Sorry my updates are so slow! I've had most of this written for a while but hadn't gotten around to the whole editing and posting part. I hope you all enjoy this chapter(: please review and let me know what you think.

They let me go home soon after that, Lily, Marshall, and Ted had come to visit to, all of them in tears, attempting to comfort me. Not much happened that day, it was all sort of white noise, they were all sitting around me, doing anything and everything to make sure I was okay. I tuned them all out. I knew they wanted to help me and that was nice of them, but I needed to be alone right now. I knew they wouldn't leave me though, they obviously wouldn't trust me on my own at the moment. I didn't blame them.

Finally they allowed me to go to bed, of course, I was pretty sure they came in regularly to check on me. When I woke up I actually felt okay. I wasn't happy, I mean I was still dreading the wedding and everything, but I was more at peace. I was a weird thing to think after I tried to kill myself, but I felt like I was finally moving forward. I had had two meltdowns, and the need to have meltdowns was getting out of my system. I did my best to avoid my friends for the majority of the day. Sure, they just wanted to help me, I knew that, but compared to how I've been lately, I was honestly fine. Well, about as fine as one can be after an attempted suicide anyways.

It was around six when I finally decided to check my phone. There were a few texts from my friends "to see how I was doing" as if I was some sort of child being left home alone for the first time. Then one from Barney:

Hey Robin, are you free later to chat? Meet me at MacLaren's at 7.

Seven. Okay that gave me an hour. I hated how far away that felt.

I came to the bar looking, decent. Well that's how I thought I looked until I arrived. Barney looked amazing as always, suited up, gorgeous. I don't know how he managed it. I sat down at our booth, across from him, trying not to give away how much I not-so-secretly-at-this-point wanted him. "Hey" I said, catching my breath.

"How are you doing?" he asked warmly, putting his hand over mine.

"Fine. Great."

"Robin," he looked straight into my eyes, and I could tell that whatever he was about to tell me was hard. He looked uncertain. "When we knew you'd be okay, we all decided it might be easier for you if Summer and I eloped. I didn't want you to be pressured anymore to come to the wedding, so- so we got married."

My heart stopped. That was it. Barney was married. It was over. "You-you're married?" I had to use every bit of strength I had to hold back the tears that had become more and more common lately. I used to be able to ignore my emotions, to hide them. I missed that, I hated being so weak.

He didn't say anything, or nod, he just looked at me and I knew his answer was yes. "When did it happen?" I asked, trying to keep my cool.

"This morning." So that explained why they all stayed off my back today, they were at his wedding. "Robin, I know this is hard, and a lot to take in, and I hate to ask anything of you right now, but do you think we'll be able to stay friends?"

"Of course." I responded quicker than I should've, "Congratulations! I'm really happy for you."

He stood up and grabbed my hand, walking me out, and right in that moment there was this understanding between us. The way I looked at him, the way he looked at me, longing, desire, love, chemistry, everything. The understanding was the no matter what was going on, he would always love me and I would always love him. Nothing could change that, we both knew it. Yet we continued to go our separate ways. And that was it, we both just went home.

I didn't sleep that night. All I could think was Barney was married. It all just happened, just like that. Everything I'd been dreading was just sort of thrown in my face. I was faced with a million questions. A million questions that could basically be summarized into two words… now what? What was I supposed to even do at this point? Even though he closed the door what feels like a lifetime before tonight, this meant that it was truly locked, forever. I repeated it over and over in my head, trying to make it seem more real. Because that's how it was supposed to feel, real, but something was off, a part of me had trouble believing that Barney Stinson was married. Maybe it was because I spent so much of my time subconsciencely convincing myself that he was still mine. My friend, my wingman, my soul-mate…

The next day I decided to go to the shooting range, blow off some steam. It felt good to pull that trigger, watch the bullets chase the targets… just like old times, and then it hit me. I remember being here, about 3 years ago, when Barney was taking that Anita girl on a "super date". I remember feeling like absolutely nothing, less than nothing. A number. After I'd been absolutely devastated after our break up, he was back to normal immediately. It was similar to how I felt now. I wasn't a number, I knew he cared about me, loved me even. But I wasn't his first choice, he got married without any second thoughts to someone else. Who knew that coming to the spot that usually made me feel better could cause me to feel a million times worse? So much for getting him off my mind.

I was interrupted by a text from Lily, asking me to meet her at MacLaren's for a drink. I agreed, I missed my girl's nights with Lily. Maybe she could distract me for a few hours. If she couldn't, the alcohol should do the trick.

I decided I may as well look smokin', sure it was just drinks with Lily, but hey who knows? Barney's married now, I'm single, there's no rule that says I can't get some good, post shit-the-man-I-love-is-married-and-I'm-alone sex. I applied some makeup, and found a nice, low-cut dress to wear. Perfect, and if Barney happened to be there, at least this would prove that I'd moved on, or make him jealous. Either way works.

I arrived at the bar around the same time as Lily. We claimed our booth and I ordered a scotch-and-soda, and had to spend five minutes talking Lily out of getting a martini. It felt just like old times. At least that's how it started. We both drank quite a lot, something we both stressed when telling the story to the group later on, and Lily, especially when drunk, has a tendency to spill secrets, which is exactly what she did.

To be fair, I was the one who brought it up.

"So not that I care, because I totally don't care or anything, but how was Barney's wedding?"

And it shows exactly how intoxicated I was that I actually decided to raise this topic.

Lily's face suddenly turned red, her eyes wandering everywhere in the room except me. "Great! It went great! Oh my god by the way I forgot to mention how much I love your dress Robin, where'd you get it?"

I sobered up almost immediately, "Lily. What's going on?".

"Ugh fine. I'll tell you. Look, Robin, we did this to help you okay, we all just wanted to protect you after what happened!"

"Spill it Lil!"

"Barney isn't married! The wedding wasn't move, we just thought it would be better for you if you thought it happened so you wouldn't feel pressured into coming!"

So everything I was finally starting to come to terms to was just a lie to protect me. I knew that was their intention. And believe me, I was grateful that my friends were trying to help me, but as crazy as I may have been, I'm not a child. I don't need lies to protect me. In that moment though, I was nothing but confused. It's like when you learn a valuable life lesson, and five minutes later you learn the exact opposite one. I had a lot of questions I needed to ask myself now, like if I would actually go to the wedding or not, but I was too tired and too shocked and too drunk to even bother thinking about it right now.

So I responded with the only possible response that I could put into words at the moment,

"I think I need to go, sleep it off."

I walked off, trying not to look back. I wasn't mad at Lily, or anybody, but I couldn't deal with this right now, it was too damn complicated. And as if on cue, Barney walked in at that exact moment, looking like his usual self, until he saw me, "Hey Robin, you okay?" Great, so now I was positive that my stress and confusion and everything I tried so hard to hide showed right through.

"Yeah, rough night."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It's nothing."