I can't even. I think this document is too long, or something, because each time I try to save it it crashes on me. This thing is ruining my life and it's taken ages to write, edit and now even longer than all of those to PROPERLY SAVE on the fricken document. I'm going crazy. This is like the fifth way I've tried to get this thing to save—not the fifth attempt, mind you, but the fifth way. I've tried this hundreds of times already I'm so pissed. I think it's because this whole thing is so long. I'm screwed.

So, I've figured out that I can't save on the document itself, and because ff reformats this thing after I upload it there, I'm going to have to do some fancy stuff.

Actually not really. Just no line breaks. Anyway, thanks for everyone who's read, reviewed, favourited, followed, and all that jazz. Feel free to give me any sort of comments in your reviews, CC greatly appreciated, et cetera, et cetera.

So, (finally) here it is:

Chapter 6

"And Mckinnon passes to Potter—back to Mckinnon—Potter—score!" Lily jumped up, cheering with her fellow Gryffindors as Marlene and James did a victory lap around the pitch. It was the first Quidditch game of the school year, and Gryffindor was going against Hufflepuff, and winning by a landslide. James had been exceptionally proud of his team this year (and exceptionally scornful of Hufflepuff's), and Lily was exceptionally proud of how well he had juggled academics, Head Duties, and Quidditch.

James and Marlene passed over where she was standing with Remus, Alice, and Peter, and like every other time they had done so, Lily raised her hands up to touch James and Marlene's, who had leaned down once reaching the area where the Gryffindors stood. Finishing their lap, the two chasers returned to the pitch, where the Hufflepuff chasers were making their way desperately towards the Gryffindor keeper.

"Get the snitch already!" James bellowed at the seekers, who didn't seem to be focusing on their jobs—the Gryffindor seeker was in no hurry to win so soon, and the Hufflepuff seeker would only end the game and lessen, as much as she could, the large lead that Gryffindor currently had.

The game lasted for ten more goals—five made by James, two by Marlene, another two by the third chaser, Wood, a fifth-year, and one by the Hufflepuff chaser from third year, a very good chaser in an unfortunately very bad Quidditch team—until finally, the Gryffindor seeker caught the snitch.

"James asked me to ask you if it was acceptable for them to have a party." Remus remarked as they began to file out of the stands. Alice and Peter had gone down ahead of them. "Of course, I told him you'd agree, so long as it was under control, but he asked me to ask anyway."

"And he asked you this before the game, I presume?" Lily joked.

"He might have lost some of his arrogance, but in Quidditch he's as conceited as ever. Not unfounded, either."

"I like to think that he's simply confident in his abilities." Lily said, and they descended the stairs together. The people heading down with them made way so they could go down without having to elbow through the crowd.

"Is that you defending James?" Remus asked, amused.

"What? I'm a reasonable person, Remus. He's like that with Quidditch, I'm like that with Potions and Charms. And besides, an unconfident James would never exist, and who wants an unconfident friend?"

"So… What about his arrogance didn't you like before, then?"

Lily shrugged. "The way he flung it in everyone's faces, really. His air. He looked around as if he was better than everyone in everything and he knew it. Now, he knows what exactly are his strengths and weaknesses—knows he has them and acknowledges them, tries to correct them—and is confident in that which he can be confident in. Besides, after seeing this game, there was no way Hufflepuff had even a slight chance in winning, so he'd judged correctly. That was a judgement of a good Quidditch captain, not the arrogant boast of a boy who thinks that he can do no wrong."

"You've thought about this." Remus remarked. Lily shrugged again. "A bit too much… More than you'd have thought about, say, Sirius." Remus continued carefully.

"I don't need to think that much about Sirius. He's pretty easy to understand, if you know what to look for. He's a boy who was rejected by his family—claims he rejected them, but ultimately they rejected him—because he had always just wanted to have fun in life, not do his duty to his family, and Regulus had always been the favoured brother, and then the final straw was him getting into Gryffindor. First year, he feels free, that he can now do whatever he ever wanted, and even defend himself against the Slytherins who thought him a traitor. After a while, though, he became more and more bitter, especially after Regulus came to Hogwarts, which caused him to put a happy mask up, get more and more reckless, and, well, you know the rest."

"Alright, fine." Remus conceded.

"What do you mean, 'fine'?"

"I mean that I'd thought…"

"What?" Lily stopped walking and pulled Remus farther away from the crowd (they parted for her, but they had been doing that for years now, she didn't think much of it.) "What did you mean." She demanded rather than asked.

"I'd just thought that you might fancy him a bit, that's all."

"Who, James?"

"Well…" Remus gave her a look.

"Who else thinks this?" Now Lily was being careful.

"And actually has proof behind their thinking, or just the rumours?"

"Remus, answer the question."

"I've only talked to Padfoot and Wormtail about it."

"And do they think what you do?"

"Not… really. They agree with my… proof, but think it's too farfetched an idea."

"Right. Because it is, Remus."

"Then why'd you go bonkers on me, then?"

"I did not! I just wanted to know what my mates say about me—"

"And James?"

"Remus." Lily scolded, and began walking back towards the castle.

"I'm just making some careful observations. I have been you friend for a while, you know."

"What's that supposed to mean now?"

"I know you pretty well, is all."

"Well Marlene doesn't think that—" Lily stopped at the look on Remus' face. "Remus…"

"I haven't talked to her about it, but I have an inkling…" Lily huffed.

"I do not like James Potter!" She said, a bit too loudly, and a few people nearby looked their way. She flushed, and began walking again, saying, in a low voice to Remus, "I don't."

"Alright, you've made it perfectly clear."

"And you're going to help me stop any of those rumours, won't you?"

