James finally dragged himself out of bed around ten o'clock. He'd been awake since seven or so, and had lain curled in the blankets staring at the door, wondering where his boyfriend was and if the man were ever planning on coming home again.
He hoped Piper was safe, at least.
James showered, partially dressed himself (boxers, slippers and bathrobe) and made his way to the kitchen. His stomach was rumbling, but he didn't really feel like cooking. No point making anything fancy if there wasn't anyone to share it with. He imitated Piper and opened a can of Spaghettios, fetched a spoon, and sat down in front of the TV.
The video of Droopy shorts didn't really hold his attention. His eyes kept darting towards the phone. It had been three days since he'd heard from Piper. That was long, even for him and his recent mood swings. They were supposed to be living together (well, mostly living together). Just where the hell was Piper sleeping?
Was he sleeping? He'd looked pretty out of it lately. And he wasn't making the rounds at any of his favorite volunteer spots (James had checked-Star and Barbarella were getting anxious too).
When the phone actually did ring, initially James wasn't sure how to respond, staring confusedly at the device. When his mind caught up with him, he jumped up and grabbed the phone, almost knocking the end table over. "Hello?"
"Hey JJ, you okay?" Oh. It was Mark.
"Yeah, fine." Bullshit, the disappointment was audible…except Mark was self absorbed enough not to notice.
"You watching the news?"
"No. Why?"
"Turn on Picture News." Mark instructed. James paused his video and flipped to the appropriate channel, which was running a story on the recent destruction of the Flash Museum (he'd been collecting newspaper clippings for a scrapbook).
"That happened two days ago," James said, somewhat annoyed.
"Wait for it…"
James sat down and couldn't help but smirk as the station ran footage of a press conference in which mayor Pinchot expressed his refusal to refurbish the museum. The clip was followed by an interview with some expert or other theorizing about the link between the mayor's stance and Flash's manslaughter trial.
"They've run the story three times so far," Mark said, radiating glee. "I'm taping it."
"Cool. Thanks for calling me dude." James abruptly hung up, and then did a celebratory back flip over the couch, ran into the bedroom, jumped onto the bed and hugged a pillow to his chest.
Piper was okay! …well, as of the press conference anyway. Mark hadn't caught it, and no one else probably had, but the mayor was responding to hypnotic command. James recognized his boyfriend's style. That was why Piper had disappeared, so he could go screw with the Flash.
"He should have invited me," James muttered, mood darkening again.
"Like you never pull heists without me." The assertion was followed by the sound of the front door being kicked closed.
James jumped up and raced into the living room where Piper was pulling his boots off. He was promptly tackle-hugged, which he (for some reason) didn't see coming, and so they both landed on the hardwood floor, James straddling Piper's waist.
"Where the HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?" James yelled. Instead of giving the flustered criminal a chance to respond, he kissed Piper passionately, following it up with a smattering of lighter kisses all over his face.
Piper tangled a hand in James' hair and pulled his head away so he could appreciate the full strength of his glare. "Hi."
"Hi Pookie. Missed you."
"I gathered. Can you let me up please?"
"Sorry." James got up and helped Piper to his feet. He didn't let go of Piper's hands though.
Piper sighed, clearly annoyed. "James, I've been working nonstop for three days. Can you take the clinging down a notch? I really want a shower and bed."
"You-you disappeared for three days, you didn't tell me where you were going and that's all you've got to say?"
"I'm tired, and I'm not in the mood to fight."
"Well too bad, you're being a douche! What the hell?"
Piper didn't answer. He scowled and walked for the bathroom. James followed him.
"Hey, come on! I've been worried like crazy! Don't you have anything to say?"
"…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."
"Uh huh. So what the hell happened?" James crossed his arms over his chest. Piper tapped his fingers impatiently against the doorway, shooting a longing glance over his shoulder towards the shower. "Why didn't you call me?"
"…I didn't think to."
"What? Why not?"
"I don't know James. If I did I'd tell you, but I honestly don't have an answer. I just…got really focused on what I was doing. I'm sorry."
"You don't sound it," James pointed out.
"Because I'm tired and pissy. Which is why we should talk after I nap."
