My longest chapter yet! Hope you're excited!
I really like this chapter though, guys. You get to get a glimpse into Edward's mind. His number one priority (his godkids, Layla Michael & Jordan), what he does when he's upset (you'll see the last few sentences!) and his relationship with the rest of the family. Alec, James, Esme and Carlisle make appearances here! I do love me some Esme!
Edward goes from angry to blank to sad to angry to self-hating to angry to sleepy to annoyed to hungry to annoyed again to sad to guilty and self-hating to sad to very sad. His mood swings are giving me whiplash!

Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Don't forget to let me know what you think :)

PS: Bildo, TeeToe1988 & Yummy Dummy thanks for being dolls and reviewing Chapter 6! Internet hand jobs for you! (Just kidding. We'll get to that later on in the story ;b)


Chapter 7

Guilt

Beast


I can't think.

Why is there a beautiful stranger in my fucking house? With my fucking nieces and nephews? How did she even find this place, in the middle of this dark, dangerous forest?

She claims to be from Forks, the second nearest town from us. And "orphaned and alone". How the fuck is that MY problem? Don't I take care of ENOUGH people? Am I some sort of joke? Oh, you need a place to stay? Go to the Edward Fucking Cullen Motel, he'll put you up for free… just beware of his horrific appearance!

She looked me dead in the eye. She had studied my fucking face, my scars. She's scared of me. I'm sure she's passed out by now from the fucking SHOCK.

I'm in the living room, pacing. Emmett watches me from his position near the couch, ready to hold me back if I attempt to break any of Esme's furniture.

I stop and close my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose with one hand and molesting my hair with the other. I sink to the ground against a wall and exhale.

Emmett, probably sensing that the wave of anger has passed, walks up to where I am and kneels. I open my eyes, sensing him in front of me.

"Mom told me what happened this morning with Alice and Jordan. He was pretty shook up." Emmett informs me, as if I didn't already know. That was the reason I went to the playroom in the first place. "I'm sure right now he's REALLY shaken up. Did you see the way he was hitting you?" he chuckles a bit. "If it weren't so sad, it'd be kind of cute." I avoid eye contact, staring down at my hands, now clasped in front of me.

"Why is that girl here?" I mumble. Emmett, my closest brother, should understand why I'm upset. No one outside of the family has seen my face in years. Nearly five.

"I'm sure Ali and Ang will be down with all the details eventually." He chuckles, as if this is a laughing matter. "I didn't even get a good chance to look at her. From what little I saw, she looks kind of young. Alice and Angela will probably take her under their wing, if I know my sisters."

I don't reply. The girl is beautiful, without a doubt. But obviously her beauty would be wasted here.

"You don't think that maybe Mom planned this in order to—" I cut him off.

"Please, Emmett." I close my eyes again, tossing my head back against the wall with a thud. "Is it really smart to piss me off right now, again?" I mutter, trying to think straight.

All my fuck-ups of the day seem to suffocate me at once.

Jordan, one of my three godchildren, and one of the only kids in the house that can even stand to look at me, is probably scarred by my outbursts for life. He's seen me angry before, but I'm always quick to apologize and explain. Two without excuses and apologies in one morning? Fuck.

Layla, sweet, sweet Layla, who always defends me and thinks of me as her hero probably hates me more than anyone right now. I didn't even listen to her trying to explain. I know how much that hurts.

Michael, the oldest and definitely most mature, will probably look at me with a disapproving glare whenever he sees me from now on. My anger only intensified when I watched him slink out of the room to get his mother to help. Though, now I see that it's a blessing in itself that he did.

Jenna, Jonny and Cate have always been scared of me, wary at best. Now, I'm sure, there's a zero percent chance of me ever getting on their good sides.

And that's just the kids!

