Disclaimer: Final Fantasy is the property of Square Enix. If you didn't know that already, I hope I've been informative. If not…well…I like swords.
Chapter 6: Fear and Frustration
Rinoa stood in the living room, staring out the simulated window at the night sky hovering over the ocean. The flatscreen technology Garden had purchased from Esthar, similar to what they had once used to camouflage their capital city, proved to be quite useful in making a landlocked suite within Garden appear to have an open view of the academy's surroundings. They projected real-time holographic images of the view outside Garden, and helped the apartments seem less claustrophobic.
The Leonharts had returned to Garden earlier that day. While the family was relieved that the whole ordeal surrounding Lunatic Pandora was over, they'd been practically forced to sneak back in the cover of night to avoid the press that had camped just outside Garden's main gate. As Squall and Rinoa had expected, the top question of the day was, "Does Garden really have Sorceresses working for them?" Cid had been running interference for days, denying everything. It would have done little good had they caught on video a woman thought long-dead, even if she were one of the heroes that had saved the world from Ultimecia. As it was, she counted her blessings that there was no clear footage of her from the battle with the Weapon.
Quistis, Seifer, and their kids had stayed in Esthar, and Squall and Rinoa were thinking of going back after a few days, once Alexa and Jarod had gotten over the anxiety surrounding all that had happened. Then again, Rinoa would be just as satisfied staying at home with her family and not having to flee the press at all. The events of the past few days had truly frightened her, a way she hadn't felt in years. She had been reflecting on that fear as she stared into the holographic feed, at least until she felt the presence behind her.
"It's kind of late for you to be up, sweetie," she said, forcing her voice to be steady and quiet while she continued facing out the "window".
Alexa, who was poking her head around the corner, stepped out into the living room. She was in her pajamas, but showed no indication of having been sleeping "You know, sometimes it's kinda creepy how you do that."
Rinoa smiled and turned her head. "I heard you in the kitchen. Since when do you drink coffee this late at night?"
Alexa looked into her steaming mug and shrugged. "Since we started keeping decaf on hand." She walked over to Rinoa and looked out into the image of the ocean. The girl marveled at how well the flatscreen could simulate a three-dimensional image, complete with muffled ambient sounds of the waves lapping at the beach. Rinoa turned back to it as well, though she had long since lost interest in the view.
After they stood in silence for a while, Rinoa said, "Couldn't sleep?"
"Nope," Alexa said, taking a sip and then putting her cup on the "window" sill. "You?"
Rinoa never actually slept, but instead lay in bed and stilled her body while she let her mind wander through her own thoughts, or even across Garden in a type of out-of-body experience that was like a dream state to her. It was another of those "tricks" she'd learned to make herself act and feel more human. This night, however, she was too restless to even simulate sleep, and had left the bed as soon as Squall dozed off. "Me either."
They stood there in silence for another minute or two. Finally, Rinoa said, "How are you doing?"
Alexa shrugged. "Okay, I guess."
"Oh, before I forget," Rinoa said, heading toward the closet by the door, "Your dad and I talked about this today, on the way back." She opened the closet and the strongbox inside, and pulled out a coiled cord of leather with a barbed iron ball at the end. She carried it over to Alexa. "We're letting you have your whip back, as long as you treat it with respect this time. No more showing off or going into the Training Area alone."
Alexa remained looking at the ocean for a moment before finally turning to Rinoa. A tear was running down her cheek. Rinoa lay the whip down on a chair and embraced her daughter. Alexa wrapped her arms around her mother, and both hugged in silence.
"Lexie," Rinoa said after a moment.
"No," Alexa said. "I shouldn't be like this. I should be strong."
"Crying isn't being weak, sweetie," Rinoa said. "In fact, sometimes you have to be very strong to cry."
"I…I just…I was so scared that I'd lose you again. Both of you. I love you so much, Mommy."
"I've always known you do," Rinoa said. "And I love you too."
"But that's not all of it," Alexa continued. "I'm scared for me too. I mean, everything I can do, everything I know…Someday am I going to have to do things like you and Aunt Quisty did?"
Rinoa had no answer for that, not just because she didn't know the answer, but also because she didn't know which answer would alleviate Alexa's fear.
"I know, I know, I'm 'special'," Alexa said, not waiting for the answer. "All the girls my age are still playing with dolls and trying to figure out long division, while I'm studying advanced calculus and tactical battle plans. But I can't go to all the advanced classes either, because they say I'm too young to fight real battles. What am I supposed to do, Mom?"
"I don't know, sweetie," Rinoa said. She kissed the top of Alexa's head. "Your dad and I have been doing our best, but there just really isn't any easy way. It breaks our heart to see you so frustrated and alone."
"Well, I'm not alone anymore. Jessa's a Sorceress too, isn't she?" Alexa asked. Rinoa said nothing. "That is what I am, isn't it? A Sorceress? The dangerous, maniacal…"
"Stop it, Lexie," Rinoa said, pulling her away. She knelt down and looked straight into Alexa's eyes. "You are you. Not what other people say you are. You. Yes, you're different, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. You can go on to do great things, great good for the world."
"But what if I don't want to do 'great good'? What if I just want to live a normal life, as a normal girl, and be able to get along with girls my own age?"
Rinoa put her hand on Alexa's cheek. "Sometimes we're called by a power greater than us to do things that other people can't or won't. We're given gifts that may seem like curses to us, but they turn out to be the greatest blessing we could have been given. If I hadn't become a Sorceress 11 years ago, we never could have defeated Ultimecia, and the world as we know it would have ended. You would never have been born. If I hadn't…passed my powers on to Aunt Quisty five years ago, we wouldn't have been able to stop that monster in Esthar. We all would have died there, and the monster would've eventually come after you."
