I wake up to a knocking on my door.

"Clary, are you still asleep?" I hear my mom's voice through the door. I feel awful. The door opens and mom walks in. Her face turns to concerned when she sees me. "What's wrong?" I must look really awful.

"I'm just not feeling well." She walks in and sits on my bed. I sit up and notice that I'm still wearing the clothes from yesterday. I don't know how long I cried, but I must have fallen asleep after it.

"Are you sure? Nothing has happened?"

"No, nothing happened. I don't think I'll be feeling too well for days. Is it okay if I stay home for a few days?" Even if she would say no, I would still stay home. I can't go in there yet.

"We'll see. If you start feeling better, you need to go to school." I sometimes have these kinds of days when I don't feel that good and I need to stay home. It was really rough after Simon abandoned me.

"Okay."

"I'll call the school tomorrow and tell them that you're sick. You need to eat now. I don't think you've eaten anything since yesterday. When did you even go to sleep?"

"I don't know. Maybe nine or ten."

"Then you had quite a long sleep. It's twelve." I'm not really that surprised. I was so exhausted after sobbing so hard.

Mom leaves the room and I force myself to get up from my bed. I look at myself in the mirror by my bed and see that my eyes are swollen from the crying. My hair is such a mess and my makeup is all over my face. I look pretty horrible.

After showering and changing clothes, I find myself lying on my bed again. I don't want to do anything else right now. Okay, I do feel like taking the box where the letters are and ripping them apart. But I can't do it. Yesterday I was so disappointed and crushed that I didn't even think that there might be a reason why he didn't come. But I still think that maybe there wasn't. I waited for two hours!

The rest of the day I spend thinking about the situation and try to come up with a reason why he didn't come. I can't know for sure. I should go to school tomorrow and find out, but I can't. I need to calm down. For some reason I assume the worst. I think that there's no way that this could end up being a completely different situation than what I think it is.

The next day I spend reading through the letters. I start crying again. I really wanted it to be Jace. Maybe it still is Jace. I'm so confused. What happened?

I spend Tuesday and Wednesday at home too. I start to feel somewhat better and like I've had enough of just sitting at home and thinking about this. I need answers. I just hope I'll get them when I go to school tomorrow. Maybe there will be a letter in my locker that explains it all. If there is, I don't know if I can believe it. I've had enough. If it's not some prank, I need to see him.

I don't sleep very well when I think about what could happen when I go to school tomorrow. I think I'd be really disappointed if nothing happened. I wouldn't know what to think then. Should I then believe that it was a joke or that he's not in school?

The next morning I'm such a mess. I don't even pay much attention to what clothes I put on. I also don't bother to put much makeup on. I haven't been able to eat much for the past few days, so I guess I have to make myself eat some breakfast now. Otherwise my stomach might start making loud and embarrassing noises in a middle of a class. That would not make my day any better. I really do have to force myself to eat since I'm so nervous.

Once I step outside, I feel like running back to my room. I'm not ready for this, but I have to do this. I walk slowly. When I see the school, I start feeling sick. What's going to happen? How am I gonna be able to face Jace in art? I've now formed this picture in my head of what kind of person he really is. What if he's not actually like that? What if he is? How am I supposed to act with him now?

I hate that I try to figure this out. I should just go in there and see what happens. I notice that I'm now going inside the school. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that I was already here. I walk towards my locker. I glance around me and everyone seems to be acting normally.

Just as I'm about to reach my locker, I find myself moving around the corner and then I'm being pushed inside some room. The door closes behind me and it's dark. I can feel someone behind me. I'm scared and I have no idea what's going on.

I turn around and squint my eyes, but I can't see anything. The room is very small and doesn't have any windows.

"What do you want?" I ask.

"It's me," I hear a male voice say. It sounds familiar, but he's speaking so softly.

"Who?"

"Your guardian angel." I don't know what I should say. This was not what I thought would happen. I'm waiting for him to start laughing at any moment and tell me how stupid I am to believe that someone would seriously send these kinds of letters to me.

"I'm really sorry that I didn't come on Saturday." He's still speaking with that kind of softer tone, but I think it sounds like Jace.

"Why didn't you? I want you to tell me now if this is some kind of joke or something."

"Is that what you thought? Is that why you haven't been in school?" I hear concern in his voice and he sounds even more like Jace now.

