A/N: this chapter is really short but I wanted to offer some sort of update. Thank you to those who reviewed, especially Elisayn whose review made my entire week. Thank you so much for your kind and wonderful message. I appreciate it so much. I hope you enjoy!
Kurama stared at the laptop and took a deep breath before slowly pecking out a few words and using the trackpad to hit the 'search' button. There, that wasn't so hard. He could get ahold of this new technology with enough practice.
"You can just hit enter." Victoria reminded him softly, leaning on him with one arm resting on his shoulder.
The redhead dipped his face down to study the keyboard, relocating the enter button and then nodded. Hiei made a derisive sound at his other side, earning a sharp glare. As if the other man had any idea what this was about. He just wanted to annoy Kurama.
"Did you want a turn to try, Hiei?" Kurama asked with a smile, his tone a little sharp.
"No. I'm content with watching you fail."
Kurama turned back to the laptop and scanned the page, reading each link and description before reaching to the right of the keyboard, his hand closing on nothing. Again. Inhaling slowly he corrected himself and used the trackpad to move onto the second page of search results.
"No one does that." Victoria pointed out, amused. "They tier the results based on your search that you'll get the most relevant info first. I'll write out some tips for how to structure your searches so you get what you want from them."
"Thank you." Kurama nodded. "So, explain this chatter site again? Vanessa asked me to get it. She said it would help to connect me."
"Twitter?" Victoria snorted, doing a poor job of covering her smile. "Yeah, okay. It's a place where you can express your thoughts to the masses in short form. Here, go to the search bar and type in Twitter. T-w-i-t-t-e-r."
He did as she asked, hunt and pecking the keyboard. When it popped up with the link in the search results he went back to the address bar and typed out h-t-t-p-s-/w-w-w-.-twitter-.-c-o-m before hitting enter. Victoria stared at him and wondered if that was a grey hair she felt forming or a headache. This guy was going to be the death of her. She'd seen ninety-year-old women with more computer proficiency. Reminding herself that he hadn't had the same exposure she reached deep down into her bank of patience and pulled it all up.
Every last ounce.
"Do you know all these people?" Kurama asked, gesturing to the screen as a list of most popular tweets came up. "I was under the impression you didn't have many friends."
"First of all, don't come for me like that K-drama. Secondly, no, I don't know these people." She informed him before offering a brief rundown of the point of the site. "It's better for phones, honestly."
His brow furrowed as she whipped out cellphone like an old west sheriff producing their six shooter. She opened the application, explaining how she never really used it, and showed him. "Most of the best sites are better on phones these days. Except Tumblr. That hellscape can't get it's shit together."
"Tumbler? What is that?" He scanned her face then turned back to the laptop, used the trackpad to highlight the url in the address bar and waited for her to tell him how to get to the site.
"Against my better judgement I will show you this, but be warned, this is the same as a blood bond. You got it? We are connected now." She gestured between their bodies. "Are you sure you want to do that?"
"It can't be that bad if it's on the internet." He told her flatly. "Who would intentionally share information with all the strangers of the world? Surely you're just being dramatic."
Man, this well of patience was going to dry up fast.
"You'll learn." She assured him with a pat on the top of his head and then directed him to the website, offering another brief rundown. After a moment of consideration, she looked at him. "You might want to avoid searching yourself though."
That made him pull his hands from the keys. "Why?"
"Just, don't do it, okay?" She told him firmly. "You guys are just fictional characters here, remember? Popular fictional characters. Who a lot of people like to idolize. You will find something you regret seeing."
"Thanks for the warning." He frowned. "Alright. I think I'm getting the grasp of this."
The next time he tried to long-write a url Victoria stopped him and demonstrated that he could just click a link or type a site with .com at the tail end. He wrote the tips down in a notebook she had provided him. While he began searching for gods knew what, she wrote out how to get better search results.
Hiei watched the redhead for a few minutes before grumbling and walking into the kitchen. Victoria had shown him where to find the inflatable tubes so he could lounge on the lake away from the idiots he was trapped with. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and took it with him outside, popping the can open as he located his tube and took it with him to the end of the pier. Tying it with a bit of rope to the last cleat so he wouldn't drift too far. If that woman had to reel him in again he'd kill himself.
