For The Love Of...

Chapter 7: Of Baths and Massages


Kakashi mandated for Iruka to wait more than just a couple of days – until the pain lessened furthermore – before he allowed Iruka to take a bath. Iruka had argued that Kakashi could numb his nerves like he did before and there was no need for him to wait. Frankly, Iruka didn't think he could stand the way the metallic scent of blood clung persistently to him no matter how many times Kakashi had wiped his face and his neck with damp towel. It was in his hair and nothing short of full bath can wash it away. The scent followed him throughout the sleeps and dreams – Iruka sometimes dreamt of the flashing kunai before it sank deep in his shoulder. He also dreamt of the sound of deafening roars in his ears as the pain deepened its grip on his shoulder and for the first time in Iruka's life, he knew what real pain sounded like.

Iruka knew that the dreams would go away. He had been a shinobi long enough to realize that. Memories faded; pains went away; only scars remained. And for him to begin forgetting the memories of the pains, Iruka needed to wash away the scent of blood. He could not sleep and not dream of the flashing kunai, the gushing blood that followed after and the sounds of pain that were so loud; it left no room for any other sound.

But Kakashi remained adamant. "At least wait until this evening. After that I'll draw you the bath that I promised you."

"But." Iruka started. "You could always numb my nerves."

"Hey," Kakashi kneeled down beside Iruka, who was sitting up, leaning heavily against the wall and blankets covered his legs. His tone was somewhere between coaxing and teasing. "What's the point of me giving you a bath and a massage if you couldn't feel them?"

The leer was subtle but still, Iruka was torn between blushing and rolling his eyes in exasperation. "I thought we are waiting until we're safely home for those kinds of thing?"

"I only agreed for the dating part." Kakashi corrected, still grinning. "Any other thing is not part of the agreement."

"And also for the dinner and flowers and chocolate." Iruka reminded. It was hard to look haughty when the smile threatened to break out. But Kakashi was so persistent… and adorable.

"But not bath. Or a massage." Kakashi was relentless.

Iruka looked down at the blanket, hiding a wide smile that managed to break out. "Fine." With that, Iruka settled to wait until evening.

When the evening came, Kakashi brought up a wooden bathtub, which Kakashi had coaxed Arashi to lend him. The generous man agreed effortlessly and Kakashi put the bathtub in the room. The jounin made five trips to fetch hot water and fill them in the tub.

Then, Kakashi tugged Iruka to stand up and guided him to the steaming tub. One look at the heavenly tub, all the embarrassment that Iruka felt before vanished. He had never been more aware of how dirty he was and couldn't wait to wash everything away.

Iruka took off his pants first and allowed the huge shirt to cover his upper thighs. Then, he unbuttoned slowly the shirt that was given by Arashi as his dark underneath was cut by Kakashi in his haste to stop the bleeding on his neck and shoulder. His arms throbbed for each movement he made but Iruka steadfastly ignored them lest Kakashi changed his mind about taking the bath now.

Kakashi stood behind Iruka and he waited patiently until all the buttons were undone. When Iruka was done unfastening the shirt, Kakashi shrugged the cloth off Iruka's shoulders gently, minding the bandage around the shoulder and neck. As the cloth fell down to the floor to join the pants, Kakashi, who was acutely aware of Iruka's modesty, quickly wrapped a cloth around the chuunin's waist. He brought his fingers to trace the lines of bruises that had yet to go away until his fingers came to the end of the lines, which were hidden underneath the bandage.

None of them said anything, sharing the comfortable silence. Iruka stifled a shudder from Kakashi's ghostly touches. His eyelids fluttered close as he felt Kakashi's fingers left the bruises and traced upward along the ridges of his upper spine – slowly moving up, reaching the back of his neck, then his nape and stopped to twirl the wisps of his hair around the clever fingers. Iruka exhaled slowly, steadying his heartbeats.

Kakashi was barely saying anything and yet, Iruka was thoroughly seduced by him.