"Of course." Remus grinned. "Wouldn't want them to get to Prongs' ears and raise his hopes up when you so clearly don't like him."

"He doesn't like me anymore, don't be ridiculous, Remus." Lily scoffed. Remus gave her another look, but didn't say anything.

"Lily." A low voice said, off to the side, from behind a tree. She recognised it as Severus'. "Can we talk?"

"I'll catch up." She said hesitantly to Remus, who hadn't heard Snape. "Make sure the party doesn't get out of control." Remus nodded and flashed a smile at her, looking a bit concerned.

"Be careful, don't be out after dark." He said, a bit too casually, and she began to think that perhaps he had heard Snape. "And who knows what the other two will do if you're not there when the party starts."

Lily let out a fake laugh, and assured him she wouldn't be long. He headed off, and Lily went towards Severus' voice. He grabbed her as she rounded the tree, pulling her over so they weren't seen.

"What?" She said crossly. "Be quick, I have to get up to the castle soon."

"Right, you promised your dangerous friend that you'd be quick, so your poor James doesn't worry too much."

"Is that what you called me to talk about? 'James?'"

"I—No, but… Is it true?"

"That we're friends? Yes."

"That you fancy him."

"No. I don't fancy him."

"But he's not an arrogant, bullying toerag anymore, apparently."

"No. You of all people should know, Sev, people can change. Some for the better, others for the worse."

"That… that git, change for the better?"

"Well, up until a few years ago, Severus, I thought you still had time to change, return to the little boy I was best friends with. That didn't happen, so why can't another impossible happen?"

"That's completely different—"

"No, there is no difference, there is only your… sick obsession with James Potter! Get over it!"

"It's not just Potter, its his friends as well—"

"I'm one of those friends now, Snape. You insult them, you insult me."

"Lily—"

"If you have nothing else to say, Severus, I'm going to leave now."

"No! I…Can't—can't we be friends again?"

"Are you being serious?" Lily stared at him indignantly. "No, Snape, we cannot be friends, because you decided that you'd rather be friends with all those Death-Eater-to-be Slytherins than be my friend. This wasn't my choice, Severus, this was your choice, shown through your actions." Lily sighed. "I don't even know why I bothered talking to you again. I keep saying I'm done, but then I come talk to you again, and I get so angry each time, because you're not my best friend anymore, Sev, you haven't been for so long. So goodbye, Severus."

"Lily—"

"Goodbye! I have to get back to my real friends now."

"Oh, right, wouldn't want to keep you from James for too long—"

"I knew you couldn't keep from mentioning him again. Do you mention him around you Death Eater friends, too? Do they know how obsessed you are with him?"

"Do you know that he's not as angelic as he seems to be around you?"

"I don't want to hear anymore excuses, Snape."

"Excuses? It's not an excuse, it's a fact. he hasn't actually stopped hexing Slytherins, y'know, he just does it so no one else will find out about it."

"Alright, then that's something between me and him, not me and you. So unless you want to have another shot at explaining yourself to me, which I'd highly recommend against, I'm done here. Really done this time. I'm not going to talk to you alone from now on, and if you try, I'm going to scream and assume you're attacking me. I'm rather good at the wand, you know." Lily stalked away and headed up to the castle.

"Lily, Remus told me—" Marlene started as Lily climbed through the portrait hole.

"Everything's fine." She assured her friend. "I just needed to remind myself that I hated him." She mustered up a smile, but knew Marlene saw through it. "Now, has the party already started, or—"

"Actually, they're still getting things ready, apparently. I think they're just waiting for you."

"Lily!" James bounded over. "Remus said you said that this was alright, but I wanted to make sure—"

"As long as it doesn't get too out of control." Lily confirmed. "And that you'll be able to help out if—and when—we have to end the party."

"Erm… Right. Okay then. We can start!" At his words, the common room suddenly burst into life—music and lights, food appeared along a table and drinks along another; the Marauders had taken every effort to make up for their terrible (almost non-existent) end-of-the-year party last year.

"Like it?" James asked near her ear (it was too loud now to talk at normal distances and normal tones).

"Yeah." Lily turned to look at him. "And also, I almost forgot! Congratulations!" She added.

"Like this was unexpected." James retorted and led them further into the party. Lily started towards the drinks table, where she knew Remus would station himself if she was not there, and she really didn't want to be on drunk-alert, as she'd begun to call it. It required mingling.

"Well, still, it's a victory." Lily got there just in time to take a firewhiskey out of a first-year's hands. "Is the punch spiked?" She asked in a low voice to James and put her hand on the first-year's shoulder to keep him from trying again.

"No, I told Padfoot that purposefully-drunk people are enough for this party."

"Good." Lily leaned down to the first-year's height. "You can have some punch." She told him, and let him go so he could get his drink.

"And here I thought you were actually going to get a drink." James said, mildly amused.

"I don't really drink." Lily shrugged.

"Well, you can drink tonight." James leaned over and handed her a firewhiskey. "I can do my part, too."

Lily looked at him dubiously, but finally accepted the drink, taking a sip.

"That is not the way you drink firewhiskey." James deadpanned. Lily rolled her eyes at him and ignored him.

"Have you seen Alice?" She asked, smoothly taking a butterbeer out of a second-year's hand and giving her a cup of punch instead. (The girl muttered something about butterbeer not even having any alcohol in it, but she ignored her.)

"No, actually, I haven't after she and Wormtail came to tell Marlene and I congratulations. Wormtail's over there—" He added, pointing to the drunkest man in the room. "And Marlene's sitting with Sirius—I was going to ask if you'd noticed anything between them, but obviously there will be now, they're snogging." Lily looked over and giggled.

"I'd say I'm surprised, but I'm not, actually." She said, trying to muffle her laughter.