"I know," Alexa said, wiping tears away. She pulled away from her mother and flopped onto the couch, pulling her knees to her chest and rocking slightly. "But it's so scary. I mean, I remember having visions when I was younger. I saw people like Ultimecia, Adel, Edea, and everything they did. I saw what they did to you, and how they almost killed you so many times. What if that happens to me? I don't want to be anyone's puppet. I don't want to be the one that goes crazy and tries to kill everyone, either!"
Alexa's choice of words, and memories they dredged up, stung Rinoa straight to her core but she could not deny that the girl's fears were justified. She sat down next to her daughter and put her arms around her again. "Your dad and I will do our best to protect you for as long as we can. Someday, though, you'll find a Knight. Someone you will love with all your heart and will trust to keep you safe. And he'll be there to keep your mind level, so you won't become like Adel or Ultimecia. You won't become like them. You won't lose your humanity. I promise you that."
"Did Adel or Ultimecia have someone that promised that too?"
Rinoa shook her head. "I don't know. I don't think so, from what I remembered about them. But I know you, and I know that you are a good person at heart, always were, always will be."
Alexa shook her head. "I wish I could believe it. Sometimes I don't feel like a good person."
Rinoa kissed Alexa's temple. "I believe you're a good person. I hope you can trust me on that someday."
"It's not that I don't trust you, Mom," Alexa said, "I'm just afraid. I can't be not afraid."
"I don't know if you'll believe it, but it's good that you're afraid," Rinoa said. "That means you'll think twice about using your powers for things you don't really have to, and that it'll be harder for them to corrupt you."
Alexa closed her eyes. "Really?"
"Promise."
Alexa sighed. "What was my brother like?"
Rinoa blinked at the sudden change of subject. "Brother? You mean Jett?" Alexa nodded. "I don't know," Rinoa said, slowly releasing the embrace and sliding into a sitting position beside Alexa. "He died before he was born. I never got a chance to know him." The old pain of losing her son crept up her throat.
"Did you talk to him when you were pregnant, like you did with me?"
"I…I tried," Rinoa said. "He didn't talk back, though. I don't think he had that kind of power, like you did. The power for our minds to touch, I mean. I wish…I wish I could have, though."
Alexa nodded again. "Me too. It wasn't fair for you to have to go through all that pain. Accident or not, I hope whoever was responsible for it got what they deserved for it."
"Lexie, I don't really like talking about that," Rinoa said. "It's…it's just…hard, still. But the people responsible were punished."
"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad," Alexa said. "I just…need to shut up." She then yawned. "I'm getting kinda tired, anyway. Think I'm going to back bed. Hope we didn't wake Dad up."
Rinoa chuckled a little. "The medicine Doctor Kadowaki gave your dad for his…well, condition…has something in it that helps him sleep. I think he'll be out for the rest of the night."
Alexa laughed, and rubbed away a few more tears. "Good." She stood slowly and walked over to the chair on which her whip lay. She ran her finger across the slightly scuffed braided leather, and then finally scooped it up, making sure to keep the barbed end from catching on the chair's fabric. "Thanks. I promise I'll be better with it from now on. G'night, Mom." She walked toward the bedroom hall.
"Good night, sweetie," Rinoa said. She watched Alexa leave, and then noticed the girl's coffee cup still on the windowsill. She got up, took the cup, and looked back out into the ocean. She sipped the coffee and almost immediately spit it back out into the cup. It was extremely sweet, and had what tasted like chocolate in it as well. A lot of chocolate. Despite her pensive mood, she smiled.
Maybe she still has a bit of childhood left in her.
VVVVVVVVVV
Quistis yanked her glasses off her face, tossed them onto the desk, and rubbed her eyes. She had been poring over volume after volume of material related to Odine's research on Sorceresses, but even after 10 straight hours had come no closer to finding her answers. Her brain was now turning into putty, and she just couldn't concentrate anymore. As far as she had found so far, she was the only Sorceress to experience anything like what she and Rinoa had done to defeat the Weapon. The possibility that that was the case was quite disconcerting to her.
She licked her lips to bring some moisture back to them. One particular "symptom" she'd found of her joining with Rinoa was that, afterward, all her battle wounds had healed. Her tongue didn't even have residual sores, despite the fact that she'd been sure that she bit through it when the Weapon hit them with its ultimate spell. She only wished that healing had extended to everyone else, and the fact that it didn't only added to her frustration and anguish. Seifer's forehead wound had closed after some more magical and medical treatment, although he now had a few more scars to add to his existing ones; one in particular was from a gash that intersected his existing facial scar at a right angle, creating a sort of lopsided cross. Like his previous scar it came dangerously close to one of his eyes, actually crossing over it onto his cheek, but it had not been deep enough to actually injure his eye.
She shook her head. She had to get out of here. Her mind was wandering too much, and she'd already spent too much time away from her family. She needed a nap, but after that she really wanted to be with Seifer and the kids. They'd been through so much, and she hated being away from them like this. The problem was that she was just far too restless in their suite at the Presidential Residence, so anxious was she about her work. She was starting to wonder if work was becoming her life, with her family becoming a hobby. No, I won't let that happen, she told herself for the third time, gathering up her glasses and a small stack of reading material. All the answers in the world won't mean anything if I lose my family finding them.
After she had played her part in saving all of Esthar from the rampaging Weapon, Laguna had given her carte blanche access to the Research Facility and most of its library. He had promised her that the only areas she could not access contained vital national security secrets, which only he and a handful of others could access anyway, and that held no information related to her research whatsoever. While her instincts told her to disbelieve him, she had forced herself to trust Laguna, to believe that he wanted nothing more than to help her and would not steer her in the wrong direction. Her experiences with the man, both in the present and decades earlier, had assured her that he was incapable of lying.
