Disclaimer: Paramount owns Voyager, Captain Janeway and Chakotay...more's the pity.

Notes: This chapter was a hard one to write, as I felt a special responsibility to get it just right – and I am a particularly tough beta on myself.

The delay in posting is partly due to constant reviewing of what I'd already written – and stepping away from the story for a day or two when the ideas weren't flowing. The delay is also due to the fact that I felt the epilogue for this story needed to be posted at the same time.

Feedback welcome!

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"…This officer has consistently performed above expectations in most areas. She can be counted upon to show up for her shifts on time and to perform her work in a diligent manner. She displays a thorough knowledge of the skills necessary for her position and a heightened awareness of her responsibilities not only to her department, but also to her fellow crewmembers. She is not afraid to challenge her superiors when she feels strongly about something, but always does so in an appropriate manner. However, this officer has shown little inclination to avail herself of opportunities to expand her knowledge into other areas within her department, which could only serve to make her an even more valuable asset to Voyager…"

Chakotay sat at the console in his quarters and stared at the words on the screen until they started to blur into vague images that barely resembled language. He rubbed his eyes, then yawned and leaned back in his chair, arching his back and stretching his sore shoulder muscles against the back of the chair in which he'd been sitting for hours. Spirits, but he dreaded crew evaluation time each year! Fortunately, this year's round of reports was nearly done with; just a few more before he could dump the whole mess in Kathryn's lap for her to deal with and he'd be a free man. Well, free until Kathryn called him with a question about this officer or that enlisted crewman – and he'd end up back in her ready room anyway, going over all of the reports again. Not that he begrudged any time spent with Kathryn, but he could think of quite a few things he'd rather be doing with her than crew evaluations.

A sudden rumbling of his stomach reminded Chakotay that not only had he been working for hours, but he'd also missed dinner. With all of the times that he'd tweaked Kathryn about doing the same thing in the past, he was glad she wasn't around to catch him this time. He'd never hear the end of it!

Chakotay saved the report currently on his screen and closed it out, then stood up from his desk and walked over to the replicator. "Bowl of mushroom soup and two slices of wheat bread," he requested. When the items materialized, he took them over to his dining table and sat down to eat. As he tore a corner from one of the slices to dip it into his soup, he wondered what Kathryn was eating at the ceremonial banquet that night. Or was she eating? With all of the required pomp attached to a Semalfonees banquet, he'd actually be surprised if she'd gotten two bites down all night.

At that thought, Chakotay wondered if Kathryn was back from her diplomatic ordeal yet. It was late – more than halfway through Beta shift – how long could those exacting, self-important bureaucrats take to get through what should be a simple goodbye dinner? Before he could ask the computer for Kathryn's whereabouts though, the sound of the door chime echoed through his living area.

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After pushing the button, Kathryn breathed out a heavy puff of air and tapped her clenched hands against her hips as she stood in the corridor waiting for Chakotay to come to the door. She looked down as she bounced on the balls of her feet, then turned her head both left and right to see if anybody was coming down the corridor to catch her standing outside her First Officer's quarters. Every nervous second that she waited there felt like an eternity and Kathryn could feel her previous resolve starting to slip away. She was on the verge of succumbing to her nerves and running back to her quarters when she heard the door slide open.

Kathryn whipped her head around and froze as she locked eyes with the cause of her unease. Chakotay stood there in his doorway, looking comfortable and oh so attractive in a plain, loose-fitting T-shirt and sweatpants that provided a stark contrast to the heavy, restrictive dress uniform that she'd neglected to change out of in her hurry to see him. He raised an eyebrow upon noticing her costume and teased, "If I'd known this was a formal visit, Captain, I'd have worn something nicer."

"It's not official," she managed to croak despite the sudden dryness of her throat. "Are you busy?"

"No, not busy at all. Come on in," Chakotay smiled as he stepped aside to allow her to enter.

