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By the time graduation rolled around, Jim was ready to pull his hair out from frustration. He just wanted to get back to space and exploration. That was why he had joined Starfleet after all; not to spend weeks on end puttering around the Academy playing nice with an asshole Admiral who liked to think he was more important than he was.

Jim didn't attend the ceremony, but only because he really had to get things ready for departure on the ship. He would have gone, to see Kevin graduate, but they were leaving Earth the next day, and there really were quite a few details that he, as Captain, needed to take care of.

Jim also wouldn't mind attending the ceremony to see the senior Command Track Cadets he had taught; while he still didn't think he was a great teacher, he had at least sort of connected with some of them. One, Cadet Thompson, would be joining them on the Enterprise.

Jim had to admit though that the graduation ceremony could be awfully boring. At least they didn't stand up there and read out the names of every single Cadet graduating, as well as their tracks and specialties – that would take forever. The top five Cadets in each track were recognized, and then each track would stand when called to be acknowledged.

So instead of spending all day listening to Garovick and Richard speak, and watching Cadets sit and stand on command, Jim spent the morning in Engineering, moving on to Medical, Navigations, and several other departments before he knew he had to return for dinner. All in all, he felt it was a productive day. He ran into several members of his command crew, as they were also using the day to ensure their departments would be ready for launch.

Carol was setting up in the science department, and Jim spent more time than he really had to, making sure she had everything she needed.

All were excited to finally be leaving, which probably had some bearing on why they were gathered in the shuttle hangar a full thirty minutes before they needed to report, early the next morning.

Chris was there with Jon and Richard, all three saying their farewells. They watched fondly with Jim as the crew began to assemble; everyone had specific times they were supposed to arrive to take shuttles up to the ship, and the Enterprise was set to depart from spacedock in three hours.

Jim chuckled amusedly watching McCoy make his way towards them, Joanna, still half asleep in her father's arms.

Spock and Uhura arrived together, which was no surprise as they had officially announced their relationship to the Admiralty and filed for a joint apartment at the Academy a few weeks ago.

Pavel and Sulu showed up a few minutes later, with Carol and April arriving shortly after that. Scotty was already on board, and Jim doubted his Chief Engineer had actually left the night before.

Finally, it was time for them to board their shuttle. Jim turned to the trio of Admirals. Jon and Richard shook his hand, making him promise to stay safe, before they stepped back and let Chris move in.

Chris had no compunctions about grasping Jim in a tight hug, and Jim was only too happy to return the gesture.

"You all stay safe up there," Chris admonished.

Jim nodded into Chris' shoulder. "Promise," he smiled slightly as he pulled back.

Chris clapped him on the shoulder, feeling both proud and concerned, as he watched Jim gather his bag and join the rest of his command crew on the shuttle. He felt like such a proud father, watching his son the Captain heading back to his ship. At the same time though, he knew how things could get out in the black, so of course, he worried for Jim's safety. He knew the kid could take care of himself, but that didn't stop him.

Looking around at the others who had come to see the Enterprise crew off, Chris knew he wasn't alone. Other parents, spouses, siblings, and friends were crowding in the hangar giving tearful goodbyes. It would be several years before the ship would be back.

With a rueful smile, Chris turned around and headed outside. He would miss Jim, but he also knew how much Jim needed to be living amongst the stars. If anyone was born to Captain a starship, it was Jim Kirk.

XXX

"Captain on the Bridge!" Chekov called out as Jim stepped off the 'lift and made his way to his chair.

Jim smiled contentedly as the crew snapped to attention around him, just for a moment, before they got back to work. He had just spent the last nearly two hours doing last minute checks of each department, before making his way up to the Bridge for takeoff.

He opened up a shipwide comm. and leaned on his armrest as he spoke. "Welcome back, everyone. I trust you're all as eager to get going as I am." A few people on the Bridge chuckled in agreement. "We'll be underway in just a few minutes; all decks, prepare for launch."

Jim nodded at Sulu, who began running his last minute checks.

"Dock control reports ready, Captain," Uhura informed him.

Jim grinned. He was eager to get back out there. "Helm?"

Sulu's smile was nearly as wide. "Separating from spacedock, sir." He typed in a few more commands, working seamlessly with Chekov, as usual. "Cleared spacedock."

Jim leaned forward slightly. "Let's punch it, Sulu."

Sulu nodded, and pushed down the final lever. The ship jumped to warp.

"No parking brake this time?" Jim asked cheekily, once they were underway.

Sulu reddened briefly, as he turned in his seat and leveled a glare at his Captain and friend. He would never live that down, would he.

