CHAPTER SEVEN:
"Love & Hate"
Standing now
Calling all the people here to see the show
Calling for my demons now to let me go
I need something, give me something wonderful
It has taken over thirteen years to get to this day, it has taken the span of her son's entire existence for Michonne to get to this point and it was time. It was time for her to put on her big girl panties and face this shit; no matter the outcome. Fear of the unknown could be crippling, it can leave you broken and bound. But, she couldn't let it win, she would not let it win because Rick deserved to know the truth-her child deserved to know the truth. And with that, Michonne decided today would be the day.
Michonne exhaled softly as she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, "You can do this Michonne-you have to do this. No more bullshit, no more lies. Tonight, you will tell this man about his son. No matter what" she whispered to herself as an act of encouragement. She was scared out of her mind but she had to overcome it because it was for the greater good, right?
She shook her head softly, ridding away the bad to worse scenarios that plagued her mind. Reaching forward she pushed up the faucet to the sink, the surge of hot water came out instantly as warm steam began to fill the bathroom, it's warmth soothing against her skin as she placed her hands under the warm stream, allowing the water to fill her palms. Quickly she splashed the water against her face, a ragged breath escaped her as she reached for the face towel resting on the counter. Picking it up, she gently patted away the excess water from her face, she placed the towel on the rack as she looked at herself in the mirror once more; there was no turning back now. Michonne grabbed the lantern off of the counter and quietly crept back into her bedroom to finish getting ready for the day, deep down hoping and praying for some form of freedom to come.
I believe
She won't take me somewhere I'm not supposed to be
You can't steal the things that god has given me
No more pain and no more shame and misery
Rick rapped lightly at the front door to Michonne's home, today was the first day of gun training with Andre. After everything that had transpired between them as of late, Rick was hopeful at the thought of forming some type of bond with the boy. Deep down he felt like he needed too, that he was supposed to in a sense. It would be a lie for Rick to say he didn't feel drawn to Andre, that he didn't feel a deeper connection with him but he decided to just allow it to be because to him it was no worth in chasing pavement.
The sound of rustling and soft footsteps could be heard from the other side of the door, within seconds the door opened, revealing a timid smiling Andre.
"Hey" Rick rasped out through a smile.
"Hey" Andre responded just as raspy as he closed and locked the front door behind him. "My mom already left for stocking duty" he informed Rick as he turned around. Andre already knowing that question would come next.
Rick let out a chuckle, "Alright…" he drew out, finding humor in the fact that the boy could read his mind just as well as his mom could. "You ready?"
"Yeah" Andre nodded out as he squinted towards the man, who nodded in response. Side by side the duo began making their way towards the vacant grassy lot that sat next to the watch tower.
There was a surprisingly comfortable silence between the two as they walked. Rick wasn't sure what to expect from the teen since the boy showed an evident dismay against him since they arrived in Alexandria. Which Rick understood, he never questioned the ill-feelings the boy may have had towards him, he just chalked it up to him missing his father; that paternal relationship is just as important as a maternal one.
"So," Rick began to speak, breaking the silence shared between the two, "…your mom tells me that you like to garden" he rasped out as he looked towards Andre, who responded with a small nod. Rick smiled as he continued, "Well I've been thinking about starting a community garden. Glenn scavenges all types of seeds when he goes out. I guess what I'm trying to say is, would you like to help me with it?"
Andre looked towards Rick, a bit surprised by the question. "You garden?"
Rick smiled, "I did back at the prison in Georgia. We had bounties of tomatoes, potatoes, cabbages, greens and carrots. We even raised pigs and had a horse stable" he informed gently.
Andre chuckled as he examined the man from head to toe, "So, you were a farmer?" he questioned. He honestly wasn't very surprised by the notion because it was 2017 and the man was still wearing cowboy boots.
Rick chuckled, "Sumthin' like that" he rasped out as he glanced towards the young man, who was humoresque at his own expense. "So, what do you say?"
"I think that would be cool" Andre smiled out in response.
"Good…we can start drawing some things up over the weekend. How's that sound?"
"Good" Andre responded softly. Rick smiled brightly as he led the young man into the field.
You can't take me down
You can't break me down
You can't take me down
Andre carefully unsheathed his Wakizashi swords, tossing them atop of the grassy mound as he looked towards Rick, who was busy preparing the targets. He watched as Rick went from crate to crate, placing an empty can on top of each before turning and walking towards him.
