Author's Note:
Well, here we go; the sad chapter, as promised. Except it's not actually sad, I don't think. I'm bad at writing angst. Well, maybe it's just a little sad. Some sad. Anyway, much thanks to everyone who reads, reviews, and favorites any of my stories! My undying affections to you all! And specially to PfenixB for actually referencing me in one of her stories. I love you!
Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction
Shoulders to Cry On
Damn right more 'en one fuckin' shoulder. More on that in a bit, yeh impatient jerks. Fuck.
Anyway, everyone feels shitty sometimes. Yeh gotta fuckin' be there fer yer loved one. Otherwise they'll damn well think yeh don' care. An' they'd be fuckin' right teh.
But yeh can' jus' try teh help 'em feel fuckin better when they're upset. Yeh fuckin gotta ask 'em fer help teh. Yer tryin' teh make a damn partnership.
Look, yeh in th' back. If yeh can' jus' shut th' fuck up RIGHT NOW, I'm gonna get fuckin' arrested when th' police find yer body. An' it'll take 'em some time, 'cause all th' fuckin' bits'll be spread all over the damn planet!
Vincent was standing in a corner. Usually, even when not looking at much of anything, he gave the impression of glaring sharply at something. But now his gaze was blank, empty.
Cid turned his back on Cloud, who was still up on the pedestal. Still holding the body. Cid didn't blame either of them; he himself felt hollow inside his chest. He lit a cigarette, and then tossed it to the ground. It didn't taste right.
Slowly, like a man in a trance, Cid walked to Vincent, the strange glowing stone clunking softly under his boots.
"Vin?" Cid asked. He was concerned. Vincent looked… strange. He didn't want Vincent to be upset. And if he thought about Vincent, then he wouldn't have to think about…
"Cid." Vincent's voice had gone as cold and hard as it had been when Cid had first met him.
But Cid knew what that meant now. Vincent's icy armor meant that all the pain was on the inside.
The hollow part of Cid's chest suddenly filled. He felt as though his heart might explode. Cid lunged the final step forward to Vincent, grabbed the taller man, and roughly pulled him into a crushing hug.
Vincent didn't even bother to try to escape from Cid's hold, and that, more than anything else, showed just how upset he was. Instead, Vincent's shining, dark head dropped onto Cid's shoulder. Cid rested his cheek on Vincent's hair and stroked the back of Vincent's head, not sure exactly who it was he was comforting.
"I just stood there," Vincent said, his voice slightly muffled. "I saw how strangely Cloud was behaving. I should have known that Sephiroth would attack. But I just stood there. I did nothing. And now Aeris is dead."
Cid tightened his grip on Vincent. "Don' yeh fuckin' dar take all th' damn blame, Vin, yeh idiot," he said, his voice shaking. "I was standin' right th' fuck next teh yeh." Cid choked.
They stood together for some time, holding each other. Cid squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't see anyway; everything had gone all wavery, like he was looking through water. All he wanted to think about was the person he was clutching. His lifeline.
There was a warm dampness on Cid's shoulder. Vincent was shaking.
"Never say yer not human," Cid muttered. "Vin… Humans cry…"
Getting' over that was damn tough. But we managed somehow, 'cause it was that er fuckin' die 'a guilt. An' when yeh know Vincent, yeh know he fuckin' wallows in guilt all th' damn time. 'S like his hobby, er somethin'.
If I had a choice, I damn well woulda had Aeris survive. I liked that kid! She did 'er damn best, an' she didn' deserve what happened. At th' same time, me an' Vin got closer after…
Bein' there fer each other… Hell, that's fuckin' important.
Cid was staring at the sky. He'd always done it frequently, but now his gaze was even more obsessive. He knew what it was that lay beyond that arc of blue now. He'd been there.
He wanted it. Now he wanted it more than ever, but the Shinra 26 was gone now. It might be years before another rocket was built, and it was an easy bet that Shinra would not want a member of AVALANCHE in anything belonging to them unless it was a prison.
He'd had space for all too short a time. Then he'd lost it again.
Absently, Cid lit his last cigarette. He stared at the stars. Twinkle, twinkle. It was like they were mocking him. Fuckin' stars.
Cid did not notice at first when Vincent stepped out of the inn and sat on the step next to him. He only realized the other man was there when Vincent's arm brushed against his.
Vincent didn't say anything. Cid appreciated that.
It was quite a while before the silence was broken.
"That was my dream," Cid told the air, reaching for a cigarette before remembering that they were all gone.