"Wait, when was the last time you slept?" James asked, suddenly suspicious. Piper sighed. "Was I there?" He nodded. "You are such a stupid asshole. You stupid asshole!" James shoved him. "Are you trying to kill yourself? Pissing off the Flash while you're sleep deprived?"
"Flash can't tell it was me," Piper answered weakly. He wiped at his eyes. "Please, please just bitch at me later," He pleaded. James fumed silently another moment, but his anger dissipated under the weight of his concern. He pulled Piper into an embrace and gently kissed him.
"I won't yell anymore. I'm just worried…you really freaked me out."
Piper returned the hug. "Sorry." He sounded more sincere that time. James kissed his temple.
"S'okay. Take your shower and go to bed. I'll bug you later."
Piper woke up with the same gnawing ache that had driven him from his home to his personal hideout to begin with. He felt like he could stand to sleep for another ten hours or so, but he wasn't actually tired, just…weary.
James was next to him in bed, curled towards Piper without touching him. He was still wearing the bathrobe and boxers, and had even worn his slippers to bed. Piper smiled, reaching over to tenderly stroke back the soft blond hair. He felt bad about worrying James so much, something he'd done completely unintentionally. After so many years of the people who should have been important to him treating him with apathy or closing themselves off to him altogether, he just wasn't used to genuine affection anymore…at least, that's what he was telling himself.
"Hi," James whispered, then slowly opened his eyes, a small smile on his face. "Feeling better Pookie?"
"Yes," Piper lied. "Are you still mad at me?"
James shook his head. "I told you, I wasn't mad, just worried. You could have gotten yourself hurt."
"I'd be mad at me."
"You are mad at you," James pointed out with a humorless laugh. "That's the problem, isn't it?" He sat up and stretched. "So what's your plan this time? A heist, or just being a pain in Flash's shiny red keister?"
"The latter."
"Ah. Need help with anything?"
"No, I'm working this one solo. No offense James-"
"It's cool. We've been teaming up a lot lately. I understand wanting to do a solo job every now and then." He still looked hurt though. Piper leaned over and rested his head on James' shoulder. James kissed the top of his head and slung an arm around him. "I'm sorry you feel like crap. I want to help, if you'll let me."
"As soon as I figure out how, you'll be the first to know," Piper muttered.
"Yeah, yeah he's back." James cradled the phone against his ear with his shoulder and reached along the spice rack until he found the rosemary. "Showed up after the press conference."
"That's good to hear. Are you guys looking for work?" Len asked.
"Nah, not at the moment. Piper's a little overwhelmed and I've got my hands full with…well, him." He lowered his voice for that last part.
"Yeah, he seemed a little moody again."
"Mm, but it can't be that bad. The Flash Museum thing was him, so he's still on his game, at least," James said, more to convince himself than Len. "So how are you doing? Sorry I didn't go with the guys to bust you outta Iron Heights."
"It's fine. I'm okay." Len's voice was utterly nonchalant. James doubted he'd actually gotten over the sting of Kendra's rejection, but Len was one of the few people on the planet who functioned better while bottling up their problems, so he decided not to push it.
"Well that's good. We should do a poker game again sometime soon. There's a guy from my building I want to invite…"
"James, no!" Piper called from the living room.
"Dammit. Stupid robot ears."
Len sounded amused. "We don't bring civilians to the poker games kid. Not unless we're looking to recruit them. And Hartley already told me about the architect friend you're trying to scare away. Come up with something else."
James sighed. "Will do."
"James?" Piper hovered by the doorway to the kitchen, cuddling JJ in his arms. "I need the phone."
"Kay. Len, gotta go."
"Okay kid. Tell Piper I said hi."
"Sure thing. Bye." He hung up and handed the phone off, then turned back to the vegetables he was sautéing. "How's it smell?"
"Wonderful." Piper leaned over and kissed the side of his face. "I'll be right back."
"Kay." James waited until Piper had disappeared into the bedroom, then turned off the burner and, as quietly as he was able, crept over to the bedroom door. He carefully sat down and listened to the conversation.
"-who is simply appalled by your refusal to rebuild the Flash Museum. I always thought Central City belonged to a country where a man is innocent until proven guilty."