Jim shrugged good-naturedly, and then turned to Spock. "Commander, you have the mission brief?"

Spock stood up from his station and nodded. "Yes, Captain. At current speed, we should reach the Vulcan colony in eighteen point four hours."

Jim nodded. "Good." He glanced around the Bridge and began to explain their assignment. "This should just be a quick stopover. We've been tasked with bringing supplies to the Vulcan colony on P'Jem. We'll be spending three days in orbit, and all departments will function as normal."

Everyone nodded their understanding, and got back to work.

Everything was quiet as they made their way towards the Beta Quadrant and the new Vulcan colony that had been established after the destruction of their home planet a year earlier. P'Jem used to be a Vulcan monastery, that had been raided by Andorians several times, and had been abandoned years ago. The climate of the planet was suitable for Vulcans, and Jim and the Enterprise had worked out an agreement between the Vulcans and Andorians, where the latter agreed to leave the planet alone. Everyone in the Federation was treating the Vulcans with respect and sympathy after what Nero had done, so it was relatively easy to get the Andorians to agree.

Soon enough, Alpha shift was over, and Jim was handing command off to Lieutenant Boylston, joining the rest of his command crew as they headed towards the mess to grab dinner.

McCoy and April joined them as they sat down at one of the larger tables towards the back of the mess, and a few minutes later, Jim waved Carol over as well. The blonde woman had spent the entire day in the labs in the science department, but she would begin working shifts on the Bridge soon. She had a unique combination of skills, between her science degrees and her specialization in advanced weaponry, and as such, could be of great use on the Bridge.

Carol's presence garnered several interested looks throughout the meal, from the command crew to various other crewmembers eating their own dinners, as more than one person questioned whether she and the Captain were dating yet, and if not, how long it would be. It seemed pretty obvious to Jim's friends that he was interested. And it seemed like Carol was as well, so what the hell was taking them so long?

The rest of the evening and the next day flew by, and before they knew it, they were arriving at P'Jem, and Jim was organizing for the supplies to be removed from cargo bay. Most of the ship would continue as normal for the next few days, with just a few teams going down to the surface – Security and Science officers who would unload the supplies, Jim, Spock, and Uhura.

Sarek was waiting for them when their shuttle landed, and greeted all three senior Starfleet officers courteously.

Jim smiled slightly at the elderly Vulcan. "Greetings, Elder Sarek," he said courteously.

Sarek inclined his head. "Captain Kirk, I welcome you and your crew to our colony." He looked at his son and Uhura, standing just behind their Captain. "Spock. Lieutenant."

Jim idly wondered if Sarek knew that his son and Uhura were dating. Given the way Sarek was observing the pair carefully, Jim thought he probably had an idea.

Sarek gestured behind him. "Shall we proceed?"

Jim nodded, and turned to the officers who had just arrived on the second shuttle. "Begin unloading," he instructed.

Sarek motioned to two Vulcans standing a short distance away. "Arev and Denak will show you where to put the supplies."

The officers nodded and got to work, as Jim, Spock, and Uhura followed Sarek into the colony. This was the first time they had been to the colony since it had been installed, and the Starfleet officers were eager to see how things were progressing.

Sarek gave them a tour, ending at the New Vulcan Science Academy, a smallish building located in the heart of the colony.

Several other Elders were at the Science Academy when the quartet arrived, and greeted the newcomers stoically.

Jim, Spock, and Uhura were happy to get a tour of the facilities, as Sarek explained the strides they were making to reestablish as many aspects of their culture as possible. The first class of the new Academy had begun just a few months earlier, so there were Vulcans milling about and occupying many of the rooms that the group passed.

XXX

Jim didn't know whether or not he should feel relieved that they didn't run into the alternate Spock over the next few days. He knew the time traveler was around, but he never attempted to seek Jim out either, so the Captain decided not to let it bother him.

Spock spent more time on planet than anyone else, which wasn't surprising, considering his father was in residence. Jim returned a few times, but never for too long, and just to make sure that the Elders were able to request any additional supplies they needed, and that the ones they had delivered were being absorbed properly.

Three days later, the Enterprise left orbit, heading for the Gamma Quadrant. Sometimes ship life could be rather dull, with them drifting with no real destination in mind. When they didn't have specific orders, they were free to explore as they wanted, as long as they stayed within mapped space, a condition that really rubbed Jim the wrong way. They were supposed to be out there in the unknown, seeing what lay beyond the borders of known space.

However, after Nero, and as the Enterprise was still a relatively new ship, with a younger crew than most, Komack wanted them to stick around. Which meant sticking to places that had already been explored.

