Chapter Seven: By The Book


"Hey kid! How you doin' this morning?" Elici stepped into one of the numerous Administration offices held in the large building with a seabag slung over his shoulder. He immediately had to repress a laugh. A woman from the office was standing next to Cloud scolding him, as he had accidentally stapled his leather glove to a stack of reports that were meant to be filed. Cloud was looking red in the face and very much abashed.

"Cloud," the woman cooed firmly at him. "This might be easier if you removed your gloves, you silly boy."

He was fighting back the blood in his cheeks as she nursed the stapler off his glove with strings of giggles. "S-sorry," he mumbled, helping her by giving his arm a firm tug away. The glove came free, but not without more laughter from the woman.

"It's okay," she said reassuringly. "The cost of the staples will just come out of your paycheck." Then she laughed at him when he held a face that seemed to actually believe her. "You're so helpless." She sighed once she had successfully removed the remaining staples from his glove. "Did you nick your hand?"

"No," he said sheepishly, scooping up the papers in his hands before turning towards the door. "Elici!" He smiled at him weakly from under a pair of tired eyes. "Heading out?"

Elici frowned at how weary he looked but said nothing to remind him of his outward appearance. Rumors had already begun to spread through the building like wildfire, and soon it seemed as though everyone had heard of Cloud's traumatic experience from several nights before. Most of the army and staff seemed to be on Cloud's side, and he had already gotten numerous people – mostly sympathetic women whom he didn't know – clamoring to him and asking him if he needed anything, or any help. He was uncomfortable in his skin enough already, and the attention he was accumulating from women around the offices wasn't helping his already shy demeanor any.

"Mind if I steal him for a few, Miss?" Elici asked the woman, and she nodded, dismissing Cloud with a wave of her hand.

"He's slowing me down anyway. He's good eye candy, but not much help elsewhere." She shot the boy a wink as he uncomfortably frowned as he followed Elici out into the hallway.

"Hah, I knew you'd always be a lady killer," Elici joked, placing his free arm around Cloud's shoulders instinctively.

He flinched, and Elici immediately released him.

"Sorry."

Cloud shook his head, fighting off the impending jitters that threatened to surface. "It's cool," he forced out. This was Elici; he'd never do anything to hurt him or make him sad in any way. He was the calm one of the group, the level-headed one, the pillar of inner strength that the rest of the unit looked up to as a guiding light.

They walked to a lounge area off the main lobby of the floor and they took seats across from each other in a set of rather stiff chairs. It reminded them of the chairs in the waiting room of the infirmary.

"You won't have to worry about Mejia for a few days, Cloud," Elici said bluntly once they got themselves comfortable.

Cloud looked up, his lips twinging slightly, but he forced himself to smile. "That's good."

"We've been ordered out to the Northern Crater."

That smile disappeared. "What...?"

Elici could see Cloud's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard with nothing short of fear plastered on his face.

"He's been assigned to relieve a few men out there for a week. He was told he needed to take two people with him, so he picked me and another from the unit. Evans, I think."

"Why would he pick you?"

Elici just simply shrugged, frowning thoughtfully. "Probably because he was forced to, I'm assuming. I am known to keep a watchful eye on everyone. Who else better to keep an eye on a crazed madman?"

"How about a SOLDIER or Turk?" Cloud's voice was beginning to strengthen, much to Elici's surprise. "Isn't that their job! Why do they have to send you there!"

A few people glanced over at them, and Elici hushed him.

"Now, now. Calm down, kid." He was suddenly smiling very widely with a sparkle in his eye which made Cloud recoil his head in confusion. "I was waiting to tell you all this for when I got back, but I'll let you in on a little secret, my friend." He motioned Cloud to scoot closer in his seat, and Cloud obeyed, sitting on the edge.

"I've been promoted."

"O-oh." Cloud slipped back in his chair, looking down with nothing more than a nod.

Elici didn't expect much else, as everyone knew that it was Cloud's dream to be SOLDIER, having failed one attempt at joining already in the past. "Sorry I didn't say anything beforehand, but I just recently found out not a day ago."

"When did they hold tryouts?"

He frowned, feeling very guilty all of a sudden. "While you were in the infirmary."