"Thanks," she replied stiffly and walked past him into the living area. She stopped near his couch and paused to gather a measure of courage before turning around. You've faced the Kazon and the Borg and who knows what else out here…you can certainly face your best friend. You can do this, Kathryn!

After the door closed, Chakotay followed Kathryn into the room. "Did you just get back?" he asked as he came up beside her.

"A few minutes ago. I hope you don't mind that I stopped by. I know it's late…I'm sorry…" she started to apologize.

"Don't be," Chakotay interrupted, shaking his head. "You're welcome to stop by anytime." He felt Kathryn tense up as he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and wondered what was bothering her. "You do know that, don't you?"

Kathryn bobbed her head. "Yeah, I know, I guess. It's just that I…well…I don't want you to think I'm taking it too much for granted," she said anxiously. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"No, not a thing," Chakotay assured her. "I was just taking a break from crew evaluations. Here, why don't you sit down?" he added, gesturing toward the couch.

"What? You're not done with those yet?" Kathryn asked as she followed his suggestion. At Chakotay's wry grin, she chuckled weakly. "How many do you have left to do?"

"Just a few. Mostly senior staff. Paris, Tuvok, Neelix…" Chakotay replied as he joined her on the couch.

"I hope you give Neelix a really good evaluation this time around," Kathryn recommended. "Maybe even a promotion."

"Well, that last part's up to the Captain - but if you like, I'm sure I could rustle up a medal for service above and beyond."

Kathryn favored Chakotay with a wan smile in response but said nothing. Chakotay noted her rigid posture as she sat on the couch and felt his curiosity deepen into concern. Something wasn't right. She was avoiding his gaze; instead, her eyes were darting all around the room as if she was looking for a means of escape. It seemed that she couldn't wait to get away from him, and yet she was the one who had come to his quarters in the first place.

"Kathryn?"

"Hmm?"

"Was there something you wanted?"

"What? Can't a girl spend a little time with her best friend without wanting something?" Kathryn giggled.

Kathryn giggled? Chakotay's concern grew. Kathryn didn't giggle. She laughed, she chuckled, but he had never heard her utter that kind of high-pitched sound since…since that night before going over to Unimatrix Zero. Before going over to be assimilated by the Borg. They had had dinner the night before that horribly dangerous mission, and at first Kathryn had put on a brave face, giggling all the while - until she had finally broken down in front of him and confessed how utterly scared she was. Not of dying – of surrendering so totally, of losing herself so completely…and of not being able to come back from it. Did Kathryn have a similar fear now?

Kathryn's glance continued to bounce around the quarters until she noticed the bowl and bread sitting on Chakotay's dining table. She turned to him and said accusingly, "You said I wasn't interrupting anything."

"Just a little mushroom soup, that's all. I'm sure you must have had much finer dishes down at the banquet."

Kathryn snorted. "Their dishes were about as appetizing as their tea. The only good thing I can say about the banquet is eventually it was over."

"Care to join me in a late-night snack, then?" Chakotay asked, getting up from the couch to walk over to the replicator. "Soup? Salad? Sandwich? Perhaps some coffee instead?"

At the last question, Kathryn drew in a sharp breath and felt her tension rise. She squeezed the packets of qahwa that she still held in her hand. She brought her hand up to rest in her lap and stared at the tightly clenched fingers. Ayala's words ran through her mind. "…I know he really wanted you to have them…he really wanted you to…he really wanted you…wanted you…"

Kathryn gazed up at Chakotay, who had paused at the replicator controls to look back at her when she didn't respond to his questions.

"Kathryn, what is it?"

"You didn't tell me there was more," she said quietly.

"More what?"

"Of this, for one thing," Kathryn replied, holding out her hand and opening her fingers to reveal the two foil packets.

Chakotay's eyes widened as he stared at the objects, then lifted to look directly into hers. "You weren't supposed to find out about those," he said grimly. "Ayala…"

"…Didn't give them to me until just a few minutes ago, back here on the ship. He was very discreet."