Emmett's wife, Rosalie has disliked me from the get-go. Even before… I got my scars… she thought I was shit. And I didn't always have this temper. Just because I hit on her in my youth (and borderline sexually assaulted, I won't lie. I was a cocky, arrogant fucker.), she thinks of me as the scum on the earth. Can't she learn to forgive? Goddamn. Their daughter Cate, I'm sure, would like me due to Emmett's loyalty to me (if it was up to him, I'd be Cate's godfather too, but he's so whipped by Rose that he just lets her have the final say in everything) but she, naturally, had to fuck that up for me. Now Rosalie has yet another reason to turn her daughter—and my soon to be newborn niece or nephew—against me.

Alice and Angela, and Jordan, Michael and Layla really feel (felt?) like I'm worth a shit. Even when I lose my temper, they stand by my side. Now though? Even if I didn't just scare the kids shitless, what kind of mother would allow their children around a threat, a monster, like me?

Jane and her husband Alec, and their kids Jonny and Jenna have never liked me. As if they ever would. They're the only ones who make sense, the only family to totally stay away, and they still got burned.

Alice's husband, Jasper, thankfully, has been an army General for the past 3 years in the Middle East somewhere, so he hasn't been around to watch me progressively get worse since the "incident" the year prior to him leaving. He was convinced that I'd be okay, back to normal, by the time he gets back home on his 28th birthday in June. He doesn't know that I'd gotten worse, unless Alice mentioned it in one of her monthly many-paged letters.

My parents, Esme and Carlisle, love me as only parents can. They are the only two people who have never looked at me with pity or hesitancy. They have complete faith in me; and even I don't have that in myself. They are, I'm sure, discussing what just went down with the family, in the kitchen.

My head shuts up for a minute enough so I can hear them mumbling from that general direction.

"I'm about two seconds from moving to Forks, Mom!" I hear Jane hiss. Please do, bitch.

"Yeah, I can't have this level of stress with the baby." Emmett's wife complains. Baby, baby, baby. Bitch.

"Nana, he scares me." I head Jenna whine. Of course I scare her.

"Me too!" Jonny adds. Always sucking on someone else's tit.

My mother finally speaks. "Now, listen here!" she commands in her soft yet firm motherly voice. "Edward is my son, your brother, and your uncle! We Cullen's don't turn our back on our family, you hear?"

"But my last name is McDonald." Jenna complains.

I hear my mother's frustrated sigh.

"Jenna," my father explains, "you're a Cullen. And so are Uncle Jasper, Aunt Alice, Aunt Angela, Uncle James and all your cousins! Your last names may be different but you're all a part of the Cullen family." He declares.

I imagine the McDonalds rolling their eyes. Alec speaks.

"I don't know if I'm comfortable with my kids being exposed to that beast." He pronounces with struggle. His first language, Dutch, leaves his words a bit slurred and forced.

"Well, Alec, what do you suggest? We're living in HIS home. None of us hold a full time job outside of here. We can't just pick up and leave." I hear Angela's husband James hiss. He lives in a cabin in the forest, hunting for our meat. He is usually only inside for lunch and dinner daily. I guess it's a special occasion.

I hear a collective sigh as Jane and Alec realize he's right.

"I write." Rosalie offers. As if her shitty freelance work would support her materialistic lifestyle and two children.

"Now you all listen here!" Esme exclaims. "We are a family!" she near-shouts. "We will NOT turn on Edward, no matter what. He is HURTING and being like this will NOT help him heal!" she sounds close to tears.

"This is the LAST of this conversation, understood?" Carlisle's authoritative voice is echoed by silence.

I don't realize that I've walked across the living room with Emmett trailing behind me, until I'm watching everyone's eyes snap up to meet mine, standing in the middle of the kitchen.

Their eyes all snap back to the ground when they meet mine.

They're all congregated around the kitchen island, my father with his arms around my mom, Alex with his arm around Jane and hers on the shoulders of her twins, and Rosalie still holding a now-sleeping Cate on her hip, ignoring her pregnancy.

My mother leaves my father's embrace and comes up to me. I'm not sure what expression I have on my face.

"Edward, honey," she sniffles, hugging my waist. I lazily put my arms around her. She's the only adult I'd touch this comfortably.

