Castiel was silent the entire way back to the bunker. Even as they descended the stairs into the living room he remained as such. Sam gave Dean a look that asked 'What happened?' and all Dean could do was give a halfhearted shrug.
When Castiel turned to them suddenly not able to look either one in the eye after saying "There's something I need to tell you both" they knew definitively that something was up.
They sat there quietly, well Sam sat, Dean simply folded his arms and waited, casting an expectant stare Castiel's way, one which the angel still didn't meet. He took a deep breath, cleared his head and steeled himself for the conversation that was about to happen and the overwhelming emotions that were sure to follow "I have to go"
There was silence between the three men for what felt like an eternity. Castiel wished it was, then, at least he would have had so much more time. Sam blinked a few times trying to process what was said and Dean hadn't moved. The sentence hadn't really registered to him, despite his suspicions in the car.
"What?" Sam was the one to recover first. Well not really, his mind was still processing information but he felt the need to say something to fill the silence.
"The angels, they're coming for me. It's time for me to accept my punishment" Castiel stated simply, as if it wasn't a big deal, as if it was simply a matter of principle and a duty that he had to fulfill.
It was Dean's turn to blink and respond with an unbelieving "What?"
Sam shook his head, finally catching up with reality "Wait, what? You mean they're coming right now?"
"Yes...any time now actually"
"What's gonna happen to you?"
Castiel made an effort to look them both in the eye, in turn, this time, he at least owed them that much for what he was about to say.
"I'll die"
Silence prevailed once more engulfing the three in their own thoughts and emotions. The thought of what was about to happen was so heavy, they could feel it pushing against them, weighing them down. Dean's hands fell from across his chest and he was the first one to make any movement since those words had been spoken. He glared at Castiel not really angry at the angel but not knowing where else to direct his anger. He was pissed and he wanted to make sure that the others knew it.
"Don't go with them"
Castiel smiled internally at how easy Dean made it sound. He wished so much that it was that easy. "I can't disobey again. I have no choice"
"Yes, you do! Don't go! Run away from here, or fight back but don't just let them kill you!"
"I wish it was that simple Dean, but it's not."
"Is there really nothing you can do Cas? Appeal your case or something?"
Castiel turned to Sam shaking his head slowly "No. Our system does not work like yours. I've done something unforgivable; there is no getting out of this."
Castiel sighed, running a hand through his hair, he knew this was going to be hard, but the looks on their faces and the feelings radiating off of Dean were too much. He had to try and cheer them up; somehow "You don't have to worry about me, please. I will ensure both of you are safe, and when I die...all your memories of me will be gone, it will be as if I never existed...it will be okay"
Dean's brain couldn't fathom what he was hearing if he was aware of himself at that moment his face would have probably looked like Sam's; saucer-eyed and slack-jawed, or probably worse "What the hell do you mean by that?"
Castiel tilted his head in confusion, he thought he was very precise and to the point with that statement. Nothing should have been misunderstood "It's as I said...when an angel has been executed all memory of them is erased, usually from anyone who knew them, -"
"And you think that's supposed to make us feel better?!" Dean shouted. Sam could practically see the smoke coming out of his ears. He glared at Castiel for a moment before shaking his head and storming out of the room, making sure that his shoulder 'brushed' against the angel's none too gently.
Castiel turned to Sam even more confused "I don't understand. Logically having no memory of someone you lost should be better, shouldn't it?"
Sam gave Castiel a sad smile and shook his head "I think...that if I met someone who changed my world, who was special to me, there would be no way I would want to forget them. No matter how much it hurt, because I wouldn't have regretted meeting them in the first place"
Castiel only stared at him, his mind seeing the sense in Sam's words "Cas, Dean and I...we don't regret meeting you. We never will, and neither of us thinks you deserve to die, no matter what you did"
Castiel nodded. He slowly turned towards the direction Dean had gone "I'll...go talk to him"
Dean paced the room. Usually when someone paced it meant they were thinking of something, working and reworking plans and formulating a response to whatever their situation was at that moment. That was not what Dean was doing.
He paced simply because it was the only logical thing in his mind to do. The other things, were detrimental, to say the least, but the most persistent one was the urge to scream at the top of his lungs how stupid everything and everyone was.
Castiel came in as Dean turned away from the door for the fourth time in just as many seconds. There should be burn tracks on the floor.
He didn't stop even as Castiel got closer to him, he didn't want to stop, and he didn't want to look into those eyes, those eyes that were only concerned for Dean and not for themselves, even though they were facing their last hours. "Dammit!"
Castiel stopped for a split second and Dean realized he had said that out loud, but he couldn't care less at that point and he certainly wasn't going to stop. Castiel realized this and did the only thing he could think to do because words had failed him in the previous scenario. He grabbed Dean's wrist. The sudden action caused Dean to jerk forward. Inches from the angel's face. Dean blinked, Castiel did the head tilt.
No words were spoken right away but eventually, Dean looked away and didn't look back at Castiel. He couldn't look at Castiel because he feared that if he did, he would shatter into a million pieces. When he spoke his voice came out shaky, lacking all the anger that he had before "Please...don't go with them. Don't do this"
"I cannot keep resisting. If I do then...they'll kill you, and Sam. I can't let that happen. I'd rather die than let that happen."
Dean shook his head "We can fight them then, together. This place is filled with books on all sorts of things I didn't think existed. But you exist. So they must be the real deal, we can find a way to fight back Cas we can-"
"That's ridiculous; I won't let you put your lives in danger for me. This is...easier"
"Like hell it is!" Dean's voice broke, all he could come out with was a harsh whisper "I can't lose you Cas, I can't. Not after-"
"Dean, please..."
Dean shook his head, this whole situation sucked.
As much as Castiel tried to be brave, for Dean, for Sam, he was scared, he was terrified. He just wanted to stay with Dean. Why couldn't they understand? Why couldn't they just let him be happy?!
The tears streamed down his face, he couldn't stop them. He didn't want to stop them, he had tried but he has been trying to be strong for so long now and he just wanted to cry. Dean didn't have to think about what he was doing, he moved his hand to Castiel's jaw and wiped the tears there, caressing his face gently in his palm.
"Knowing you for the past twenty years...have been the best years of my life, and I've had such a long life. I never thought I would have ever been lucky enough to meet a human with a soul so pure, so beautiful." When Castiel's eyes connected with Dean's, they both felt the surge of energy this time that caused their hearts to skip and start beating in tandem with the other. Castiel's voice was so quiet, but Dean heard it "How could I have helped myself? What chance did I ever stand against you?"
Dean grabbed Castiel by the waist, smashing their lips together. They moved with each other, perfectly in sync, energies resonating in passionate waves that lit both their souls on fire and neither wanted to let go. Dean felt that he would have been perfectly okay suffocating if only it meant he didn't have to pull away. Breathless he begged, for the last time "Don't leave me Cas"
Castiel closed his eyes and whispered, "I love you too..."