"Why not? Does she fancy him?"

"I had my suspicions, and, well, Marlene is fit enough and smart enough and good enough at Quidditch for him."

"Poor Remus." Lily collapsed again in a fit of laughter.

"Someone looks like she just saw the funniest thing in the world." Alice remarked, walking up to them.

"Alice!" Lily threw her arms around her friend. "There you are! We've been looking for you!"

"Are you… Drunk?" Alice asked, mortified, as she stepped out of Lily's embrace.

"Technically not." James said, looking like he was about to burst into laughter himself. "She took a sip of firewhiskey, but I had no idea it'd make her that drunk that soon, and who does get drunk that quickly? Not even Wormtail does." He added, at Alice's look, "He started before the party."

"I'm not drunk, I'm giddy." Lily corrected, and giggled again. "Marley and Sirius, ten o'clock." She told Alice.

Alice looked over and began to act exactly like Lily.

"Is there something I'm not getting?" James asked, sounding a bit concerned. "Some girl thing—"

"It's just, Marlene's fancied him for ages." Alice managed.

"You said you just had suspicions." James accused Lily.

"For ages." Lily confirmed. "We just thought she never told us because Alice and I hated you, and if she got together with him, I'd automatically be paired with you."

"Why's that?"

"Because, best mate goes with best mate, James, don't you know anything about the world?" Alice asked exasperatedly. Lily intercepted a third-year trying to get some firewhiskey, and gave him a butterbeer instead. "And anyway, I was with Frank, and the rumours would immediately be that Marlene and Sirius were trying to get you to together—y'know, for your sake."

"For my sake? Oh, I see." James glanced over at his best mate and smirked. "I didn't really think he'd fancied her in particular, or at least not more than any other fit, smart, Quidditch-playing girl our age, but maybe he started fancying her more this past month. They can't possibly be drunk enough to be snogging just because they want to snog someone."

"Yes, they do have a lot of classes together." Alice added.

"Yes, but the three of us are in almost every single one of them, and I'm usually partners with her." Lily pointed out.

"Doesn't seem to really matter." James cut in. "How far do you think we should let them go?" He indicated towards the two, who were now snogging quite fervently and were also getting quite drunk. (James was sure Sirius had added more alcohol into their drinks. He liked to do that.)

"Not too far." Lily said, and then shrugged. "But as long as they don't disappear up to the dorms together and don't get too touchy in public, we can just leave them for now."

"Doubt it'll take that long, actually." James remarked, and grabbed the wrist of a first-year reaching from behind the table. "Do better next time, mate." He told him. "If you don't get caught, then you're good enough to deserve it, and we'll let you go. If you do get caught, you're not good enough to deserve it and you'll have to try again."

"James!" Lily scolded.

"What? It's the truth!" James gave Lily a look. "What do you think I tell the kids I catch breaking rules? Not to do it? That'd be useless, considering I've probably broken every single one of them myself."

"Well I thought you told them to follow the rules—James Potter, you haven't still been breaking school rules, have you?" Lily demanded, Sirius and Marlene forgotten. She remembered Snape's jab at him, about how he still hexed people. She wondered if it was true.

"Well I haven't done anything bad," James answered, looking a bit guilty. "But I have been to the kitchens a couple of times with the boys, after curfew, and things like that. You know of all the pranks we've been doing, just harmless laughs, is all. I've been able to veto the really bad ones Padfoot comes up with, y'know, the ones that'll actually hurt Slytherins and stuff, but, well, I can't very well stop Sirius from pranking altogether."

"Then why'd I hear somewhere that you've been hexing Slytherins when you think no one's looking?"

"Because whoever it is is trying to get me on your bad side. Probably wants to get in your pants, too."

"So it's not true?"

"I have not been hexing Slytherins behind everyone—except their—backs."

"You haven't hexed a Slytherin since the school year started?"

"Well, when you say that…"

"James!"

"Snivellus is an easy target, and he's always angry at me, always tries to provoke me—"

"Potter! How could you?"

"You weren't there, Lils, he said some really nasty things…"

"Like what?"

"Like…" James looked away. "You don't want to know. They're really bad."

"I do want to know, and you're going to tell me."

They stared at each other for a few seconds, Lily glaring and James looking beseechingly. Finally, James gave up. "He said things about how you were a whore." He conceded bitterly. "A you-know-what whore and I was lonely enough to pay you, when I knew no one else would touch you because of your blood." There was silence as Lily processed this. James wanted to punch himself. He should never have told her the truth. He'd rather Lily hated him than see her hurt like this. He vowed to hex Snape into oblivion the next time they met; the only person who could've told Lily that he still hexed Slytherins (well, just Snivellus) was him.

"He said that." Lily finally managed. (James saw a second year tiptoe past her, but decided now was not the time to be distracted.)

"Yes."

"And this isn't just you trying to get him on my bad side?"

"Isn't he already? And anyway, Sirius and Remus were there too, just ask them." James sighed and moved closer to her, so they could talk better without being overheard. "Lily, I'm sorry."

"That you hexed him? I'm not." Lily pressed her lips together, and James guessed she was blinking back tears. He'd never seen her cry before.

"That your ex-best friend has turned into such a horrible, spiteful person." He replied. Their faces were near, shoulders together, and he was aware of every place they touched and could be touching, but he'd promised just friends. He couldn't like Lily Evans anymore, and certainly wasn't going to act on it.

"Well, that's life." Was her curt response. "And to think he wanted to be my friend again tonight." She muttered. It was low, so perhaps he wasn't supposed to hear it, but James did, and started.

"He did what?" James turned so that they could look eye-to-eye. "Lily, don't talk to him again. Don't be near him without someone else by your side, especially if he's not alone."

