The talk with Charlotte had not gone according to what Alex expected. She had imagined screams and threats but, instead, the younger brunette had remained silent and resigned. The teen's demeanor had just made the one sided conversation much more difficult for Alex. She had found herself pausing often, doubting her each word and trying to muster the courage to continue. Her voice had threatened to fail her more than once and the confidence she liked to boast about had ran scarce. Alex Vause had been reduced to a stuttering, fidgety mess.
If Alex thought the conversation was going to be hard, she most certainly hadn't imagined what watching her sister being taken would do to her. As soon as the police officer and the social worker knocked on Piper's door with a look of displeasure plastered on their faces, Alex found herself regretting the call. She had remained immobile, stuck on the same spot, as the short, gray haired woman forced a big, black trash bag into Charlotte's arms. At first Alex didn't quite understand what the woman expected her sister to do with it, so she just watched intently as the teen sought Piper and leaned back against her, no doubt needing some comfort. The young girl's eyes barely moved up from the shiny wooden floor, but Alex just knew that if their eyes were to meet she would see teary eyes.
The notion that she had caused Charlotte any kind of pain made Alex question her own humanity. Still, she kept trying to push away from her mind the thought that she should be the one behind her sister, trying to ease her pain. Alex fought to ignore the feeling that she really should be the one stroking the teen's arms in soothing patterns and so, Alex just stood there, glued to the spot, watching as the dreadful scene unfolded. She wasn't even going to try and fix the mistake Piper had warned her about.
The blonde was so obviously agonizing over her decision that it didn't help Alex to feel any better. How could she when Piper seemed to care more about someone from Alex's family than Alex herself? The tall, powerful brunette who never regretted a thing and hadn't wanted the complication of a teen storming into her life with the kind of permanence the situation demanded, was now berating herself for all the life choices she'd ever made that prevented her from stepping forward and demanding some other kind of solution for Charlotte.
"Collect your things, we have to go," the gray haired woman complained, looking at her wristwatch. Charlotte was taking too long to move away from Piper and the social worker clearly had better things to do with her day.
Alex grimaced at the harshness of the woman's tone as she now realized what the trash bag was for. It was inhumane to make a kid pack their life in a trash bag. How could they not feel like worthless beings? If Alex had already been struggling with a paralyzing regret she was most unfamiliar with, she was now certain she would never be able to live with herself. It felt like she had a thousand tiny people inside her brain, suddenly acting as a conscience, shaming her for what she'd done.
She had brought this on Charlotte.
"I don't have any stuff here," her sister mumbled, stretching her arm to return the trash bag but not taking a single step away from the protective blonde.
Alex couldn't help but think Charlotte would be so much better off if she had had the luck of having Piper as a sister instead of her. She would just drag the kid down with her poor decisions. In fact, she was already doing so, by refusing the kid the opportunity to have a family. She hadn't even asked properly how Charlotte had ended up in foster care or how long she'd been there. Maybe because, knowing her decision was still going to have to be the same, she didn't want the knowledge. The information Piper had shared earlier had been enough to make her feel like the shittiest person alive. She had enough guilt gnawing at her insides as it was.
"Perfect!" The social worker was way too chipper for Alex liking, and it baffled her because… wasn't she supposed to be too? Wasn't she supposed to be relieved she was finally going to be able to put this problem behind her back. "Let's get a move on," the woman said, taking a succession of quick, little steps forward, towards Charlotte, and lifting her arm to retrieve the bag.
Alex frowned, aggravated. Everything about the woman annoyed her. From the clicking of irritating, bland and clearly overused heels, to the greyish, cynical smile, Alex was building up a strong dislike for the mismatching woman. It especially bothered Alex that this 'nobody', who felt entitled enough to boss her sister around like just another piece of trash, was trying to steal Charlotte from her.
Alex sucked in a deep breath and held it in her chest.
From her?
What right did she even have to even think such thing? From Piper maybe, but not from her.
Shehad called the woman. Shehad caused this. She was not part of a solution, she was adding to her sister's problem.
"Wait!" Piper let out, placing her hand over Charlie's arm, lowering it.
Both the youngster and the old social worker looked quizzically at the blonde, but Piper took her time, placing her hands on Charlotte's shoulders and turning the teen around to face her. "Take some clothes with you," she whispered motioning with her head to the stairs.
"It's okay," Charlotte said, shaking her head. "They'll just get taken away anyway."
"Charlotte," the social worker called for the teen with a strong surge of impatience, which didn't go unnoticed by Alex's close scrutiny.
The anger building up inside Alex was enough to clear some of her daze and she finally turned fully to glare at the small, bitter thing, wanting to shut her up. At least the police officer was just standing in his corner, allowing Charlotte to take her time.
"Charlotte!" the woman insisted, grabbing her wrist in a sudden movement.
"Hey!" Alex yelled, exploding at the sight of a tight, meaty grip on Charlotte's scrawny wrist. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked, putting herself between the social worker and her sister. That seemed to spark the police officer's attention, but he still remained on his corner, only slightly more alert.
