A/N: Prompt from guyanarose; massive. Thanks!


"It's obvious you have a massive crush on the hobbit," Santana said while calmly blowing away a wave of Grunts, one corner of her lips quirking up when Sam promptly died. "Told you."

"I - no. How?" His controller dropped into his lap.

Pausing the game, Santana swiveled to look at him. "Honey," she raised an eyebrow, "Look at who's you're asking. I'm like the master at seeing subtext and shit like that." Leaning over to grab his bag of Doritos from him, she popped one into her mouth. "Well, what'cha gonna do about it?"

His face coloring, Sam swallowed. "What's the point?"

"Frigid makeout sessions and lots of blue balls until you ultimately get married and start spawning strange Ewok-hobbit babies, duh." Santana crunched on a chip, pointing at him, "Just man up, do those crazy stripper moves, hell, sing her a goddamn solo in glee or something - she's not gonna say no. I told you. I know these things."

Sam looked down at his controller. His bangs falling over his eyes, it took a while before a smile finally split his face. "Dude, throw me my phone," he leaned forward, looking determined, "I'm going to do this."

"Hell yeah!" Throwing her hands up, Santana snapped him his phone, "Gets you some lox and schmear, guppy lips!"