Besides, he had given her unprecedented access to everything else, of which she was already making full use. One particular service, the direct aircar tunnel to the Presidential Residence, was her next destination. Once she had everything either in her shoulder bag or cradled in her arm, she headed for the main exit. Once she reached it, she stopped at the guard desk. "Could you buzz me out, please?"
The Esthar soldier who had been sitting at the guard desk stood. "Excuse me, ma'am? You can't take those out of the facility," the guard said, tilting his head toward the books and papers she held.
"I have full access to this facility and to all materials in sections C through E." She reached into her shirt pocket with her free hand and pulled out a slip of paper carrying the Esthar Presidential Seal and Laguna Loire's signature. She placed it on the desk in front of the guard.
The guard examined the paper. "I'm…sorry, I'm going to have to call this in."
Quistis rolled her eyes. "You already did that when I came in this morning."
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I wasn't on duty until seventeen-hundred hours this afternoon." He slid the paper toward him and pressed a button on his desk. "Lieutenant, I have a…" he looked up at Quistis.
Quistis sighed. "Quistis Almasy."
"…Quistis Almasy here with paperwork apparently signed by the President. It gives her full access to sections C through E, including authorization to remove material from those sections to the Presidential Residence. Is that correct?"
"Yes, Private, it is correct. Don't detain Ms. Almasy any longer; her work is vital to national security."
Vital to national security? she thought. Either Laguna exaggerated so they wouldn't bother me, or I'm really not the only one this work is important to. Either way, though, she was growing increasingly restless to get out of here and back to her family.
"Yes, sir." The guard pressed another button on his desk, and the door in front of Quistis buzzed. "Go ahead, ma'am, and sorry for the delay." He slid the paper back to her
She snatched it up and slipped it into one of the books. Pay more attention to your orders next time, pinhead, she thought, reaching for the door handle. Then, she stopped. "Pinhead"? Where did that come from? He's just doing his job. I shouldn't be…
"Ma'am? Is something wrong?"
Quistis shook her head, realizing she hadn't opened the door and was instead staring at the guard. "Um, no, it's okay. I'm just tired is all." She pulled the door open and walked out. She headed toward the elevator to the aircar station, pressed the button, and entered as soon as the door opened. After she pressed the button for her destination, she leaned against the wall.
I must be too strung out. I shouldn't have dove into my work so quickly. I should have taken time off to be with Seifer and the kids. What the hell's wrong with me? I'm sure I could have talked Doctor Kadowaki into giving me some kind of sedative if I couldn't relax.
When the elevator stopped she exited it, and headed immediately for the aircar sitting before her. She sat down on the circular padded vehicle and tapped one of its two destination buttons, the one that said, "Pres. Res." The seat had no backing, which she found to be an odd if efficient design. Still, the car had its own gravity generator, so she felt almost none of the inertia as the car rocketed toward its destination through the underground tunnel.
When she arrived, she wasted no time in taking the next elevator to the guest suite level. Arriving on her floor, she continued her almost automatic pace toward the Beatrix suite, one of the larger ones, where she, Seifer, and the kids had been put up for their stay.
When she opened the door, she heard the clinking of glass from the kitchenette, and then running water. She poked her head around the corner into the kitchenette to see Seifer drinking down an entire glass of water in one gulp.
"Hi Seifer," she said. "Sorry I was gone so long."
"It's okay," Seifer said, coughing few times as he put the glass down in the sink. "The kids are busy playing in their rooms. Laguna requisitioned a bunch of new toys for them. I think they're going to end up spoiled by the time we leave. Whatcha got there?"
Quistis looked down into her hand. "Just some homework. Stuff I need to look over again before I forget."
"Homework?" Seifer asked. He walked over to her and took the papers and notebooks from her, placing them on the counter. "You know, you should be taking it easy. You haven't even been out of the hospital for two full days." He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in toward him. He kissed her fully on the lips.
She allowed the kiss with pleasure, allowing it to soothe away much of the stress she'd placed on herself. For a moment, though, she tasted a little something in his kiss that she didn't much expect. Is that…liquor? Why were you trying to hide it? "I know, I'm sorry," she replied, choosing to ignore Seifer's alcohol breath. "I'm going to go say hi to the kids and go to bed. I promise, tomorrow I'm all yours."
"You eat anything yet?"
Quistis shrugged. "I had something earlier, but I just haven't been all that hungry."
"Quisty, you need to eat. Let me call the cooking staff, they can probably whip up something nice."
Quistis shook her head. "No, it's okay."
"Quisty…"
"I said it's okay!"
Seifer released the embrace and stared at her, his eyes wide and brow furrowed. "Okay, jeez, sorry. Don't need to jump down my throat."
Quistis shook her head again and raised her hands palms out. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I'm just tired. My eyes hurt, my feet hurt; I just want to get some sleep."
"Okay," Seifer said. "If you change your mind, I can make you something."
Quistis smiled. "The last time you cooked something you set off Garden's fire alarms."
Seifer shrugged. "Well, I didn't know you weren't supposed to cook bacon 'till it turned black."
Quistis laughed, and then sighed. "Thanks for the offer, sweetheart, I really do appreciate it." She walked over to the front door, slipped off her shoes, and walked back to the kitchenette. "I'll be okay. I promise I'll be spending more time with you and the kids before we go back home. There are just…things I have to figure out."
Seifer nodded without a word. Quistis trod up to him in her stocking feet, trying to not slip on the smooth marble floor of the kitchenette, and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Good night, sweetie. Try not to get too used to having room service. This is the only place in the world that it's free."
"Dunno, a man could get used to it real easy."
