"…REVEALING"
Just as Jimmy had promised, Airilyn was at his apartment when Tika arrived the next day. The two girls squealed with joy as they grabbed one another and hugged each other tightly. After a few more minutes of excited reunion, the two of them went into the other bedroom. Jimmy could not help but to sneak upstairs and eavesdrop; however, Airilyn knew what he was doing. She closed the door and locked it, returning to sit on top of the bed. Tika was quick to notice that Airilyn was not her normal bubbly self. "So, what you been up to?" she asked.
"Nothing much. I had to go away for a little bit," Airilyn said. When Tika inquired further, Airilyn told her that she had been in counseling for her behavior. "Bobby and Veronica sent me to this woman to talk about some stuff—family stuff, that's all."
Tika wanted Airilyn to elaborate further, but she didn't ask. Airilyn then asked, "So, Sha'Quon jump you yet?"
"What?!" Tika exclaimed.
"Sha'Quon's been around, telling people she's gonna beat your ass for taking Jimmy from her," Airilyn explained. "You need to dust her ass off, Tika. She's talking too much to be walking around."
"I don't have time to be fooling around with her, Mook. I got other things I need to be worrying about." Tika slouched on the bed and folded her arms. Airilyn caught on—then she began to talk about her brother. "Jimmy wants to be with you."
Tika was silent, listening. She was uncertain about whether she should disclose what had occurred between her and Jimmy at Creole's party. She didn't know if Airilyn would be happy or upset about it. So she kept quiet. "How you figure that?"
"C'mon, Tika…I know my brother," Airilyn said. "I hear how he talks to Jey about you. The other night, I heard him talking to Veronica about how to get with you."
Tika rolled her eyes, but Airilyn saw the blush and smile. "I know you're falling for my big brother, and that's cool with me. Jimmy needs someone to love, as well as someone to love him." She took her friend's hand. "I don't think he knows how to love a woman, like the way Jey loves Ronnie. Maybe you might be the one to show him." Tika smiled and blushed. If he loves the same way he kisses, then he's not doing that bad.
While the girls were discussing Jimmy's feelings, Jimmy had quietly left the apartment and had gone to his mother's house. Before turning off the motor, he carefully scanned the driveway to make sure that Marvin's car was not there. Relieved that he wasn't, Jimmy got out and walked to the house. He knocked on the door and did not respond when his mother came to the door—still wearing curlers and a nightrobe. "What is it, Jimmy?" she asked.
"Hi, Mama. I need to talk to you."
"About what?
Jimmy swallowed hard. "About my father…who is he?"
Lisa sighed heavily, bothered by her son's question. "Why are you asking me that, Jimmy? What do you want to know?"
"I wanna know who he is," Jimmy said.
"He ain't nobody," Lisa said, her eyes narrowing at her son. "Why do you keep asking me about your daddy?"
"Because I need to know who this man is that makes you resent me so bad." Jimmy now looked at his mother with the sadness of a child who has had to bear the burden of being unloved. Lisa cringed, closing her robe tightly around her. Jimmy shook his head. "You can't even look at me, can you? You can't even look me in the eye and tell me about my father. All my brothers and sisters know their daddies except me. Bobby and Airilyn know their daddy, even though he wasn't shit and walked out on us when we were little. Tommy and Lynette know their daddy, even though he's a bastard. But I don't know mine! Why, Mama? Why I can't know who mine is?"
"Your father was in the wind, so it don't make any difference. What good would it do for you to know who he was?"
"It would do me some good!" Jimmy exclaimed. With his eyes watering he said, "What is it, Mama? What did he do? What did he do to you to make you hate me so much, when all I've ever tried to do was love you and get you to love me?"
Lisa was silent for a long time. She looked into her son's eyes. Then, with the same blank stare that Jimmy often gave, she stated, "Your father was a sorry-assed nigga. He was worthless and no-good. All he did was get me pregnant and then left me for some White girl. He wasn't shit…like you." With those final words, Lisa shut the door in Jimmy's tear-streaked face.
It was early evening when Jimmy returned to his apartment. Figuring that Tika had gone home, Jimmy went upstairs to check on Airilyn. He chuckled when he found the both of them in bed, asleep. Not wanting to wake her, but knowing she needed to go home, Jimmy walked to Tika's end of the bed and gently shook her awake. Tika sleepily cracked open her eyes, just in time for Jimmy to kiss her eyelids and her lips. However, the smile was not there. "Come with me, Tika."
"Where are we going?" Tika asked. She pulled herself off the bed and stood, straightening her clothes. Careful not to wake Airilyn, Jimmy simply took Tika by the hand and led her out of the room. "Let's take a little ride."