So Jim was doing the best he could with the restrictions; the Gamma Quadrant was less traveled than some of the other sectors, such as the Alpha and Beta Quadrants. And even within the constraints, there were still hundreds of planets out there that Starfleet had yet to discover, so it wasn't like they were completely sitting on their asses.

The next few weeks passed peacefully; they weren't in any rush, so there was no need to stress the engines.

With no mission, they were free to stop at any planet that they found interesting; map any system that intrigued them.

They flitted between worlds as the months passed by. From what Jim could tell, the crew was happy for the low tension and lack of official missions. They, like he, preferred exploration to specific objectives. He was happy to see the newcomers meshing well. The Cadets were adapting quickly to ship life, and Jim knew that he had chosen well with them. He had the option, after six months when their training was up and they officially received commissions, to request their reassignment, but Jim didn't think he would do that. Each and every one of them was proving every day why they had been at the top of their Tracks at the Academy. Of course, Jim thought Kevin was the best of all of them, but he was probably just biased in favor of the kid he had seen as something of a little brother, once upon a time. So if they wanted to stay on the Enterprise once they received their commission, he had no problem with that.

April was also doing well in her new role. She seemed to subconsciously know how to handle every mood McCoy threw at her, and she was able to dish it back with interest.

Jim liked having her around; she was so much better than their previous doctor, who had been reassigned to a starbase, last time Jim had checked. April was highly competent, and even more important, loved living on a ship in a way Doctor Arada just hadn't. After a couple of months, it was as if she had always been a part of the Enterprise crew. She got along great with the nurses, McCoy and M'Benga treated her as an equal, and she was good at making the crew members who came in for treatment feel both comforted and embarrassed at getting themselves hurt in the first place.

She was studying nonstop when she wasn't working, since there were quite a few classes she had to make up through the Academy. She and Jim had worked it out with the Admirals and a few key instructors that she would take the classes from a distance, and when the Enterprise next stopped at Earth, she would take the necessary tests to graduate.

Their other new addition was also quickly adapting to her new home. Carol loved working on a ship. Sure, stationary labs on starbases and planets may have more opportunity for advancement, but she truly felt like she belonged out here in the stars.

She loved how Jim always made an effort to include her after shift and when they weren't working, but she wished he would be a little clearer about their relationship, or whatever it was going on between them. She was positive that he was flirting with her at times, and she gave it right back, so why wouldn't he make a move?

Even with the way the command crew would tease and make pointed comments, Jim just calmly denied everything. It was so frustrating!

The truth was, Jim was a little afraid. He didn't know how to describe what he felt whenever he thought about Carol, but it definitely wasn't like how he had felt about any other girl he had been with. And really, when it came to actual relationships, his list could be summed up with one name: Gaila. He was well practiced in the art of one night stands and casual dating, but he didn't really do serious. He wasn't good at it, and he was just thankful that he and Gaila had been able to remain friends afterwards. He had no idea how that had happened, but he wasn't questioning it.

He liked Carol. He could admit that, even if it was just in the comfort of his own mind. He was quickly coming to value her as a great friend, and he didn't want to jeopardize that. Which was why he denied everything whenever someone commented on how great they would be together. It was just too complicated.

It was several months into their journey when they began circling back around towards the Beta Quadrant. It was time for a shore leave soon, and Jim thought that if they managed to get back into the region, they'd be able to stop in the Rigel system. The whole crew would be thankful for that, with Rigel's beautiful scenery and better nightlife.

Gaila found him one evening after shift, as he was wedged into a Jeffries tube, trying to fix a slight issue Scotty had noted earlier in the day. Jim was off shift, but too wired to sleep, so he had decided to lend Engineering a hand. Scotty had taken one look at his keyed up expression, handed him a spanner, and told him to get to work.

Gaila smiled slightly at the sight; Jim was truly a great Captain. Most Captains wouldn't think about lending a hand in another department during their off hours. They would leave such issues to those whose job it was to fix them. But Jim wanted to help, wherever he could. And with his advanced understanding of Engineering, Scotty trusted him with the ship almost as much as the Chief Engineer trusted himself.

Gaila cleared her throat to announce her presence, and waited as Jim pulled himself out of the tube, looking to see who was behind him. He smiled widely at his ex-girlfriend. "Hey, Gaila. Did you need something?"

Gaila nodded, gesturing for him to climb down. "I wanted to talk to you, if you have a moment."

Jim frowned slightly, confused, but willingly climbed out of the tube and set the spanner down. "What's up?"