"Great," Cloud said flatly.

Cloud's youth was very apparent during times like these, and it made Elici think of his own young son back in the slums who would pout when he didn't get his way. "Hey now, don't be all pissy. You'll get your chance."

That forced smile was back on his face. "Yeah, sorry. Congrats, Elici."

"Hey! That's 3rd Class SOLDIER Elici to you now, grunt." He reached out and ruffled Cloud's hair lightly, careful not to jar his healing head too much. "Well, technically I'm not SOLDIER just yet. I have to wait until I get back to receive the official title, and the broadsword of course."

"Graves is gonna be so damn pissed," Cloud said once the ruffling had ceased.

"Yeah, don't tell him yet, okay? I wanna see the angry look on that face of his when I smear it all across him after the ceremony." A surprisingly dark chuckle flowed from the usually serious man and it made Cloud laugh genuinely. "So you can relax while I'm gone with that ass, Mejia, okay?"

Cloud gave a quick nod with a smile. "Yeah, don't worry about me."

Elici frowned then and it made Cloud frown in return. "I do, though."

They became quiet, and Cloud shifted nervously in his seat. A wave of guilt washed over him, and he started to hate himself for causing his friends to constantly worry and care for him. He should be strong enough to handle himself on his own just like everyone else.

"Elici?" Cloud's voice suddenly came out soft, barely there.

"Yeah?"

"Did...you tell anyone about what Mejia did to me in the barracks?"

Another silence hazed over the two. People walked past casually, some of them laughing with each other, some of them hurriedly scurrying by in their busy life.

Blue eyes met green, a young boy met a man in a telling stare.

"Of course I did," he simply said.

'By-the-Book-Elici' until the end, of course.


Five days passed by since Elici had been shipped out with Mejia to the Northern Crater. Cloud was nervous going back to Zack's apartment after his behavior with him that night, so he avoided him thoroughly, spending the next few nights in the barracks.

At first he was even more nervous to return there, in fear of ridicule, in fear of rejection. But everyone seemed to be respectful towards him, and maybe even a little bit welcoming of him once he finally gained up the courage to enter again.

It was lonely at times when everyone was out on missions or humps, and Cloud was left behind due to his injury. It was driving him crazy being left alone after five p.m. in the barracks once the offices began to shut down and there was no more work left for him to do. He occupied himself by staring up at Ratcliff's bunk above his most of the time, or drifting in and out of naps.

Zack had stopped by once to check in on him a few days prior, but couldn't stay as he was heading out for his own mission that would last for a night or two. Their encounter was awkward between them, but they both tried their best to act as though everything were normal.

It was far from normal.

"I … don't feel right." His own voice echoed in his mind as he lay on his bunk, staring up at the bars and springs above his head.

He turned on his side to curl up, mentally kicking himself for blurting out such a strange phrase to Zack. He wasn't sure what he meant by saying that, but somehow Zack knew what he was talking about and agreed that he too felt the same way.

Cloud let out a longing sigh, his mind drifting to Zack. He really missed spending time with him, and it was torturous. But he felt so ashamed for his behavior while in Zack's care that he couldn't even fathom showing up at his place as though nothing awkward had happened. He had acted so distracted, helpless and invalid. It was embarrassing. Never had he let anyone see him act so oddly before.

But never had he been molested by someone before either. He felt demoralized, emasculated.

He really didn't feel right.

Maybe that's what he meant.

Yeah right.

Cloud stuffed his head under his pillow with an embarrassed groan. He didn't notice the sound of the double doors opening and his fellow unit piling in after a day of training in materia usage.

A few loud men yelling nearby startled Cloud from his musing and he sat up, peeling the pillow away, messing his already wild hair up even more.

Ratcliff chuckled warmly and sat down on Elici's bunk, which across from Cloud's. "Hard at work, yeah?"

Cloud brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and stared off at the tables on the other side of the room where several men were already making themselves comfortable with a game of poker. "Not really."

"That was sarcasm, yeah."

"I know."

Ratcliff frowned briefly, which he didn't like to do much, so he turned it into a friendly grin, reaching out and patting Cloud on the shoulder. "Wanna go see what Zack's up to? I think he's back from his mission, yeah?"