"If that's how you guys feel," I begin, my voice quiet, "what are you still doing here? Go try to fit in the two-bedroom cabin with James. Or build your own." I close my eyes, drained. My mother's sweet bakery smell always takes the anger from me.

Emmett finally speaks. "Yeah, you guys easily take advantage of his hospitality, yet bitch him out whenever you can, behind his back?" I look up to see him taking Cate's limp body from his wife, giving her a stern look.

Alec sighs, rigid. "I'm sorry, Edward" he bullshits. Yeah right, asshole. My brother-in-law, both of them, really, feel more like business partners than brothers.

"Ditto" mumbles James, my other in-law. Dick.

My mom doesn't let go of my waist. She pulls back a bit to look up at my face. "Sweetheart, can we speak in private? You, me and Dad?" She's been referring to her husband as "dad" to me since the day I was born. I had never seen him as anything but my father, but the fact that she tries so hard makes me feel kind of awkward.

I can't bring myself to think about me "real" father. Even thinking his name—Aro Volturi—sends chills down my spine.

I nod and watch as the rest of the family exits the kitchen, their eyes downcast in shame. Except Emmett, who nods at me and smiles quickly as he leaves the room. Rosalie catches this and glares.

"Sit down, Edward." Carlisle mutters, nodding toward the two barstools at the island once everyone leaves and the downstairs is relatively silent.

I comply, Esme taking the stool next to me, grasping my hand. It doesn't raise the hair on my neck like it would if any other adult touched my hand. She is, and always has been, a very affectionate person. Especially to me, her youngest child.

"Son, before you get upset, take a step back from the situation and listen to us for a minute, alright?" he leans on his elbows over the island across from his wife and myself.

"Okay" I mutter, avoiding eye contact. My parents have a way of regressing me back into a child again, or an unruly teenager (that I definitely was!). Lots of "the best for you" love, but still a tangible authority.

My mother takes over. "As you heard, honey," she pauses so slightly, "the girl has nowhere to go."

My hand tightens at the inevitable direction of this conversation and I hear Esme gasp at the pressure. She doesn't pull away though. She knows me inside and out, and knows that if she would pull away I would be shattered. I'm a fragile fuck. I focus all my energy on loosening my hold on her hand, under the heavy glare from Carlisle.

I know what's going to happen. They're going to let the girl stay here, in MY house, without asking me. I wish I had it in me to deny them.

"She's just a girl, Edward. Please don't be difficult." My mom pleads. I avoid her eyes and try desperately to tame my rising temper. I scoot closer to her and try to subtly breathe her calming scent in. She immediately notices what I'm trying to do and jumps into my arms for a quick hug, before sitting back down. I blush. She knows everything. Must be a Mom thing.

"Do I get a choice in the matter?" I sarcastically breathe out. Of course I don't. It's basically a rhetorical question.

"Edward, sweetie, just consider for a moment. She said she is orphaned and alone, and she can't be, from what your sister has told me, older than sixteen. Are you really willing to send her out like that, alone, in this weather?" my mother uses her thumb to rub circles into my palm like she does when either of us—or both, like in this case—are upset.

"Can't we just send her off with some cash when the weather clears up? It's not like there's enough mouths to feed here already. What is it, sixteen, soon to be seventeen when Rosalie delivers? With the girl it will be eighteen. James can't hunt for eighteen people. He can barely fucking hunt for sixteen as is." I run my left hand through my hair.

"Watch it, son," Carlisle scolds, "That's your sister's husband and your brother-in-law that you're talking about."

"Whatever" I sigh, standing up. "I'll be in the library. I'm asking that nobody bothers me." I huff, extracting my hand from my mother's and make my way out of the kitchen and to the stairs.

I hear my parents sigh in unison. I'm such a fucking disappointment.

I pass by Angela's room and wonder if I should apologize before I retreat. Voices carry through the door and I pinpoint Alice's high-pitched rambling voice immediately. As a response, I hear a super soft melodious hum that takes me a second to place.

It's hers.

I stomp into my bedroom, slamming the door and walk straight through to my library, slamming that door too. I head to my stereo and flick it on. The current song, Claire De Lune does nothing to calm me. It just pisses me off even more.