Piper went silent as he was chewed out by whoever he'd been calling. He hung up, giggling to himself, then opened the door and peered down at James, who fixed a sweet smile on his face. "H-hey. Snooping would be an awfully strong word for what this is, just so you know."
Piper rolled his eyes. "I'm hypnotizing the mayor long term. I was just checking up on it to see if it was still working."
"Ah, cool. So what's the next phase of your plan?"
"Eating supper, playing with JJ and going to bed."
"The city trembles with fear babe." James got up and jogged back to the kitchen to finish cooking. "So…are you just gonna play with the JJ that has whiskers tonight, or…?"
"Depends. Will the full sized one please mind his own business from hereon out? I already told you I want to work this plan solo."
James sighed. "I know. But that just makes it all the more enticing for me."
"James-"
"I'll stop snooping. Y'know, since I'm getting caught. Wanna have a date night?"
Piper stroked his rat, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Video games and ice cream or pizza and movies?"
"Well we could go somewhere." James started spooning pasta and veggies into a bowl and handed it off to Piper. "It's been awhile since I took you anywhere. Are there any concerts we could crash? Fancy exhibits you want to break into and check out?"
"N-no, I'd rather stay in."
James sighed. "Okay. Video games and ice-cream then."
The next time James listened in while Piper made a phone call he was more careful.
In an effort to cheer Piper up, James agreed to watch a boring ass PBS special on some obscure blues musicians, and even though it was only five o'clock James found himself nodding off. He woke up with a blanket thrown over him on the couch, the TV off, and Piper pacing back and forth behind him.
He was rocking his villain-voice. James closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.
"Listen carefully. At precisely six 'o five this evening, a hidden bomb planted in the desk of newscaster Rick Trent will explode on the air -live-for millions of viewers to see. A bit ostentatious on my part perhaps but, after all, isn't that station's motto 'see the news as it happens'?" Piper flopped down onto a chair across from the couch.
James cautiously cracked an eye to peek at him, noting the way he impatiently tapped his fingers against the armrest of the couch, and how his legs were shaking. Jitters didn't come close to describing it. He'd changed into his costume too. What the fucking fuck..?
"I know…I know…" He drawled, still in the theatrical Pied Piper voice. "You're probably thinking this is just one of those crank calls. But are you willing to bet Rick Trent's life to find out?"
A gleeful smile on his face, Piper hung up the phone, changed the channel on the TV and sat back to watch. Admittedly, Flash's televised freak out was pretty amusing. James hoped Piper had thought to tape it so he could watch it later with his eyes all the way open. Piper's prank went off perfectly; there was no bomb in the news reporter's desk, but Flash demolished the hell out of it to make sure, and the station cut him off before he could explain the threat.
Piper giggled to himself, then picked up the phone again. "Hello there Mr. Mayor," he greeted, "You remember me- the one constituent you are absolutely compelled to listen to…ah, that's more like it. You're scheduled to appear on a local TV interview show tonight and this is what you're going to say-"
Oh. Oh, they so needed to tape that too. Mayor Pinchot absolutely loved Flash, but as long as Piper's hypnotism held, and James had absolute faith in his baby's gimmicks, Pinchot would be talking trash like a Rogue.
Piper hung up again, then paced around the living room for a few minutes. James was just considering feigning having woken up when Piper crouched down next to him and smoothed back some of his hair. "Sleep well love." Then he got up and left.
James shot up and dove for his room to change into his work clothes. He pulled on a pair of airwalkers and was out the window just in time to spot Piper's car and follow him to his hideout.
Piper stared blankly at the sonics equipment in his Central City base, almost uncomprehendingly. "I just…what did I just try to do?" He muttered to himself.
He'd snuck out so he could play his games with the Flash uninterrupted. He'd carefully crafted exactly what he wanted Mayor Pinchot to say during that television interview, and if James woke up and got the gist of what he was doing, there was nothing he'd be able to do short of knocking his boyfriend out to keep him from adlibbing distinctive lines that would alert Flash not only to Pinchot's puppet-like state, but also tip him off about who the puppet master was. Piper's lines were designed to make it seem like Pinchot really believed what he was saying.