Chakotay contemplated that for a moment before asking, "You're not still angry with me, are you?" He ducked his head to the side and tugged on his earlobe, finding sudden fascination with a spot on the carpeting.

Kathryn smiled inwardly, comforted by Chakotay's own unease. "The Captain isn't happy," she said, watching him wince, "but then the Captain isn't here. Kathryn is, and…" She trailed off, trying to come up with the right words. When Chakotay looked up at her silence, she smiled nervously at the mix of confusion and hope she saw in his eyes. "…And I couldn't be more touched if you'd built me another bathtub. Thank you."

Kathryn's breath caught at the warmth and affection that flared in Chakotay's gaze at the mention of his gift to her on New Earth. "Not that I'd have a place to put it anyway," she sighed, "so I guess I'll settle for that cup of coffee." She lifted the hand that held the two qahwa packets. "Have one with me?"

Chakotay didn't trust his voice to answer her, so he merely smiled and nodded and turned back to the replicator. Somehow he managed to ask the computer for two cups of hot water and a spoon, which he brought over and placed on the table by the couch before sitting back down beside Kathryn. He took the packets from her hand, his fingertips grazing her palm as he did so – causing her to shiver and his mouth to go dry. He quietly prepared their coffee; the only sound in the room was the light clinking of the spoon against the sides of the cups as he stirred the instant qahwa into the hot water. When he was done, Chakotay silently handed her one of the cups and picked the other one up for himself, holding it reverently between his palms.

They didn't drink right away. They sat on the couch, frozen in position, holding their cups and gazing into each other's eyes for a few timeless moments – neither one willing to break the fragile spell to take the first sip. The intoxicating aroma of the coffee surrounded them and Kathryn breathed in deeply and slowly, savoring it, letting it wash over her – keeping her eyes on Chakotay, letting him see her enjoyment, sharing it with him.

"You know," Kathryn finally managed to whisper into the silence, "if one of us doesn't take a drink soon, this stuff is going to go cold."

"What a waste that would be," Chakotay whispered back.

"A tragedy," Kathryn agreed.

"So what should we do?"

"Well, we should drink it, but I…I don't want to be drinking it alone."

"Then we'll drink it together. You're not alone, Kathryn."

Kathryn felt her eyes tear up and her chest tighten at Chakotay's words. "I never have been, have I?"

Chakotay shook his head. "Not since the day we met."

Kathryn didn't trust her voice to answer him, so she merely smiled and nodded and lifted her cup to her face as Chakotay did the same with his. Then they locked eyes and took the first sip together, and Kathryn almost swooned. Never - never! - had anything tasted as good. Every other cup of coffee she'd ever had paled by comparison - even the pleasure produced by the previous cups of qahwa couldn't touch the euphoric maelstrom of taste and sensation and emotion that were now swirling madly through her body. She nearly dropped her cup in shock.

Chakotay felt a similar shock at the devastatingly pleasurable assault on his senses from that first sip, but was able to maintain enough of a hold on his cup to place it safely on the table. Noting Kathryn's stunned expression (which he was sure mirrored his own) and her shaky grip, he reached over to take the cup from her hand and placed it down beside his own. Then he wrapped his hands around hers and squeezed lightly as his eyes studied her face.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

Kathryn opened her mouth to speak but could not find words adequate to describe how she was feeling. Instead she nodded and squeezed his hands in reassurance. As she moved her head, Chakotay noticed a little trickle of brew trailing down from the corner of her mouth towards her chin. He freed one of his hands to reach up and cup her chin, stilling her movement as he captured the drop in his palm.

Kathryn smiled gently at him and murmured, "I think we've been here before."

Chakotay smiled back at the memory. "I think you're right."

"So you know what I'm going to do now."

"I have an idea…yes."