I leave it on and sink into my chair. I pull out my Bic lighter from the drawer on my book stand and light the single vanilla candle on its top. Tossing the lighter back into the stand, I pull out my pack of Marlboro Smooths as a trade-off.

I unnecessarily light a cigarette with the candle, ignoring the actual lighter. Rebellious even when alone.

Puffing on the cigarette, I open the book I set down this morning. Well, earlier this morning—the clock on the wall claims it to be before even noon.

I set my cigarette on a holder in my ashtray at the base of the candle (my mother's reluctant idea) and get lost in the world of Hamlet.

Before I know it, I hear muffled but frantic banging.

"Edward!" I hear being shouted, accompanied by pounding at my bedroom door. It's Angela's voice.

I rub my eyes and stand up, placing my book down on my chair seat and blowing out my candle. My abandoned cigarette is burned down to the butt, still in its holder. The ash is in an untouched line. I flick it and it disintegrates before my eyes. I had only taken two drags.

"What?" I call, my voice scratchy from sleep. The clock reads 2:15. Had I missed lunch?

"Open the door, Edward." I hear Alice's voice chime in, muffled by the two doors between us.

I notice that the rain intensity has decreased to just a drizzle. Would it be possible that they have sent the girl on her way?

Of course not.

"We need to talk." Alice declares in her mom-voice. I open my library door, grabbing the key ring off my bed and locking the door tight behind me, stowing the ring in my pocket. I flick on my bedroom light and open the bedroom door.

The sign that fell is gone, I immediately notice. Assholes.

The very next thing I notice, though, is the plate and bowl of food in Angela's grasp. My stomach growls loudly and I mindlessly reach out for it.

Angela sidesteps my hands and I look up to her face. She, like Alice, has her eyebrows raised in a "really?" fashion. Total mom-mode.

"Please come in, darling sisters." I spit, stepping back so they can let themselves in. Napping always tends to make me extra grumpy.

"Why thank you, darling brother." Alice rolls her eyes. She and Angela pass by me and perch on the edge of my bed.

"So, I can't eat it?" my eyes never leave the food. All I'd eaten today is coffee, which is very unusual for me. I usually eat more than a teenage boy with the munchies, Emmett and I both. And now his pregnant wife can match our abilities, though she gets all offended when anyone points it out. Touchy bitch.

"We need to talk." Angela declares, sitting the steaming tray of food next to her on my bed. My mouth waters as the smell of grilled cheese and tomato soup wafts to my nose. It's one of my favorites. I'm so fucking hungry that I'd probably even eat broccoli if it was in front of me right now.

"About what?" I brake my trance to go and sit on my floor at their feet like a schoolboy, humoring them. I'm so tall and they're so tiny that it's ridiculous.

"About Bella." Angela narrows her eyes. "And Layla." She continues. "And Michael." She crosses her arms across her chest.

"And Jordan." Alice chimes in, her mom-face not amused.

"Especially Jordan." Angela agrees.

Well shit.

"Okay." I choke out, hunger suddenly pushed to the very back of my mind. I feel nauseous. I want to cry. The guilt burns my eyes like No More Tears shampoo.

"As much as I wish they could sometimes," Alice sighs, "they could never hate you."

"Well," Angela says, "Bella easily can, though I don't think she would, but the kids actually cannot."

I try to regulate my breathing.

"Go on." I whisper. I don't give a fuck if Bella hates me!

The kids "could never hate me"… seems like a good sign.

"But naturally, they're kind of scared of you right now." Alice hedges, her voice softening slightly. I remember our "conversation" from this morning.

"Good." I mumble, though I resist blubbering like a baby.

Angela deeply sighs. My sisters could always, annoyingly enough, see through my tough exterior.

"But they do want to talk to you. Mom is keeping them and Bella entertained right now, but you will need to apologize sooner or later." Ang says, closing her eyes and running her dingers through her long straight brown hair. Family habit. Even Carlisle does it.

Bella.

