"It's not the one who climbs beneath your bedcovers who satisfies you. It is the one who climbs beneath your skin."
― Sawyer Belle, Love of a Lioness
XXXXXXX
Michonne started going out with Negan. I would see his car parked in her apartment complex parking lot. I was officially avoiding Michonne. I was pissed off and she was pissed off with me for being pissed off with her.
We didn't call each other nor text and a very tiny part of me was glad. It took a lot of convincing to get that tiny part to be happy about it as I came home everyday to a wife who was visibly anxious, a son that was angry and a daughter that wasn't mine.
XXXXXXXX
Rick began coming home earlier than usual. It was surprising because he did it every day for almost two weeks straight. He asked me if I wanted to go catch a movie. He asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. He asked if I wanted to take the kids to his parents so we could have some alone time. Movies sounded fine. Dinner did too. Alone time was another issue because I wasn't sure what that would consist of. Were we going to be intimate?
Shane was calling and texting during the time Rick was home and I couldn't respond to him. I had to turn my phone off. I stayed off the computer. I could not relax. It felt like the axe could come down any moment.
XXXXXX
I needed to get my mind off of Michonne and Negan. Lori looked white as a ghost when I asked her if she wanted my parents to watch Carl and Judith. She had no idea what she wanted to see at the movies or what type of food she would be in the mood for so I hung out with Carl playing video games. Took him to the movies and helped him with his homework. Ordered Pizza.
I just could not fuck with Lori. That look she had made my stomach turn. It reminded me of the first time, I found out she was having an affair and I didn't know with whom. I just can't fuck with Lori.
By the second week I was back to talking to Michonne. I texted her. She texted me back.
Michonne: Negan is such an asshole.
Rick: :)
Michonne: Don't smiley face me.
Rick: I told you he is not the man for you.
Michonne: :(
Rick: You are stuck with me.
Michonne: Too bad you are married.
Michonne: I am glad to have you as a friend.
I was still stuck at, 'Too bad you are married'. Me fucking too was how I wanted to respond but, I didn't. I didn't respond at all. I realized in that moment...in that very fricken moment that I had feelings for Michonne but I had to keep my head on straight. The feelings I had meant I had to make a decision about my marriage and all the fucking time that I wasted when I could have been pursuing her.
She came out of her apartment and came to my pickup truck handing me a brown bagged lunch. She seemed nervous and it made me nervous as I accepted. Michonne was the one who called me over because she said she had something for me and I guess it was whatever was in the bag.
"I just wanted to make sure you were eating a decent lunch since we are friends again."
"We will always be friends Michonne, even if your decisions annoy me."
"Well we shouldn't go a week with out talking. Lori may like that but I don't. I like to talk through things, even disagreements but, it is hard to do if you can't be honest with yourself...not just with me but yourself."
"Is this still about Negan?"
"This is about how it made you feel...what you're feeling. Now get to work deputy. You have a town to protect."
Michonne tapped my truck as she walked back to her apartment to study for an exam.
I drove to work with Michonne on my mind. When I opened the bag at my work station I found a well put together sandwich on a sub bun. It had turkey, lettuce, tomato, onions, banana peppers, provolone cheese and cheddar. It had sometype of sauce. I found out later it was chipotle sauce. Two bags of my favorite potato chips, a small fruit bowl where she sliced up oranges and apples and a bottle of lemon Ice tea. There was a note inside:
You are stuck with me too,
Michonne
X
Rick: Stuck is good.
Michonne: :-)*
Rick: What the hell you doing now?
Michonne: Blowing you a kiss. lol
Rick: hmm, you sure about that?
Michonne: You don't see it?
Rick: Nope. Can't feel it either.
Michonne: You are so silly.
Rick: Are you aiming at my cheek or lips?
Michonne: Silly
Rick: I am in need of the direction in which to position myself for this :-)*
Michonne: I could have sent : p
Rick: What is that?
Michonne: French kiss.
Rick: French kissing from the looks of it should not ever be texted.
MIchonne: Especially to a friend. He may get the wrong idea. Lol
Rick: Yes. That it is a colon and the letter p.
MIchonne: Oh my god Rick. You are so funny.
XXXXXXX
Rick was becoming more and more restless. He wasn't eating. To be honest we both weren't eating. He was distracted. I was distracted. Carl and Judith's needs were the only things being met.
There was a great divide growing between us. If I was being honest it had been there when Rick realized I wasn't being truthful. It grew then and I thought the counseling we attended would keep at least the bridge there. I was walking across it by asking him if he wanted me to make him a turkey sandwich with cheese and mayo.
"Lori, we've been married ten years and one thing you should know, I refuse to believe you don't know...I don't like mayo. I don't like bologna, I don't like tuna. I like cheddar. I don't like american cheese. I like lettuce, tomato and a bit of onions. Sliced in half. I like mustard. I like chipotle sauce now. I don't like Mayo!"
"I don't understand how you can eat a sandwich without mayo. I put it on there because that is how I eat my sandwiches."
"You didn't hear a damn thing I just said."
"I heard you Rick, I just thought you were being picky and not giving mayonaise a chance and for years I have been doing it. I thought maybe you had changed your mind that mayonaise wasn't that bad. It is only now, years later that I am hearing that you still don't like mayonaise."
"The way your thought process works I can see how Shane was able to get you in to his bed, have sex with you with out protection and impregnate you. This same thought process has you thinking that I would just be happy any way life wants to serve it up to me. It has never been any clearer than the way you prepare my lunches. It has never been any clearer than it is right now today that you are the most inconsiderate woman that I have ever known."
"Fuck you, Rick."
"No. Fuck you."
Right there. The bridge was no longer under my feet. Right in that instance, Rick was severing the ties on his side. I couldn't continue to hold on to someone that wasn't trying to hold on to me. I couldn't keep trying to meet Rick half way for him to continually find a way to tie in that I cheated on him and how stupid I had to be to fuck his friend Shane. The great divide. Not even Carl our glue would be able to keep us together.
XXXXXX
I was ranting. I hated when I would do it. Once I got started I couldn't help but list all my grievances to a woman that was deaf to how I wanted something as simple as a fucking sandwich.
I was back at Michonne's place. She had made some type of peas and rice with chicken mixed in. She had cabbage, macaroni pie and peach cobbler for dessert. I was stuffed. I was content playing footsies with her as we watched her favorite channel, lifetime.
She had enough left overs packed for me to take to work the next day. Inside the bag I found a note attached to the bowl when I was ready for lunch.
You are worth the Effort
Michonne
XXXXX
I took off my wedding band and wrist-watch and placed them in a glass bowl that was on the dresser.
I took a long cold shower. I was jacking off more than I cared to admit to myself. I was averaging almost every day. I was dreaming about Michonne. My thoughts were filled with her. I felt pathetic that the only way to relieve some of the tension was with my hand.
I stood in the mirror looking at myself wondering if Michonne thought I was attractive. I wondered if she would date someone like me. I was a few years older than her. I looked down at the dish where I placed my wedding band. I didn't put it back on. I just grabbed my watch and got ready for work.
