human nature doesn't change anyway, no matter how long you give it. The forest we met in wasn't the first you know." She opens a door, takes a few steps in, looks around and walks back out, closing the door behind her.

Human nature doesn't change. Not as a whole, maybe, but individuals can change. It's interesting the snippets she reveals when she's not really paying attention. But if I pursue that line of questioning, I know she'll clam up. "If I tell you the date, will you tell me your age?"

She sighs. "I suppose. Although I don't know why you care. And you should know that I am perfectly aware of everything I am saying. You won't be able to trick anything out of me." So she is paying attention. She even guessed what I was thinking, while hardly looking at me. I'm not sure if that is interesting or unnerving.

I just tell her the date. "It's June 16, 2010."

She frowns. "It's been longer than I thought. It's been two and a half years." She enters another room, looks around then faces me. "Goodbye." It's slightly sarcastic but mostly dismissive. Her meaning is evident. It's time for me to leave.

"You never told me how old you are."

She takes me by the shoulders, spins me around and shoves me out the door. "Nineteen." The door snaps shut.

And I am left wondering why all I can think of is the way her hands felt on my shoulders.

Anna POV

What is he doing? He's just standing there, outside my door. He doesn't make another attempt to talk to me, but he won't leave either. Oh well. I can wait. He'll have to go home eventually.

What did Shizuru mean when she warned him about heartbreak? Is he… oh god no. If that were true, I might have to kill myself. And I was under the impression that everyone thinks he's the smartest of the lot. They're wrong, of course. He's too willing to get close to people. Hiei is the most intelligent.

Eventually he does walk away. I get up off the bed and leave the room, locking the door with the key that was hanging on the handle.

It doesn't take me long to find Shizuru, smoking in the kitchen. "What do you need, Anna?"

"Just some clothes. I don't need to keep them, but I don't want to shower then put these back on." I pluck at the clothes I am currently wearing, and Shizuru nods. How I hate asking her for help.

"No problem. But you can keep'em. They're just the ones the boys bought you in the US. They left'em here with me in case you ever came back." In case? It's interesting how convinced she seemed to be that I wouldn't be back. Of course, I thought the same thing, yet here I am. She pulls a suitcase from the closet in the hall and hands it to me. "Toothbrushes, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, all that good stuff is in the bathrooms. Need anything else, let me know."

I nod, but she's already on her way back to the kitchen.

I climb into the shower in the bathroom nearest the room I picked out and turn it on full blast. I always forget how amazing it is to shower in hot water. Washing in a cold stream is more refreshing, perhaps, but there is just something about hot water… It takes a while to get all the grime off. It's been months since I washed with soap. It feels odd to nod wash with my clothes on, which is what I normally do. It helps wash them.

I stand under the water until I feel like I'm about to pass out from the heat. Then I turn off the water, dress and return to the kitchen.

Shizuru is still there, still smoking, still looking bored. Does she ever stop with the cigarettes? I raise my eyebrows. She smiles. "Food's in the pantry. It's good to see you alive." Alive? Who does she think I am? It's good to see me? She hardly knows me. Why would she care?

I fix myself a bowl of cereal. Milk is the one thing I miss when I'm out there. Cows don't live in the forest. I can find fruits, roots, sometimes vegetables… I can make a decent bow and kill rabbits and whatnot. Food is never a problem. But I do miss the milk.

I eat the cereal quietly as Shizuru watches me from the other side of the table. She evidently has nothing better to do. "How many people are staying here?"

"Right now?" she asks. She thinks a moment then says, "Including you, thirteen I think. We have room for a lot more, but it never seems to be needed. A lot of them just stay in the forest like you."

"I noticed," I mutter. I did meet several demons while I was out there. But Kuwabara was right. None of them tried to hurt me. Most of them were like spiders. You know, they're more scared of you than you are of them. Should I? Do I even want to know? "How often is he up here?"

"Every other day." That often? What is going on here?

"You said heartbreak."

Shizuru sighs, sitting up straight. "He's waiting for you. I'm sure you gathered that. He always shows up hopeful and leaves hopeless. Seeing you… it just makes all that worse. And what I've heard from the boys, you're going to disappear into that forest again soon. And then he'll wait. He's going to wait until you give in. He's stubborn like that." She shakes her head. It makes her sad. He's her friend.

I stare at her. "I won't give in." I'm stubborn too. And I won't get close to anyone again. I've been hurt so many times. It hurts so much. I put my spoon down.

"I know you won't," Shizuru says. "That's what I keep telling him. You never gave him any indication that you liked him. Nothing to suggest you were even willing to tolerate him. Maybe you gave him the opposite. That's what I keep saying. It's not you who's breaking his heart; he's doing that to himself." She sighed.

"I wish he'd just leave me alone," I mutter. "He keeps asking questions he has no business asking."

"You have secrets too, eh?"

I nod. "You?" Not that I particularly care. It just seems like the right thing to say.

"Of course," she says. "Everyone has secrets. Mine aren't as tightly kept as his, though. If you want him to quit asking about your past, it might help to ask about his."

"And if he actually answers because he's deluded himself into thinking I actually care?"

She takes a drag on the cigarette then puts it out. She blows out the smoke, thinking over my question. "There is that downside."

I stand. I go to the sink and wash the bowl. "I'm going to bed." Like she even cares what I do when. Like it's even any of her business.

"Mm-kay. Goodnight. Tomorrow's Saturday."

"So?"

"They all come up here on Saturdays. All day long."

Brilliant. Wonderful. Absolutely peachy. "What do you mean by all?"

"Yusuke, Kazu, Kurama, Keiko, Yukina, Atsuko… They usually drag Hiei along. Most Saturdays Chu, Link, Suzuki, Jin and Toya show up. You haven't met them. Sometimes Koto, Juri and Ruka. You don't know them either… that's the central gang. There are others who drop by once in a while. And most of the demons who live here end up joining in too because this place turns into Party Hill. Food, booze, smokes, you name it, we got it. And by all day, I mean they show up about four in the afternoon and don't leave until well after midnight. If they leave at all. You're welcome to join in." She sounds sincere. How odd.

But a party every Saturday? That's spiffy. Just fabulous. "Thanks for the warning." Then I add, if a bit bitterly, "And the invitation."


Okay, as always, I only own Anna. WARNING: as you may have guessed from the second to last paragraphs, the next chapter is one of the reasons I'm on the line on whether this story should be T or M. As I said last time, I still think T, but as that is merely my personal opinion, I cannot be held responsible if any of you guys disagree with me...

Foxgirl Ray: You have no idea how semi-real this is going to get. I was writing this chapter, and I thought it was okay as far as believability goes (as in no less believable than the actual story). Then I get to some of the later chapters, and Kurama, at least, begins thinking in ways that make him seem more real than fiction. Sorry if that confused you. I typed it and I'm now a bit confused.

animegrlsteph: glad it reminds you of me. The other day my sister and I realized that if you put Anna and Kiyoshi and Ella together you get me. smacks forehead

Kiara3rayerayepoo: It's nice to see new reviewers pop up! You're right... I don't have a choice. This story is far too easy to write for me to be able to stop and I love you guys too much to disappoint. Anyway... Anna's cynisism is great, but I do not know how long it will last. As you may have guessed, she's very... conflicted. Was this update soon enough for you?