"Especially Bella, Edward." Alice adds. Her name sounds strange next to mine. I suppress a growl.

"You're going to have to at least speak to her. She's probably going to stick around for a while. Everybody already loves her." She continues. I flinch at the L-word.

"Except Rosalie and Jane, but that's all the more reason for you two to get along! And all the kids think she's the greatest thing ever. Really, even Jordan is clinging to her!" Angela smiles. Jordan doesn't let anyone but Alice, me and my mom even hold him, though Nana is trying to phase out.

I feel jealous. It took him nearly a year to be able to look at me after I got my scars and he's automatically attached to this stranger from the get-go? Bullshit!

Alice slides off my bed and kneels in front of me. "I told the kids to give you space for a while," she whispers, alternating her gaze between my face and the floor.

"Okay," I close my eyes to contain the waterworks. I'm such a pussy.

I feel Angela sit down at my right. They both know better than to physically touch me; I broke James' nose last time he tried.

"But we are willing to be lenient on you if you can behave at dinner tonight." Angela says softly. Her mom-voice is gone. Now she's wearing the sweet-big-sister voice.

"Control your temper." Alice adds.

I nod, not trusting my voice. Between the extensive run, two major freak-out, and lack of food, I feel weaker than I'm used to. Usually my girly emotions would have me angry enough to break my bedpost, but it's just not in me today.

"Dinner's at seven. Bella will be there. Everyone will be watching you, Edward, so don't make a fool of yourself. Please, be civil, if you can't manage nice," Alice near-whispers, her big-sister-voice now coming in to play, too.

"And control your temper" they say in unison.

I nod again and take a deep breath, opening my watery eyes and trying to hold myself together.

Hearing that the three most important people in my life are afraid of me feels like an arrow to the heart. Fuck Bella. At this point, she's not even my concern. Jenna, Jonny and Cate have always not liked me, so that's no surprise, but Layla, Jordan and Michael are my fucking godchildren. If I didn't have them, I'd have no one.

Alice and Angela take my silence as a dismissal. I watch them stand up and take calming breaths. Angela leans over my bed and hands me the tray of food that doesn't even interest me anymore. I take it though, and mumble a "thanks".

They both look at me, and then each other, for just a moment, and I know what they're thinking. They want to hug me, but they won't. They know that I'm still, after four years, not ready for it.

Sighing at the exact same second, they walk out of my bedroom and close the door with a gentile click.

I hear Claire De Lune playing softly from inside my library still.

I toss the once-irresistible tray of food back onto the bed where Angela had it and I beg the tears not to fall as I pour myself a glass of much-needed whiskey, but the tears don't comply with my demands.

I unlock the library door and enter, to drink and smoke until dinnertime. And cry. As quietly and resentfully as I can manage, I cry.


Aw, baby! Don't cry!
Just kidding, I MADE him do it :b
Mwahahahahaha

Anyways, do you understand Edward a bit more? Let's review:
1. Edward's numbero uno priority is Layla, Michael and Jordan.
2. Edward smokes, drinks and reads Hamlet. Sexy, if you ask me.
3. Carlisle isn't Edward's real father, but Esme is his real mother. Also, he is the youngest. (Did Esme cheat on Carlisle?)
4. Edward had a bad experience with his real father, Aro.
5. The McDonald's (Jane Alec Jenna Jonny) aren't Edward's biggest fan. Neither is Rosalie or James.
6. Jasper is in the war. D:
7. Edward has pretty much given up on giving a fuck about Bella's presence... until his issue with his godchildren is resolved.
8. Esme and the Godkids are the only ones who can touch Edward.
9. Alice, Angela and Emmett are Edward's only loyal siblings. Also Jasper, but he's not here.
10. Edward's library is LOCKED. Hm...

Next chapter is Bella's POV again! You get to see what they were talking about when Edward heard them in Angela's room and slammed his door (remember?), and you get to see lunch with the Cullen family (minus Edward, obviously). And Rose and Jane don't like Bella... see how this comes about.

Longest AN ever, I know.
Review if you would be so kind!