"Honma kai?" the man uttered in bewilderment, laughing hysterically and holding his sides as if they hurt. There are many ways that phrase could be translated into English. Are you shitting me? was how it came across in the current situation.

The current situation was that Camilla and I had tentatively decided to party up with a trio of players who were hunting later that evening on the far side of Horunka, a town that was perhaps a few hours' walk from the Starting City. They were a curious collection of characters: a massive bald man with skin the color of milk chocolate and a heavy two-handed war axe, a quiet blond boy in his early to mid teens with a one-handed war hammer and a worn-looking wooden shield, and a surly young swordsman with short spiky orange hair and an absolutely outrageous Kansai accent who seemed to take great relish in living up to his own stereotype.

The latter of the three—who we'd learned was named Kibaou—was the one who'd reacted this way to Camilla's introduction the first time she spoke, and was trying none too hard to keep from laughing himself sick. The black man, Agil, looked as if he wanted to intervene but remained silent with his lips set in a thin line. The blond kid simply stood in the background with his arms crossed, a haunted look in his eyes.

My wife, on the other hand, was standing beside me with an expression of barely restrained rage. Her cheeks were nearly as red as her hair, and her fists clenched and unclenched at her sides.

"This gaijin chick," the spiky-haired man said, still fighting off fits of laughter, "has gotta be the funniest thing I ever heard. Say it again, hon. Say 'nice to meet ya' like you did before, I want to hear it again."

My eyes narrowed dangerously, and I started to take a step forward. Rather than indulge Kibaou's request, she spat out an anatomically and temporally impossible suggestion that made my ears burn. Kibaou reacted as if he thought this was hilarious too.

Camilla did not, in the strictest sense, speak any of the various Kansai dialects—certainly not natively. We'd been living together in my hometown of Chiba for most of the last ten years, and the Japanese she learned in high school had been the same hyoujungo—that is, "standard" Japanese—that we speak at home. But her high school teacher had been a middle-aged man who grew up just outside of Osaka, and while he always took care to teach his students textbook hyoujungo, in casual conversation he would slip back into his home dialect, and even in the classroom it was difficult to completely eliminate all traces of an accent.

My wife was a voracious learner with a real passion for the language, and had been his favorite student. As a result she had inadvertently absorbed a lot of her teacher's speaking cadences, speech patterns and idioms over the three years she had taken his class. A lengthening of some vowels and clipping of others, a noticeable "bounce" to the rhythm of her sentences, and certain contractions and figures of speech—things like that were an inseparable part of how she spoke, though she usually took care to speak "normally" to strangers lest she inadvertently offend someone. Camilla much preferred to offend people intentionally.

But when she was in a casual setting or her temper flared, the accent came out in force. To a Japanese person, hearing a foreigner speak our language with any fluency was in and of itself a novelty that you didn't usually see every day. A pretty American woman slurring her double consonants or (as had happened here) saying yoroshuu tanomimangana tended to turn heads.

Or, in the case of people who actually were from that region, occasionally resulted in hilarity at her expense.

"You know what?" Camilla snapped. "Fuck this. We don't need these guys. No offense," she said, turning to Agil and the kid whose name we hadn't gotten to learn before this outburst. "You two seem like decent folks. But I'm not partying with this retroactive abortion who mistook a sea anemone for a hairstyle."

"ENOUGH!" Up until now, Agil had been speaking in a firm but gentle voice when he spoke at all. Now he stepped in between Camilla and Kibaou, who had both advanced towards each other and been on the verge of coming to blows, holding out his palms to separate them. His roared interjection stopped everyone in their tracks as much as his imposing size, and an uncomfortable silence descended.

"There is no need for this rudeness," the giant said in calmer tones that brooked no argument. "Let's not forget who our real adversaries are. We're all here to gain levels so that we can survive in this world, is that not so? We should be working together towards that end, not picking pointless fights over trivial differences."

I decided at once that this Agil was someone who was possessed of a generous helping of the same kind of good sense that Camilla usually displayed—when she wasn't utterly furious. The situation was too tense to smile, but I nodded respectfully at his words.

"Now then," Agil said, picking his words carefully. He seemed as fluent as my wife, but carried a faint hint of what sounded like an American accent. "The monsters in this area are strong compared to us. We will all benefit from working together, but in order to do that we must be able to trust each other. Can we agree to put this behind us and behave in a civilized way?"