"Alright…" he began as a removed the 9mm pistol from his waist gun holster. "-there's five targets, each at varying heights. You never know how big or small a threat can be so you have to know the proper way to gauge your target" he instructed as he went back to his gun holster, pulling out a black silencer. Rick screwed on the attachment as he walked closer to Andre, who looked back at him curiously, "This? this is just an extra precaution. We don't want any walkers hearing us now" he rasped out as he removed the safety from the gun and handed it over to Andre, grip first.
Andre took the gun in his hands, marveling over its smoothness as his fingers danced over the gun's barrel in wonderment. Once at one with the weaponry, using both hands he gripped its handle. He brought his arms, standing directly in front of the first target.
"You want your stance to be comfortable-make sure your legs are apart and your feet planted firmly on the ground, once your good, start eyeing your target" Rick drew out as he watched the boy closely.
Andre nodded as he spread his legs apart, digging his boots deeper into the ground before he began placing the gun at eye level with the top of the can.
Rick smiled, impressed by the boy's quick learning, "-that's it…find your target. Once you find it pull the trigger" he encouraged the teen.
Andre exhaled softly before pulling the trigger, instantly knocking the can off of the crate.
"That's what I'm talking about…you're a pretty good shot" Rick gushed out in enthusiasm as he cheered the boy on.
A small smile fell on Andre's lips as pride filled him. He wasn't sure how good he would be with a gun, he never had the chance to use one before but with Rick's help, he felt confident in his capabilities.
"Alright…let's move to the next one" Rick announced as they moved on to the next target.
Love and hate
How much more are we supposed to tolerate
Can't you see there's more to me than my mistakes
Sometimes I get this feeling makes me hesitate
The morning sun shined down on Michonne brilliantly as she made her way down the street towards the pantry, a part of her wished she could feel that way inside. The past few days had left her utterly drained inside and out, and she still hadn't gotten to the real issue at hand. She needed some form of solace, some type of peace before she talked to Rick tonight. How she would find it? She honestly had no clue.
"Hey" a warm voice cut through the air, pulling Michonne from her mental torment. She looked in the direction the voice came from, her eyes landing on a light brown skin woman with beautiful thick hair that she had pulled back into a low ponytail, wearing an unbuttoned army green military shirt that was rolled up at the forearms, a black tank top, blue slim fit jeans and brown boots were also worn. She stood there holding a large military rifle as a green shoulder holster held several more guns and artillery, along with a tactical gun holster that sat around her right thigh holding another black hand gun. The woman smiled towards her, "Your Michonne, right?"
Michonne a bit taken back by the stranger knowing her name, cautiously responded back with a small smile. "Yes, and you are?"
"Sorry, I know it's kind of weird for a stranger to be hollering your name from across the street. Rick had mentioned you in the meeting yesterday and I just wanted to formally introduce myself" she smiled out as she began to cross the street towards Michonne. "I'm Sasha" she revealed warmly as she extended her hand out towards her.
Michonne chuckled lightly, as she grasped the woman's hand into her own. "It's nice to meet you, Sasha"
"Clockwise" she beamed out warmly. "I was just coming from the watch tower and saw your son and Rick back there. He's a handsome young man, him and Rick kind of favor one another" Sasha chuckled out innocently.
Michonne winced, "Yeah…Rick is training him" she responded back softly, that smile softly leaving her as she dropped her eyes down to the ground. The woman's observance causing a bit of anxiety to stir. All Michonne could do was question, How many others in the group could see their resemblance? How many others could see that Andre was obviously Rick's son?
Sasha quietly watched the change in Michonne's demeanor-her naïve comment causing some form of self-reproach to show. "Don't pay me any mind…growing up I also use to think my brother, Tyreese looked like the guy from the wire" she shrugged. "But-what do I know" she chuckled out.
Michonne let out a forced chuckle as she gazed down the street, this encounter leaving her a bit uneased.
"Hey…" Sasha called out to her as she moved in a little closer, "I didn't mean any offense or anything. I know I don't really know you or your situation but I will say this- if whatever is going on carries a burden on your heart so heavy that you can't breathe. You have to let it go because no good ever comes from hurt, no good ever comes from pain and I can tell you may be scared but sometimes fear can be an illusion, sometimes what we fear can turn out to be the best damn thing to ever happen to us. We just have to face it…we just have to let it. You have to stand in your truth, whatever that maybe. I hope you do that Michonne because I'm sure things will work out just fine". Sasha extended a supportive hand to Michonne's shoulder, a gently smile still on her face.
