This is Ol' Pervy Bastards. If you can think of two of the anime world's most famous old pervy teachers (keep in mind that I am a somewhat lazy American), you'll know who's in the fight.
"Welcome, ACDM fans!" Charles said. "We are here tonight with Two Ol' Pervy Bastards."
"Personally, I thought having one of him was bad enough," said Justin.
"Justin, I said Ol' Pervy Bastards," Charles corrected. "Kame Sen'nin of Dragonball is known for his huge...thing (for lack of a better word) for Bulma, as well as Launch, and any other pretty girl that I should be doing."
"And Jiraiya from Naruto is no better," said Justin. "He writes the well-acclaimed series Make-Out Paradise, something of which Kakashi is a huge fan. And I can see why." Justin put his feet up on the table in the booth and read his porno novel.
"Um, Justin," said Charles, "Is it just me, or do you have incredibly low standards for porn?"
"You're the one who reads yaoi with amputees and paraplegics."
"Well, I've seen the videos in your room, Mr. I-Like-Hentai-That-Has-Shemales-Who-Look-Like-David-Spade."
"Hey, ugly she-males need love, too."
"Well, at least I don't have a goldenshower fetish, R. Kelly."
The two stared at each other for a bit, the heat rising, then going back down as the cameras went to ringside. Nobody noticed Greg's interview with Jiraiya because they were paying attention to Charles and Justin's argument, trying to get dirt for celebrity gossip mags. Jiraiya and Kame Sen'nin met in the center of the ring.
"All right," said Will. "Kame Sen'nin, keep your power level below 9 000. Jiraiya, keep your ugly-ass amphibians the hell away from me. Now get to the hatin' and the mutilatin'!"
"Okay, Jiraiya," Kame Sen'nin challenged. "First, I'm gonna kick your ass. Then I'm gonna do your momma!"
"No way, Kame Sen'nin," said Jiraiya. "I'm gonna kick your ass, then I'll do your momma and your sister!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Good luck getting it up, then."
"Same to you. Fortunately, I know a Potency Jutsu, so I never have to waste money on Viagra."
"I don't use Viagra. I'm a Levitra man!"
"This fight is turning into a discussion of the penises of old men," said Justin.
"Indeed," said Charles. "That's boring except for the fact that it's strangely arousing."
"What?" Justin asked.
"Nothing," Charles answered. "It looks like Kame Sen'nin draws first blood by punching Jiraiya in the nose!"
"That wasn't fair," whined Jiraiya, "Going for my nose like that."
"You're right," Kame Sen'nin. "With a nose like yours, I just hit you below the belt." He punched Jiraiya in the gut, following it with a series of rapid punches and kicks that sent Jiraiya flying into the ringpost.
"Ouch," thought Jiraiya. "I know this guy's tough, but how can I hurt him? I've got it!" He blew a stream of fire that missed Kame Sen'nin, but hit a woman in the audience, causing her to burn. Jiraiya ran up, grabbed her, and threw her at Kame Sen'nin. "She's hot for you!"
"I see!" Kame Sen'nin said. He jumped out of her way and threw a microwave at Jiraiya, who dodged and threw a park bench.
"That'll buy me time," Jiraiya said as he started making the hand signs. "Summoning Jutsu!"
"Don't try it," said Kame Sen'nin. He shot Jiraiya with a blast that put a hole through his chest.
"Too late," Jiraiya said with a smile. He got up from the spot where he was standing. "I had a summoning jutsu ready before the fight." The toad appeared and shot out its tongue. Kame Sen'nin was caught on the end of it as he was pulled into the toad's mouth and eaten. The toad disappeared and Will raised Jiraiya's hand.
"The winner is Jiraiya!" Will announced to the cheering crowd.
"And I don't have a mess to clean up!" CJ said. "My favorite fight already."
"That was a little disappointing," said Charles, "But there's more tomorrow. Till then, this was ACDM, I'm Charles Tolle, and you're awesome."
Read and review. I'll make the next one.