Scowling, Kibaou crossed his arms and glared at Camilla. She in turn gave him a smile that seemed superficially sweet and endearing, but with a look in her eyes that promised pain if she ever met him in a dark alley. I elbowed her in the arm.

Governing her temper, Camilla took a deep, calming breath and took her hand off of the hilt of her sword. "I can work with the retro—" I coughed and kicked her lightly in the boot. "—with the gentleman if he agrees to act like one."

All eyes turned to Kibaou, who grunted and nodded. Agil clapped his hands once, and said, "good! That's settled, then."

It did not escape my attention that neither of them had apologized. As I watched the looks that Kibaou and Camilla exchanged with each other while we prepared to move out, I wasn't so sure anything was settled at all.


Although tension still simmered below the surface between Camilla and Kibaou, once we started pulling mobs everyone fell into a fairly effective rhythm, with Camilla and the blond kid—whose name, we learned, was Reznor—taking primary tanking duties, Agil and Kibaou switching in to deal heavy blows at vulnerable moments, and me flanking the mobs for critical behind-the-back attacks.

Between battles and battlegrounds, Camilla and Agil struck up friendly conversation in English, both of them being originally from America before marrying a Japanese citizen. It was odd hearing her speak the language at length after so many years—she would do so on the phone with her parents, of course, and sometimes when we were watching American movies or TV shows, or in chat when playing on English-language MMOs. And occasionally we'd converse in partial or complete English sentences, especially if there were American idioms involved. But for the most part we spoke Japanese at home, and had done so even when we briefly lived together in her home city before moving here.

I could tell that neither Kibaou nor the young boy understood most of what they were saying. They hung back from the group and conversed quietly, the swordsman occasionally giving her a sullen look behind her back. My suspicions were confirmed when Reznor took me aside once in between pulls and asked me if the two Americans were talking about him.

The question surprised me—not that he'd asked me what they were saying, but that he'd assumed it was at his expense. "What makes you think they're talking about you?" I asked him.

The boy shrugged and looked away. "I dunno. But they're not including us in the conversation."

"How could they?" I replied, watching for mob respawns while we talked rather than looking at him.

"By speaking Japanese," the blond kid answered in a tone that suggested I'd asked a stupid question.

I bristled a little; something about him rubbed me the wrong way. I looked at him askance. "Have you ever lived overseas?" I asked quietly.

Reznor looked almost offended. "It's rude to ask people about the world outside."

That was news to me, but it was understandable. "How old are—" I stopped. That wasn't the question I wanted to ask, and it would get us derailed from the point I wanted to make. "Never mind. Look, if you ever do spend any amount of time living overseas, you'll understand. Sometimes you get homesick, and just want to have a conversation in your native language. For all we know they're the only two westerners trapped in this game."

Reznor turned and eyed me warily, an expression of what looked almost like suspicion on his face. I rolled my eyes and waved him off. "Forget it. All you need to know is that they're mostly just talking about how they met their spouses and where they grew up. It's nothing bad about anyone here."

"Say I don't believe you."

I shrugged. "Say I don't care what you believe." I paused, and against my better judgment decided to twist the knife. "Maybe if you paid more attention in school you'd know I was telling the truth."

It had the desired effect. Reznor glared at me and stomped off, muttering angrily to Kibaou as they paced around the perimeter of the glade we were clearing.

I sighed heavily, and wandered over to where Agil and Camilla were still talking animatedly. I didn't catch what the man said, but Camilla's eyes went as wide as saucers and she immediately burst out laughing, leaning back against a tree trunk and waving a hand in front of her face in a very Japanese gesture as I approached them.

"Oh God, Kadyn," she said as she gasped in between laughs, "you have to hear this."

"Maybe later," I said, trying and failing to smile. "Listen—"

"Please accept my apologies," Agil said, his eyes twinkling with his own laughter. "I've been monopolizing your wife and excluding you, and it is terribly rude of me."

"Not at all," I said in English, waving my hand dismissively. "She is charming and it is nice for her to meet another from her home country. I understand your conversation; you are not excluding." Shifting back to Japanese, I said, "I think we've hunted this area clean. May I borrow my wife for a minute before we move on?"

"By all means," Agil said with a friendly bow.

I stuck out my elbow, and Camilla hooked hers in it as we strolled casually towards a quiet corner of the glade. "Having fun?" I asked.

