Title: Possibly, Maybe: Chapter Seven
Author: Blu_Eyed_Demon
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Uncanny X-men
Disclaimer: I don't own the X-men or any of the characters or this would have probably happened in the comics
Summary: Bobby's utterly miserable and no one but Jean Paul seems to be noticing...
Chapter Seven: Slowly exploring their new relationship...
Chapter Seven
Jean Paul sat on the roof, peacefully smoking a cigarette. The night air was cool on his skin, but not unpleasantly so, as he smiled to himself and took a deep drag. It was Thursday evening and the grounds of the mansion seemed to be utterly peaceful for once.
"Those things'll kill you." Bobby's voice was light and playful but there was a serious note in his eyes.
"Considering our line of work, I doubt it." He replied, shrugging a little with a smile. "Do you know any old superheroes? Is there a retirement community for the X-men? Non, there is a grave yard."
"That's...really morbid." Bobby's hand slid over his own, the one resting flat on the roof tiles.
He'd found in the last day and a half that Bobby could be very touchy-feely. He seemed to enjoy any excuse to take Jean Paul's hand or to steal a kiss, not that Jean Paul minded. In the past he had not always enjoyed having lovers be that way with him, especially so soon. Sex was one thing but cuddling and such was usually too personal, too clingy for his liking. With Robert things were going backwards, Robert was already closer than any past lover had ever been and they hadn't even had sex yet, though they were gradually working their way in that direction.
He'd been dreaming of being with Bobby for so long that these little acts of affection seemed miraculous rather than irritating. Though when he'd dared to allow himself to imagine being with Bobby, he hadn't pictured there would be so much baggage and issues, he'd found he really didn't mind them so much. Baggage was what confirmed to him that this was all real and not some extended fairytale styled dream he was having.
He was, however, very aware that since their first kiss, he and Bobby had only spent time together in Bobby's room and never in public. He hadn't objected to it because he knew the younger man probably felt more comfortable in his own room rather than in Jean Paul's, but Jean Paul did wish they'd venture out occasionally. Nowhere special, just perhaps down to the rec. room together just so he didn't feel like a dirty secret. He didn't want to push or force Bobby, not at all, but he also didn't want to be pulled back into the closet himself.
"Not morbid per se, just realistic." He reasoned as he took another drag. He only occasionally smoked anyway. On a relaxing evening like this he'd sometimes indulge in a glass of wine and a cigarette but, thanks to his and Bobby's little binge at the Voodoo bar, he was temporarily off alcohol so a cigarette would have to do.
"Everyone must die. I'm simply acknowledging that we live a dangerous life and that it's more likely to dictate how and when I die rather than one cigarette. Hopefully when I do go it'll at least be meaningful. I hope it'll be when I'm doing something good and not just in the wrong place at the wrong time or slipping in the tub."
"Yeah, I guess I get that." Bobby nodded, taking Jean Paul's hand fully in his own and smiling again, this time without as much obvious concern "I suppose it's a warrior thing, wanting to go down in battle...or maybe we've just been friends with Wolverine for too long?"
Jean Paul smiled softly, bringing the cigarette back to his lips and watching Bobby's unimpressed expression.
"So, why did you come up here with me when I specifically said I was going to have a smoke if you were only going to tell me off for it?" He asked, finding that he was amused rather than annoyed. It was odd, he found everything about Bobby endearing right now and found he couldn't get angry even when he knew he'd be annoyed if it was anyone else. He was sure this phase would pass eventually though.
"Well, maybe because I never turn down an offer to fly," Bobby replied, lying back on the roof and gazing up at the night sky. "Because I like spending time with you and maybe because I wanted to tell you off." He grinned again as Jean Paul rolled his eyes "Hey, can you blame me? So far in this, I've been the screw up. I'm enjoying being on the moral high ground right now, the view's quite nice up here!"
"You are ridicule totalement, Robert. Have I ever told you that?" He asked as he stubbed out and then flicked away the spent butt of the cigarette.
"You say a lot of French to me, JP and I never understand a word of it." He had to admire Bobby's honesty if nothing else. He decided to return it with his own honestly.
"I can be patient, Robert." He told the younger man "But if you are to be my boyfriend then you need to know some things."
When he said the word 'boyfriend' he couldn't help the fact that it had a questioning tone to it, they hadn't really discussed what they were doing or what it actually was and he felt a little silly saying it. He was nearly forty, wasn't he a little old to be having 'boyfriends'?
Then again, Bobby was younger than him. Bobby was still in his twenties and a decade younger than him so maybe it was the right label. After all 'partner' seemed absurdly clinical to him, he'd never liked the label in relation to a lover.
Bobby merely nodded as though encouraging him to continue. He didn't make a huge deal out of the label but neither did he deny it or respond with outrage. He just smiled.