Gaila bit her lip, hoping Jim was in the mood where he wouldn't accuse her of insubordination for what she was about to say. "Jim, what's going on with you and Lieutenant Wallace?"

Jim blinked, surprised. "We're friends," he replied slowly. He wondered briefly if he was about to get some sort of 'jealous ex' speech, before dismissing the idea completely. He and Gaila were friends, and she would never get jealous over anyone he dated. Their break up was mutual, and jealousy really wasn't the Orion's style.

Gaila shook her head, exasperated. "It doesn't matter how many times either of you say it, it won't make it true."

Jim pursed his lips. "Gaila…"

Gaila rolled her eyes. "I know you want to believe that there's nothing there, but Jim, I can see it. So can all your other friends. You really like her, and she likes you. So what's the problem?"

Jim sighed, sinking down to the ground, leaning against the wall. "It's not that simple," he protested.

Gaila sat next to him, watching him knowingly. "Jim, I know what it's like to be afraid to commit. Remember how long it took for us to make it official? Neither of us was the kind of person to do serious relationships. That's why it was so easy, remember?"

Jim nodded slightly. "We understood each other."

Gaila smiled. "We didn't expect anything from each other. I know you've got something hiding in that dark past of yours, and I won't push or pry," she said quickly as Jim took a breath to argue. "We dated officially and unofficially for years. I know you. You never told me anything big, but part of why we understood each other so well is because we're so alike. Afraid to commit because experience has taught us that it won't last."

Gaila took a deep breath. "It's a fine philosophy in theory, Jim, but it's really just a great way to be alone. You don't have to stop being afraid, but you should let yourself be open to the possibilities. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you." She stood up and offered a hand, which Jim took willingly, using it and the wall to lever himself to his feet as well. "Just promise me you'll think about it?" she asked.

Jim nodded slightly. "I will."

Gaila smiled brightly. "Good. Now, it's way after your shift was supposed to be over, so I'd suggest you get the hell out of here and go get some sleep."

Jim blinked, taken aback, before he shook his head ruefully. "Aye, aye, Captain."

Gaila watched, hopeful, as Jim picked up the spanner and headed towards Scotty's office, probably to drag the Chief Engineer out with him. Both were supposed to be off shift hours ago, but she knew that Scotty was likely still working as well.

Jim had a lot to think about as he deposited the nearly asleep Chief Engineer outside his room, and continued on to the Captain's quarters. He heard what Gaila was trying to say, but his life was just such a mess. What right did he have to be dragging someone else into it?

Maybe that should be her decision, a rebellious voice in the back of his head commented. Jim shook his head at the voice. Carol had no idea what she'd be getting herself into. Jim was a mess. He couldn't subject anyone else to that.

These thoughts swirling around his mind, Jim quickly changed and got into bed. Gaila was right that he had spent too much time in Engineering tonight – and for the last few nights, if he was being honest. Pretty much every time he had trouble sleeping, he'd find refuge in the bowels of the ship, working on some problem, or testing out ideas to improve performance. If he was lucky, he might be able to grab a couple hours sleep before he had to be on shift. Maybe he should call in sick tomorrow, he thought with a tired smile. He quickly vetoed that idea, as that was just a good way to get hypoed by Bones, and he'd rather avoid the doctor in any official capacity.

Try as he might though, he couldn't fall asleep. He kept replaying Gaila's words, and then replaying moments he had spent with Carol over the last few months. He thought back to the first day they had spent together, on that hike in San Francisco. When they had met at that bar. He imagined Carol's laugh, the way she would tuck her bright blonde hair behind her ear when she was nervous.

Jim growled and rolled over, pressing his face into his pillow. This wasn't helping anyone. He and Carol were friends, and that was it. That was all they could be.

He tried to convince himself. He almost convinced himself.

But sleep just wouldn't come.

XXX

The next day, still exhausted, Jim made the announcement that they would pass through the Rigel system in two weeks, and would stop for a scheduled shore leave, much to the entire ship's pleasure. Jim informed them that a schedule would be sent to their inboxes, to let them know of their leave time, and they would remain in orbit for three days, before moving on.

Down in Medbay, McCoy listened to the announcement with interest. Rigel was a great place to spend a day or week. It was known for its great bars and great entertainment.

April glanced over at him from where she was filling out paperwork, and smiled. "Looking forward to it?" she asked.

McCoy looked up, and shrugged, continuing to stock the cupboard he had been focused on before her interruption. "It's a good planet," he replied. "I'm sure Joanna's looking forward to getting off the ship for a while."

April raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're talking about the right Joanna? The one who two weeks ago declared that she was never leaving space?"