She smiled and headed toward the kids' bedrooms. Seifer watched as she entered the first one. Once he heard the cry of, "Mommy!" he absently reached toward a slightly ajar cupboard. Just as his hand had reached the inside, he pulled it back and turned to look inside. He could just barely see the label on a bottle through the opened door. He clenched his hand into a loose fist, and then pushed the cupboard door the rest of the way closed. That's it for tonight, he thought. Instead, he looked over at a paper entitled "Presidential Residence Guest Meal Selection, April 29, 3032". He hoped there was something on there that wasn't too hoi-polloi or exotic for his tastes. And he knew the kids would probably want nothing but hot dogs, hamburgers, or pizza.
"Maybe they have a hot-dog-hamburger pizza," he muttered as he perused the list.
VVVVVVVVVV
"Quistis!"
Quistis felt consciousness return to her, and as it did, the peaceful darkness was broken by wisps of white light. She was drawn to it, almost out of her own control.
"Quistis Almasy!"
It wasn't a dream…
Understanding washed over her like a flood. She'd been in the Crossroad while in her coma. She'd met…someone…there. She looked over herself and saw that instead of a silken robe, as she half expected, she was clad in her casual outfit of a white blouse, blue slacks, and loafers.
"Quistis! Please come back! I'm scared!"
"I'm coming!" Quistis replied, once again following the voice. Aria. Her name was Aria. "I'm coming, Aria! I'm almost there."
"Please hurry!"
As she neared the ground she saw the girl that she'd met the other day. She was sitting on the ground, her knees clutched to her chest in a fetal position. Quistis touched down, noting this time that the ground did not seem to give nor, when she walked, tried to grab hold of her. She reached Aria and knelt down. The girl immediately flung herself onto the elder woman.
"Oh Quistis! I was afraid you couldn't hear me!"
"I heard you, Aria," Quistis said. "I'm here."
"Thank you," Aria said. "I was s-scared."
"Did the…evil stuff try to take you again?"
"No," Aria said. "But I was scared it would."
Quistis ran a hand through Aria's long red hair. "Do you still have the earring I gave you?"
"Uh huh," Aria said. She opened a clenched fist to show her the small gold stud.
"If you get scared, I want you to grab it tightly and think of the person you love the most. Think about how much you love them, and I promise the evil stuff won't get you." Quistis hoped it wasn't a lie, but if it could calm Aria down at least long enough for her to figure out what was going on, it would work well enough.
"I…I love…Samantha, but when I think about her it makes me sad. And…I love you, Quistis."
Quistis squeezed her eyes shut and tightened her embrace with the girl. "I love you too, Aria."
Aria smiled after a moment and hummed. "Thank you, Quistis. I feel better now."
They held each other for a moment, and then Quistis slowly separated the hug. She sat cross-legged on the ground in front of Aria and took the girl's hands. They were like ice, but warmed the longer she clasped them in hers. "Aria, can we talk about some things?"
Aria tilted her head. "Uh, okay."
"What year is it?"
Aria furrowed her brow. "I don't know anymore. It's been so long…"
"I mean, what year was it the last time you knew what year it was?"
"I…" Aria looked off into the distance. "I don't know. I think it was 29-something. I can't remember."
Quistis squeezed her hands. "It's okay, sweetie. I want to try to find Samantha for you."
Aria's eyes brightened as she shot her gaze back toward her. "Really?"
Quistis nodded. "I…when a Sorceress…" She took a breath and tried again, "Do you know how being a Sorceress works?"
Aria tilted her head. "What do you mean?"
"You know that Sorceresses pass their powers on, and the person that receives those powers becomes a Sorceress, right?"
Aria nodded. "Uh huh."
"A Sorceress doesn't just pass on power. She also passes on memories. Not just her own, but those she got from the Sorceress before her. Do you understand?"
"I…think so," Aria said.
"Basically, every Sorceress has at least little pieces of the memories of every Sorceress before her."
"Okay," Aria said, her voice drawn out in confusion.
Quistis sighed and said, "I've looked into the memories I inherited from…the Sorceress before me…and I couldn't find anyone named Samantha."
Aria's mouth dropped open. "No, she was a Sorceress, she had to be!"
"How do you know?" Quistis asked.
"Because I passed my powers on to her."
Quistis couldn't say she was surprised, and had in fact been leading up to the question that would give that answer. "You were a Sorceress?" Aria nodded. Quistis started to ask another question and then stopped. She could tell Aria was becoming uncomfortable with these queries, so decided to take a different route. "That shirt is very pretty. Is that a moogle?"
Aria looked down at it. "Uh huh. His name's Kushu."
Kushu the Moogle. Quistis remembered the cartoons quite well. She had several video discs of old and new Kushu cartoons that Jessa in particular liked to watch. The Kushu cartoons in which he was drawn in the older style on Aria's nightshirt were made between 2974 and 2989, before the studio changed hands and hired all new animators. Quistis smiled. Sometimes her ability to retain trivial knowledge amazed even herself.
"Did you like Kushu cartoons?"
"Yeah, he was so funny. I didn't like Tommy Tonberry, though. He was kind of stupid."
Tommy Tonberry was Kushu's "partner in crime", portrayed as slow, unintelligent, and a screw-up. He was popular as a slapstick character, but it made sense to Quistis that Aria, being a Sorceress with the requisite advanced intellect, would have felt more affinity toward the smarter, quicker Kushu. "Where did you get this shirt?" Quistis asked. "It's very pretty."
"Mommy got it for me before she…" Aria broke off.
"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry…"
"No," Aria interrupted. "It's okay. Mommy passed away a long time ago, when I was a little girl. She used to take me and Samantha to the movies to see Kushu all the time."