"Don't worry. I told him the next time he tried to talk to me I'd assume he was attacking me. And of course, since I'm a mudblood—" James winced at the word, but she continued— "then it wouldn't be all that surprising, to be attacked."

"Lily…" James started, but she turned around again, looking away and blinking furiously. "If it makes you feel better, I do think he does actually care about you."

"What do you mean? After all those things he said about me?"

"Well…" James had to choose his words carefully. Lily wouldn't believe him if he told her his suspicions that Snape fancied her, and anyway, it wasn't as if it would make any big difference. "He did ask you to be friends with him again. And for a long time he'd always seen you as an exception to what muggle-borns ought to be. I think that recently… He just can't stand himself, the thought that he does still care about you, and it's making him spiteful, making him say all those horrible things."

"It doesn't matter." Lily raised a hand and wiped her eyes swiftly, deftly. James hadn't even seen tears. "I don't care about him, so it doesn't matter whether he cares about me. Just… Try not to let him provoke you, alright?"

"Alright." But when it comes to you, James added in his head, I wouldn't be able to keep myself from being provoked. I've never had any restraint when it came to you.

The rest of the party went smoothly, and James, Lily, and Remus (with the help of a few of the other prefects) managed to wrap it up before anything drastic happened and with barely any problems. James levitated Peter up to the dormitory and Lily marched Sirius and Marlene up their separate dormitories with a wand pointed at their backs while Remus magicked away the remaining drinks to wherever the Marauders put their secrets. They then set about cleaning, which had shocked James quite a lot—"We do have house-elves, you know that, right?"—and Lily went happily to bed with the knowledge that she'd be able to sleep a good five hours before getting up to have breakfast in time.

The next day was rather uneventful, for a day directly after a Quidditch match. Barely anyone congratulated James, and since they had just won a game, they didn't have any practice, and James and Lily spent most of the day in their common room, doing homework. (Lily had taken one look at Marlene and Sirius and the tangible sexual tension and decided to work in their common room, away from them.)

It seemed that all they were doing nowadays was work. Occasionally the Marauders would prank someone, and Lily would marvel at how they'd found the time to do so, but even those pranks had lessened, and it was obviously due to the fact that they were simply swamped with work—and that James had decided to be responsible for once. When they weren't doing homework, Lily and James were doing Head's stuff, as they'd deemed it (James coined the term, and Lily hadn't argued) or they were with their other mates.

"You have to help me with Transfiguration, James." Lily complained as they finished their Charms essay. "I helped you with your Charms." She reminded him.

"Of course." James responded, but smirked at her as he showed her the wand movements, easily conjuring an armchair up.

They had long since agreed that James was better than her in Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts, and she better than him in Charms and Potions, but they always bragged about it. Lily hated it when James did, and he knew it, but it served them well; Lily was never more driven than when James was closer to finishing his homework than she was, and he never more compelled to get things right on the first try than when Lily did.

Lily got the wand work done by lunch, and James had been nice enough to stay with her the entire time, teaching her and demonstrating over and over again until she figured it out. James, Lily had found out, was an excellent teacher. She assumed it was a mixture of having to self-teach himself before he was admitted into Hogwarts and having to teach Peter in order to help the boy along in his classes and exams.

Of course, Lily was rather good at teaching as well; James barely paid any attention in Charms and Potions anymore, knowing that he could just ask Lily about it later and have it more easily explained to him—and with less time. It helped that they'd recently managed to magic their quills to copy the notes on the board—James' idea, Lily's charm. James thought they were a rather good pair—but only professionally; James had gotten over her already.

In fact, he was so over her, that if someone asked Lily out, James wouldn't even bat his eye. He wouldn't even think of hexing the man, or using his power as Head Boy to keep them from going on their date. Well, he might think about it. He just wouldn't act upon those thoughts. Probably. His feelings had yet to be tried, so he didn't know for sure, but either way, James Potter was definitely over Lily Evans.

Who am I kidding? He asked himself as he walked with Lily down to the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning, and Lily was looking especially pretty. I'm still smitten. I'll just act like I'm not.

"You're rather quiet this morning." Lily remarked to him half-way through breakfast.

"We have Defence first period." James replied. "I'm saving my energy."

"You're saving your energy!" Lily scoffed. "Professor Lee absolutely adores you. He barely tolerates me."

"Well yes, but he has been the hardest DADA professor we've ever had, and I've really had to work in his class. And he says we'll be doing some extremely advanced magic today."

"Which you'll get in five minutes." Lily retorted.

"So will you. Lee only doesn't like you because he's sexist."

"And because I'm a muggle-born."

"He doesn't treat you any worse than he treats Alice, actually."

"No, he treats us both terribly." Alice interceded, giving him a look.

"Fair enough." James shrugged.

"Well, either way, he'll have all of our heads if we're late, so we'd better get going." Lily stated, rising, and they headed towards the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. "By the way, where's Marlene, and the other Marauders?" She asked as they walked down the corridor.

"Moony and Wormtail went ahead. I don't know about Padfoot and Marlene, but I don't really want to know." James gave them a look while they entered the room.

"Come in, come in, hurry up now!" Professor Lee, a sour old man, was indeed the hardest teacher the seventh years had ever had, but he was also an excellent Auror who had left the ministry to teach at Hogwarts and, as it was rumoured, to join Dumbledore against Voldemort. If that rumour was true, then James commended him. However, with the way he was acting, James guessed it was the opposite; no one that sexist could possibly not believe that muggles were worse than wizards.

At least he was a good teacher, though he had his favourites. Hard as he was on them and unfair to women, Lily had to admit that she was learning more this year than any of the other years, although that could easily be attributed to the fact that she had James to tutor her outside of class if she didn't get something.