Shedding his shirt, he hopped onto the tube, pushed off the dock and sipped his beer with a pair of stolen sunglasses shielding his eyes from the midday sun. Victoria was a pain in the ass but at least she had decent taste in eyewear.
"Explain it to me." Kurama demanded of Victoria cornering her in the kitchen with a feral look.
"It's called shipping." She raised her hands to ease him. "I didn't invent it."
"Do they not realize how outlandish and-" He began again, returning his tirade from moments before.
"I told you not to search yourself." Victoria reminded him with a sigh. "I knew this would happen. Look, you guys aren't real, remember? It's just a bunch of people expressing themselves through art."
"That is not art." He gestured to the laptop angrily. "It is a gross misuse of their talents. Their style is actually brilliant but I cannot condone-"
"Kurama, it's for fun. I'm sorry that you exist on this plane now and have to see it. I'm sorry that there is nothing we can do about it. You have to understand that fanfiction and fan art are just things that are done here. People adore you, you're one of the ultimate favorites of the series." She informed him as calmly as she could. "No one thinks twice about it because to them, you're a fictional character. Please try to understand that. Didn't you guys have comics and fanworks in your dimension?"
"I suppose we did." He admitted with a frown. "I pray none of those unfortunate souls ever have to witness the stories first hand."
"They aren't all bad. But yeah, some of it is pretty explicit." Victoria agreed with a cringe. Probably for the best not to admit that she'd ever indulged in such idle fantasies or ogled any of that 'gross misuse of talent'.
Which she definitely had.
She really needed to clear her browsing history.
"Anyway, it seems like you're doing alright." She informed him. "You getting the hang of it?"
"I've created an email for myself, established a tumblr account and created a facebook." He nodded. "Those seem to be the basics. I'm still researching though. Having such an abundance of information at my disposal is infinitely helpful."
"Yeah, it's pretty great." She agreed with a smile. "Do you think Hiei remembered to put on sunscreen?"
"Probably not. I wouldn't worry too much, he tans easily." The redhead shrugged and went back to the borrowed laptop. "I've been making notes about things that I'd like some clarification on."
"Sure. After I remind Hiei to get out of the sun. He may tan easily but skin cancer can be pretty aggressive." Victoria pushed open the screen door and stood on the back porch cupping a hand around her mouth. "Hiei! Get in here for a few! You need water and some sunscreen!"
He lifted his middle to her without moving another muscle in his body.
Fine then, he could fry for all she cared. Then she saw him raise his hands in what was surely a curt demand.
Bring beer.
"Oh fuck you, get it yourself!" She yelled at him, flipping him off as he lifted his head.
It was only a few minutes later that he stomped into the house with a glare at his hostess. Kurama bit his bottom lip to stifle a laugh. When Hiei threw the sunglasses onto the counter, not seeming to care if the lenses got scratched, white marks were revealed on his otherwise red skin. The sunburn was bad, nearly purple at his shoulders and bright red at its lightest. It covered his chest, shins, arms and face. Except for where the sunglasses had laid against his face. That was significantly paler. Along with his back, proof he hadn't moved positions in a long while.
Victoria squeaked when he emerged from the fridge and immediately grabbed a jar chilling in the door of the appliance. Without waiting for his consent she started to slather the sticky substance over his hot skin, fretting the whole time. The cold of the goop made him snarl at her, shoving her away.
Kurama got out his seat.
"Don't touch me." Hiei hissed the words.
"Hiei!" Kurama called, alarmed. "She's trying to help you!"
"I don't need her fucking help." Hiei whirled on the redhead. "I will not be accosted-"
"Put it on yourself then." Victoria winced as she rubbed her back where it had hit the counter. She'd definitely have a bruise. "You've got second degree sunburn at least, Hiei. You're going to blister if you don't handle it."
He merely stared at her, capped the jar she handed him and shoved it back into the fridge before slamming the door. When he stalked away, it was Kurama who stopped him.
"She's right. You need to apply her salve to your skin. This burn will grow painful, even for you."
"I'm made of fire, what is a little burn to me?"
"Don't make me prove the point, Hiei. Neither of us will enjoy it." Kurama glared at his friend. When Hiei slammed the screen door open Kurama sighed and raised his hand.