Michonne nodded, silently fighting back the tears that threatened to pour. "Thank you, Sasha" she breathed out softly as she gently squeezed the woman's hand in gratitude.
I believe
She won't take me somewhere I'm not supposed to be
You can't steal the things that god has given me
No more pain and no more shame and misery
It was something about the child that stood in front of him, it was more than a curiousness or wonder but a feeling, an almost paternal instinct that came over him every time Andre was near. Rick had been watching and studying the young man since the moment he entered those gates with his mother and uncle. Rick couldn't put his finger on it but something wasn't sitting well with him about the situation or the lack of detail surrounding the boy's father. Rick exhaled as he watched Andre shoot the cans off of the wooden crates, some assumptions were about to be made- some truths were about to be revealed and deep-down Rick prayed that these revaluations wouldn't be what permanently broke him.
You can't take me down
You can't break me down
You can't take me down
Michonne could hear Sasha's words replaying in her head over and over again. Her words bringing a much-needed comfort and peace to her, she needed that peace of mind. Michonne needed a clearer head and thanks to that woman she received that. Despite just meeting Sasha, she knew that she would be indebted to the woman in one way or another-unbeknownst to her that time of reciprocity would come sooner, rather than later.
Michonne gently pushed open the door to the pantry, closing it softly behind her as she grabbed a white apron of the rack and put it on, tying the garment tightly around her waist as she moved deeper into the home. She waved a quick hello to Olivia, the inventory manager who stood in the hallway completing rations before moving into the larger room that carried the inventory. Michonne bent forward, picking up a crate full of preserves as she crossed the room to the empty storage rack, she placed the crate on the floor as she carefully and swiftly began stocking the items.
I can see a place of trouble
And I'm on the verge
For the love of everybody
I did something wrong
"Who were you out there with?" Rick inquired gently
"It was primarily me, my mom, Noah and Mike-until Mike got bit that is" Andre responded as he placed the gun back into the holster, Rick gave him.
"Ain't much of my business but how old are you? If you don't mind me asking." he questioned as he stared intently at the young boy.
"Oh, um-thirteen" he responded cautiously yet apathetically. As he threw the gun holster across his shoulder and bent forward to pick up his swords from the grassy mound.
Rick squinted at the young man," Oh-well I know how it feels to lose a parent at a young age. I'm sure it was hard loosing Mike-your father" he responded as he placed his pistol back in the gun holster around his hip.
Andre stopped, curling his lip up in confusion as he finally looked towards the man, "Mike wasn't my father" he informed as he shifted his gaze between Rick and the street that led him home, "Are we done here?" he questioned lowly, the boy still a bit taken back by the assumption.
"Yeah-yeah...we're done here. I'll meet you at the house-same time tomorrow" Rick rasped out as he studied the teenager a bit more closely.
With down casted eyes the boy nodded in agreeance before walking slowly past Rick in the direction of his home.
Rick stared at the teen, watching as he walked away from him. In an instant something clicked in his head...something he had a feeling deep in his gut about since he laid eyes on the teenager. He snapped his head in the opposite direction that the teen went, he furrowed his brow as he peered down the street towards the pantry...knowing Michonne was on stalking duty this afternoon. He clenched and unclenched his fist rapidly as he cocked his head to the side. Rick could feel anger quickly welling up inside of him-taking room in the heart that he had laid at her feet the moment she arrived at those gates. He expected people to lie, to deceive, to hurt him but not Michonne-not his MICHONNE. He never thought that she would be the one to take him to this place. To the place he was fighting his damnedest to escape from, Rick turned on his heel stalking urgently in the direction of the building.
Now I feel some days of trouble (I would stay way)
In the hospital (I would stay way)
For the love of everybody (I would stay way)
But behind a wall (I would stay way)
Rick flung the door open, his eyes roaming the garage for her, the sound of it slamming closed startled Michonne-who stood up from her crouched position and peered around the shelving curiously. She quickly took notice that it was Rick, a small smile formed across her lips at his presence but quickly washed away when she saw him approach.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" he asked harshly as he clenched down on his jaw, peering angrily at the woman that he would move coasts and mountains for.
Michonne gulped, knowing exactly what he was referring to. Her eyes began to water as her breath became shaky, her mind running a mile a minute as she studied his eyes full of rage. She closed her eyes, trying to put together the words to form what she had no choice in revealing now, "H-He...Andre is your son" she breathed out quickly as she glanced towards him.