McCoy growled. "Fine. Maybe I'm the one who wants to get off this tin can."

April chuckled, making her way over to the doctor so that they could talk without having to raise their voices too much. "You're telling me that in the last year and however many months it's been since you signed on as CMO, you haven't warmed up to this ship at all?"

McCoy shrugged, not willing to admit that she might have a point.

April didn't need him to say anything; the look he was wearing spoke volumes. "So do you have anything planned for this leave?"

McCoy sighed, finishing up with the cabinet and closing it. "Jo's teacher's been talking about taking the kids on some sort of field trip, the next time we dock at a planet. They'll still have school, or whatever it is that passes for it on the ship, so she'll probably be busy with that."

April smiled. "That sounds like a great experience. But I didn't ask what Joanna was going to be doing."

McCoy huffed. "I don't know. Maybe I'll check out a few bars. I'll have to see if Jim's got plans yet."

April thought it was interesting how McCoy immediately thought about Jim when planning shore leave. Those two were really great friends, the sort that would do anything for each other.

"What about you?" McCoy asked curiously.

April shook herself out of her thoughts, and set her PADD down. "Not sure yet," she admitted. "But I'll find something to do."

McCoy nodded slowly. "Well, if you find yourself bored, you're welcome to join me," the doctor invited hesitantly.

April smiled a thank you, and the two got back to work.

XXX

When Jim popped into Medbay a few hours later, he refrained from immediately interrupting the scene in front of him out of amusement. McCoy and April were bent over McCoy's desk, discussing what Jim's keen ears picked up as a recently released article on cell engineering. It was only the topic that showed Jim they were working; currently, the two were standing just a little too close to be completely professional.

He watched amusedly as April rolled her eyes at something McCoy said, shoved him lightly, and picked up a PADD sitting on the desk. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you're just trying to make sure I have absolutely no life," she commented idly, before throwing the CMO a wink and exiting the office.

Jim nodded a greeting as April passed, as he made his presence known. McCoy glanced up and scowled. "I don't have time," he said brusquely.

Jim raised an eyebrow. "But you have time to flirt with your subordinates."

McCoy spluttered indignantly. "I'm not… I mean, April's not…"

Jim chuckled. "Come on, Bones, even Spock would be able to feel the sexual tension."

McCoy glared. "Just like with you and Carol," he threw back.

Jim's smile slipped from his face and he looked guarded. "That's different."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say. Is there an actual reason you're here, or is it just to annoy me?"

Relieved to get on a different topic, Jim quickly straightened in his seat. "Yeah, I need you to finish up the medical checkups before we dock at Rigel. If for any reason, someone can't beam down, I need to know before they try it."

McCoy nodded. "The last physicals are scheduled for tomorrow, so I'll have the reports sent to you as soon as I'm done."

Jim smiled and stood up. "Thanks, Bones. Dinner tonight?"

McCoy nodded again. "Yeah. Joanna's been complaining about not seeing her uncle enough, so you better be there."

Jim shrugged guiltily. "Sorry. I know I've been busy lately."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "You're the Captain, Jim. You don't have as much free time as the rest of us, and considering how much time I spend down here, that's really saying something. Jo knows that. She just misses you."

Jim smiled softly. "She's a great kid." He glanced at his watch. "I need to get back, but I'll see you both later." He paused at the door to the office and bit his lip. "You know, April's pretty important to me. There are very few people I'd trust with her. You should ask her out."

He was gone before McCoy could even work out what he was trying to say. When he did, he sat back in his seat, stunned. Jim didn't trust easily, and McCoy knew it hadn't been easy for him to say what he had. The doctor knew that April and Jim were close – however and whyever, he still had no idea, but they were practically like family, at least from the interactions Leonard had witnessed over the last few months. And Jim trusted him with a woman he saw as a sister. That was huge.

"Shit," he muttered, forcing himself to get back to work. It was all a moot point anyway. He wasn't dating April. They were friends, that was all. Right? Oh, who was he kidding, he knew that he liked her. But he couldn't afford to just think about himself. He had a daughter, and he couldn't just be dating every girl to cross his path.

But this wasn't every girl, the rebellious part of his mind whispered. This was April. Brilliant doctor, kind hearted, she seemed to care for Joanna almost as much as Jim, from the times McCoy had seen those two interact. She wasn't just a passing girl. She was April.

McCoy growled and shook his head. He couldn't do this right now. Damn Jim for putting all these thoughts in his head. Couldn't the bastard have at least waited until he was off shift?

Forcing his mind to only focus on the report in front of him, McCoy got back to work.

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