Ok, so Bobby Drake was his boyfriend and Jean Paul was suddenly finding it very hard to remember what he'd been saying in the wake of the almost teenage excitement welling up inside of him.
Mentally, he gave himself a shake and forced himself back on track.
"When I was young, I spent a long time hiding and I don't want to start again. I would never out you because I don't believe in outing but I equally do not believe that staying in the closet is right or healthy. I won't go shouting about us from the rooftops if you do not wish me to but I will also not lie if asked about, for instance, my relationship status. I'm too old to be playing such games." After his little speech, he steeled himself for the outburst. An outburst that never came. Bobby didn't freak out or yell, threaten and hit out, he simply nodded silently with a small frown on his perfect features.
Eventually he said "I don't plan on hiding for long, I'm just trying to get used to things myself before having to deal with them getting used to it." Bobby turned his head to face him once more, brown eyes locking with Jean Paul's as he tried to explain the contents of his mind "It's like with the ice: the longer I leave it the harder it gets. I mean, it's been years since Cloud but you saw how Warren reacted to that."
Jean Paul had admitted that he'd over heard the conversation 'accidentally' through his open window when Robert had been trying to explain to him the day before about Cloud and the subsequent repression of his sexuality that had followed. That way he didn't have to waste energy in pretending to be surprised about Cloud.
Bobby shifted closer and Jean Paul wrapped an arm around his waist as he asked "Would you really let their opinions rule your life so much?"
"No. I just need to find the words to tell them." Bobby's head settled lightly on his shoulder.
"When the time is right, the words will come and I'll be there for you." Jean Paul promised, kissing the top of his head and looking out over the grounds of the mansion as he said a silent pray that Bobby wouldn't hide their relationship, or his secondary mutation, from the world for too much longer. The pain and isolation from that hiding had already hurt Bobby so badly, prolonging it would only hinder their budding relationship.
It was a teenage and silly urge, but Jean Paul sudden felt the great desire to show off his cute and funny new boyfriend to the world and give those who'd doubted them a big 'Fuck You!' especially Lorna and her nasty jibes. He couldn't do that until Bobby was ready to come out though and, hopefully, such silly impulses would have passed by that time.
Flying down from the roof, Jean Paul took them through a window they'd left open. The hallway was deserted as their feet landed gently on the ground.
Bobby slowly unwrapped himself from Jean Paul, feeling slightly light-headed and euphoric as he always felt after flying. When they'd all been young, Bobby used to love catching rides around the grounds with Warren. They'd both been kids and Warren hadn't yet become particularly skilled with his wings but it had been fun. Since then the only times he ever got to fly were when he was being pulled from a life-threatening situation and it was hard to get time to enjoy the experience when you were actively trying not to die.
"Let's go back to your room," Bobby suggested, grinning widely with Northstar's arms still coiled around him. He noticed that Jean Paul looked a touch surprised as he agreed and lead the way. As they walked, Bobby's mind went back over the last few days. So much had changed for him so quickly: at the beginning of the week he'd been so certain he'd never feel this again, this giddy feeling that only came with the beginning of a relationship, and now here he was with a boyfriend.
When Jean Paul had used that word on the roof he'd been both pleased and terrified. 'Boyfriend' was such a loaded word, it's meant 'serious' and 'commitment' and all the other things a mature, adult relationship entailed. Bobby wasn't even sure any of his past relationships even counted as mature though maybe he'd been to blame there, at least partly.
That morning, he and Jean Paul had had a very serious discussion about sexuality as they'd eaten breakfast in bed. Having spent so many years actively not thinking about it, Bobby wasn't exactly sure what it meant for him now that he was acknowledging his attraction to Jean Paul, to men in general in fact.
Jean Paul had suggested, more than once, since this had begun that perhaps Bobby was scared of dating men because it was, deep down, what he really wanted. Bobby wasn't so sure because that would mean he was gay and he didn't think he was gay. If he was gay, that would mean all the relationships he'd had so far in his life were a lie and that didn't seem right to him. He didn't think he could just negate the relationships he'd had in the past with women by calling himself gay. He had thought he loved some of those women, he'd certainly found them attractive. Hadn't he?
He shook his head clear of the internal debate. He didn't need to start this one again, he didn't need any more mental confusion or conflict than he'd already had in the last few days. All he knew for certain, all he needed to know was that he liked being around Jean Paul, felt good when he was near him and really wanted to kiss him pretty much all the time. Though the thought was a little terrifying, being called 'boyfriend' by the older man had ignited an excitement, a warmth in his icy chest he had never thought he'd get to feel again.
"Are you coming in or do you plan to standing in my doorway all night, Otterpop?"