"Today, we'll be working on our Patronuses." Professor Lee said. "Now, I know some of you may already have a Patronus—" here he cast a look at James— "but I'm here to help those who don't have it." Here he sneered at Lily and Alice. Alice rolled her eyes when he'd turned away.

The professor continued to explain what a patronus was, its uses, and how to create a patronus. Lily, who had already read an entire book on patronuses when she had first heard of it, amused herself by editing her charms essay, looking up every-so-often to pretend she was listening and taking down notes.

"Ms. Evans." Professor Lee said with a smirk, "What is one of the possible uses of a patronus in everyday life?" Lily looked up, trying not to show her repulsion on her face, although it was partly mirrored in the professor's.

"Well, it can be used to send messages to others, or show identity." Lily responded as evenly as possible.

I'll hold while you hex. The empty parchment by Lily's elbow suddenly sprouted the writing, which she recognised as James'. Protean charm, the one charm James had been better at than her—he used it more often.

I wish. I've never actually done a patronus before, so we'll have to wait until after the lesson and I've succeeded. Lily scribbled underneath his words.

Really? My dad forced me to at least have a semi-corporeal one in fourth. He forced me to have a lot of things, come to think of it.

Wanted you to be ready for when you started Auror training, I guess. But it makes me feel better. You're not better at DADA than I because of sheer talent of working extra hard, you're better because your dad's making you do all the lessons before we get to them.

I am plenty talented at DADA, I'll have you know! It's because of my sheer talent that I can accomplish any of the lessons before we get to it.

Or a very good teacher/father.

W— But James didn't finish writing the word down, because Professor Lee decided he was done lecturing, and that it was time to try conjuring a patronus. They all got up, and with a wave of his wand, Professor Lee moved the tables and chairs back so that there was a space for them all to work in.

Everyone moved to their own space, and the air was filled with incantations muttered and shouted, and silvery wisps of magic.

Within three to five tries and perhaps fifteen minutes, a few students had gotten their patronus down. Sirius' patronus was a dog, something Lily thought very appropriate, and which had caused Sirius to bark with laughter. Remus' wasn't quite corporeal yet, but she thought she could see the foggy image of a canine, and figured that it was purposeful, his patronus not being fully formed. Peter still couldn't make one, but then again, Peter couldn't do many spells, and this one was a tricky one. Marlene's was a regal tiger, perfect for her fierce personality. Alice's was a dove. Lily could think of no other as fitting.

James', though, was the most beautiful of the patronuses flying around. A majestic stag, it showed off its antlers as it pranced about the room, nuzzling its face against other people and making them squeal and laugh. It made its way over to Lily, pressing its nose against her cheek, but she didn't laugh like the others, or even smile and move away as they gave James looks of mock disappointment. She merely stepped back and brushed it away, looking back at her own wisps of magic coming from her wand.

She could do this. James could do it, Sirius could do it, Remus could do it, and so could Marlene and Alice, and even Peter was doing better than she was! If they could all do so well, she could at least create something with more substance, even if it wasn't as powerful as perfect, sheltered James Potter's. Scowling at her wand, she focused on a happy memory, a new one now, of when she first found out about magic.

"Expecto Patronum!" She said in a loud, clear voice. Something burst out of her wand, but was gone in a moment, just like her happiness in her own memory. She glanced up, catching sight of Snape. He was doing better than her, having a semi-corporeal patronus, just like Remus'. Something with wings, it seemed. She had never hated him as much as now. Memories with him in it would simply not do.

Something from Hogwarts, then. With Marlene and Alice, maybe.

"Expecto Patronum!"

Or maybe with Remus and Sirius.

"Expecto Patronum!"

Lily added James Potter to the-people-she-hated-more-than-ever-at-this-very-moment list; why did he have to be in every happy memory she had, and why did it have to be while he was an arrogant prat, acting very much like he was acting right now, prancing about and showing off, pretending to be better than her. He would have to go as well.

So maybe something with her muggle friends.

"Expecto Patronum!"

Or with her parents.

"Expecto Patronum!"

"What, Evans, haven't been able to do it yet?" Someone called from across the room. Lily furiously blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall. Crying within three days was not a good thing.

"Aw, pity, Lily-flower." Sirius' voice. Block it out. You must think of a happy memory. She commanded herself. "Must be the first thing you've ever not been able to do quickly, huh?"

"In five years, yes." Lily gritted her teeth. Her cousin's wedding, where she had been a flower girl. "Expecto Patronum!" Petunia went on the list too. Why did she have to get engaged?

"Blimey, you really are struggling." James's voice. Pretend you didn't hear him because he's on your the-people-you-hate-more-than-ever-at-this-very-moment list and he'll only make you angrier, not happier. "Actually, I don't know why I'm all that surprised." James chuckled. Lily's anger flared and she huffed, putting down her wand and going over to sit at a desk in anger and frustration. The devil reincarnate followed her.

"Lily." James said lightly. She tried not to hex him. (At least that she could still do, right?) "Lily, I know this is hard for you, but you have to understand, a patronus isn't about power." She glared at him with watery eyes and looked pointedly away. "It's about feeling. And I know, because I know you and I know you're a realist and even sometimes a cynic, that you don't think you have any really happy memories." She looked at him sharply, offended.

"Lily, I know you just put on a mask of optimism. You understand what's happening in the world now. And… I know about your life, Lils. You can't use any happy memory from your childhood because Petunia and Snape ruin them; you can't look at your childhood with the happiness you think you need to make a patronus." Lily opened her mouth to speak, but James raised his hand to silence her.