Quistis tilted her head. "That shirt looks awfully big for you to have gotten it as a little girl."
Aria hung her head slightly. "It was always my favorite. I wore it even when it was too small and I had to wear pants with it. When I came here, I just…had it on. And it was big again, like it was when I first got it."
Quistis nodded. The Crossroad was not a physical plane, and it made sense that one's appearance there could be controlled by their will.
Another thought occurred to her at that moment. If Aria was a little girl when the old Kushu cartoons were still new, then she and Samantha gained their powers around the time of Adel's rise to power, when she hunted down and killed nearly all remaining Sorceresses to take their powers into herself. Could Aria, and maybe even Samantha, have been victims of Adel's crusade? That would explain why Quistis could not find Samantha in her memories; Samantha could have been overshadowed by Adel's fierce personality.
Either that, or Samantha was still alive.
"Quistis? Are you okay?"
Quistis nodded. "Sorry, I was just thinking."
"What were you thinking about?"
Quistis shrugged. "I was just…remembering. I was here in the Crossroad before. Years ago, when I was first a Sorceress."
"You were? Did you die?" Aria asked.
Quistis shook her head. "No. My friend, my closest friend, was a Sorceress, and I was with her when she died. When it happened we came here, and then she gave me her powers. That was when I became a Sorceress."
Aria blinked. "Just like…me and Samantha."
Quistis squeezed Aria's hands again and leaned in toward her. "Aria, can we talk about you and Samantha a little bit? I understand if you don't want to, but if you can help…I want to try to find her for you."
"You can find Samantha?" Aria asked, her face brightening considerably.
Quistis nodded. "I know somebody who knows a lot about Sorceresses, even more than I do. He helped me learn about our history, and I think he can help me find her." Alive or dead, Quistis thought but refrained from saying.
"Okay," Aria said. "Um, Samantha was my older sister, two years older. My daddy disappeared before I was born, so it was just me, Samantha, and Mommy. When Mommy died, Samantha took care of me. She helped me when I got my powers."
"How did you get your powers?" Quistis asked.
"I…we…" Aria stuttered. She took a deep breath, and continued, "We were selling flowers that we grew in our garden. A woman came up and bought a whole bunch of them. She paid us enough to get food for a month! She was such a nice lady. But then…then…she didn't look both ways when she crossed the street…and…"
Quistis gasped. "Oh, no…"
Aria nodded. "We ran over to try and help her, but her…she was hurt really bad. I touched her face and tried to talk to her, but I felt like I got hit with lightning. The next thing I knew I was at home in bed, and Samantha was with me. I felt different, though. Lots of stuff in my head that wasn't familiar, you know?"
Quistis nodded. "I know exactly…"
"After that," Aria interrupted as if Quistis had not spoken, "I started seeing things different. I was stronger. I could even make things happen by just thinking about it." She withdrew her hands and hugged herself. "Me and Samantha had to leave town, because people were afraid of us. Nobody would buy flowers from us anymore, and they broke the windows in our house at night."
"Where did you live then, if you don't mind my asking?" Quistis asked.
"Balamb," Aria said. "Where you're from, right?"
Quistis brought her hands to her mouth. Balamb! She'd never heard of any Sorceresses living there, at least in recent history. "Aria, I…I didn't live there when…"
"It's okay, I know," Aria said. "I remember all the faces of the people that lived there, and I don't remember yours."
Quistis nodded, choosing not to say that all that had probably happened before she was born. She had indeed lived in Balamb for a time after she was adopted by the Trepes. When they adopted her they changed her last name from Aurien to Trepe, but not long afterward they essentially disowned her and sent her to live at Balamb Garden. It was very possible that the Trepes, or their progenitors, had been among those who persecuted Aria and Samantha. Quistis was now very glad she'd abandoned that family name when she got married, even if, at that time, she didn't remember her adoptive parents themselves.
"So, where did you go?" Quistis asked.
"We took all our money and bought two train tickets to Galbadia City. We sold everything we had except for the clothes we were wearing. I had to sell my favorite nightshirt…" Aria sighed. "But we got by. There was a hostel there that took us in. We started making toy jewelry, and sold it for money to eat. Things went okay for a while until…" She broke off and hugged herself more tightly.
Quistis placed her hands on Aria's shoulders. "What happened, sweetie?"
Aria sighed again. "Some guy in a car almost ran over Samantha. Just like the nice lady in Balamb. I…I stopped him, though. I used my powers to…to throw his car in the air…before it hit her. It flew into a building, but Samantha was safe. That was when they found out about what I was. People were yelling at us, screaming, like, 'Witch!' and 'Killer!' It was so scary!" She continued squeezing herself and rocked more rapidly.
Quistis drew Aria into another hug, and Aria grasped her tightly. The girl continued, "We got back to the hostel, but they must've heard what happened and wouldn't let us back in. We were all alone and the people just kept coming…and something hit me in the face, and the next thing I knew I was here. Samantha was with me too. I was scared we were dead, but Samantha pulled away. There was a light trying to pull on me, too. We held on so tight…We tried not to let go, but something just kept pulling her and she was gone. The light pulling me went away, and I was alone. I couldn't go anywhere but here."
"Oh, sweetie," Quistis said, tears dampening her cheeks. The tears were not only for the pain Aria had gone through, but also of the renewed visualization of what must have happened to Rinoa after her death. "I'm so, so sorry. What those people did to you was so wrong…"
"I saw Samantha again after that," Aria said. "I thought she was dead, that they killed her too, but she said she got away. She got my powers and she was able to run away and hide. She said she was scared, but she'd come see me as much as she could."
"Quisty. Hey Quisty, wake up!"