"You have no idea," she replied, looking happier than she had in hours. But then a cloud passed over her face. "Agil is really nice. Poor guy though; his wife is stuck on the outside. He's afraid of what's going to happen to his business if he's trapped in here for a long time. If it goes under and leaves her without any income…"

"That's rough," I said with genuine sympathy. I then raised my eyebrows. "'Really nice'?"

Camilla raised one of hers in return. "Jealous?" she teased.

"Not especially," I replied with a smile. I was used to the way men looked at my wife; she was nice to look at. Some of them were very direct and crass about it. I didn't get that vibe from Agil; he'd been looking her in the eye as they spoke and his demeanor was non-threatening. And he'd made her laugh, which was a surefire way to get on my good side.

"Well, good," she said, seeming relieved. I wondered if she'd seriously thought I would be. We went from linked elbows to linked fingers, and I caught my wife giving me a measured look. "Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

"There was," I admitted, looking around to make sure Kibaou and Reznor were out of earshot. I switched to English just to be sure. "I don't trust them."

Both the look and the language change got her attention, and I sensed her tense up and shift into a more serious frame of mind. She didn't bother asking me who I meant. In the same language, she said, "What happened?"

"Reznor took me aside and asked me if you and Agil were talking about him. The conversation went badly from there. He and Kibaou have been talking together a lot, and I do not like where this is going."

I saw Camilla's eyes flicker quickly towards the pair, who were chatting inaudibly with Agil as they watched for repops. As I looked, I caught them glancing in our direction. "What do you want to do about it?"

I had been considering just that, and lowered my voice further before replying. "Let's tell everyone we are going back to the inn. We can send Agil a friend request if you want; I trust him. But there is something wrong with that kid, and Osaka-chan over there is an asshole."

Camilla giggled briefly at the name I used for Kibaou, and switched back to Japanese. "Okay. Let's do it."

At that moment, as we were turning back, I heard Kibaou's shout from the clearing. "Hey, you two!"

Standing in the center were the two players we'd been discussing. With a feeling of unease I noted that Agil was standing beside them, looking grim. I exchanged a glance with my wife, who gave me an almost imperceptible shrug as if to say that she had no idea what was going on.

"Is there a problem?" I asked as we drew near the three of them.

"Don't play dumb, pal," growled Kibaou menacingly. "I know about the two of you."

Camilla bristled defensively, her hand twitching as if tempted to draw her sword. "Know what? Agil, what the hell is going on?"

Agil's arms were folded before him, and he wore an expression of wary regret. "I'm truly sorry to have to confront you like this," he said gravely, sounding as if he sincerely was. "But there have been some very serious accusations made towards you and your husband. We have to clear the air before we can go on."

My wife was looking daggers at Kibaou, but my eyes went to Reznor, who wore an expression of undisguised contempt as he glared at us. "I don't know what these two told you, Agil," I began, "but we were about to head back to our inn room anyway. We have no argument with you. If you don't trust us, I'm very sorry and we will part ways with you with no hard feelings."

"Not so fast," Kibaou said, taking a step forward and shaking a fist at us. "I want to know when you were planning on doing it."

"Doing what?" Camilla and I both demanded at the same time.

Reznor put a hand on the grip of the war hammer hanging at his side, which produced an answering reaction from my wife as she loosened her sword in its scabbard with her thumb. The temperature in the clearing dropped several degrees, and I could feel the situation teetering on the edge of a knife. "PKing us," he said coldly.


Terms and Gamer Jargon:

Gaijin: Literally "outside person"; Japanese for "foreigner". Somewhat impolite and occasionally derogatory, depending on the context and tone. It is more polite to say gaikokujin.

Yoroshuu Tanomimangana: A Kansai dialect version of a Japanese ritual phrase (yoroshiku onegaishimasu) that is used similarly to the way "nice to meet you" is in English. This version of the phrase is somewhat dated and stereotypical, which is part of why it was so funny to Kibaou.

Review reply to Truenikos: Thank you so much for your kind words! We discussed this in PM, but for the benefit of others I'll reply here as well. As a foreigner living in Japan as part of a mixed couple, Camilla is very touchy about her Japanese fluency, doubly so because of the regional accent she absorbed from her teacher. Kibaou just happened to stomp all over her buttons and do a little dance on them.

Review reply to Ningy0: Thank you very much! I think you'll find as the story goes on that there is more to Kibaou's involvement in this story than to simply be the designated asshole. :) Aside from other reasons that will become clear later, I chose him for this role (rather than simply making up an OC) specifically because of the way he would play off of Camilla.