I think my silence answers his question. I sit down on the floor and lean against a wall. I realize that he hasn't turned on the lights yet. He still probably doesn't want me to know who he is. I've noticed how he likes that.

"I'm so sorry," he says and sits down next to me. I feel his leg touch mine. "There's a really good reason why I didn't come."

"And what is that?" I think my voice came out a bit angry.

"It was my birthday and I wanted to spend it with you. That's why I wanted to meet in three weeks. I needed to spend some time with my family first and we had some guests coming over. I didn't even want any guests, I just wanted to see you. Then they decided that we should watch a movie. I said I was gonna watch it for a while with them because I needed to leave soon. It was already 4:20. The movie they picked was so boring and I had been so excited of meeting you that I couldn't sleep well during the previous night. So, I fell asleep. Three hours later the guests woke me up to say goodbye. I jumped off the couch so fast. I checked the time and cursed so many times. I ran to my car and drove to where we were supposed to meet. And of course you weren't there."

He was late because he fell asleep? That's not what I thought that happened.

"I waited for two hours. I was completely crushed when you didn't show up," I say.

"I'm so sorry. I meant to make you feel you better, not worse." He somehow manages to take my hand in the dark. I think it's the same hand that helped me up from the floor few weeks ago. It feels as warm and soft as Jace's hand. "I felt pretty terrible too. I felt even worse when you didn't show up at school on Monday. Then I knew that I had really hurt you and it really hurt me too."

I feel so stupid for suspecting that Jace would be bad. Of course it's normal in this situation, but I can now clearly see that he's not bad. Or I can't really see since the lights are still off.

"Why didn't you turn on the lights?" I ask.

"Because I don't know if you know who I am and I wanted to still keep it a secret." I knew it!

"I'm pretty sure I know who you are."

"But not completely sure?"

"There's a slight chance that you could not be who I think you are." It's pretty clear that it's Jace. But maybe there could be someone who sounds like Jace. I don't know! I still can't be completely positive that it's him. I need to see him!

"Can I do something before I turn on the lights?" He sounds a bit nervous.

"What?"

"Can I hold you? I'm sorry if it's too creepy or something but-"

"Of course," I interrupt him. After the horrible days I've had, I need someone to hold me. And he owes me that.

I feel his arms come around me and he lifts me to sit on his lap. He wraps his arms around me and they feel very strong, just like I always imagined. He smells so good and he's so warm. I feel like I'm going to melt. I hug him back and reach out to touch his hair. It feels very soft, like the way I always imagined Jace's hair would feel like.

"Are you trying to recognize me by my hair?" he mumbles against my shoulder.

"I'm trying to get more hints. Though I think I do already know who you are. I'm about 99 percent sure." He leans back from the hug, but keeps his arms around me. I turn my face to where I think his face is. I can feel his breath on my face.

"How long have you known?"

"I was pretty sure when I gave you that 'I know who you are' note."

"That was really creepy."

"I know. I was trying to get some reactions out of you, but I didn't see anything new in the way you were looking at me."

"Then maybe I'm not who you think I am."

"I'm sure I know who you are."

"Then why don't you tell me."

"Because I don't want to."

"You don't know who I am." What if I really don't? No, this has to be Jace!

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"Then tell me." He's so annoying.

"Nope."

"Fine. But can I do one more thing before I turn on the lights." What now?

"Okay. What is it?" I feel his face now even closer to me and I think I know what he wants.

"Can I kiss you? I need even just one kiss. I'm afraid that you don't really know who I am and then you're going to be disappointed." This is the moment when I'm going to have a heart attack. I can already feel my heart pounding so fast.

"Okay," I answer quietly. His other hand goes to cup my face and he has one arm still lightly wrapped around me. I feel his breath closer and closer to my lips. Then I feel his lips lightly touch mine. This is so much more exciting when it's dark. Even if I probably would have my eyes closed now anyway.

He presses his lips against mine and I hesitantly return the pressure. I put both of my hands in his hair, maybe to tell him that I don't want just a one kiss. I think he gets it as he starts moving his lips. He has clearly kissed before, but I haven't. I let his kissing guide me and I do my best to kiss him back. I feel like I'm getting better and better and I don't want him to stop. I don't care if we're like half an hour late for the first class. I could continue this for the rest of the day and have many hours of detention. It's worth it.