Quistis took in a breath and felt herself slipping again. The voice sounded like Seifer's, echoing in the emptiness.
"Who's that?" Aria asked. "Who's there?" she shouted into the ether.
"My husband, Seifer," Quistis said. "He's trying to wake me up."
"Do you…have to go again?"
Quistis nodded. "I promise I'll come back again soon, sweetie. And I'm going to do everything I can to find Samantha, I promise that too."
Aria whined for a second, then finally nodded. "Okay. Please don't be gone long, 'kay?"
Quistis passed through Aria's arms and began floating upward. Her vision of the Crossroad was dimming. "I won't. Remember, call me if you need me."
"I will, Quistis. I love you!"
"I love you too, Aria."
Quistis passed into a layer of darkness, and then a rush of feeling surrounded her. She felt a hand shaking her shoulder. "Quisty, wake up, please! I'm gonna call the doctor, you'll be okay."
"Huh? Wha…?" she said.
"Quisty? Are you awake?"
She blinked, the light causing her eyes to ache. "Yeah, I'm…fine. What time is it?"
"Thirteen hundred. You've been sleeping for over fifteen hours," Seifer said. She opened her eyes again and saw him kneeling next to the bed. "I was afraid you slipped back into the coma."
Quistis smiled and patted his hand. "I'm okay. Just really sleepy, that's all."
Seifer nodded and kissed her forehead. "I'm glad that's all. You…going back to sleep, or getting up?"
She indeed could have slept, but didn't want to. She had familial obligations, and she'd promised them she'd spend time with them today. And yet, despite her awakening and being torn away from her new friend, she was quite cheerful and ready for the new day. She had found an answer. Not a complete one, but she finally had somewhere to start. A Sorceress, possibly alive, named Samantha Zephyr. "Nope. Let me just take a shower. Think about what you want to do today."
"You seem to be in a much better mood today," Seifer said.
Quistis shrugged and smiled, stretching her arms over her head. "I just feel good. I guess I needed the sleep."
"Well," Seifer said, "if you're not in a real hurry to get out of bed, I can think of one thing we can do." He caressed her arm with one hand and slid the other underneath her covers. He slipped off one of her socks and began caressing her bare foot.
"You behave, Mister." she said, her skin starting to tingle. Seifer, despite his lack of tact, had always had a magic touch. She tried to kick his hand away, but he kept it there, lightly tickling her sole.
"I'm behaving," he said.
She pressed a finger to his lips. "Is this all you think of when you think I'm sick?"
Seifer shook his head and kissed her finger. "Nope, only when I find out that you're well."
Quistis giggled. "Later, sexy man. I need to wash up, and I think we should all spend some time together first. I owe the kids some time." She tilted her head at his disappointed expression. "Don't worry, we'll do enough so they'll want to go to bed early. Then, well, we'll see what happens."
"Promise? Cross your heart and hope to die?"
Quistis's smile faded as Aria, saying the exact same thing, popped into her consciousness. Still she nodded. "Yes. Shower first, though. Let me go."
Seifer thought for a second, then said, "No."
"Let me go. I bite."
"I know," Seifer said with a wink. "You're not convincing me to stop here, you know."
"Let me go or I'll never bite again," Quistis said, raising her eyebrow.
Seifer sighed in defeat, and withdrew his hand. "Fine, but you can't hold me off forever."
Quistis swung her legs toward Seifer, ran the top of her foot down his arm, and then stood and headed toward the bathroom. She turned her head to the side and looked back at him, flipping her slightly disheveled hair as she did so. "I'm counting on that, Major."
VVVVVVVVVV
Like the night before, Rinoa stood staring out at the false ocean. Like the night before, she was too preoccupied to even sleep a wink. Her worries tonight were not just for herself, though. She was worried for her family. For her marriage. She and Squall had spoken very little over the past few days, with Squall growing increasingly distant over that time. The previous day he had hardly said a word to her, and he had kept his mind almost completely closed.
She had never been more tempted to force herself into his mind to try to determine what he was hiding, but had managed to stop herself. If she couldn't trust her husband to eventually come around, who could she?
Still, she did detect wafts of emotion here and there. Exhaustion and irritation were there, neither of which surprised her. The most prevalent one she had detected, though, the one that worried her the most, was fear. The fear seemed to intensify the longer he was near her.
She was feeling that fear right now. "How long have you been up?" she asked without turning around.
"A while," Squall said.
"Did you take your pills?"
"Nope," Squall replied. She heard him sip from a cup, and smelled the freshly-brewed coffee.
Rinoa sighed. He was awake and standing here for a reason, and she was pretty sure it was to talk with her. Why the hell couldn't he just talk, then? Sometimes she just couldn't understand men, even ones with whom she shared a telepathic link. "So, is there a reason you're standing there staring at me?"
"Not really."
"Then why are you doing it?"
"I don't know."
She sighed more loudly this time and turned around. Squall was indeed standing there, in a T-shirt and sweatpants. His hair was tousled, as if he had been in bed for at least a short time. He was turning a steaming mug in his calloused hands. "Why won't you talk to me?" she said.
Squall shrugged. "I don't…"
"Stop. You know. I know you better than that. Just tell me for God's sake."
Squall sighed. "I don't want to hurt you." As soon as he said it, he wished he could take it back.
Rinoa's heart sank to her knees. That was a phrase nobody ever wanted to hear from their lover, because it usually hurt even more than what the person saying it thought would be hurtful. Still, she pursed her lips and said, "Hurt me, if that's what you have to do."
Squall shook his head. "It's not…I don't…I can't think how to say it."
"Don't think about it, just say it."
"I'm afraid. Okay? I'm scared to death."