Tika found herself in the passenger seat of Jimmy's Trailblazer, listening to the radio and enjoying the ride as they cruised along the dark highway. She looked over at him, wondering why he was so quiet. Not that Jimmy was a loudmouth, but he was certainly not this pensive. Right then, she knew that something was wrong. She worked up the courage to ask. "What's wrong, Jimmy?"
Jimmy didn't answer her. He continued to drive in silence.
Tika placed her hand against Jimmy's cheek, halfway expecting him to push it away. Instead, he clasped and kissed it. "You just don't know, Tika," he uttered in a voice barely above a whisper. "Girl, you just don't know."
"Know what?" Tika asked softly, noting the crestfallen tone in his voice. He said nothing as he soon turned onto a back road and drove up the road to an isolated park. He parked near a street light, leaving the radio on. He turned to Tika. "You know what it's like to feel like you ain't got nobody in your corner? Like, you do whatever you got to in order to prove you love somebody, and they don't care?"
Tika nodded. "My auntie…it's like she's trying to escape the fact that she came from nothing. She hardly comes around me and Granny, even though she's Granny's daughter. I think it has something to do with something that happened between her and my mother. Well, my mom is dead and my grandmother won't tell me, so I don't really know why my aunt does not come around us."
"You're lucky, Tika," Jimmy said. "At least you know your mom loved you. My mother would rather me be dead." Tika glanced quickly at him and started to quiet him, but he placed his hand to her mouth. "No, I wanna get this out. I'm tired of holding all this inside me." He paused, sizing Tika up. "You have to promise that what I'm gon' tell you won't get out. It's just that, since Creole's party, I feel the need to be with you. I want to be with you. I want you to be mine, Tika…and I want to be yours. In order to do that, I have to give you my heart."
Tika nodded, confirming her promise. She was touched that Jimmy was about to confide in her a secret that obviously has caused him much anguish. She was wondering if what he was about to say had anything to do with his melancholic behavior as they drove to the park. Jimmy planted a kiss on her lips, then began.
"I've been on my own since I was 13 years old; I'm damn near 25 now. I ain't never felt no love from my mother, not even as a little kid. She didn't beat me or nothing, but she never showed me any affection, either. Then, she got with Marvin…" He stopped and caught his breath. He shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. "Marvin's the fucking Devil," he seethed. "A demon…he hated my being there, and I soon hated him right back. But she loved him, so he was always around. He would always find ways to make me feel like shit." He ran his fingers through his hair. "He'd always call me 'Nobody's Son'—like I was nothing. He knew how I felt about that, but he didn't care. He just lived to make me—us—miserable." Jimmy's voice cracked, giving away his deepest emotions. Tika placed her hand on his neck and massaged it. He smiled tenderly, grateful for her touch and presence.
"But the worst part was when he would beat on Jey," he continued. "As much as he didn't like me, he hated Jey. See, my mother had Jey by another man and lied about it. When Marvin found out, he beat the hell out of her. He beat her so bad she almost lost my brother. That was the first time he went to jail. While he was there, she and Jey's daddy got together and stayed together. But then Marvin got out and got into it with him. Mama threatened to call his probation officer, so he went away for awhile. While he was gone, we were a family—during that time, Mama had Airilyn. Then, one day, he just upped and left. He said he was going to the store and we never saw him again. Jey was six years old at the time and Mook was just two. Two months later, Marvin came back. Right after that, he really started giving us hell.
We never had a minute's peace in that house, me and Jey. He couldn't stand the sight of us but, because Mama would never step in for us, he knew he could do whatever he wanted and get away with it. All she cared about was having her big house and nice shit and a man to lay up with. To hell with her kids, who would have loved her anyway." It was then that Tika saw Jimmy wipe his cheek. When he turned to look at her, she saw the watery eyes and realized that he was wiping away a tear. She wondered if he had ever opened his heart like this to anyone else. She had to ask. "Why did you get sent away?"
"My mother told the police and child welfare that I tried to kill my little brother," Jimmy explained. "But I was the one who pulled him out of the tub. Next thing I know, Marvin runs in and tackles me to the floor. Early the next morning, I remember cops dragging me out the bed and putting me in the back seat. I found out later that I was being charged with attempted murder. Long story short, the charge got dropped, but I still ended up staying in the system because my mother wouldn't come get me and bring me home. She said I was more trouble than she could take and that I was a troublemaker. But Tika, I swear I never hurt Tommy—that's my brother."
"Why would she call the police on you? Why did CPS take you away?"