I don't know how long the kiss continues, but I start to feel like I need some air. He probably feels the same way as we kiss one last time and then separate. Our faces are still close and we're breathing heavily.

"Clary," he sighs.

"What?"

"Nothing. That was amazing."

"It was. I was afraid that I wasn't going to be good enough since that was my first kiss."

"Well, you were great." He gives me a small kiss and I nearly can't resist the temptation to start kissing him again. But I have to. I need to actually see him.

"Can you turn on the lights now?" I ask. I would be horrified if it wouldn't be Jace. I think I'd faint.

"Sure." He places me on the cold and hard floor and I regret of asking him to turn on the lights.

I hear him walking around and then stopping. He probably found the light switch.

"Do you want to tell me now who you think I am?" he asks.

"No."

"Are you sure you want to know who I am? I could just walk out the door and you'll never know."

"Just turn on the lights."

"Not before you tell me who I am. I know you do."

"No." I'm not going to give in.

"Tell me. Otherwise I'm not going to do it."

"What are you going to do? Just walk out?"

"Maybe."

"Just turn on the damn lights, Jace!" I felt like it just slipped out. But I get what I wanted since he turns on the lights, and it really is Jace. He stands there smirking at me.

"So you knew it was me." I immediately get more nervous now that he has turned on the lights and I can actually really see him.

"Yes. You can be really annoying sometimes."

"I know," he says and sits back down next to me.

"You know, I really liked when the lights were off," I say.

"Are you nervous?" Jace asks. Thankfully he's not teasing me for it. He wraps his other arm around my shoulders and somehow it relaxes me.

"A little bit."

"You don't have to be nervous around me."

"I know. I've just liked you for so long. This feels so unreal."

"It does. I noticed you right away when I moved here two years ago."

"How did it take you so long to approach me then?"

"You were always with Simon. And I didn't come up with this brilliant plan right away. I only got it when I always saw you so alone and sad. I wanted so badly to walk right up to you and give you a big hug. But I couldn't do that. So, I came up with this."

"Why are you friends with them, if you don't want to?"

"I'll explain everything tonight when I'll take you out," Jace says and grins.

"You're not even asking? You'll force me to go on a date with you?" I start to feel more comfortable again with him.

"Pretty much yes."

"Okay."

"Good," he says and leans down. He gives me a small kiss. "I like that you didn't cover your freckles." His face is still close as he looks at me and strokes my face gently where my freckles are.

"I didn't bother to put much makeup on this morning. We should go to class." I kiss him and get up. Jace still sits there and stares at me. He's clearly surprised that I was the one to kiss him.

He finally gets up and then we just stand there.

"You don't have to be with me during lunch or acknowledge me if you don't want. You can explain everything to me tonight." Jace looks so troubled and he's frowning.

"It's not fair to you. I really want to be with you. I hate to see you alone."

"I know, but it's probably hard for you to just suddenly change everything and be with me." I'd really want Jace to be with me at school, but I know there might be a reason why he's with those people.

"Okay. I'll explain everything to you tonight. But know that I'll be looking at you and be really, really sad to see you alone. Imagine that I'm kind of there with you. Because I'll be thinking about you a lot today. I always do."

"Okay. Can we now go? I've spend the last few days at home and I really need to be in my classes."

"Of course," Jace says and pulls me into his arms. He leans down and kisses me. He clearly meant it to be just a one kiss, but I can't help but grab his hair gently and bring his lips back to mine. We get lost in the kiss again, but then I remember that I really need to be in class, so I push him away.

"I guess we really need to go now," Jace says disappointed.

"Yes." I escape his arms and open the door. The hall is empty. I guess I only missed one class.

"We have same the class now, right?" Jace asks.

"Yes, we do."

"I'll see you there," he says and looks sad to leave me.

"Go, Jace," I say and smile. "It's not like I haven't gotten used to this. At least I now know that I have you."

"Fine." He strokes my cheek quickly and smiles down at me. And then he walks away. I walk to my locker and I don't care that there won't be any new letter. I still can't believe that it actually is Jace! But I guess I kind of have to believe. It's funny how my mood changed to completely different than what it was just almost an hour ago. I don't remember when I would've been this happy. Maybe I never have been.


Even more things will be explained in the next chapter. I don't think anyone will guess why Jace chooses to hang out with those people...

And thanks so much for the reviews :)