Chapter 7
Yo, don't own homestuck, just the plot.
Yes Gamzee is in, he is his patron troll.
Karkat checks the mail to see three packages, "fuck," he mutters and walks back to his house.
"Hi birthday boy," she says and he sees the cake on the table.
"Hi mom," he puts down the packages.
"You can open them now if you want," she says.
Karkat takes out his sickles and opens them; he opens Jade's first, "pumpkin and flower seed?" He looks at them. He opens Rose's next, "what am I a woman?" He looks at the knitting needles and yarn that came with it, red and gray.
"Maybe she hear about your love for making those stuffed animals," Kanri says form the kitchen.
"Grrr." He looks at John's present, he picks it up and walks to the trash can.
"Karkat Vantas!" He stops before he drops it in the trash can.
"What?"
"Do not throw your friends gift away."
"It is from Egber…. I mean John," he says, "and you remember the shaving cream bomb from last year."
"Use your sickles to open it away from the present so if it rigged to go off you won't get hit."
He does and jumps back when he opens it, after a few seconds he walks back to find a book on pranks and a note, 'sorry about last year.' "I swear to Gog I will kill him one day," Karkat says and looks in the book, "so that is how he did it."
"Book on pranks from John?"
"Yeah." He looks at his phone, "dead?" He plugs it in in his room then tries his laptop, "this is dead too?!" He plugs it in and leaves his room.
"Aren't you going to thank your friends?"
"Everything is dead," he says with a shrug, "I will thank them later."
"Ok," she says and Karkat takes his new things into his room. He looks through the book some more and finds new movie poster.
"Maybe I will just hurt him some," Karkat says hanging up his new poster. He finds some pranks about hair dye in the book, "Gog if John ever dyes my hair he will die."
"What about John and hair?" Dave asks as he walks into Karkat's room.
"Hi," he says and sits up, "Egbert gave me a book on pranks this year instead of pranking me, and so if he dyes my hair," he shows Dave the page, "I will kill him."
"Oh," Dave says, "yeah you would look weird without black hair and it might screw up your horns."
"I didn't think about that," he says and makes a mental note to never use anything John sends him that can be used in the bathroom.
"Here you go Karkles," he hands him two boxes.
"Ok, let's see how you did this year," he opens the first to see a new CD, the sound track from one of his romcons. "OK this one is good," he puts it down and opens the next one, "ok you win." He looks at the newest movie to add to his collection and a poster to add to his wall. He also gave him a poster of the Midnight Crew.
"Yeah I did Karkles," Dave says, Karkat takes Dave's shades off of him.
"Now what?"
"Show me what else you got," Dave says.
"Ok," he throws the yarn at his head and he is unconscious, "really? You are asleep because of yarn, and you called me weak?" Karkat waits but he doesn't wake up, "damn it Strider," he puts Dave's head on his lap and waits.
Bro walks in, "hey," he looks down at Dave, "what happen?"
"I hit him with yarn," he says holding up the red yarn, "is it ironic that he got knocked out by his color and not mine? Or just sad because he was knocked out by yarn? Oh maybe it is ironic because he is always calling me weak then he is knocked out by YARN!"
"Yes that is ironic," he says, "just wake him up."
"I am not hitting him again; you see how that worked out."
Bro walks up to Dave and whispers, "if you don't wake up Karkat is going to die."
"What?!" Dave's head shoots up and he looks around for Karkat.
Karkat is holding his chest, "holly fuck Strider, you scared the shit out of me!"
Bro is smiling, "see if something was to happen to you Dave would be very sad."
"Shut up Bro."
"Have fun, oh and Dave."
"What?"
"Stay away from the yarn," Bro says laughing and leaves.
"Damn it," he says blushing. Karkat smiles at him and hands him the yarn, "Rose?"
"Yeah and I also got these large knitting needles," he holds them up.
"Ok."
"I got these seeds from Jade," he hands them to him, "and the book from John, and a poster."
"What about your mom?"
"My new sickles," he shows them to Dave, "and they are real."
"Nice, but I have been handling real sword for much longer."
"Hey, at least I didn't have cuts all over my body for a year wail learning how to use them."
"Touché," Dave says with a shrug, "but you did fall of the roof."
"Ok shut up, you have fallen off a roof more than me."
"I am just saying Karkles."