"Ma'am please get out of the way."
Alex rolled her eyes at the cringe-worthy nasal voice. "I'll get out of the way when I decide I want to get out of the way."
"You are out of line, ma'am. Please step aside." The woman stared at Alex unimpressed, but seeing as Alex wasn't budging and didn't seem at all fazed by her attempt at intimidating her, she turned her attention to Charlotte, tilting her head to try and get a better view of the teen behind Alex. "Charlotte, come on," the social worker rushed. "You're only making it worse on yourself."
Alex moved her body to block the woman's view completely. "Hey," she called out again. "She is ready when she is ready," the brunette warned. "Last time I checked this was not your house so you better calm your tits and behave."
"Ma'am is that a threat?"
Pushing her glasses up, she went to open her mouth to reply but Piper was quicker to shout. "No!" Alex looked over her shoulder to catch Piper's frantic look. "No, not a threat," the blonde appeased, widening her eyes at Alex, urging the brunette to calm down.
Alex sighed, turning back to face the social worker and leaning forward slightly as if she was about to share a secret. "Take it as a polite reminder of good manners," she muttered.
Without missing a beat Alex reached behind her, for Charlotte, and pulled her sister aside, leaving Piper to face the woman and try to tame her with convincing apologetic glances.
"Kid, I'm sorry."
Charlotte shook her head, resigned. It was not the first time she was caught so this drill was somewhat ingrained by now. "It's okay." She shrugged. "I get it."
Charlie did get it. Life had managed to teach her that she was unwanted and too much trouble. It shouldn't even bother her anymore. People always left. She was just so bad that, no matter how much she tried, people always saw how much of a fuck up she really was. Truth was, sometimes she didn't even know what she did wrong but she was sure there had to be something because all her life people always seemed too eager to ditch her. The only exception had been Piper but, even now, even after all these years, deep down, Charlie was still waiting for the day when Piper would disappear from her life. It could take a while, but Charlotte just knew it would happen eventually. Maybe she had to dump Piper first so maybe it wouldn't hurt as much.
"Look," Alex said, trying to capture her sister's attention. "Here's my number." Charlotte looked down at her hand, at Alex's fingers touching the skin of her palm and she immediately recoiled, as if her sister's fingertips burned. She clasped the piece of paper in her hand and fought the urge to let it slip from her hand. She already had the number memorized anyway. "Call me if you run into trouble," she heard Alex saying.
Charlotte snorted, her eyes glued to the floor. "I won't."
Alex frowned. Won't she call or won't she run into trouble? She had a feeling she knew what Charlotte meant and she couldn't avoid the hurt she felt.
She had brought it on herself.
The lanky brunette shifted awkwardly. "So, I guess this is it." Alex was silent. "It was… uhm… it was nice seeing you…I guess."
"Kid, I'll be around alright?"
Why did she sound so desperate? What was she doing? She needed to focus on her life. She needed to focus on the obnoxious amount of missed calls she had from Fahri. She needed to get over this crisis and forget it even happened, but why couldn't she? Why couldn't Alex get over Charlotte's poorly concealed heartbreak?
"Okay," the teen replied in true dismissal.
Alex knew her sister didn't believe her.
"Okay," she said, trying to convey a little more commitment. Fuck.
"Come live with me baby," Alex heard Piper whispering the minute the teen stepped back into the crossfire. The brunette closed her eyes and with a grunt she turned, facing the wall, and let her forehead bump into it. She could feel the beginning of a guilty headache overtaking her. Piper would be so much better for Charlie.
Charlotte sighed, trying her hardest to ignore Miss Brown's scolding look, and hugged Piper. It felt so comforting to feel the blonde's arms wrapping around her it almost made her sick thinking about the fact one day she too will be gone and there won't be any other soul she will trust enough to hug. "I need you to just be my friend," she whispered against Piper, inhaling the scent of Piper's hair. For some reason it always calmed her. "Please."
Piper pulled back a little. "I'm your friend, whether you live here or not," she reassured, hoping Charlotte would change her mind. She was so ready to reveal that she had already secretly gone through the 10 weeks of mandatory training 4 years ago. Piper was ready for Charlotte to let her help her.
"No. If I live here stuff will change," Charlotte explained, like she had many times before. "Like, weird rules and whatever. Plus, you'll start behaving all mom and that's just going to be freaky."
Piper chuckled, pulling the youngster back into her and resting her chin on her head. "I will not. I'm not even old enough to actually be your mom."
Charlotte rolled her eyes and pushed away from Piper, eyeing her amused. "You're a control freak, Pip." Piper gasped, pretending to be offended. "Stuff will change."
"Change isn't bad, not in this case."
"It is if I'm gonna lose you."
Piper's voiced hitched as she heard something she hadn't before. While she had known it could be a reason, Charlotte had never been vocal about that particular fear. "Who said anything about losing me?"
