He pulled another drag from the cigarette poised at his lips, ignoring the looks he was getting from people that passed by one the street. He leaned back against the brick building, hoping that the heat would dissipate some as the week wore on, it had been staying at a steady temperature that was a bit too hot for his liking. The heat, of course, didn't deter him from wearing his standard attire of dark clothing that consisted of pants and a t-shirt. But, he knew the black button down he'd thrown over his shirt on this warm day wasn't entirely why he was getting looks. He always got looks, especially when he hung around the nicer parts of town.

He was use to that, use to the way people looked and treated him. It was nothing new. He looked back down at the ground, bringing the cigarette up to his lips, his mind turning. Early this morning he had gotten up and rummaged through his closet, pushing past the shit to find the box he'd kept in there. It was a plain brown shoe box, nothing fancy or embellished about it. But inside, it held all the tangible memories of his time as Lily's best friend. It had been too emotional to look at them as they so casually sat about his room, so he had stuffed them into a box, as they deserved, and didn't think about them.

Something Lily had said yesterday made him think about it, pulled at him to open the box and pick through it. If that made him pathetic, so be it.

He had fingered through the hefty stack of polaroids that sat in the box, Lily had most of them, in a binder or something of the like, but he had managed to keep some as well. They were young in the majority of them, gawky and strange looking in their youth, but they looked happy. And that was more than he could say about them now.

They weren't magical pictures, there were no movement or bashful blinking eyes. No, it was just a moment, a singular moment, caught in time. He preferred them that way. He did enjoy magical pictures, especially when he was younger and would visit with his Gran, the way they moved and smiled, and looked and gleamed. But, there was just something so... poetic about a muggle picture. Something so tragic and aged. They were not moving, but they were caught in time, nonetheless.

Lily had always been a beautiful child, even in her awkward years. He, on the other hand, had not. Looking through those pictures had made him hold even more of a disdain for himself than he had previously. He had been awkward and shy – not that he still wasn't awkward and shy, because he most certainly was – not fitting into his body or at all comfortable with having a girl as a friend. Or, having a friend at all.

But, they seemed happy in those pictures. Truly happy. Carefree and whimsical, untouched by hate and the notion to conform. A part of him longed for those days back, for those feelings back, but he knew better. If he hadn't gone through what he had, he would not be who he was right now. And, for the first time in a very long time, he actually liked who he was in this moment. He liked who he was becoming.

He had never wanted Lily to think ill of him. He had always wanted to be in her favor, knowing that at any moment the dream reality they had been living in could crumble and she would see him for what he really was, how everyone else saw him. He thought of how much of an odd dream it had been to run into her and Petunia when they were younger, and become her friend. Things like that didn't happen to people like him, his short life thus far had proved that. But, for whatever reason, she had found him interesting and smart, and fun. As a child he had never thought that he'd have friends, that good things would happen to him, but she had proved him wrong – just like she had so many times.

But, all good things come to an end, and his friendship with her had. It had been one of the single most devastating moments of his life, dramatic as it sounded. He had bucked up, moved on, and tried to be the person that she had always told him he was. He had never believed a lick of it, never believing any of the good things she said about him, always thought she was just trying to placate him, to be nice. It took her pushing him away to see that she was right. How ironic that he started living her kind words after he had lost her.

All last year he had wondered if she'd see the change in him, seen the way he and Regulus studied and helped the others in their house. Defusing fights and ignoring jabs. He hadn't done it for her, he just just... woken up. She had pushed him to be a better person – not to conform him to the Gryffindor way or to be more like Dumbledore or whatever – but to make him see how wonderful he truly was. And, while he still didn't believe he was at all wonderful or any of the sweet adjectives she'd at one time used to describe him, he had started to see things from a different angle – without the hanging cloud of insecurity and self-doubt.

For as much as he disliked Lily Evans for pushing him away and tugging at his heart, he had to thank her for being the truest friend he'd ever encountered.

Maybe that was why he hadn't run away yet and retreated into himself, why he was standing outside the dance studio waiting on her, why he let her reel him back in. She was honest and he appreciated that. If she was making the effort to mend what was broken, who was he to stand by and do nothing? This was what he had wanted all last summer and throughout the year, what he had craved and desired. A second chance. A way to prove that he wasn't the bad guy they all thought he was. Someone worthy of her love.

Because he did, love her. Which, of course, pissed him off to no end. And all his short life, the eight years he'd known her, all he had ever wanted was for her to love him as well.

People started filing out of the building, girls mostly, gossiping and laughing as they walked out the door and down the street. He ignored them, just as they primarily ignored him, and waited. It didn't take long for her to come out, her ponytail swishing as she walked, her backpack hanging low, a button down tied around her waist.