Kakashi leaned downward to drop a fleeting kiss onto Iruka's exposed nape and smiled when he felt Iruka unconsciously lean back. It had been five days since he had uncovered Iruka from the ruins of cave and throughout the course of five days, he had tirelessly infused his chakra into the gaping wound so that it would stop bleeding the allow the muscles to knit themselves back. But Kakashi could only do so much with his limited medical knowledge. The scar would remain there once the wound was fully healed naturally. But as of now, Iruka's wound would remain hidden underneath the heavy bandage.

And of the last five days of impromptu treatment, Kakashi was so delighted to discover how Iruka loved touches. Whenever he touched the academy sensei whether to change the bandage or to clean the wounds or even when he gently awoke Iruka from the nightmares, he would notice the way Iruka would subtly lean towards his hands, appreciating every motion like a passionate admirer appreciating an art. It would explain the way Iruka always grinned widely when his students hugged him.

He pulled back and raised his hand to pull Iruka's hair free from the leather bound and he ran his fingers through the impossible tangles. The strands felt oily from days of exertion and sickness.

"It would take some time to untangle this mess." Iruka remarked softly when he felt Kakashi's fingers stuck amidst the silken mass.

Kakashi smiled as he worked his fingers through the hair. "Then, you have to take full advantage on me. I'll not only help you on your bath and give you a massage; I'll also brush your hair."

Iruka chuckled. "For free?"

Kakashi leaned forward, brushing his lips intentionally against Iruka ears. "No." The husky whisper brought shiver down Iruka's body. "But I'll take rain check."

The blush arose, coloring Iruka's dusky cheeks. He glanced back at Kakashi under his lashes. "Oh…"

Kakashi smiled wider. "Ready for the bath?"

"I've waited long enough." Iruka walked towards the wooden tub eagerly. When he realized that Kakashi wasn't following him, Iruka turned around. With his bandaged arms self-consciously wrapped around his body, Iruka looked decidedly impatient. "Well?"

Kakashi devoured the sight that Iruka made. The academy sensei wore only a thin cloth around his hips, raiding dangerously low. Days of fever and the injuries showed so visibly through his thinner physique. The disheveled dark mass framed his face and all of these made Iruka look heartbreakingly young. Kakashi felt like he was falling all over again for the man that he had already loved for so long. Was that even possible?

"Just enjoying the view." Kakashi teased and gave in to Iruka's unspoken demand.

He gently lifted Iruka so that the academy sensei could swing his legs inside the tub without using his hands. As he lowered Iruka down the hot water, Iruka instinctively braced himself, clutching on Kakashi's forearms. "Let go, Iruka. I don't want the arms to strain themselves further until they are properly healed."

Iruka inhaled sharply when he felt the hot water surrounding him and he immediately released his grips on Kakashi. "Yeah, alright…" The water reached up until his chest. The wet cloth around his injured shoulder stung at first but the feeling of hot water for the first time in more than a week made it worth it. It felt so good.

"Okay?" Kakashi asked. He let both of Iruka's arms dip deep inside the tub, deciding to change the wet bandages later on.

Seeing Iruka nodded his head, Kakashi let go of Iruka to reach for washing cloth and soap. He dropped the soap and the cloth in the water and then, he cupped the water in his hand to pour it carefully on Iruka's shoulders repetitively. Satisfied that he had gotten Iruka wet enough, he dipped his hand in the water for the soap, lathering his hands until white bubbles covered his hands.

Kakashi started with the bared shoulder. He let his hands ran purposely along the slender flesh, familiarizing himself with its shapes and curves and texture. The smooth, taut skin told Kakashi that even though Iruka seldom went out for high-ranked missions, his body suffered not for the lack of trainings. Then, he used one hand to lift Iruka's dark hair to reveal the neck and the other hand lathered the neck. Kakashi moved his hands with such gentleness that even himself was surprised.

When he reached to the arching back, Kakashi felt the long, white gash on the spine – a coarse, odd texture among the otherwise smooth skin. "This is a dangerous wound…" Kakashi murmured. "Any deeper would have left you paralyzed."