She opened her mouth to reply, but found no words. She closed it again and lowered her head. When she looked back up, Squall set his cup down on an end table and she could tell that he was trembling. The cup made a slight rattle as it tapped the wood when he set it down. "Scared of me," she said. It wasn't a question.
She thought he would adamantly deny it, assuring her that he could never fear her, but found instead that he tilted his head and raised his eyebrows. "Maybe that's part of it," he said.
Rinoa was surprisingly relieved to hear his honesty, even if it worried her more than before. "So what's the rest of it?"
He lowered his head as if in shame. "You don't…"
"Tell me," she said.
Squall sighed. "I knew from the moment we met that you were special. I know I didn't show it, but I felt it. And I was afraid of you then. Not really of you, but of what you did to me. You touched a part of me I didn't want touched, and what scared me was that I liked it. I liked you, and I didn't like anybody. Even me."
He shook his head and sat down in the chair next to the table. Despite her brimming anger, Rinoa knelt before him and took his hands. He didn't fight her. His hands were cold and shaking a little. Still, he kept his eyes glued to the floor. "When you became a Sorceress, I was still scared. Plus, I was scared for what might have happened to you, and what it meant for me. I let them take you to the Memorial because I was scared. It took everyone talking me out of that fear for me to build up the courage to get you out of there.
"When you…" he sighed again, "…died, I was scared even more. I was scared to live, scared to die. Scared that I couldn't be a good parent all by myself, scared of the world Lexie was going to grow up in. When you came back, I was scared because, for the first time, somebody other than an Adel or Ultimecia was using such strong power on their own. Scared what would happen to Quistis. Scared what she could turn you into, if it all went to her head."
He took one hand away and put it to his forehead. "Then I saw the real power you and Quistis had, and I was scared that what I worried about before was coming true. I was afraid I failed as your Knight."
"But you didn't!" Rinoa said. She put a hand under his chin and lifted his head up. He resisted looking at her, but finally gave in. She could see the tears beginning to form in his gray eyes. "Squall, everything's fine. I'm fine, Quistis is fine. We didn't turn evil."
Squall shook his head. "That's not what I'm really afraid of, it's…I'm afraid of what you and Quistis did, what you can do…what that means for you. And for Lexie."
"You think I'm not?" she asked, throwing her free hand in the air. "Do you think I haven't spent every moment since then being afraid of what I've become, of what I can do?"
"I didn't say you weren't," Squall said. "I'm just…" He shook his head, sighed, and dropped his gaze to the floor again. "I'm just talking too much."
Rinoa looked at him for a moment, then sat down on the floor at his feet. She took his hand from his face and lifted it. She saw the first tear running down his cheek.
"I…I can't lose you again," he said, squeezing his eyes shut and ejecting more tears. "That's what I'm scared of the most. Even if you don't die, I'm afraid something will take you from me. From us." He crossed his arms and pulled them in so tight they shook. "I'm not strong anymore. I'm not. I'm just scared. That's it. That's what I am now. Just scared."
Rinoa lifted herself into an embrace with him, her own tears finally drawn out of her at the sight of her Knight's long-standing emotional walls collapsing into rubble. "Squall, Squall…" she said, unable to find any words of significance.
"Please don't leave me again, Rin," he whispered through quiet sobs. "I need you too much. I'll never not need you. Just tell me, say you won't leave again. I'll believe you."
"I…I promise…I'll do my best," she said through her own sobs. "But you don't need to be afraid by yourself anymore." She put her hands to his face and kissed his lips.
Squall hesitated for a second, then let the kiss wash over him. As he did so, he finally released the last mental blocks he had recently erected between himself and Rinoa. She felt it and touched her mind to his. Their emotions, now running freely, massaged each other's, and then swirled into each other, all their hopes, their dreams, their fears and worries, everything becoming as one.
So complete had their connection become that neither was sure who initiated the second kiss, but both relished it. It was rough and fierce, and both gave their bodies fully into it. Squall gripped Rinoa's thighs and squeezed, pulling her even closer to him. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, completing the connection. Then, as Rinoa released all constraints on her magic, they floated together out of the chair. Squall lowered his legs and tapped his feet against the floor, instinctively guiding them in the direction of the bedroom. They drifted past the kitchen, down the bedroom hall, and into the room they had shared for over eight years. As soon as they entered, the door closed with some invisible magical assistance.
Just as their minds had become one that night, so did their bodies, in desperate and passionate lovemaking. Sensations and emotions flowed across their mental link like a pair of raging rivers starting in opposite directions, but spinning into each other to form a lake of ardor. For the first time in a long time, they were fully in and of each other.
They made love like this twice and then slept in each other's arms, sharing each other's dreams with a peace and comfort neither had felt in a long time.
VVVVVVVVVV
Quistis rubbed her temple. She'd tried every spelling she could of the name, but there was nothing in the database for anyone with the last name Zephyr, or the first names Aria or Samantha. Nothing cross-referenced to Balamb either, at least before the Second Sorceress War. She sighed and closed the laptop's screen. She'd have to check the hardcopies, and that was going to be a lot of work, especially on top of the fact that she was still trying to find information on her and Rinoa's merging. She'd discovered early on that information on Lunatic Pandora had been locked up in Sections A and B, the only parts of the Research Facility to which she did not have access, so she'd been forced to give up on that subject for now.
She was starting to realize that, at this point, she would need to make copies of practically everything related to both subjects, everything they'd let her copy anyway, and look them over when they get back to Balamb. The kids were already starting to get a little antsy and homesick; this was the first time they'd been away from Garden for more than a day, and despite the interesting things they got to see in Esthar City and all the new toys Laguna had for them, they were starting to long for their own rooms and their own beds.