At the words, he came crashing back down to earth and realised they were, indeed, standing outside Jean Paul's room. He'd never been inside before and, for some reason, walking in seemed like crossing a line in their new relationship, taking a leap forward.
"You know, I've been meaning to ask you, why 'Otterpop'?" He asked as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. His eyes quickly darted around the room. Whilst not small, it wasn't as large as his own though that wasn't a surprise since he was lucky to have his pick of all the rooms and Jean Paul's options had been more limited.
The room was far less personalised that his was, too. No posters, no photos, just a desk piled high in papers with a closed laptop and a bookcase full of volumes. More books than Bobby owned but probably less than Hank owned, it was an average amount of books really though he couldn't help noticing that Jean Paul's own book was on the shelf. He smiled softly and shook his head affectionately. The vain ass.
"Why not 'Otterpop'?" Jean Paul asked with a smile as he sat down on the nearest available space which just happened to be his bed. His expression took a suddenly wicked glint. "An icy treat that's fun to suck."
Bobby could feel his cheeks burning as the implications of the comment sunk in. This side of Jean Paul was interesting but certainly took some getting used to. He'd always known the Canadian to be reserved with an acid tongue, now he was closer he was getting to know other sides to Jean Paul. Very interesting other sides that seem to delight in making him blush and stutter as he didn't know whether to be embarrassed or turned on. Usually he settled for both.
He felt himself growing flustered as he moved closer "I, um, wow, that's...but you called me that way back when you first got here."
"So I did," The Canadian murmured, tracing his fingers over the t-shirt material hiding Bobby's icy abs. His gaze focused on what he was doing and not on Bobby's face. He was slowly pushing up the colourful t-shirt he'd mocked that morning, Bobby let out a small groan as he started lightly kissing over his stomach.
"But that was months ago," Bobby frowned a little as he tried to hold onto his thought and not lose it in enjoying the attention, Jean Paul's fingertips were lightly caressing the 'v' of his hipbones in a maddening, teasing way. "Did you...back then? For all this time, am I that oblivious? Seriously? Tell me I'm not."
The kisses stopped and Jean Paul smirked a little up at him. "I don't think it's healthy to start lying on day two, do you?"
He suddenly felt like the world's biggest ass. "How long?"
The older man sighed softly, his hands coming to rest lightly on Bobby's hips and he arched an eyebrow as he asked "Is that really important right now, Robert? There are much far fun and interesting things to be doing."
"Why didn't I see it though?" Bobby sank down on the bed, sitting beside the other man. He felt pretty bad. He'd been wondering a lot, though he hadn't asked, he'd wanted to know why Jean Paul was putting up with him. Most people wouldn't put up with so much in the first two days of dating, they'd give up but Jean Paul hadn't. He wasn't exactly making it easy for the guy even if it wasn't deliberate; everything was just new, scary and awkward for him whereas Jean Paul was experienced and a little bit intense.
"You weren't ready to see it," He shifted himself to face Bobby again "And I didn't want you to but that's all over now so let's not worry about who did or didn't know anything because there were plenty of misunderstandings on both sides. After all, I was convinced you were straight at the time."
"But-" Bobby was silenced by a finger pressing against his lips followed by a soft kiss to his lips. His arguments, his words died in his throat.
"Every time we start to go even a little bit out of your comfort zone, you babble. You change the subject." Jean Paul said softly, lightly running his thumb over Bobby's lower lip.
"Sorry." Bobby could feel that blush rising again. At least with women he'd know what he was doing, or he'd thought he had until he'd heard Lorna's description of him. Either way this was all new and scary and, well, sudden Bobby had become very aware that he was a virgin. It was like he'd suddenly gone back in time and he was a nervous teenager again.
"Don't be, just be honest and tell me if I'm pushing you too quickly." Jean Paul told him, still with the understanding expression. Bobby couldn't help but think of the past lovers who would have lost their temper with him by now.
"It's not that I don't want to," His voice was soft as he struggled with his embarrassment over having to admit this. In an attempt to appear more confident than he actually felt and to try to reaffirm to Jean Paul that he did indeed want to be with him, he moved to straddle his lap. "I'm just new to the whole idea of letting myself want it. And I don't have a clue what to do half the time."
When he'd moved to straddle the other man, Bobby's hands had naturally come to rest on his shoulders, slowly they moved to either side of his neck as he looked down into those pale blue eyes.
"Well then, you're in luck Ottterpop," His accent was thick again, Bobby noticed. Apparently Jean Paul liked having Bobby straddle him and Bobby wasn't naïve enough to wonder why. "Because, Cher, I am a very good teacher."
Something about the tone and quality of Jean Paul's voice sent a shiver down Bobby's spine as he brought his lips down into an intoxicating kiss.
He spent the rest of the night being taught all many of things by Northstar.