She turned right and didn't notice him leaning against the wall on her left, she was humming to a song he had been hearing on the radio recently, a new single from a band he knew all too well. He snuffed out his cigarette and easily caught up with her long strides, scaring her as he quietly fell into step beside her and pushing all serious thoughts out of his head.

"Blondie?"

She jumped back, her eyes rounding comically, a hand placed over her chest. "Sev."

"Sorry." He apologized for frightening her.

She fell back into step beside him, laughing a bit. "Thanks for the heart attack. But, to answer your question – yes, Blondie. It's their new single, Sunday Girl. It's quite good, I'm rather obsessed with it now."

He just rolled his eyes, "What aren't you obsessed with when it comes to Blondie?"

Lily just smiled, saying nothing as they continued down the street. She chanced a look over at him, thoroughly surprised to see that he had been waiting for her, that he had come all the way out to see her. "Are you hungry? I'm famished."

Severus didn't say anything about Lily's very liberal use of dramatics, as he once would have, and nodded. "Sure." He could see that she was looking at him from the corner of her eye, a small smile on her lips. "We never discussed a time to meet back up today, so, I thought I'd just wait for you."

She was giving him that secret look again, it irked him and made his chest tight all at once. "Okay."

They walked in the direction of McCullough's, a diner that they had frequented growing up, and one that they both still came to, though now separately. They hadn't eaten there together in a long time, maybe winter break of Fifth year, but Severus couldn't remember for certain. He felt a little odd that they were unconsciously falling back into step with each other, he didn't even really think that Lily noticed that they were about to enter the old diner that use to house their stifled summer time energy. If she did noticed, she didn't let on.

The walk was silent, Severus didn't know what to say and Lily, for once, didn't feel the need to fill the silence with any of her mindless chatter. She walked beside him, silent as he was, taking it all in. Neither of them uttered a word until the cool air of McCullough's hit their bared flesh and they were seated in a booth near the door.

The waitress smiled at them in that suspicious kind of way that they were always prone to get when people saw her and Severus together. Lily had never been sure why, but she had a sneaking suspicion that people always thought they were dating and that made them uncomfortable, or that they were step siblings that seemed too close for comfort and that also made them uncomfortable. When they were younger, she had just rolled her eyes and ignored people's stares, but now, she couldn't help but feel a little protective of their fragile state and the way the waitress glared at them with her smile.

"What can I grab you?"

"I'll have a water and a Lilt." She saw Severus scrunch his nose at her choice in soda, never understanding how she could drink the fruity tang that was Lilt. She cracked a smile at his obvious displeasure in her ordering, before seeing the way the older waitress looked at them again. "And you, dear, what do you want?"

Severus glared at her with narrow eyes from across the booth, clearly not understanding what she was doing and didn't like being called dear in the slightest. With a quirked brow he looked back up to the pinched looking waitress, which reminded her of when Petunia was displeased, and ordered a Dandelion and Burdock, which had Lily scrunching her nose.

The waitress left with a linger stare at the pair tucked away in the corner and Lily turned her gaze back to Severus who was looking at her like she'd added an ingredient too early to his potion. "Dear?"

She just shrugged a shoulder, leaning back in the booth and ripping up the napkin in front of her. "She's always pissed me off, assuming there's something weird going on with us. I just gave her something to assume."

He just shook his head, leaning back as well, relaxing a bit and crossing his arms over his chest. "Next time go for something a little less generic than, dear."

She gave a small laugh, a smile lingering on her face. "I'll try."

The presumptive older woman came back with their drinks and took their orders, leaving as quickly as she came, but keeping an eye on the two throughout.

"What?" Severus asked once the woman left them, taking a sip of his drink.

"Dandelion and Burdock? You still drink that?"

Severus narrowed his gaze, "Lilt? You still drink that crap?"

She dropped her jaw in mock appall, "It isn't crap! It's delicious tangy sweetness." She gave a grossed out look towards his own drink. "That's sassafras and crushed dandelion and burdock."

He took another deep drink for emphasis and even did a little ah afterwards, which caused her to snort and smile. "It's sarsaparilla, actually."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Oh, excuse me. It still tastes bitter."

"Like my soul." He joked.

She gave him an odd look that he couldn't quite read, but he knew that she was at least partially upset by his words, the mood shifting. "Don't say that."

He gave a nonchalant shrug. "Why not?"

She threw him a piercing look, "Because it's not true, and you shouldn't speak about yourself like that."

He couldn't meet her eyes and instead inspected the glass bottle that held his soda. It was quiet again, neither of them finding things to say or comment on, it wasn't until the waitress came back with their food that Severus spoke up again. "Why do you care so much?"

Lily looked up from her fries, but didn't meet his eyes. "Character flaw, I guess."

And there he was, back to not understanding her again.