"Whatever Strider," Karkat says, "don't make me knock you out with yarn again."
"Hey that stuff is hard!"
Karkat throws it in the air and lets it hit him on the head, "no it isn't, you no longer have the right to call me weak," he picks it up.
Dave tackles him to the ground and Karkat yelps in shock, Dave holds his arms down, "you were saying Karkles?" He asks with a stoic grin on his face.
"Fuck you," he says then rams his head into Dave's. He falls back holding his forehead and Karkat curls up into a ball holding his head. "FUCK!"
"Oh my God that hurt!" Dave screams.
"What is going on in here?" Kanri asks as she look in the room, "Dave did you restrain Karkat?"
"What?" Dave asks.
"Here is a quick note, if you hold him down make sure he can't hit you with anything," she says, "because if he can hit you he will," she closes the door and leaves.
"Do I want to know?" Dave asks as he stands up.
"I used to hate taking baths," he says, Dave holds his hand out and helps Karkat up.
"I can see why," he says, "you are so shy."
"Do not make me head butt you again."
"You wouldn't," he says.
"From the time that you have known me Strider, do I ever joke when I threaten to hurt you?"
"Don't!" Dave says.
"Ok," he sits on his stuffed animal pile with a smirk.
"Oh God not that again, come on Karkles I thought you stopped doing that!"
"Nope," Karkat says and hugs his raven, "I still sleep here sometimes."
"Ok now I am going to hurt you," Dave says and throws Karkat over his shoulder.
"What are you going to do?" Karkat asks not struggling and is still holding his raven.
"This," he flips him onto his bed, "this is where you sleep, not in those toys."
Karkat gets up and sits back on his pile, "no."
"Yes," he picks him up and puts him back on the bed.
Karkat moves back to the pile, "no."
"Yes," they continue this until Dave gets too tired to carry Karkat to his bed. "Get on you bed!"
"Fine," he walks to his bed and Dave falls on the floor.
"Dave."
"What?" He groans.
"You don't sleep on the floor, you sleep on a bed."
Dave looks up at him then lets his head fall back on the floor. Karkat sits on him, "Karkles?"
"Yes," he asks and looks at his face.
"Why are you sitting on me, it doesn't hurt or anything but, why?"
"Because, you are a bed."
Dave smiles then rolls over and makes Karkat lay on top of him properly, "ok then go to sleep."
"I am not tired," he says and gets up, "come on Strider we still have cake to eat."
"Not batter witch?"
"Homemade fuck ass."
"Good," they walk to the kitchen.
They sing happy birthday and Karkat blows out the candles, "now for my present," Bro hands him a long box.
Karkat looks at him suspicious, "I really don't want to open this," he sighs and does it anyway. Smuppets pop out, "AHH!"
"What the fuck?!" Dave asks, "I though you gave him a sword!"
"I did," he says, "it is under the trap, I mean puppet presents."
Karkat gets up with a smuppet on his head and he picks up the sword, "GRRRR!"
"It is an unbreakable sword," Bro says with a smirk.
"Roof now," he flicks the smuppet off of his head and walks to the roof.
"Hey we can't fight here!" Bro says following him.
Karkat is waiting on the slated roof, "hurry up!"
"How are you standing straight on the roof?" Dave asks.
"Practice," he says.
Bro jumps up next to him then throws him off the roof, "Bro!" Kanri screams at him.
Karkat lands on his feet, "hey!"
Bro jumps down next to him, "back in the house," he pushes them all back inside.
"What was that about?" Kanri asks.
"You don't do that stuff unless it in on an apartment roof," he says to Karkat, "you don't want to attract a lot of attention."
"Ok," he says and puts her sword in his Sylladex, "it is late," he says looking at the clock.
"Stay the night you two," Kanri says.
"You have extra rooms?" Bro asks.
"Yes, but I was thinking more like this," she puts Dave's and Karkat's hands together then grabs Bro's and pulls him into her room.
Karkat bursts into laughter, "he didn't see that coming!"
"What the fuck?" Dave asks still holding Karkat's hand.
"That was what happens when someone is clueless," Karkat says still laughing.
Dave smiles and pulls Karkat into his room, "yeah this is what happens," he closes the door when he pulls Karkat in.
Did anyone see what I did?
I want some new comments before the next chapter goes up, thanks.
Tell me what you like and Haters can hate somewhere else.