Iruka opened the eyes that he didn't know were close and he let out a shaky breath. "It's… it's nothing." True, he did relent to Kakashi to bath him but never in Iruka's imagination how good had Kakashi's touches affected him. Never had he imagined how gentle Kakashi's hands were – hands of a killer. No, Iruka corrected, those are the hands of a protector.

"Directly on the spine." Kakashi said thoughtfully. "Were you protecting someone?"

Iruka inhaled sharply. After a while, Iruka glanced back at Kakashi. A small resigned smile curved up. "You are amazing… Yes, my student. More than two years ago."

Kakashi's quick mind began to make some calculation and connection. He remembered vaguely the rumors of an academy sensei went rogue and had attacked one of the students. He wasn't at the village at the time but the village grapevine was good. "…Naruto?"

Somehow, Iruka was not surprised that Kakashi had guessed correctly. He let out a soft laugh as he shook his head in silent admiration. "Yes. I take it that you've heard."

The hand that was caressing his scar snaked around his chest, pulling Iruka gently toward the edge of the tub where Kakashi was leaning against as the other hand supported Iruka. Then Iruka felt a breath of whisper at his ear; Kakashi had leaned down with his lips barely touching the soft flesh. "You are the teacher who passed Naruto. Of course I've heard of you."

The compliment was not gone unheard. Kakashi was gratified to see the blushes on Iruka's cheeks.

The silence accompanied them as Kakashi continued his task. After a few moments, Kakashi shifted his position and moved around the tub to kneel in front it. "Lean back." Iruka complied wordlessly and watched Kakashi pulled up one long, strong leg from the water and lathered it thoroughly. This was frighteningly intimate; if it was anybody else, Iruka would have jerked his leg away and insisted on washing it on his own, strained arms or not. But this was Kakashi and Iruka oddly didn't want to lose the feelings of Kakashi's touches.

"For a chuunin who has not gone to many missions, you are surprisingly in shape." Kakashi remarked.

"If you think being an academy sensei is an easy job, I'd like you to try it for a week." Iruka's words caused Kakashi to raise his head to meet Iruka's challenging eyes.

"That bad?" Kakashi teased. "How bad could they be?"

Iruka snorted. "You jounin have it so easy. You've already got trained genin. We have to train children who wielded sharp kunai with uncontrollable chakra and untrained bloodlimits. Once, I have to teach two classes because their sensei was injured in a mission. Gods… you should have seen they way wrecked the class."

Iruka's eyes were enlightened with excitement as they always did whenever he talked about his students. "They used kunai, family jutsu that they haven't perfected yet and bunshin! I spent the next hour using most of my chakra trying to subdue them."

A chuckle escaped Kakashi. "How did you do it?"

Iruka grinned. "With five of my bunshin and a lot and a lot of ropes."

"Then I told them that the assignment for the afternoon was to escape my knots, which of course gave me an entire day of peaceful class!"

Kakashi laughed. He liked the way Iruka's voice laced with pride whenever he talked about his students. It was the same passion that he had seen and fallen in love with. With a smile lingered, Kakashi lifted the other leg and gave it the same treatment. After all was done, Kakashi spoke up, "I'm going to wash your hair next. I'll lower your head and pour the water. Don't use your hands; I'll support you."

"Okay." Iruka answered simply. Kakashi's heart tightened at the sound of trust in Iruka's voice.

"Tilt your head back." When Iruka did that, Kakashi cradled Iruka's dark head in one hand and scooped up water with the other. He repeated the motion until the dark brown hair was wet like the blackest ink. He reached for the same soap and lathered the hair, washing each lock before he rinsed them off.

By the time they finished, the hot water had already grown tepid and soon, Kakashi saw Iruka began to shiver. "I'm going to get a towel. Stay here."

