Chapter 7: Evangeline/"What About You?"

"Oh those eyes, Sev, have you ever seen such eyes?"

He shook his head numbly as Evangeline stroked their daughter's smooth round cheek. He had seen green eyes of course, but never with the dark vibrancy of his daughter's.

"You look like your Daddy," Evangeline cooed. "Beautiful girl…"

He rolled his eyes, weakly mumbling, "She looks like both of us…"

Evangeline ignored him. "The breast milk potion can be made with the father's hair as well," she said. "Men have milk ducts for whatever reason, so the potion still works. That way she doesn't have to drink that premade synthetic garbage-"

"Stop," he begged.

She looked up from the baby, hey eyes guilty. "Sev, I figured this might happen. Please don't fear for me."

He wanted to scream at her. "How could you expect-"

"Severus," she said lowly, "Listen to me. Do not let them Squib test her."

"What?"

"You can't let them, please, Severus, you have to trust me. She's got more magic in her little finger than we have combined. She's special, Sev. You have to keep her safe."

He ground his teeth and adjusted the soft pink hat on their child's head to distract himself from his irritation.

"What are you on about?" He asked tightly.

She sighed. "Did you ever hear the stories about Merlin?"

"He was a powerful, clever wizard."

"He was a Mage, Severus, a Celestial Mage."

He stared at her. Her pale skin sickly and tinged with an unnatural color, her eyes tired and feverish, her brow damp. He knows the fingers running through their daughter's hair are cold. Clammy.

"Merlin's mother died shortly after birth," she said quietly. "He was sensitive to her magic in the womb and there was a shift in the magical atmosphere when he was born. No one but his father knew what truly happened at the exact moment, but his birth was confusing to be certain. His father wouldn't describe it for fear of being called mad and getting his son taken away.

"Merlin was raised by his father, was a prodigy in several branches of magic early on, and needed a custom wand for no others could handle his power. He was a prodigy and a Mage." She smiled at him. "And a Slytherin."

He fisted her hospital sheets. "So there's nothing to be done then?" He asked through clenched teeth.

Her smile turned watery. "I'm sorry, Sev. But promise me you know that I didn't keep this from you because I want to leave you. I never wanted to leave either of you."

His eyes began to burn. "You should," he growled. "Smile. You'll soon be free of me."

Tears streamed down her cheeks. "Oh Sev," she murmured. "I never wanted to be."

"I thought I was stuck with you," he continued, though those aren't the words he means to say. Thankfully, she knows him well enough to translate.

"I thought I'd be stuck with you too," she sniffed. "Make sure Rosie knows I love her?"

He almost asked her who she was talking about. "Weren't you campaigning for 'Serpentina'?" he questioned.

"A Slytherin named Serpentina?" she asked thickly, even though she's still smiling. "The daughter of the head of Slytherin being named Serpentina? We should at least make it somewhat difficult for schoolyard bullies to target her, don't you think?"

He couldn't have smiled if he wanted to. "There has to be something we can do. A potion, a spell, something."

She shook her head, taking her hand from Roslyn's hair to lay it on his cheek and pull him nearer. Once, twice, thrice her lips claimed his.

"I love you, Sev," she whispered. "I'd have told you sooner, but I didn't think you'd believe me…"

He wanted to tell her that he didn't believe her now, but couldn't find his voice.

"And Roslyn loves you too, just as much as you love her, Sev." Her voice cracked now, as pain and panic laced her expression. "Please, Severus don't let anyone untrustworthy find out what she is until she's old enough to protect herself."

Suddenly everything was moving too quickly and Evangeline started to frantically pepper Roslyn in kisses.

"Mummy loves you, sweetheart. I'm so sorry I won't be around when you understand those words, but it was you or me and I chose you. Take care of Daddy, Princess, won't you? I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry."

Severus managed to find his voice, shouting for Healer Chandler with his first breath. Evangeline became more frantic by the second, repeating "Sev, take her!", "I love you!", and "I'm sorry!" in no particular pattern, again and again.

The healers burst in and suddenly everything was too loud. Severus felt detached from it all as he took Roslyn from her mother's trembling arms. He tried so hard to make his voice work, because Evangeline had to know that he thought he might love her too, even though he's doubts he knows enough of love to be sure.

He never knew if she heard him or if he managed to say the words at all. Blood spilled over her lips, choking her on her frantic cries and he watched, helpless and afraid as yet another woman he needed abandoned him.

He woke up agitated, frightened and with wet cheeks. On instinct, he cradled the small mass of weight on his chest so it wouldn't fall as he shifted into an upright position. Wiping away traitorous tears, he realized it was Roslyn laying on him and that she was a month old, not a newborn, and that they were in his bed at Prince Manor, not at St. Mungo's. She was awake and watching him, even though at her age she shouldn't be concerned for him or capable of empathy.

But then again, she wasn't like most children her age.

He shifted so he was holding her under her arms and used his middle, ring, and pinky fingers on both hands to support her head. Then he drew up his knees and leaned the rest of her little body against his legs.

"And what about you?" He said quietly. "Will you leave me behind too? Maybe once you can move on your own you'll run away. Or decide you're happier living with your godmother…I'm sure Narcissa would be ecstatic."

She blinked those green, green eyes at him, chewing her fist with a little frown.

"Or maybe it won't happen until you get to school," he continued. "Will that be it? You'll decide I'm not worth your time once you've made lots of friends? Beg me to let you spend every summer with someone else? Or torture me further by moping around the manor every year because you're stuck spending your holiday with me?"

He realized that he actually expected some kind of response and berated himself mentally. She was a month old. Mage or not, she couldn't communicate back yet.

"I don't want you to hate me," he murmured. "Your mother didn't make an ounce of sense, wanting my company all the time or my opinion on things…as if it mattered. As if I did."

They watched each other in the dark while his brain worked, teetering around the edges of some realization or another. Yes, Evangeline had said she loved him, and though there were days he didn't believe she meant those words, she had never lied to him before. What bothered him was more complicated than that.

If this was what it felt like to be a parent, to create another person who is, in a sense, part of yourself, then how did his parents grow to hate him so? Would she grow older and lose significance in his mind?

The mere idea unsettled him. He couldn't stop loving her if he tried.

"You matter," he said slowly. "You've mattered since before you were born… though you never asked to be made in the first place…"

He frowned. So why didn't I matter to them?

"Could you love me?" he whispered. "Even if I never ask you to. If I love you but never force you to think you have to love me, will you?"

Her lips released her fist with a soft 'pop' and she immediately strung together a series of babbles at him.

He summoned a soft washcloth to the wipe the drool from her chin and hand before she stuck her fist back in her mouth.

"Am I a fool for thinking that meant 'yes'?"

Silence.

He sighed and shook his head. "Regardless, Daddy loves you…"

She babbled again, around her fist this time, and even though he felt mad for doing so, he let himself believe she said 'I love you too'.