Vincent waited a moment before replying. "You achieved your dream, Chief. You were the first man in space." It was true. Vincent had made sure that he and Cloud were behind Cid when the rocket launched.
Cid snorted. "Hah! What've I got left now, Vin? My fuckin' dream's gone. Th' damn rocket's gone. I had it, Vin… but space is gone, dammit!" Cid wasn't aware of the volume of his voice rising.
With a small sigh, Vincent stood up. Cid stubbornly refused to ask where he was going. It wasn't like he'd asked for the company.
But Vincent just stepped in front of Cid and crouched down. He was tall enough that he blocked Cid's relentless gaze.
"Why do you want to leave this planet so much?" As far as Cid could tell, Vincent sounded angry. "Is there nothing on Gaia you hold precious enough not to leave behind?"
Cid leaned back, stung. "Fuck, Vin! I sure as hell wouldn' stay in space fer fuckin' ever." What the hell had gotten him so upset anyway? "Yeh think there's nothin' I care 'bout but space? Dammit, I jus' love teh fly! There's fuckin' nowehere higher teh go than space!"
"And you got there," Vincent replied, sounding agitated. "You did it. Aren't you pleased with that?"
"Well… Well fuck, Vin." Cid wasn't sure how to convey the fact that he was happy to have reached space, but was even more deeply unhappy that going back was now impossible.
Then something clicked. "Nothing on Gaia you hold precious…"
"Vincent," Cid growled. "If I wasn' feelin' so damn shitty I'd punch yer fuckin' lights out."
Vincent's response was to look nonplussed.
Cid growled again and grabbed the front of Vincent's cloak, pulled him down, and kissed him roughly. Vincent made an "mmmph" sound and, much to Cid's surprise, hugged Cid close.
Yep. Persistence is what fuckin' won out.
Hah! Still, I was so damn surprised that Vin – Vincent 'a all fuckin' people – was th' one makin' sure I wasn' goin' anywhere, I fuckin' fergot how damn upset I was.
Guess Vin was real fuckin' worried 'bout me. Kinda sweet, really. Heh. I was winnin' him over, helpin' him teh feel somethin' other 'en angst. Fuckin' angst.
Vin helped me. I had teh fuckin' help him teh.
Cloud and Cid trooped out of the cave, Vincent trailing behind. He walked slowly, like a man sleep walking. Cid and Cloud exchanged worried glances.
"Maybe we should leave him alone," Cloud whispered.
Cid grunted, taking a deep breath of cigarette smoke. He did not think Vincent should be left alone. Vincent left alone in this state would likely go and walk off a cliff.
"I don't blame him," Cloud continued, oblivious of Cid's inner monologue. "I wouldn't want to talk to anyone either."
Cid glanced back at Vincent, whose stare was achingly blank and empty. Cid's heart twisted in his chest. He'd been trying so hard to rebuild Vincent's shattered life, to help Vincent feel, to heal him. He'd been succeeding. Vincent had been warming, sometimes even…
But Vincent had gotten a reminder of his past and was sinking back away.
That fuckin' bitch!
"Cloud," Cid growled. "Yeh go ahead."
Cloud turned in surprise. "No offense, Cid, but how do you think you can help him?"
Even in the circumstances, Cid had to stop and wonder at Cloud's selective cluelessness. Everyone else in AVALANCHE knew and often teased Cid about the progress he was making with Vincent. Of course, one had to stop and readjust one's brain when one considered that Cloud had no idea that Tifa was stalking him.
"Jus' fuckin' go, yeh damn ass!"
Cloud scrambled away.
After waiting a moment, Cid tossed his cigarette into the lake (littering guilt was for other people) and turned back to Vincent.
Vincent stared at Cid like he was a stranger.
"Vin?" Cid tried, taking a step closer.
"I should have done something," Vincent said dully. It took Cid a moment to catch on to what he was talking about. "I should have saved her, but instead…"
Cid found that he had very little sympathy for Vincent in this case. No, that wasn't true; he was sympathetic, but he was pissed the hell off that Vincent was hogging all the blame for himself. And there were so many people more guilty than Vincent.
"Th' fuck could yeh've done?" Cid snapped. Vincent flinched. "Kidnapped her? Killed that fuckin' bastard Hojo?" Actually, that might have worked. No, Vincent would have been tried for murder.
Cid at least did manage to achieve something: Vincent stopped being emotionless and started being angry.
"No! But I should have done something! I should have convinced Lucrecia not to take part in the experiment! I should have saved her!" After so long keeping his emotions about the events thirty years before wired down, Vincent's control was breaking down. Soon he was shouting at Cid. "All of this is my doing! If only I had stopped her, Sephiroth would never have been born! If he succeeds with his plan, then it is another of my sins!"