It was easy to fall back into witty banter and casual shrugs of response, it hadn't really surprised him that they had. But, this – real, honest conversation – now that threw him for a loop.

He didn't know where they stood, unsure of how to play this out. They were back to being reserved again, like they had on that first accidental meeting over a week ago. He wasn't use to that. They had never been the type of friends that tended to participate in awkward silences or not tell each other the truth, but as he sat in the booth across from her, watching as she wouldn't meet his gaze and the silence heavy around them, he wondered if this is just what they had become.

Maybe it was too hard, maybe there were too many things between them to go back to the way things had been.

She eyed him through her lashes, but didn't look directly at him or meet his gaze. He looked at her then, really looked at her in a way he hadn't been afforded in the few times they had met recently. But here, in the well-lit diner, her sitting across from him, and not pining him with her magnetic stare, he could look.

Her hair seemed lighter, although he took that as being caused by the summer sun, and it was still a rich red that fell in slight waves around her. Her skin was still clear and pale, only the light smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose blemishing her skin. He had always found them charming, her freckles, she had always rolled her eyes. Her eyes, which were presently downcast, were still that deep emerald green color he had yet to find on another person, her lashes long and light when not coated in the mascara she so loved to wear. Her lips naturally upturned in an eternal smile, pinker than the shade of her skin, her lower lip plump and perfect.

She looked the same and old all at once, looking just as she had in those polaroids, and different yet. She seemed older to him now, aged, like she didn't belong here sitting in this diner with him, like she didn't fit in the clothes she wore or the smile. She was different now, and so was he.

"So, tell me what I've missed."

He looked up from his food to glance at her. Her head was raised now, her eyes locking with his. Apparently she wanted to speak now. His brows furrowed, "What?"

She pinned him with her stare, he hated every second of it. "You know, we haven't really spoken in a year, I feel like I don't know anything about you anymore."

That statement summed up everything he felt. They didn't really know anything about each other anymore. And that notion hurt him more than it should.

He set down his drink and haunched his shoulders forward, giving her his undivided attention. "What do you want to know?"

Lily let her eyes wander from his for a second, thinking. "Tell me about what you've been doing."

He gave a shrug of his shoulder, "Not much, I suppose."

She just gave him that stare, "Really? That's all you're gonna give me?"

Severus sighed and rolled his dark eyes, "It wasn't that interesting, Lily. My life wasn't that interesting when we were friends, either. Mostly, Regulus and I strayed away from drama and worked to improve our marks. We'd meet up with Lucius at Hogsmeade and listen to him bitch and complain about his internship or his relationship." He brought his stare back to hers. "See, not interesting or exciting."

She had that odd little smile on her face, like she was barely aware that she was doing it. "Mine wasn't all that enthralling either."

He nodded, "I bet."

"I mostly just read and listened to Alice talk about how dashing Frank is."

He cracked a small smile at that, for whatever reason. "We're very interesting people."

Lily fully smiled at that, "Yes, we are."

They finished their food and paid the bill, Lily ignoring the rude waitress as they walked out. They walked in compatible silence from the diner until they reached their neighborhood, and then they started in about the potions they had brewed last year and the very drab Slugclub events they had been forced to attended, and even broached the topic of how awkward it had been not speaking to one another during those functions.

They had pushed through the woods and made their way into the clearing, Lily dropping her bag and her shoes, sitting right at the edge of the bank and dipping her feet in the water. Severus came and sat down beside her, a good bit of distance between them. They just sat for a while, over looking the water, listening to the small rustle in the trees, ignoring the heat from the very warm day. He could tell it was silent because she was trying to figure out how to say what was on her mind. He saw the downturn of her lips, the very small furrow in her brow, her eyes slightly narrowed at something he couldn't see. It didn't take her long to spit it out.

"Did you..." She paused, unsure of how to phrase this awkward question she was asking him. And, she couldn't keep the beating of her heart down, afraid of his answer. "See anyone last year?" Sensing his confusion behind the meaning of her question, she elaborated. "Date."

Lily watched his shoulders go back and his eyes snap away from her. He didn't respond at first, and she was almost tempted to repeat the question. But, then after what felt like a year, he answered briskly. "No."

"Oh."

He still wasn't turned towards her, but she could clearly see the way his brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed. "Why would you think that?"

She shrugged a shoulder, "Dunno, just thought that maybe since you weren't hanging around a muggleborn Gyffindor anymore – "

Severus cut her off with merely a look. A steely, piercing look that cut through her and made her feel belittled and stupid for even asking the question in the first place.

"It doesn't matter if we were together or not, barely anyone speaks to me regardless." He snorted, "I highly doubt that simply because I no longer have you attached to my shoulder, hordes of girls are flocking to me."

Lily rolled her eyes, "I'm not saying hordes, but there was always the possibility of some girls."