"Not really," he said again.

Ratcliff removed his issued helmet and tossed it up onto his own bunk with a practiced ease. "Something happen between you two, yeah?"

"Not … really."

"Bullshit," a deep voice said, and Graves emerged, removing his helmet and shaking his head of short, wiry black hair. "Ya've been avoidin' him."

"Have not."

"Whatever ya say, man." Graves clambered up the metal ladder to his bunk above Elici's and flopped down on it with a content sigh. "Weather out there's a bitch, man. Cold as fuck. Be thankful yer inside, Cloud."

Cloud just ignored him, pulling his knees a bit closer to his body. The cold never bothered him anyway, being from Nibelheim. He thought of Zack being out in the cold, having grown up in the humid tropics of Gongaga. He wondered how he was holding up in the rainy weather outside, but then realized he had no idea to where his mission had sent him. Maybe Zack had been out in Costa del Sol for all Cloud knew.

And then he thought of Elici at the Northern Crater. That was a cold blizzard that would even cause Cloud's Nibelheim blood to freeze over. He shuddered at the thought.

"Has anyone heard from Elici?" Cloud suddenly asked, lifting his head from off his knees. He looked at Ratcliff who just shrugged nonchalantly.

"Nah, fucker's prolly eatin' icicles up there for all we know. Makin' yellow snow, the fun stuff," Graves said.

Ratcliff was disgusted by that comment, and he made a scoffing noise to voice his distaste for Graves' speech. "You need to learn some manners, Graves, yeah."

Graves flipped over onto his stomach and hung his head off the bunk, glaring down at the two with his sharp, amber eyes. "And ya need ta be a little less of a sissy boy. Find yerself a woman ta set ya straight."

"Graves!" Cloud snapped up at the man who just laughed and returned to his bunk.

Ratcliff didn't seem bothered by this crack at his sexual preference, as it was well known that he preferred the company of a man over a woman. The whole 'Don't ask, don't tell' motto of the Shin-Ra Infantry Division didn't mean a damn thing to Ratcliff. He seemed to care less what people thought of him, and Cloud envied and admired that confidence in him.

"And when's the last time you were ever with a woman, Graves? Seems to me that you repel them with that attitude of yours, yeah!"

Graves just muttered an angry reply, somewhat defeated. The sound of a magazine rustling above was heard. "Last time I was with a woman was right about now …" He suddenly made a rather perverse chuckle; he was obviously looking at a dirty magazine.

"That's just sick, yeah!" Ratcliff shook his head, turning his attention back to Cloud who was trying to sneak a peek at the magazine out of curiosity, or maybe he was just too naïve to understand what Graves had meant.

"You're too young for that, yeah."

"I'm fifteen, and I'm not looking at it …" Cloud said, his eyes darting back over to Ratcliff. "I just didn't understand what he meant."

Hit the nail on the head, Ratcliff did.

"And it's not like I haven't seen those before anyway."

Ratcliff tilted his head back, a shocked and dubious look on his face. Perhaps Cloud wasn't as naïve as some perceived him to be.

"T-they weren't mine …" Cloud began to clumsily explain to Ratcliff, as Ratcliff still held a startled expression on his face. "They were this guy's … back home and he snuck them from his dad …" He was now rambling, feeling his face turning red at the cheeks.

"Cloud, Cloud," Ratcliff said, hushing him, "you don't have to explain anything, yeah?"

"Yeah but … I'm … not like that …"

Graves' voice chimed in from above. "Stop while yer ahead, kid!"

Cloud shut his mouth, burying his face in his knees with a helpless moan.

Ratcliff couldn't help but laugh at him – a lot. "You're too cute!" Ratcliff cried, nearly doubling over with laughter.

Cloud's head shot up. "What!"

Ratcliff ceased his laughing.

"I said, 'You're too cute.' Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, yeah?" He wiped a tear away from the corner of his eye as his shoulders slowed in their heaving movement.

Cloud's eyes were darting back and forth on Ratcliff, his mouth parted slightly, his eyebrows furrowed on his forehead. It had finally registered in his brain what was said to him a week prior.