Cid was ready to let Vincent bleed out his emotional pain right up until:
"I deserve all that Hojo has done to me. It is a fitting punishment."
The blow actually made Vincent stumble back a step. He stared at Cid in surprise and hurt, the livid mark on one cheek matching the color of his eyes.
"Don' yeh fuckin' dare start with that shit!" Cid roared. "Th' only fuckin' punishment yeh need is a spankin' fer actin' like a damn whiny kid!"
"A sp-…?" Vincent flushed.
Cid's brain caught up to his mouth. Alright, he could have phrased that better. Oh well.
"Yeah, a fuckin' spankin'," Cid snarled. "An' I'll be more 'en happy teh be th' one teh fuckin' give it teh yeh."
Vincent blinked at took a slow step back from Cid. Once again, something that could have been better explained. Ah well.
"Yeh made yer choices, Vin. She made 'ers. Yeh can' fuckin' control people. It's not yer damn fault!"
Vincent dropped his gaze. He stared at his feet, a curtain of black hair hiding his face. "You wouldn't understand," he said very quietly.
Cid swore. "Never fuckin' say yeh deserve what happened, Vin. Never fuckin' say that. It ain't fuckin' true." He turned and began the walk back to the submarine, where Cloud was waiting, undoubtedly impatiently. "If yer not on that damn sub in five minutes, I'm comin' an' carryin' yeh in over my fuckin' shoulder."
Vincent was silent all the way back to Junon. That was normal for him, but Cid worried all the same. However, he'd already gotten in Vincent's face, so it was best to let him think for a while.
As long as Vincent was watched. To make certain that he wouldn't go walking off any cliffs.
It was much later that evening, when Cid was smoking pensively in a small, private room on the Highwind, that the beginning of the end of Vincent's tragedy came.
Vincent had made no move to talk to Cid since their confrontation by Lucrecia's cave. So Cid was brooding. Hell, if Vincent could waste thirty years by brooding in a coffin, then Cid was damn well owed five minutes of brooding in a closet!
A light, hesitant knock on the door roused Cid from his thoughts. He grunted to let whoever was at the door know they could enter.
The door creaked open slowly. Cid turned away from the wall and saw Vincent, eyes half-lidded, still observing the ground.
Cid waited.
"I…" Vincent muttered. He looked up and met Cid's eyes nervously. "I need help, Cid… Will you…?" He trailed off. Cid crushed his cigarette against the wall, still waiting.
"I want to… to be human again. Will you teach me?"
It wasn't exactly the question Cid had been hoping for, but it would do. For now. He opened his arms and Vincent stepped hesitantly – Cid wondered why – into his hold.
"Fuck, Vin," Cid muttered. "All yeh had teh do was ask."
"I was afraid," Vincent said, just as quietly. "I'm still afraid."
"Th' hell yeh scared 'a?" Cid asked. His voice was slightly muffled; his lips were exploring the curve of Vincent's ear.
"That I would lose you. I don't want to lose you, not the way I lost…" Vincent trailed off, remembering the way their last conversation on that topic had ended. "Ow!"
"Stop fuckin' bein' so damn depressin'," Cid growled. "Or I'll bite yeh again."
Vincent actually sighed, but not sadly. "Careful, Chief. I bite back."
Cid grinned. "That's what I fuckin' like teh hear."
"… Are you going to spank me?"
"Want me teh?"
"No thank you. Someone would probably hear."
"Damn. An' yeh were fuckin' askin' fer it, teh."
An' that was that. I was there fer 'im. Teh be fuckin' sympathetic an' shit, er teh give 'im that damn spankin'. Heh. An' teh make out in closets. Good fuckin' stuff. But no actual fuckin' yet.
Soon. Real damn soon.
That was Vin. Playin' hard teh get.
But I was fuckin' winnin'.
Har har har! Wasn't that fun, boys and girls?
Cid: Fuck no!
Vincent: No.
Chibi Koun: Sure it was! By the way, all the stuff about spanking… Blame K. Haruka and that one doujin she did, Scandalous na Kizuna. I love that one! Far too much, it seems. Anyway, this chapter is, first of all, a bit long. Yay! Second of all, it's a lot wonky. Aw. I had a bad cold when I wrote most of this, and – as I said before – I'm none to good with angst. That's what reading Terry Pratchett does to you. It makes you want to leap at your favorite characters, slap them, and yell, "GOD JUST GET OVER IT!" Fun stuff, fun stuff.