The revelation hit Rick like a ton of bricks, he stumbled back as he ran his fingers through his curls, "What? Are you kidding me? You could have told me-you could have told me this!" he lashed out as he leered at her.
Michonne huffed as she moved closer to him, "Rick I couldn't I-"
"You could have called me..." he shouted as he cut her off, "...you could have picked up the phone and told me that we had a child-that you were carrying my son!" he cleared his throat before he could choke on his own tears and emotions. "Thirteen years Michonne- thirteen god damned years" he scolded through clenched teeth as he shook his head in disbelief. The fact that one of the only people in his life that he trusted with his entire being had been keeping a child that they had conceived out of love-out of PURE UNADULTERATED LOVE from him finally became overwhelming as tears began pooling in his blue eyes.
Tears cascaded down her cheeks as she tried to move closer to him, "Rick I'm sorry- I was scared. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to pick up the phone and tell you everything but my fath-I just had to stop myself especially when I found out that you and Lori were together, that you had been dating…I didn't want to disrupt your life...I didn't want to impose"
"My child could have never imposed on my life. That's bullshit" he shouted back at her
Michonne reached out to touch him, her brown eyes pleading with him for some sort of understanding, "It's not bullshit Rick...you started a whole new life with her. How could I come and put this on you-on her? She didn't deserve that because you know deep down you would have left her for me and I couldn't live with that. So, I just kept him away...but I need you to understand that I wanted to come back to you- that I wanted us to be a family but my father told me that if I left he would no longer pay for my education. That he would disown me and Andre. So, I had to make a choice Rick- I had to decide between my future...a future career that would have given our son all the he could have ever dreamt of or you...the love of my life. The man that I knew who would have worked his fingers to the bone for us but was just embarking on his own career. You would not have gone to basic training if I came back...you would have stayed with me and the baby, working dead end jobs to provide. We would have struggled and in the end resent not being able to go after our dreams. I loved you too much to ever want that for you or for myself. So? I choose and yes it was wrong for me not tell you sooner…I take the blame for that. I carry that shame, that disappointment, those lies on my back but I had to make that decision no matter how bad it hurt. You know that I would never hurt you intentionally-you know that Rick" she breathed out as she reached out to touch his hand.
He drew back instantly as he stared at her with narrowed eyes. This truth had quickly become too much for him to bare, Rick backed away slowly, turning to head towards the garage's door.
"Rick please...please don't walk away from me" she begged through her own tears of anguish as she began to rush behind him.
He turned to look at her; his eyes of red- hooded over in rage as his chest rose and fell heavily. His cold scowl caused a chill to run down Michonne's spine as she took a step back from him. The man before her quickly becoming unrecognizable, this wasn't her Rick, this wasn't the man that she had loved since she was 14, Had this world changed him so? Had it turned him into the monster that stood before her? Michonne knew that he would be angry-he had every right to be but THIS-this was entirely too much. The darkness in his tone and blaze in his eyes shook her to her core but she remained strong because she feared no man and she wouldn't dare start today. Rick peered coldly towards her a little longer before turning back in the direction of the door, rushing towards it as he jerked it open. The sound of that front door slamming shut broke something inside of her as she watched him vanish into the dead of night. She breathed shakily as a dam of emotion came crashing down over her, she fell to her knees as her heart laid shattered at her feet. Michonne had finally understood first-hand how thin of a line it truly was between love and hate. All that she could do was hope that this ache in her chest didn't last forever.
Standing now
Calling all the people here to see the show
Calling for my demons now to let me go
I need something, give me something wonderful
-SD
Song credit/lyrics: Michael Kiwanuka 'Love & Hate'
A/N: Here we are guys! This chapter broke my heart to write, I actually wrote it before I had the other chapters mapped out. It was something so raw about this piece and because I was going through my own heartbreak it really hit home for me. I wanted to keep it short and sweet, it was no need for frills and bullshit. I wanted it to be straight to the gut wrenching point. I hope you guys like it and I highly suggest you go listen to that song as well, both of them together will cause tears. I'm just saying lol but anywho. Thank you, guys, for the support. I love you lots. I may not be back for the next update for about two weeks, my birthday is next Thursday so I won't be worried about much of anything else until the weekend is over. See you guys soon!
Hugs & Kisses 3- SunflowerDope