"You'll get bored, Pip," Charlotte pointed out as if it was obvious. "Listen," she said quickly, not willing to lose control of the conversation. "I appreciate it. It's very kind of you, it really is, but I don't want to." No. Charlotte was all intent on going back to foster care. She would lay low for a couple of days, check on Chloe and Austin while she was at it, and then run away again.
Charlotte had always been a runner.
She remembered being four years old and raising chaos at the hospital when she realized what the gigantic nurse had in store for her. The minute Charlie had spotted the syringe she didn't wait for fate to take her down without a real struggle. Young Charlotte Burley took off running, squirming past the adults chasing after her, sliding under gurneys and hiding behind all sorts of objects. In the end, through wailing and kicking, she had had no alternative but to take the shot, but she remembered still feeling proud of the fact she hadn't made the evil nurse's life easy.
At seven years old she ran away from lunch, at school, for the first time. Lunch was always a struggle. She was always made to eat even though she wasn't hungry and all she wanted was to go to recess and play. There was one teacher who was particularly mean and often sat with her, force feeding her. Sometimes Charlotte would puke and the teacher would make her eat it back up, even if it meant losing play time and arriving late to the classroom. Charlie knew the teacher had it for her and she was fed up so, one day, when the opportunity presented itself the fearless girl didn't hesitate either. She ran away from the disorganized crowd of kids and made it to recess all by herself. Getting in trouble had definitely been worth it. Maybe with her ever increasing experience she could really be a spy when she grew up.
At eight years old she ran away during the night for the first time. She had been so scared that night. The screams and vicious banging and throwing of things against her thin bedroom door, had little Charlie sobbing quietly, against a corner in the room. With the sound of glass smashing and of her own terrified, heavy breathing, Charlotte had made a run for the window. She could still go back to that night as if it had happened yesterday. She remembered holding on tightly to her beloved stuffed elephant - Felix - and climbing out of the window to find shelter behind a tree nearby. She hadn't even cared about how wet and freezing cold the grass had been. She had still dug her toes into the dirt in the hope that no one would be able to lift her off the ground if they tried. That would have been one of the last nights Charlie had spent at the familiar neighborhood. After that, running had just turned into an instinct and Charlotte's preferred way of dealing with all kind of situations. Without her even realizing that same behavior had helped solidifying her label as a problem kid:
"Charlotte is a sweet little girl, although she can be a little shy at first", which really meant she was a quiet and suspicious girl with trust issues. "She is a very smart girl with a love for the outdoors and new adventures," screamed that prospective parents could expect their adorable little girl to disappear on them at any given time. "Charlotte is a sensitive child with a strong personality" or, in other words, a brat who didn't handle strong emotions the best. "She thrives with encouragement and positive feedback that help her feel positive about herself," was just another way of saying Charlie was a high maintenance child with a low self esteem. "Charlotte is anxiously awaiting her forever family. She will benefit from a loving, flexible, patient and strong family who will provide her with a structured and stable, age appropriate environment." If her case worker could, she would have just said that Charlotte was an untamable kid with anxiety, who would put any marriage to the test, and parents should expect to deal with a deeply traumatized child who had witnessed inappropriate adult behaviors to an unknown extent.
Charlotte knew she had been the kid no one even introduced to prospective parents unless they had to, just to be able to write on her file that she was an unfit daughter. She was undesirable and pretty much invisible, but Charlotte had eventually made peace with it. She really wanted to become a spy some day so it kind of suited her. Nine years old was too old for a family anyway. She had known mommies and daddies didn't want a daughter all grown up. They were all immediately drawn to the little babies and toddlers who constantly babbled their nonsense. It was all they had to do and little Charlie couldn't understand the appeal. If she really, really had to be honest, Charlotte could admit to herself that it had hurt her feelings that no one ever seemed impressed that she knew how to pick a lock . The prospective parents would just glare at her in horror when she tried showing them her skills with a toothless grin on her face. She couldn't understand their reactions because she was so proud of herself!
Other thing mommies didn't care for were Charlie's art skills. She had been so distraught when one day she had tried to win over a nice lady with a painting. She couldn't see why, when the lady had asked her what she had painted and Charlotte had told her it was a fish, the lady had smiled weird at her and walked away as fast as she could. It had broken Charlie's heart to see her carefully painted fish being discreetly thrown in the garbage. She had made such a big effort to color inside the lines! It wasn't her fault she had never seen or eaten a real fish in her life. It wasn't her fault she thought a fish stick was a real fish!
That had been the first time Charlotte realized she was really dumb and the last time she had tried to impress a mommy. But, again, she was a big girl, she didn't need a mommy.
Just as back then Charlotte had understood she didn't need a forever family to take care of her and had learned to run away at any threat of attachment, she now, too, could see she didn't need Alex, or Piper, or anyone. Charlotte could run again. In fact, she would, only this time she would be smart enough to go somewhere different. Some place she had never been to before, where her odds of staying incognito would be better.
