Two days. That's how long Oliver's been home. I still can't believe it. A week ago I thought he was dead and now he's home. The whole time that Rene and I were driving to him, I couldn't stop dreaming about having him home. That everything would go back to the way it used to be. Oliver and I against the world. We'd train together, eat together, sleep together. We'd be together again.
Delusional. I was completely fucking delusional.
From the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew. He wasn't the same man I planned to marry. He'd become someone else, something else. But what? That's the question the keeps me awake tonight.
He'd acknowledged Rene and I only when necessary and spoke only when he must. He refused to meet anyone's eyes. He sat in the car, not saying a word, the entire way home.
That was another reason I can't sleep tonight. Oliver refused to come into the house, our home. It was the most he said since we'd reunited. When he'd begun to fight, I caved. I didn't want to by any means but seeing him like that….I just wanted to make it stop. He looked like a caged animal. I couldn't take it. I gave him what he needed to return to his previous stoic state. Rene and I agreed that taking him to his dad's and staying with him was the best option. Lucky for us that his father doesn't live too far away.
But why wouldn't he want to go home. That house was, is, our home. Why wouldn't he want to be there again with me?
I tried to push the questions from my mind as made my way downstairs of the castle Oliver grew up in. Mr. Queen is the CEO of a huge company that he'd built from scratch. I used to think Oliver was exaggerating when he talked about his youth. But it's hard to to think that after seeing this 'house'. The night Oliver told me exactly how wealthy his father was, and him by default everything changed and nothing changed. He was still the same man to me, money was never something I cared too much about; so it didn't make him more attractive to me. But, as he continued to tell me about his upbringing and his family the more I understood him.
He'd never admit it but I'm sure it's why he joined the Marines. His parents always planned on him getting a MBA and taking over the company. They never thought to ask him if he wanted something different for his life. Yet, that was only part of his reasoning. The other part was him running. Before he joined up, he was in a relationship that he didn't want to be in and was to young to know he had a choice in the matter. He was being pressured by both his girlfriend and father to accept roles he didn't want or felt he couldn't meet. After his mother passed away, he couldn't find a reason to stay. So, he joined up and ran away from his girlfriend and father.
"That you, Felicity?" Mr. Queen called as I walked past the kitchen.
I turned back and walked into the kitchen. Mr. Queen sat the small table in the corner drinking a cup of tea.
"Mr. Queen, what are you doing up?" I asked.
"Same reason as you, I suspect."
I nodded my agreement before walking to take a seat beside him.
"How's he doing?" He asked, as if I knew.
"I wish I knew. I can't get him to even look at me, let alone talk to me." I explained.
Oliver and I used to talk constantly. It's one of the things I missed the most, miss the most. Talking to him was as easy as breathing. But not talking to him, feels like I'm choking on my words.
"He's been through one hell of an ordeal. It'll take time for him to remember who he used to be."
Understatement.
"But I think we all need to realize that the Oliver that we have now will never be the one we lost." Mr. Queen reasoned.
"I would be worried if he was, Mr. Queen. I just want to know that he's okay."
"Felicity, it's Robert." He chided for the millionth time since I've known him, "but if he's not telling you he's okay, it's probably because he's not. There's a lot we don't know about all this."
He's right. Of course Oliver's not okay. Why would he be?
"Thanks, Mr. Qu- I mean, Robert." I replied before standing and walking towards to hug him.
"You already knew it, just needed to hear it." He replied after we pulled apart.
"I'm gonna go up and sit with him." I informed before exiting the kitchen and starting the journey to Oliver's room.
I opened the door to Oliver's room and my heart stopped. Where is he? My eyes began to scan the room as my hands reached out for anything that I could use as a weapon. Did they find him? Did he run?
I reached out towards my left and flipped on one of the lights in the room. I hoped by doing this I would find his form anywhere, I found nothing. His room was empty. I ran towards the bathroom hoping maybe he was there. I flung the door open with a loud bang but saw nothing. I startled as I heard a slight wimper come from behind me. Quickly turning towards the origin of the sound, I realized it came from the closet.
I approached it with caution, only stopping to grab a small statue from a nearby table to use as a weapon. I opened the door slowly and sighed with relief as I did.
There laying on the floor of the closet was Oliver. He wore a t-shirt and boxers. His hair was wet which told me he hadn't been there long. I stood there watching him for a moment. The thought that'd I had been careful not to linger on was suddenly blaring at top volume in my mind. What did they do to him?
His once large frame lined with hard won muscles was now lanky and small. He wasn't frail by any means. Whoever his captors were fed him better than most would have. His hair was cut much shorter than it'd been in the video that told me he was alive. And that's just his physical appearance. I haven't even begun to assess the psychological aspects.
"Please. Just leave me alone." Oliver muttered. Was he awake?
"I don't know what you want from me!" He exclaimed suddenly, making me jump back from him.
"I swear, I'm gonna kill you!" He screamed as he began to trash in his sleep.
"Oliver." I called out quietly.
"Felicity, I'm sorry." He whimpered.
Oliver Queen just whimpered. I moved to wake him because if I hear him make that sound again I'm gonna fall apart. I can't fall apart right now.
"Wake up, my love." I encouraged as I reached out to lay my hand on his shoulder.
That's all it took. His eyes popped open and before I could utter another word, he reached up grabbing my wrist and flipped me over until I lay next to him on the floor. His other hand wasted no time in finding its way to my throat. I looked up into his eyes and saw nothing but a man doing his best to stay alive. He clearly wasn't aware of his surroundings.
"Let her go!" Rene called out.
Oliver snapped back to reality and instantly let go of me. He began to shuffle his way back away from me. His eyes now showing the emotion he hid from me earlier.
Self-hate. Fear. Pain. Uncertainty.
"It's okay, Rene." I assured.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Oliver began repeating over and over, lowly.
"It's okay, my love. I shouldn't have touched you. I'm okay." I tried to reassure as I slowly began to crawl towards him. He only backed further away.
I stopped.
I turned back toward Rene and motioned for him to leave. He gave me a look that said, 'fine but i'm not going far'.
"Hey." I called out to Oliver.
When his eyes met mine I felt my heart begin to break and swell all at once.
"It's just you and me. Whatever you need from me right now, I'll give you. No questions asked, my love." I encouraged.
I couldn't stop myself from hoping he'd talk to me.
"I can't." He admitted, the uncertainty flashing through his eyes again.
Was he uncertain of me?
"Why?"
"You'll go away. You always do. When the light comes."
What the hell does that mean?
"Honey, I promise you, I'm not leaving you. Ever." I guaranteed.
He stared at me as if he was trying to decide if I was lying to him. Why doesn't he trust me?
"I have an idea." I stated as I stood from my position on the floor. I ignored the small flinch from Oliver cause by my sudden movement, along with the pain that surged through my body from the small altercation earlier.
When I reached the light switches by the door I flipped them all on.
"Now, the light is here and I'm still here." I have no idea what I'm talking about right now but it's worth a chance.
I watched Oliver's face begin to change. His face began to change as if he was just now realizing that I was real.
"Felicity." He stated quietly.