Jimmy did not answer. Instead, he made a request. "Tika, step out of the van."
Tika was stumped. Step out of the van? Did this nigga just ask her to get out of the van? Surveying their surroundings, Tika gave Jimmy an Are you crazy? look. Jimmy, undaunted, simply repeated himself. Tika stayed put, resolving that she was not about to get out into a darkened park by herself. She didn't know what Jimmy was going to do. For all she knew, she may have touched a raw nerve with him and angered him. When she did not move, Danny got out of the van himself. Tika followed his movements as he marched to the passenger side, pulled open the door, and pulled her out. Tika, at first confused, was now insolent. "Damn, boy! What the hell are you doing?" she snapped, standing flat against the front hood.
Jimmy stepped closer to Tika, pressing himself against her. "I don't wanna talk no more. I wanna play a game."
"What kind of game?"
Jimmy smiled. "It's called 'Can I Make You Squeal?'"
Jimmy looked around, checking to ensure their privacy from security guards or young snoops. He pressed against Tika. "You smell good, Pretty Girl," he whispered, kissing her on the lips and forehead. "I love this dress you got on." He then picked Tika up and spread her out onto the front hood of his van. Tika raised herself slightly, aware of what Jimmy was going to do. "Whoa, boy! We can't do this—not out here!"
Jimmy ignored her. He spread open her legs and pulled her panties down. "I can make you squeal," he uttered, planting soft kisses on her upraised thighs. Pulling her down toward him, he looked up at her and gave her his intense stare. Tika felt his gaze and leaned back against the hood, scanning the darkened park bench. She whispered quietly, "No, Jimmy. Not here, not here. No…no…" then stopped short as she felt his lips kiss her slightly. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open as he put his hand on her knee and open her legs further. He stared at it, glanced up, grinned, then pushed his face directly between her legs. Tika gasped aloud as his tongue flicked across her clitoris—several times. He moved his head in a nodding fashion, then a shaking fashion, as his continued pleasuring her with his mouth. Tika felt her muscles weaken as her breath quickened and her eyes rolled into her head. Her leg slackened, only for Jimmy to cup her hips and position her upward. While he was still inside her legs, he curled his tongue around her clitoris and nodded his approval, softly moaning . Tika, in a pre-orgasmic spasm, arched her back and involuntarily said his name between hoarse whispers and increasingly noisy moans. Jimmy, sensing her arousal, moved to the side and bent his neck to the right, licking and sucking at another angle. He could feel his own arousal coming, for his movements became more forceful and intense. He pushed his head further and nodded more furiously, bringing Tika to a loud squeal and popped her on her hip when she pushed his head further onto her. Jimmy paused, took up Tika's hand and gazed at her seductively, then lashed his tongue out at her before returning to his business with even more zealous fervor. Tika felt tears running down her face as she felt his long tongue glide straightforward and, in her desirously fevered brain, realized something. He's fucking me with his tongue! When Jimmy yanked her forward onto his swirling mouth and cyclone-like tongue, Tika squealed loudly, then screamed out as the orgasm hit her—making her sugar walls contract and leak. Jimmy, aware of what had happened, chuckled deeply as he finished lapping up her sugar walls, retreating his tongue and resting his head sideways between her legs and running his tongue onto her inner thigh. Shit, she's on fire. That was some held-down-deep stuff there…I'm going to love fucking her, he thought to himself, breathing hard. He then rose up, then helped Tika off the front hood. Tika stared at Jimmy, who was looking intently at her with a sex-filled expression. Half dizzy, she fumbled with her underwear as she pulled them back on. The two of them got back into Jimmy's van and said nothing as he drove her home. Tika, still not believing what had just occurred, was busy smoothing her summer dress and clearing her head. She shot a quick glance at Jimmy and noticed the bulge in his pants. As soon as they pulled up in Tika's driveway, Jimmy pulled her onto his lap—allowing her to feel his erection. "That was just the pre-game show, Pretty Girl," his whispered, moving her about on his lap. He then undid his jeans and released himself, letting it rest—stiff and straight—between her hips. "Very soon, you and me—we gon' go to overtime. You think you were seeing stars tonight? I'm gon' send you to the moon." Tika touched his chest and kissed him full on the lips. "Soon, Jimmy—make it soon."
Jimmy nodded his head and let Tika get out. "I'll be home after seven tomorrow. Tell your grandma I said hi." Tika gathered herself and waved goodbye as she walked inside the house, trying to mask the wiggle. Jimmy laughed and gave off a loud whoop. "CheeeHoooo, shit! She ready to go!"