Iruka reached up to push the wet hair from his forehead. From where he was, he could see Kakashi raided a small pile of clothes that Arashi had provided them, looking for a towel. Kakashi's sleeves were darkened with dampness despite the fact the sleeves were already rolled up. Iruka could see droplets of water rolled down along the jounin's pale forearms to the angular elbows before vanished behind his dark underneath. It took a several moments for Iruka to realize he was staring – mesmerized by the strong feeling to lick those droplets away – and he looked away embarrassed.

Kakashi walked back to the tub. "Found it." And he spread out the towel, motioning Iruka to stand up.

Iruka stood up, modestly showing his back to the jounin and felt Kakashi wrapped the thick towel around him before assisting Iruka's steps out of the slippery tub. "Dry up, I want to change your bandage first."

Iruka nodded his head and began tentatively ran the towel over his body. His arms throbbed at the movement and his shoulder clawed silently from inside his skin. Iruka had wanted nothing more than just to sleep; the bath had exerted him more than he expected it to be. But still, it was worth it. This was cleanest feeling since he had walked out of Konoha's gate.

The process of peeling of the wet bandages was without difficulty and Iruka instinctively looked away when his shoulder's injury was revealed. It was one thing to see and tend somebody else's injuries but to see the gore of his own red and puckered wound was an entirely different thing.

"Looking good," Kakashi commented. "No sign of infection or reopening. You've been a very good patient."

"Yeah, that what the medic-nin always say to me." Iruka smiled teasingly.

Kakashi finished the bandaging before dropping a soft kiss on the injured shoulder. "I'll be back with some clothes."

Really, Iruka thought as he felt blood rushing to his cheeks. If Kakashi wouldn't stop those… those gestures, one of these days, I will really, really fall for him.

Kakashi came back with an old, dark blue yutaka. Arashi was a big and tall man and when the yutaka slid through Iruka's arms, Kakashi let out a soft chuckle at the way Iruka seemed to be swallowed by it. "Maybe I should ask for a smaller one – I wonder whether Arashi has a little sister so that I can borrow one from her instead."

Iruka glared at Kakashi. "The yutaka would look big on you too."

Kakashi just smirked and tightened the knot around Iruka's waist.

At the corner of Iruka's eyes, he saw a tray of food. His stomach churned in unpleasant way and his appetite was almost non-existent as the pain that was overshadowed by the pleasure of the bath came back with such insistency. He looked at Kakashi pleadingly, "Can I skip dinner? I just want to sleep."

Kakashi led Iruka back to the futon. "Take a few bites. Then I'll numb the nerves around your shoulder. Only then you can sleep."

Iruka opened his mouth to protest but from the look on Kakashi's face, he knew it would be useless. Swallowing slowly, Iruka assented reluctantly. "Only for a few bites."

Kakashi fed Iruka soup, which was later only half-eaten and he laid Iruka on the futon with Iruka's head rested on his lap. As promised, he numbed Iruka's shoulder and watched the lines of pain on the chuunin's face relaxed into numbness bliss.

"Kakashi?" A sleepy whisper escaped.

"I promised to brush your hair, right?" Kakashi whispered back.

"But I thought that was a joke…"

"Nope. The whole package, remember?"

"If so, you have forgotten the massage." Iruka teased; his eyes were half-closed. Slumber slowly came to claim his consciousness.

Kakashi ran his fingers through the damp hair, smiling softly. "You are in no condition to enjoy the massage. I wouldn't want to waste all my talents on someone who cannot appreciate them."

Iruka just closed his eyes, smiled and buried his face further in Kakashi's lap. Kakashi smelt of leaves and soap; it was so comforting.

Kakashi picked up a thin comb – also borrowed from Arashi – and began to patiently untangle the ebony silk, weaving his fingers through the wet strands as he had promised. The hair spilled over his hands and thighs like liquid black ink; the usually dark hair changed into darkest black when wet. He bit his lips when he heard Iruka's soft murmurs of utter content at his ministration.

Really, Iruka was trying his patience! There was no way he was able to hold back until they return to Konoha if Iruka did not cease the snuggling and the murmuring.