"You don't think you can be happy anymore when you think of your childhood, only bitter. And you can't think of any of those good firsts, because the first wizard you ever knew was Snape, and we both know how that ended up. The first time you heard of Hogwarts, even your letter, were tainted by the memory of him. And your first day at Hogwarts wasn't very good either, because of Snape and me, I'll admit it. I'm sorry. I imagine you can't do anything about your friends or even Hogwarts because either I ruin it, or you think about how we're going to leave this place soon, and there's a war going on right now and even if you've been safe and happy here at Hogwarts, people are dying out there and they will keep dying and when we get out there some of us might die and some of our friends might die and there won't be much we can do about that. And even your good grades, your top marks and spot at the Slug Club, those aren't all happy either, because no matter what, you'll always have a disadvantage because you're muggle-born, you'll always be seen as lesser, and especially in the real world, you'll have so much more work trying to establish and show off your talent and earn a place in this world, in this world you don't believe you fully belong in.

"But Lily, you don't understand what a patronus feeds off of. It doesn't feed off of anger, or frustration, like you're feeling now. It doesn't even feed off of a happy memory. It feeds off of that elation, that sense of hope and timelessness that comes with happiness. It feeds off the feeling of happiness, not the memory of it. You don't need a memory, or at least, not a specific one. You just need to remember the feeling you felt when you first saw your letter—not the one you feel now when you remember it, but the first feeling, or the feeling when you realised you weren't alone, that there were others like you and a world you could belong in. The feeling of laughing harder than you've ever laughed before, of trading secrets with your mates and knowing that you can trust them, of staying up at night just to talk. The feeling of getting your prefect badge, of knowing that you've been given a great responsibility and honour, that people trust and respect you. The accomplishment you feel when you get perfect on a test, when you get better than me in a class—not a specific time, but the feeling. You have everything else, Evans, you have the power, the words and the motion, you even have the will. You just need to remember what it is to be happy and hopeful and young, Lily." James placed his hand over hers and smiled encouragingly. "You can do it. You're the brightest, most powerful witch of our age. If you can't do this, then the world is falling apart."

Lily sat a few moments, silent, just looking at James. He looked steadily back, not moving his hand, or even any other part of his body. Finally, Lily nodded. He was right. She hated to admit it, but he was right, and she could do this.

Laughing harder than she'd ever laughed before. Elation, hope, happiness. She'd felt them before, hadn't she?

"Expecto Patronum!"

A brilliant silver doe sprung from her wand, as strong, if not stronger, than James' had been, more powerful than the others in front of her, because once Lily Evans could do something, she did it well. A bright silver stag appeared beside her doe, nudging her patronus lightly, playfully. She glanced to her side to see James grinning at her, standing beside her and holding up his wand. A laugh escaped her mouth as she looked back at her beautiful doe, and now she wasn't just remembering the feeling of happiness, she was happy.

~0~

Alice and Marlene caught up to her outside of class, and they headed for Ancient Runes.

"What was that about?" Marlene asked knowingly.

"I had trouble finding a good memory." Lily replied, and then shrugged. "Finally found one."

"Did it have James in it, then?" Alice asked in a slightly mocking tone.

"No, it had me in it." Lily grinned at her mates, relishing their confusion for a second before telling them what James had told her.

"And you remembered everything he told you?" Marlene asked disbelievingly, as she recalled his every word.

"It was quite inspiring." Lily answered.

"Right. So, that's that then, you're in love with him." Marlene announced. Lily stopped dead in her tracks and looked at her friend with wide eyes.

"What?" She screeched, and Marlene cringed. "Wha—me—I—love—" Lily could barely manage a word out.

"Well your patronus does match his…" Alice said tentatively. "And that usually suggests—"

"That we think alike! Does your patronus match Frank's? No, and that doesn't mean anything either—"

"No, but when they do match that usually means more—"

"Merlin! First Remus, then you two—"

"Well then that tells you something, doesn't it?"

"It tells me that you're all stark raving mad! That James and Peter and I are the only sane people of our circle of friends!"

"It says that we all see it, that you fancy him—"

"And what about Sirius? Has he said anything that might indicate he was mad?"

"Marlene, your boyfriend—if he even is that right now—is mental."

"And that's not the point, the point is that the three people who know you the best and have seen you and James interact all think you fancy each other!"

"We do not. Neither of us fancies the other—James said he was over me, and I've never fancied him."

"James is not over you, and you are in denial."

"Well, as long as you three will keep your bloody mouths shut, then I am perfectly content with staying in denial. It hasn't done me any harm so far, and I'm happy where I am, thank you very much."

Marlene and Alice sighed and rolled their eyes, but followed Lily up to class.

Lunch rolled around with Lily, Marlene, and Alice following, laden with new homework on translating Ancient Runes. Lily was thankful for the fact that she was interested in everything related to the wizarding world, or else she might have fallen behind in work years ago, or dropped half of her classes.

The Marauders (aside from Sirius; he had Divination), who had a free period during this time, were sitting in their usual spots, heads together as they talked secretly. When the girls reached them, they hurriedly sat back, and Lily (not for the first time) caught sight of a piece of parchment being slipped into Remus' pocket. They didn't ask; the Marauders had more secrets than Hogwarts itself.

"Oh right, Lily, you got an owl." Remus said, handing her a package. "From your sister."

There was silence as they watched Lily open the package slowly, no one daring to even move. James even had his hand resting over his wand, which had been set beside his utensils. Lily scanned the card that had come with the package.

"Oh that hag!" She exclaimed. "That bloody—!" She pressed her lips together determinedly, as if unwilling to swear but wanting to so very much.

"What is it, Lils?" Alice finally asked.