Victoria covered her mouth. The slap echoed through the house in the moment following it, seemingly stopping time as Kurama's palm met the top of Hiei's shoulder. The shorter man went visibly still, tension roiling through him and even the obsidian in her pocket wasn't enough to keep Victoria from feeling his pain and rage. He spun around and his fist caught Kurama in the jaw with such expert procession it was like watching a surgeon cut through muscle.
The redhead stumbled against the bar, knocking a stool over. He rubbed the sore spot where Hiei's knuckles had connected and then shot his friend the coldest, most reproachful glare.
But Hiei was still standing mostly still, a wash of paleness underlying the bright red of his skin. The hit had shocked him because it had hurt. He shivered and then locked his jaw against the wave of pain that radiated from the spot.
All his life he'd lived outdoors. His entire youth spent in an arid desert and hounded by the elements. He'd walked through the fires of heaven and hell without a scar. How then? How had the sun bested him?
Victoria pressed her lips together as Hiei marched carefully back to the fridge, retrieving the jar he'd cast aside minutes before. Without looking at the woman he uncapped it and started to liberally apply the contents all over his chest, shoulders and face.
"You'll want to drink some water and take an ibuprofen too." Victoria informed him quietly, not too eager to be on the receiving end of his right hook.
Hiei cut his attention to her and she clamped her mouth close. Then he glared at Kurama, who had retaken his seat before the laptop with a raised eyebrow.
"Are you going to help me or not?" Hiei snapped.
The redhead smirked, then directed their hostess to gather the supplies she'd suggested. Hiei accepted them begrudgingly, taking two of the pills with a glassful of water and then another. He shivered as the salve calmed and cooled his angry skin.
"Anyway, before Hiei so rudely interrupted I was going to ask you about the phenomenon currently occurring." Kurama leered at Victoria over the counter. "What is a Tide Pod?"
Victoria slapped her hand against her face and then offered a strangled cry toward the heavens. Gods help her, she couldn't. She just couldn't deal with this. Not from Kurama of all people.
"Looks, it's a stupid internet joke that got out of hand. It's a laundry detergent pod that people were joking looked munchable and it's not. Don't bother with it." Her exasperation made him pull back. "Some kids are taking it too far."
"Oh, so, it's just those things you use to wash our clothes." Kurama stated then nodded. "I thought they looked familiar. Your people have a strange sense of humor."
"Yeah, it's the absurdism born of constantly thinking the world is going to end." She shrugged.
Hiei looked between them, eyes narrowed. "What?"
Kurama glanced at him, found him shining from the applied salve and relented. "There's a running gambit on the internet about a Forbidden Fruit amongst humans. It's just the laundry detergent. Apparently some children find them suitable to eat."
Hiei nodded, glanced toward the washer and dryer hidden at the back side wall of the kitchen by folding doors on sliding tracks that were currently closed. Forbidden Fruit? So easily accessible? Just like a tyrannical overlord of Victoria's caliber to deny such a thing's importance. What did this fruit offer? Power? Speed? Intelligence? Some skill of which he had yet to think?
He'd find out.
He walked over and threw the doors open, fishing one of the pods from the plastic box that housed them. It was brightly colored, orange and blue, and when he squeezed it between his fingers it offered a little give. With a head tilt Hiei studied it.
"These things?" He asked Kurama, holding the packet up to be seen. The redhead nodded and Hiei scowled before placing the pod into his mouth.
He had never before been so thoroughly and relentlessly manhandled by a woman. Victoria was on him in an instant, had him pinned to the dryer and her crushing grip on his jaw paired with her unrelenting stare forced him into compliance. Those blue eyes bore into a piece of him and tugged at the strings that made him tick. He hated it. Against his will but apparently to appease her screeching, she pried the detergent pod from his mouth by force and threw it across the kitchen.
Her babbling made little to no sense to him until Kurama piped up with, "She says they could erode your esophagus. It's best not to tempt the fates, Hiei."
"She could have said so earlier." Hiei grumped back, pushing the woman away from him with less force than before. "You said they were a forbidden fruit."
"A hoax, it seems."
"That would have been good to know."
"That's it." Victoria threw her hands in the air, done with the pair of them. "I'm putting locks and parental controls on everything."