"Everything all right, yeah?" Ratcliff peered at him worriedly.

"I … don't feel right," Cloud muttered.

"Look whatcha did, Ratcliff. Ya gone and broke the boy," Graves said from above. He flipped a page in the magazine and made a sound of piqued interest in whichever body part was being viewed. Surely he wasn't reading one of the published articles.

Ratcliff raised his eyebrows, staring into the turmoil-filled eyes of the boy in front of him. "Oh." He nodded his head slowly, understandingly. "I see."

Cloud frowned, looking absolutely petrified in his own body at that moment and he slowly lowered his head back down onto his knees.

Ratcliff knew that look a little too well.


An unrelenting blizzard showered past two men perched at the mouth of the Northern Crater. Sheets of smug ice whipped past them, stealing away what little warmth they had left in their bodies, stealing away their sight and their voices. The storm was greedy and rude, ignoring the pleas of the frantic men as they searched for their target.

Mejia had disappeared from his post.

"Shit, lost him!" Elici shouted to Evans, who was shuffling around in a circle, searching through the falling snow.

"Where could he have gone?" Evans yelled back through the roar of the blizzard.

Elici trotted up to him, cradling himself from the unimaginable frost as he stumbled a bit in the powdered snow. "I think he went south from here!" He was still shouting even though he was a mere yard away. The howling wind carried his voice off into the depths of the Northern Crater which gaped ominously besides them, sight and sound plunging deep into darkness.

"We can't leave our post, sir!"

Elici cursed, glancing nervously between Evans and the now fading footprints in the snow from Mejia's desertion of his post.

Why the hell had he run off?

There was nothing for miles around. Hundreds of miles. The nearest village was Icicle, but that was reportedly overrun by a terrorist group called AVALANCHE. There were also reports of strange creatures attacking alongside AVALANCHE, which Elici was informed of by the guards they relieved when they got there. There were also reports of several SOLDIERs deployed to Icicle to handle whatever was happening there, which included a 1st Class and a Turk. Something big must have been going on down there for Shin-Ra to send SOLDIER, let alone a 1st and the Turks.

"Stay here, I'm going after him!" Elici finally shouted the order and Evans nodded, readjusting his grip on his rifle. "If I'm not back in fifteen, radio in the situation, understood? We have may a deserter!"

"Understood!"

Elici gave a final nod and trotted off into the angry storm around them.


Ten minutes …

Thirteen minutes, maybe?

He had been gone for too long. He had to head back. The footprints leading away from their post were gone now from freshly layered snow. Elici glanced back with frantic eyes to his previous direction. His own footprints were beginning to dwindle, and even with a compass and a level head on his shoulders he would soon find himself lost in the sea of chaos around him if he didn't turn back now.

He trudged back through the snow, his uniform soaked with the chilling reminder of the deceiving beauty around. Each tree, each boulder he passed was blanketed with a unique sprinkle of individualism from the minute flakes that fell. The pure white around was a tangible representation of how the Lifestream existed in his mind – hauntingly beautiful, and devoid of anything but endless movement and infinite delicacy.

And if it wasn't for the piercing cold in every fiber of his body, every inch of bone through him, he would have taken a longer look at this marvel before him. The bitter cold was too much a representation of what death would feel like – merciless, unforgiving.

Elici could see the peak of the crater through the haze of snow flying past him as he neared.

Elici could see Mejia standing over a fallen Evans.

"Mejia!" His voice cut through the strength of the blizzard and pierced the ears of the man above him.

"Can you believe that this fuck tried to detain me?" Mejia shouted. His eyes darted over to Elici who was scrambling up the side of the crater with his rifle in hand. "Only a mindless idiot would defy me." He turned to face Elici as he finally reached him, his weapon aimed directly at Mejia's head. "Mindless fuckin' idiot …"

"Back away from Evans."

An unbelievable cackle flowed from Mejia. "Don't worry, I'm not going to kill him."

"Then back away and put your goddamn hands up!"

"Are you seriously trying to order me around, Elici!"

Elici stopped, his hands shifting on the trigger and the stock of the assault rifle. His weapon began to lower, his head beginning to rise upright.