"Look!" Lily threw a package she was given at Alice, which was a booklet teaching how to dance. "She wants me to dance at her wedding!" She exclaimed hopelessly. "She knows I've got two left feet, and that if I had to dance at her wedding I'll have to dance with one of the groomsmen, of whom will be one of Vermin's pompous, idiotic friends from his boarding school days—plus I'll probably have to wear a frilly, ugly, pink dress and painful heels!" She made an exclamation of irritation and crossed her arms to pout quite childishly.

"You can't possibly be that bad." James said, looking at the booklet.

"I'm a terrible dancer."

"You're not terrible, Lily, you just…" Alice trailed away at Lily's look.

"Am terrible."

"Well actually you're a quite graceful person, and it's not like you don't have control of your limbs or anything, you just don't know the moves." Marlene said reasonably.

"I took dance lessons with Petunia when we were four, and quit because I was terrible."

"Really?" Alice asked, looking for all the world like Lily was doomed.

"Well, Petunia said I was terrible, the teacher never did, but I was convinced I was like an awkward duck amongst the swans."

"That's it, then," James said, closing the book. "She was jealous because you were a better dancer, and convinced you to quit."

"Petunia hasn't always been terrible." Lily replied. "We were best friends at the time."

"Best friends can pull each other down." Sirius pointed out. "I remember I once told Prongs his spell hadn't worked because I hadn't figured out how to do it yet."

"I hated you for a week when Moony told me the truth."

"Three days, Prongs, we did that prank and you couldn't hate me and do a prank at the same time."

"I'd like to say a week."

"Well either way, Petunia's not like you two, and nothing was ever a competition between us. She was older, anyway, so she'd be better than me in everything."

"Don't always assume the older one is better." Marlene cut in. "I'm not the oldest and I'm much better than any of my siblings—"

"Right, totally, Marlene." Sirius rolled his eyes. "And in some families the older one is better, like in my family—although I suppose they think the younger one's better…"

"Well since we've established then that you don't have two left feet and all you have to do is learn the moves, I suppose this manual is actually good." Remus cut in, handing her the booklet.

"No, it's her mocking me that I can't dance. Nothing good in Petunia's intentions."

"But in the final—"

"That manual is terrible, Moony, you learn nothing from that." James cut in. "Look at it, Sirius, you don't even know what dances they're talking about."

"Well maybe they're muggle dances." Alice pointed out, and the three purebloods looked again at the booklet. "No, it's just a terrible manual." Alice conceded.

"Oh no, of course." Lily muttered. "It's another one of those things that your families made you learn, isn't it?" Alice and James looked a bit guilty at this, but Sirius frowned.

"Yes, but I wasn't very good at it." Alice replied. "Only good enough not to step on my partner's feet."

"Neither was I, but that was completely by choice." Sirius added. They both looked at James, who was blushing.

"Well, they said it was important for having control over your body or something, which would be important for when I went into the field—"

"Prongs means that he loved it and was great at it." Sirius cut in. Lily laughed at James' embarrassed face.

"What did you dance?" She asked, trying to stifle her laughter.

"Ballroom, all types." James muttered.

"This is perfect!" Sirius suddenly said, and everyone looked at him with confusion.

"How is this perfect, Sirius?" Marlene asked as Remus muttered something along the lines of 'oh no'.

"Prongs can teach Lily to dance!" Sirius exclaimed, looking very excited.

"No, I'm not that good—"

"Would you?" Lily asked. "I'm terrible, but if one of you three—"

"I'm terrible," Alice quickly said, eager to not be in charge of Lily's dancing lessons, "And you need to learn how to dance with the man leading, and that's hard without the guy—"

"Sirius is more graceful than I—"

"But I never paid attention to classes so I don't know how to dance them Prongs."

"Well if one of you would teach me," Lily started, looking at him beseechingly. James sighed.

"Fine." He grumbled with a sigh. "Next free period." He said, and that was that.

James spent the rest of the day feeling very apprehensive; he wasn't sure whether he was supposed to feel excited at the prospect of dancing with Lily—she didn't seem to understand how intimate dancing was to James (although Sirius did, and he was going to kill him for it)—or immensely scared and anxious. By the time their next shared free period came along and he and Lily walked to their common room, the various emotions had turned into butterflies in his stomach, fighting each other for more space inside of him.

"Alright, so, Petunia tells me I need to learn how to waltz, and I know the basic step, everyone does, but that's all." Lily said as soon as they entered the room, waving her wand around and rearranging the furniture so that there was space for them.

"Yes, the first dance on the booklet was the waltz." James replied, and walked to the center of the room. Lily followed.

They stood in front of each other awkwardly for a few seconds, before he said, finally, "You, er, have to put your hand on my shoulder—" While he spoke, he reached for her hand and brought it to its proper spot, put his own around her waist, and took her other hand in his. "And then you step…" He stepped, and she hesitated for a second, so that their arms were holding them strangely close while their feet held them apart, but then she stepped and he was able to bring his hand from her side to her back, pulling her closer to him.

"Perhaps this would be better with music?" She suggested, closer to him than he usually let them be, and if he wanted to—if he thought she wanted him to—he could just tilt his head and capture her lips in his, those beautiful, tantalising— "James?"

"Oh." James dropped his arms and stepped back, so hers dropped as well, and blinked a few times. What had gotten into him? He'd promised everyone, including himself, that he wouldn't fancy her anymore, and yet here he was thinking about kissing her—"Right, I think I might be able to find something…" James fished out his wand, but Lily had already gotten it, and music was playing from somewhere—probably from nowhere, since Lily would be the type of girl to learn a charm for playing music from the air or something amazingly adorable like that, and James had never loved her more than now, smiling at him with music playing in the background, reaching for him so they could dance—He pushed the thought away and cleared his throat, taking her hand with his right and placing his other on her back, pulling her close again.