But like a man who couldn't resist the lure of the sirens in the ocean, Kakashi kept on brushing Iruka's hair until it was partially dry. Then, he put away the thin comb and ran his fingers through the soft strands leisurely. For each stroke he gave, Kakashi could feel something inside him loosened into contentment; for each stroke he gave, he could take an easier breath.

He halted in his ministration to silently watch the peace on Iruka's sleeping face. To his satisfaction, the pale face was no longer there; instead Iruka's face was colored in healthy tanned skin, slightly flushed from the hot bath earlier. Iruka looked so trustful and so young; Kakashi's heart ached with unfolded affection. And it was at that moment Kakashi knew he would be content doing all these things to Iruka for the rest of his life. This was what he was looking for all his life.

Someone to give his love to and someone whom would give his love to him in return.

Kakashi had all the love in world to give to Iruka. And he would give it all, if Iruka gave him the chance.

Leaning down, he brushed his lips across Iruka's temple. "Good night, Iruka."


The morning came. Iruka was awakened to the cold morning air and a feeling of a pair of warm arms draped around his waist. His shoulder throbbed dully under the bandage and he decided that the pain would not be any worse than this. In fact, Iruka had never felt better ever since he left Konoha. His fever had completely gone; the wounds on his neck and shoulder were not so painful anymore and instead of waking up to the metallic smell of old blood, the remnant of last night's soap still lingered pleasantly.

Iruka smiled softly and he absent-mindedly reached up to touch Kakashi who was lying on top of him; his head was on Iruka's uninjured shoulder. Tentatively, Iruka brought his fingers to weave through the jounin's silver strands. They felt slightly coarse but not all unpleasant.

He could never thank Kakashi enough. More than a week ago, he was about ready to die; both times under the stone jounin's kunai and under the ruins of the collapsed cave. And both times, Kakashi had brought him back. Iruka had always thought Kakashi was a cold-hearted, calculated and undeniably rude person. Iruka had always wondered what had he done to set Kakashi off whenever they met. Was it because he responded easily to Kakashi's provocation or was it because of the old grudge of Iruka verbally questioning Kakashi's judgment in front of Sandaime-sama a long time ago? But when he received an answer to the question, it was totally unexpected and very surprising.

And what was more surprising was the way he felt toward the answer. The fact that he had accepted Kakashi's proposition without freaking out completely made the reason why he, who was generally amiable person, responded to Kakashi's every provocation with equal passion very clear.

He had felt the trepidation of finally willing to share his life with someone. He had been afraid of commitments, avoiding them all his life. The lingering hurts and pains from his parents' death made him shied away. He was afraid of being burnt twice, afraid that once he was hurt again, he would be never be able to be unhurt ever again. And now with Sandaime-sama gone, who would stop him from falling into the frightening abyss?

But now, with Kakashi lying so close to him – his quiet breaths caressed his neck and his arms wrapped possessively around his waist – Iruka thought he could get use to this feeling – the feeling of having his life acknowledged by someone, who wanted him in every way. And Iruka could feel how much Kakashi wanted him from the gentle way he handled him yesterday. Iruka had always loved human's touch but until he had experienced Kakashi's touch yesterday, he never knew how much. It made him suddenly want to take the risk of being hurt or burnt; want to stand so close to the edge and want to trust Kakashi to hold him from falling into the abyss.

Maybe when they got back to Konoha, Kakashi would drive him crazy with his quirky attitudes and provocative words. Maybe when they got back to Konoha, Iruka would render Kakashi bored with his very predictable habits. Maybe when they got back to Konoha, both of them realized that they would not work at all.

And those thoughts brought inexplicable ache in Iruka's heart.

It would hurt. Iruka knew that for sure. It would hurt a lot. He could lose Kakashi and Kakashi could also lose him; shinobi live would always take precedence over everything else.

But, for this feeling that Iruka had right now, lying beside Kakashi and the memories of last night's tenderness and laughter, Iruka thought that it was definitely worth all the risks in the world.

After all, what else had Iruka own to lose?

Kakashi had already had most of his heart.