Kathryn searched his eyes, floored by how plainly she could see Chakotay's heart reflected there – then tilted her head and kissed the coffee from his palm, allowing her lips to linger a second or two before looking back up at him.

Chakotay basked in the glow of Kathryn's gaze, floored by the depth of emotion she was allowing him to see there. "Yes, that's about what I expected. But you're right, Kathryn." At her questioning expression, he added, "I didn't tell you there was more."

"More what?"

"More that I wanted to give you back there in the ready room." With that, Chakotay leaned forward and kissed the coffee trail from her chin, following the line up her face to the corner of her mouth, allowing his lips to linger a second or two before leaning back to look at her.

His heart skipped a beat at the blissful expression on Kathryn's face – and nearly stopped altogether when she sprang forward to bury her face against his neck and throw her arms around his shoulders. Chakotay froze in a moment of surprise, then wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her closer. As he waited for his heart to regain its rhythm, he contemplated the wonder in his grasp. Never – never! – had anything felt as good as the warmth of Kathryn's body pressed against his, the softness of her hair pressed against his cheek, the moisture of her tears trickling down his neck…

Tears? Chakotay gently clasped the side of Kathryn's head and pulled her slightly away so he could look into her eyes. "Kathryn?"

"It's nothing like I expected, but everything I ever dreamed of," Kathryn gasped between sobs. "I just didn't know it could be so…so…so wonderful. And to think I almost missed it because…because I was afraid to…to…"

"To what?"

"To love you."

"Kathryn?" Chakotay asked hesitantly, hardly daring to believe what he was hearing.

"I love you, Chakotay."

Chakotay gasped in wonderment and felt tears threatening in his own eyes. He didn't realize that he'd actually started to cry until he felt Kathryn's gentle fingers against his cheek, wiping the moisture away. He grasped her hand fiercely and kissed her fingertips.

"Spirits, how I love you, Kathryn."

"I know," she said with a watery smile. "I should have known sooner, but…"

"…But you weren't ready. We weren't ready."

"Why are we ready now? What's different? We're still on Voyager, we're still too many light years from home, we…" Kathryn was halted by the press of Chakotay's fingers against her mouth.

"Maybe that's what's different. Maybe we're already home."

"How can you say that? We've still got to…" She was halted again by his fingers.

"Get back to the Alpha Quadrant. Yes, I agree," Chakotay interrupted. "But we…" he said, gesturing between the two of them, "we're already home."

"But…" Kathryn started to protest.

"Kathryn," Chakotay said softly, smiling at her stubbornness. "Do you really want to analyze a miracle?"

Kathryn drank in the mix of love and friendship and support she saw in his warm brown eyes and felt the last of her fears slip away. "No…no, I don't," she relented. "I want you."

Kathryn placed her hands on either side of Chakotay's face, then leaned forward and tenderly captured his mouth with her own, stealing his breath as she'd stolen his heart. Chakotay moved his lips softly against hers in response, sharing the kiss with her but allowing her to take the lead. He uttered an approving moan as her kisses grew more confident and insistent, and he restrained the urge to crush her against him and ravage her mouth. Instead, he placed his hands at her hips and held on until a desperate need for oxygen forced them to break apart, gasping for air.

"Wow," Chakotay said with a satisfied grin, once they'd recovered. "If that's what I can expect from now on, you've got me, Kathryn."

"I've already got you, you big lug," Kathryn smiled, punching him lightly on the arm before sliding her hands down and wrapping her arms around his waist. Chakotay wrapped one arm around her shoulders, rested his cheek against her hair and leaned back until the two of them were resting against the cushions.

After a few seconds of comfortable silence, Chakotay murmured, "You know, I could get used to this."

"Well, that's good - because Neelix was right."

"About what?"

"I do have plenty of hugs left for you," Kathryn said, squeezing him gently. "Enough for a lifetime."

As the new couple kissed again, the two cups of room-temperature coffee sat forgotten on Chakotay's table.

TBC…