Chapter Seven
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach
A/N: There are some spoilers from the manga in this chapter, so if you don't want to be spoiled you probably shouldn't read further. Chapter dedication: roll model
"So what ya doin' later today, Captain Aizen?" asked Gin in a sweet sing-song voice as he sat down with Aizen for their five o'clock tea.
"Not what, Gin, but whom am I doing later today." Aizen gently corrected him causing Gin to nearly choke on his tea and briefly lose his creepy serial-killer smile.
"I'm sorry, what?"
Aizen smiled and flicked his Michael Jackson circa 1991 curl out of his eyes.
"Why Gin, I'm surprised you hadn't heard. The Seretei Communications has ousted Kurosaki from the closet and I'll be the one to..."Aizen paused as he searched for the right double entendre to freak out his subordinate in the best perverted way. "...get him to learn the 'ropes' so to speak."
Gin smiled even more broadly in an attempt to tighten his lips and prevent the vomit that had developed in his throat from ending up on his commanding officer. Aizen. Ropes being used as a euphemism for his penis. Ugh. What did ropes ever do to you to deserve such treatment, Gin wondered and smiled again to hide his true thoughts. But then a curious concern entered his mind.
"Captain, I was wonderin', ever since ya merged with the Hōgyoku and came out lookin' like an even gayer version of a Ken doll, is everything...down there...working properly?" Gin asked in genuine curiosity.
"Oh Gin, that's for me to know and Kurosaki to find out. Unless you want to join in on the fun?"
"Aww Captain, thanks for the offer, but I'd rather have a root canal done on me while I'm simultaneously waterboarded than be in a ménage a trios with you and Carrot top." Gin said with an even brighter smile. If he kept that up soon his smile would be touching the back of his spine.
Aizen chuckled appreciatively.
"I must confess Captain that I'm a bit surprised that yer attracted to Kurosaki-kun. I mean, during that last fight we had with him his whining reached unbelievable levels. It's akin to hearing a small female kitten being kicked in the gut. So if he's just come outta the closet, all I have to say is step aside Hello Kitty because someone's coming around with a mean jump kick."
Aizen and Gin threw back their heads and laughed. For it was true, Ichigo can be really whiny at times. He deserved his own CW network show for that. Something called Gossiping Gilmore Girls On OneTree SōkyokuHill or something like that.
"While that may be true, Gin, today Kurosaki is bringing along his pocket sidekick, Kuchiki Rukia and she tends to keep his whining in line."
At that Gin's eyes lit up. Well...on the inside because, you see, his eyes are closed and – you get the idea! He was excited!
"Ooh, I haven't harassed Kuchiki-san in a while. It's been a while since I've had any real chance to plot and scheme. I mean, don't get me wrong Captain, I love playing Chess and Battleship with ya, but that don't really satisfy my thirst for creeping people out."
"Oh apologies aren't necessary. You of all people should know how much I love causing people misery and discomfort. I too miss Tousen; so much that it almost makes me wish he was resurrected. Almost."
At that Gin and Aizen lapsed into a contemplative nostalgic state as they relived the best moments with Tousen, like the time that Aizen manipulated Tousen into cutting off Grimmjow's arm and then when he died splattering blood all over Dog Breath Komamura and Pervert Face Hisagi. Ahh. Good times.
"Well Gin, we're in luck today. I've been reading from a most reliable source, the Seretei Communications that is, that Kurosaki and Kuchiki are terrified that they'll fulfil some Fanfiction .net prophecy and become complete sluts in Hueco Mundo."
"Fanfiction .net? Is that's the Living World Internet site where people with no lives of their own go to write out their fantasies on what they think should happen to the characters of their favourite story?"
"Correct. And they have a lot of fics, as they are known, pairing us together with Kurosaki, Kuchiki, Momo. The list goes on. There's actually a lot of fics with you and Kira."
Gin's smile faltered a bit. There was that gag reflex again.
"But I think that Kurosaki and Kuchiki get the most virtual play. They're paired with everyone. There's a huge fan base for Kuchiki and our Fourth Espada." Aizen continued to explain.
"Ulquiorra and Kuchiki-san? They've never even spoken to each other."Gin replied in genuine confusion.
"There's also a lot of fics depicting the two of us in a relationship of some sort. Usually it's just full porn without plot." Aizen said as he gave Gin a raised suggestive eyebrow; while Gin just looked at him like please sell that crap elsewhere.
"You know, Gin, I think it's a measure of my benevolence that I haven't used Kyōka Suigetsu to hypnotize you into sleeping with me."
"Aww Captain, you have no benevolence. That's why you're bringing Kurosaki here, no? To fuck him and then kill him?"
"Well, when you put it like that." Aizen replied causing both him and Gin to fall into classic evil villain maniacal laughter.
After the laughter had quelled, Gin politely excused himself from the table.
"Where are you headed, Gin?'
"Oh I just have to go prepare and implement my mind-fuck scheme for Kuchiki-san. Don't you have a plan also? I mean, Kurosaki's known to be unpredictable. Ya never know what to expect with him."
"Oh I think that today Kurosaki will do something that everyone but himself expects him to do: a man."