"You seem to have forgotten that I'm still in charge, fucker." Mejia began to clamber down the terrain of the crater, approaching Elici with an aura of blind confidence. The type of confidence that was unrestrained, unwavering, that suggested he had the upper hand.

Elici was the one holding the weapon, Mejia was defenseless. He reassured himself in his mind.

"Wanna know somethin'? The only reason why they won't promote me to 2nd class was because I wasn't able to fill a quota."

Elici waited, digging his bent stance further into the snow.

"Not enough men under my command were passing with high enough scores in their P.F.T testing and Materia training courses. You see, I need enough people under me to be promoted for me to earn a promotion. Stupid fuckin' thing, if you ask me."

"What are you getting at?" Elici shouted through the wind.

"I'm the one who had you promoted, you fuck! To fill my goddamned quota!"

Elici began to lower his rifle, stunned.

"But then you went and ran to the Brass and told them what I did to Strife. Mother fucker, shoulda just kept your goddamn mouth shut!"

"You mess with my friends, you mess with me."

"Oh don't give me that shit. Strife ain't nothin' but a little fuck."

Elici's finger switched the selector lever from single shot to burst. "'Little fuck', huh? You're a disgrace."

"I forgive you, Elici. I really do."

"Fuck you."

"No, I'm serious! And I'll prove it to you."

Elici watched as the man walked back up to the lip of the crater, gripping Evans by the muffler around his neck and pulling his upper body off the white pillow of snow he lay on lifelessly.

"I was thinkin' of having your promotion pulled since you ratted me out, but I'll give you a chance to make it up to me."

"Put him down," Elici warned, the muzzle of his rifle trailing Mejia's movements.

"Shoot him," Mejia ordered.

"I refuse!"

"Shoot this fucker and I'll reinstate your promotion to SOLDIER."

"I refuse!" Elici repeated louder.

"You know that I can be off the hook?"

Elici pulled his head back from the side of his rifle, peering at him through the snow. "What?"

"For trying to fuck Strife."

"What the hell are you talking about!"

"My family is rich, fucker! I can have anyone bribed off easily! Then I'll be free to fuck him whenever I want!" There was a joyous glee to his voice as he said that, one that made Elici's heart and stomach lurch.

"What the hell did Strife ever do to you!"

"Shoot this motherfucker now, and you'll be promoted, and I'll leave Strife alone!" He was shaking the unconscious Evans in his hands violently as he screamed this. "That's an order!"

Elici lowered his weapon. "I refuse."

"Fine, I'll do it." Mejia suddenly reached into his pocket, pulling out a 9mm handgun.

"Stop!" Elici went to fire his rifle at Mejia, but the SOLDIER was too fast.

The blizzard was no longer rude, it was no longer smug as it lowered its head in humility to the gunshot that reverberated through it.

Elici watched as the bullet entered Evans between the eyes that began to slowly open to the final scene in his life. His eyes closed again, his body falling onto the tainted white below.

"Shoulda listened to me, Elici. Now I have to kill you too," Mejia casually said as he stood, scooting the lifeless man off into the crater with a simple shuffle of his boot. Crimson snow followed Evan's body as it disappeared over the edge into that darkness.

No words escaped Elici's mouth. No thoughts ran through his head as the crazed man moved towards him in an unimaginable and untraceable display of inhuman speed.

Elici had forgotten that in this disgraced shell of a man was still a SOLDIER.

His clothes seemed dry.

The bitter cold in his bones was gone now.

The delicate feel of the snow engulfing him made him smile, reminding him of his family, reminding him of the blond boy who captivated his heart with innocence.

The Lifestream was exactly as Mick Elici pictured it to be.

White, endless, exquisite.


… To be continued in Chapter Eight: Color of Existence.

Ending Author's Note: Special thanks to Nekotsuki for beta'ing this chapter for me!

Edit 6-25-2011: Finally got around to re-editing the chapter myself since my writing style has changed for the better over the two years of writing this story. I cleaned up a lot of it, but it still needs more work, along with the first twenty chapters or so. Eventually I'm going to edit and change a lot of these chapters, so for those of you who are rereading the story for the umpteenth time, don't be surprised if things change. For those who are reading for the first time, well, enjoy. -Ziggy