But then he'd gone and resisted the hypnotism, actually to the point of getting up and leaving! Piper had been so angry…all that work, weeks of tinkering with a pipe half the size of a hearing aid so he could hide it in Pinchot's ridiculous hair, all finished only two or three pranks in. With what remaining sway he had over the mayor, he'd decided to step the game up a notch and go for all out villainy instead of just being a pain in the ass.
"I really just tried to kill the mayor," Piper said, realization of his actions starting to sink in. "Oh God…I tried to kill someone! Oh God. Oh God. Oh shit, what's wrong with me?"
He felt like he was going to throw up. He'd never been that kind of villain, never. He was a gimmick thief. An annoyance and an embarrassment for Flash when he could be, but he wasn't a murderer.
When James finally ventured into the hideout, it was to find Piper curled up under a control panel hugging his knees and rocking back and forth.
"Pookie?"
Piper answered with a sob. James crawled under the panel and cradled Piper in his arms. "It's okay Piper. I'm here. It's okay."
"James you n-need to get me to jail. I can't-I shouldn't-please, you've got to help me."
"You're not going to jail. It's okay, you're fine. I promise. Just come home with me, we'll get changed and just spend the night relaxing, okay? Don't think about work. You'll be fine."
"James, I tried to-"
"Ssh." James was wearing a particularly forced smile. "You didn't do anything except wreck a plane. I was watching and Flash cleared it, like you knew he would."
"Like I…" It wasn't so hard to convince himself that was true.
"You were just being a pain in the ass, just like you said the other day. Right Pookie?" James insisted.
"Y-yeah. Just…just shaking things up. You're right. Of course you're right…I just need a night off to relax a little."
James kissed him. "Course that's all you need. C'mon, if we hurry we can swing by the pet store and grab some new toys for JJ. Maybe get him a companion…?"
Piper smiled weakly. "That sounds good, actually."
James spent the rest of the night distracting Piper from his problems, and in the process almost convinced himself everything really was fine. They had a fantastic shopping spree at the mall, James cooked dinner, they played Tetris and watched a VHS of cartoon opera spoofs, and everything felt exactly how it should have.
Until they went to sleep. Piper curled up in the blankets and zonked right out, but James couldn't fall asleep. He kept staring at Piper, waiting for him to sneak out of bed and enact another horrible stage in his 'master plan'.
He'd tried to kill someone. Piper had honest to god hypnotized the mayor into his private plane and tried to get him to crash it, repeatedly, until Flash had saved him.
James finally slipped out of bed, went out to the living room and started pacing.
He knew real death traps weren't Piper's thing. They'd talked about it more than once. 'It just must be Piper's depression…maybe he forgot the consequences of crashing somebody's plane into a golf course?' He'd certainly seemed horrified enough when James had found him in his base. 'Right, my baby's not a killer. He's just a little…sick, I guess.'
James resolved to do his best to keep Piper's spirits up until he got over this depressive cycle, and then maybe when Piper seemed stronger they'd talk about giving up villainy. If he was this unhappy with their life the way it was, James was sure he could adapt to something else. He peeked into the bedroom at Piper's slumbering form and really thought about it. 'I'd give it up for him. Yeah…I could totally go legit for Hartley.'
Still though, might as well have one last hurrah.
"You took me to my base?"
"You're blindfolded!" James pouted.
Piper slipped the garish orange bandana off and handed it back to James. "I told you when we got into the car, blindfolding someone with super hearing is pretty pointless."
"Yeah, yeah. The surprise is inside." James got the picnic basket out of the backseat and followed Piper into his base. "I made you a present Pookie."
"I take it the surprise has something to do with that purple control panel that wasn't here yesterday?" Piper asked. James nodded, and motioned towards it. "James, I'm not going to just start pushing random buttons on something you installed."
"It's a present. I love you. I'm not gonna cover you with pies or try to blow you up."
"Intentionally."
"Will you just push a button?"
"Fine." Piper hit a rectangular button and watching wide eyed as a little wooden model of the Flash was launched into the air from a hidden slat in the base. James shot it with a yo-yo, shattering it spectacularly.
"I made you a Flash shooting range," James said proudly. "Pull!"
He hit another button, this time sending a Flash at them from the ceiling. James caught it with the yo-yo from behind his back.
Piper chewed his lip, a smile on his face. He went out to the car to get some pipes and flutes.