"One, two, three, one, two, three…" James started counting, and then stepped, and she followed, brought with him by his hand and her gracefulness in step, so that although he'd seen her hesitate, unsure, he knew no one else would. "And side, two, three, up, two—oh, well that'd be back for you—side again, two, three…" On and on it went, James leading, Lily looking down at their feet and following, until James had stopped counting and Lily had begun to look up at him, look into his eyes, and James was drowning in them, the green eyes that held so much love in them, love that, finally, extended slightly towards him, because he was convinced that, although she didn't fancy him, she at least cared for him.

The music stopped, and so James did too, but he didn't look away or move his arms and neither did she, breathing a bit heavily, chest rising and falling and lips slightly parted, inviting, and yet they still didn't break eye contact, but she was getting closer, and he was leaning down, he was going to kiss her, he knew it, and he knew he should stop, but he didn't want to, and they were so close now—Lily looked away suddenly, stepping back and clearing her throat loudly. A blush tinted her cheeks, and she avoided his eye.

"Thanks." She said in a clipped tone, and James' heart sank.

"Welcome." He managed.

"Um…" Lily waved her wand again, and the furniture moved back to their original spots. "Right, Head's Stuff, we need to seriously think about the possibility of a Halloween party."

"A Halloween party in the middle of a war?" James asked in a ton that he hoped was incredulous, just as he had said when the thought was brought up at the prefect's meeting, but it was too quiet and lacked the conviction necessary for it to have been believable. He pushed the memory of the almost-kiss into the back of his mind, and Lily didn't mention it either.

"You were the one who mentioned putting up an optimistic face even when you're being a cynic." Lily retorted, pulling out a spare parchment and quill.

"I said that's what you did. Not what you should do." James sat down tentatively beside her, far away enough to not be touching, but close enough to not be suspicious about it.

"And I think it's important that we stay unified as a school; like what the Sorting Hat said." Lily didn't seem to have noticed anything strange about his behaviour, and James forced himself to start acting normally again.

"The Sorting Hat is a hat, Lily, and there's no way we can be unified as a school if half the people are going to become Death Eaters and the other half join Dumbledore in his resistance." James replied.

"I still think we ought to at least try for some unification, don't you?" James gave her a look. "Look, I know you don't like the Slytherins, but can you try? You and all the other purebloods whose families have been in the same house for years have all these prejudices against other houses, it's quite sickening."

"Alright, fine. We can have a school-wide party. Only, the first-years are a bit young, don't you think?"

"Well we'll have to see what the prefects say about the details, but the fact that we will have a halloween party is a lot already." Lily scribbled Halloween party at the top of the page.

"Then what's not details, if who's going to be there is a detail?" James plopped down beside her, trying to ignore the fact that she was close to him again, but they had been even closer five minutes ago, as they danced and nearly kissed—James shook himself out of it.

"Well it'll be on Halloween, of course." Lily waved her wand around and the quill began to write down their words.

"Okay, a school-wide party would be nice, but don't you think Halloween is a bit too soon?" James pointed out. "I mean, people will need time to ask each other out and everything."

"Alright, I'll be honest with you." Lily turned to James, stopping the quill with a wave of her wand. "Slughorn wants to throw a Halloween party, as per usual, and I've decided that I really don't want to go. This is my last year, and I'm going to enjoy it, which means not spending hours listening to him ramble about all his famous ex-students."

"So you're doing this because you don't want to be stuck in another boring party?"

"And school unification, remember that." Lily gave James a pointed and slightly sheepish grin, and he chuckled disbelievingly. "So, let's get back to planning it." Lily waved her wand again, and the quill lifted from its perch, waiting to move. "So... Costumes, will that be necessary?"

"Costumes?"

"Surely you wizards trick-or-treat!"

"Well some do, I suppose, especially the younger ones who live near muggle villages, but most don't dress up—they dress normally, and people think they have a costume on."

"Oh... Yes, I suppose that does makes sense... But either way, what will our dress code be?"

"Well... You know what, let's do costumes!" James' eyes sparkled mischievously. "That way house colours won't really exist, and we can say only fourth-years and older can participate, because you'd have to create your costume by magic."

Lily looked at him suspiciously for a few moments, unsure, but finally agreed. "And the decorations will be done by the Heads and Prefects, of course, and whoever might want to help, we can have a volunteer sheet on each house's bulletin boards; food—that won't be too much of a problem, will it? You know the way to the kitchens. It can be right after the halloween feast, so that way the first, second, and third years won't feel too left out."

"Right, at twelve you really feel on top of the world." James rolled his eyes.

"You did." Lily shot back, and waved her wand one last time, letting the quill fall flat on the paper. She began to roll the parchment up to put away, but James smirked and took out his wand, flicking it so that the parchment rolled itself up and flew to where Lily put all her notes and files from their Prefect and Head meetings.

"How did you do that?" Lily demanded, and James' smirk grew.

"Don't tell me you don't know all these cleaning charms, Evans!" He drawled. Lily fumed.

"Well I know how to do all those things by hand, actually, which is more work than you've probably ever done—"

"Just admit you don't know it and I'll teach you, Lily-flower." James' smirk was replaced by a fond smile; Lily was cute when she was a red like that, a bit angry and embarrassed, but not too angry, so everything could all be in good fun. James sometimes forgot why he'd loved to prank Lily—she always turned this magnificent shade of red, almost matching her fiery hair.

"Fine. Teach me." Lily looked away, avoiding his eye, but James knew it was just to keep from having to swallow all her pride. James' smile grew, and he began to teach her.

Was it even possible for him to fall further in love with her? If it was, then he just did. If it wasn't, then he supposed he was screwed. And also more smitten than anyone else in the world has ever been.