She wanted that too, at least a little. A couple days earlier she was so sure she had to stay, but now she just felt like she was in everyone's way, even her own. She just longed for familiar surroundings. Something about Esthar was making her tense and uncomfortable. She wasn't sure what it was, but she was starting to think that the sooner she left, the better she'd feel.
She got up from the table and walked over to the kitchenette. The pot of coffee she'd made was still about half full. She yawned and poured herself another cup.
"You're up early."
She gasped and spilled some coffee on the counter. Luckily she just missed her hand. She put the pot and cup down and turned to see Seifer in his pajamas, standing and watching her.
She shrugged. "I couldn't sleep."
"You okay? You're kinda jumpy."
Quistis sighed and finished pouring her cup. As she stirred in some cream and sugar, she said, "Considering everything that's happened lately, can you blame me?"
"Nope," Seifer said. He walked over to the counter next to her and put his hands around her waist. "Guess I am too. Maybe I just can't get used to the idea of being on vacation. Only been a few days, though." He opened a cupboard and pulled out a mug. "Got another cup worth in there?"
"I think so," Quistis said. She poured the rest of the pot into Seifer's cup, and then put the pot into the sink and ran some water into it.
Seifer took a gulp of his coffee straight. "Damn four-cup coffeepots," he said. "At least it's the good stuff."
Quistis smiled. "I'm sorry I got up so soon, I just had some things on my mind I had to check out."
"I see," Seifer said, and he walked over to the laptop. He flipped open the display and examined it.
"Just what do you think you're doing?" Quistis asked.
"Making sure you're not 'checking out' online porn or anything," Seifer said.
"Do you honestly think I'd look at porn at all, much less get up at four in the morning to do it?"
Seifer shrugged. "They always say it's the people you least suspect."
"Well, sorry to disappoint you, dear," Quistis said, "but that's all work there."
Seifer nodded. "So, if you don't mind my asking, just how much vacationing are you really planning to do for the next couple weeks? Or will it just be work away from home, with days like yesterday being the exception?"
Quistis sighed. "Seifer, please. It'd be one thing if everything that happened to me a few days ago didn't. But it did, and need to know how and why. I was hoping you'd support me on this."
"I do, Quisty, I do," Seifer said. "It's just that…you work yourself so hard all the time when you're not in the middle of a big investigation. You just woke up from a coma the other day, but you didn't even skip a beat. When will you let yourself rest?"
"Seifer, I know it's easy for you to just leave your work behind. Your work, your team is back at Balamb. When you're here, someone else is in charge of them. I'm the only one who can do this work, and wherever I am, the work is still there with me."
"Why?" Seifer asked. "Why only you?"
Quistis walked up to him. "Because nobody else has what's in my head, that's why. Nobody else hears the echoes, sees the auras, has all the clues mixed up in some conglomeration of a collective memory. I have them. And I'm the only one that can sort it out and make sense of it. You just…you can't understand what I have to deal with. Nobody can."
"Why?" he asked again. "Why are you the only one? Why do you find it so hard to ask for help?"
"Because I'm scared!"
They stood there in silence, staring at each other. Finally, Quistis continued, "I'm scared that something's going to happen to you or the kids because of me. I'm scared that because of all that crap that's been on the news this week we're going to spend the rest of our lives in hiding. I'm scared because I don't know what I could become if something like that monster ever happens again. I'm scared…that I'll hurt everyone…like…" She closed her eyes and turned away.
Seifer slowly put his hands around her waist, but she pulled away. "No, please don't. Just…let me be."
Seifer watched her for a moment, and then walked silently past her and back into the bedroom. Quistis looked up to see his back. "Seifer, I'm sorry…" Seifer closed the door behind him before she could finish her apology, leaving her alone in the dimly lit room. She clutched her arms around herself. She suddenly felt cold.
Seifer leaned on the closed door. What Quistis had said was far more hurtful that she could have realized. I'm your Knight. It's my job to keep you from wanting to hurt the people you care about. Her harboring those fears, and refusing for so long to tell him about them, felt like she was saying she didn't trust him, that he wasn't doing his job as her Knight.
He walked over to his side of the bed and opened the door of his nightstand. He slid aside a few things and pulled out a small bottle of "Old Trabia Warrior, 80 Proof" that he'd swiped from the nicely-stocked liquor cabinet in the kitchenette. He unscrewed the cap, poured some of the whiskey into it, and gulped it down. He gave it a second to settle, and then downed a second and a third capful before closing the bottle and returning it to its current home. He lay back down in bed and pulled the covers over his head. He hoped the whiskey would counteract the gulp of coffee and help him sleep again, if just for a few hours, or at least until the kids woke up.
He also hoped it would help keep the dreams away this time, since right now his only respite from them didn't seem to want him around.
As Seifer was doing this, Quistis fell into the chair before her computer and looked at the screen again. Her eyes wouldn't focus, though, and she finally leaned back in the chair to stare at the ceiling. At this moment, she was tempted to just close her eyes, to release her mind from her body, and go back to the Crossroad to see Aria.
Of all the friends she had, at this moment Aria seemed to be the only one she felt she could talk to. She wasn't sure why that was, but her gut said it was so. It seemed reasonable enough to her. She didn't have to worry about hurting the young girl. Nobody could hurt her. She was already dead.
It worried Quistis when she realized that her best friends seemed to be the ones who had died.
She rubbed her temples once more and closed the laptop's lid. If she was going to work all alone, she might as well do it back at the Research Facility. She started gathering up her papers and glanced around for her shoes, her familial obligations slipping from her mind.
She was disgusted with herself, not just for hurting Seifer, but because she felt like she was running away from all of them by immersing herself in her work. Still, the work had to be done, and as she told Seifer, she was the only one who could do it.
She was the one to whom it all mattered most.