Now it was Severus' turn to roll his eyes, "Please. Spare me."

She leaned over and pushed at his shoulder to scold him, "Oh, come on. Like you never noticed Rachel Rosier staring at you during Potions. You can't be that blind."

He scrunched up his nose at the thought of Rachel Rosier staring at him at all. She wasn't completely fowl, but that was the last thing he needed in his life – a Pureblood purist girlfriend with ties to the underground rebel organization known as the Death Eaters. Please, he'd rather spend eternity with Moaning Myrtle.

He simply replied with, "I'd rather not."

Apparently Lily was having a hard time seeing just how truly pathetic he really was. There weren't girls. There had never been any girls. Not even one girl. The only female that had honestly ever looked twice at him was Lily herself, the fact that she thought he might actually be involved in her absence spoke volumes, but he also wasn't sure that she wasn't deluded.

"Well, how do I know? I only know what I see, and for the past few years Rachel Rosier and Hannah Mason – the Ravenclaw with the blonde hair – have looked at you."

She noted that he was definitely uncomfortable with that line of questioning that was continuing on, and if it was embarrassing him, he was doing a poor job at hiding it. He cleared his throat and rolled his eyes at her, seriously doubting the things she was saying, she could tell in his eyes.

"Somehow, I don't believe you. However, nothing has come of these so-called infatuations, so the answer to your first question is still, no."

He had never told her stuff like this anyway, even before. He had always been so private and closed off, it had taken her a long time to break him, to make him comfortable in her presence or being around a girl in general. He still wasn't accustomed to the gossipy nature and knowledge hungry cravings that happened between friends, but she could tell he was trying, even still.

Lily noted that he had reverted a bit since their friendship ended. He was back to being solemn and quiet, waiting for someone else to speak first, mostly. But, there were loud parts of him that still shown through.

She put up her hands in mock surrender, "Alright, alright. But, you can't tell me that there were no girls, because that's simply not true."

He just rolled his eyes and again said, "Please." She let out a laugh at his very standard response and asked her, "And you?" Completely unsure of why he even let that leave his mouth.

It wasn't as though boys didn't speak to her, Lily was a bright and beautiful girl, of course she'd had her fair share of admirers over the years – less than one would expect, but enough. Which was why Severus had not been shocked to find Devon Ashby of Hufflepuff stopping by the Gryffindor table to chat, or asking to borrow her notes in Herbology. He hadn't been made aware of whether she was seeing anyone or not, if she had went to Hogsmeade with the charming Devon Ashby of Hufflepuff or Grant Guston of Ravenclaw. The only thing Severus was certain of, was that James hadn't really made an appearance at all last year. Not once did he see Potter attempt to interact with Lily the way the pervious years held, and for once, his year hadn't been plagued by the onslaught of Marauder double vision.

Severus knew the reason James had laid off him was simply because he and Lily no longer shared an attachment, now he was out of the way. The reason the rest of them left him be was because they were rudderless without their leader, and if James wasn't guiding them in shenanigans that usually involved him either being hurt or mocked, they were simply ignoring him - which, he could most definitely live with.

Despite what his dramatics over conversations about them would imply, he didn't think the Marauders were actually bad guys – fucking annoying assholes, yes, but sincerely bad guys? No.

They were schoolyard bullies that wasted their time showing off how juvenile and generic they were by being total and utter pricks. They literally pissed him off more than anyone else he'd ever had the displeasure to encounter, but they were nothing more. He didn't hate them. He just held a very, very strong disdain for them that was akin to hate. But Severus knew real hate, and he knew real pain. Some ill fated pranks, an almost run-in with a werewolf, and harsh words were nothing compared to what he had endured before. Yes, he liked to bitch and yell about them, about just how much they pissed him off, but they were nothing but an annoying itch he couldn't quite scratch hard enough. He would be rid of them at the end of this year anyhow.

Lily blinked at his rebound question. Clearly she hadn't been expecting him to retaliate, which he couldn't blame her, he had never really been one to delve deep into her personal life. Even as friends. It had taken him a long time to realize that he hadn't actually been that good of a best friend. He had always been stuck too deep inside himself to actually be a friend. He was a fantastic listener, and occasionally gave some steep advice that she usually took to heart. But, he had never really questioned her – apart from his heated accusations about her relationship to Mary McDonald and the Marauders – never really asked about her life, about how she was or what was going on behind those piercing stares. Most of the time he'd felt as though he didn't have to, she told him everything anyway. It had taken him a while to realize that it didn't matter, asking was communicating, and it was something every friendship needed.

He wondered vaguely if she had ever noticed just how one sided her friendship with him had been, and if that had been a deciding factor of disentangling herself from him.

Her face was passive as it looked out over the water, she was biting the inside of her lip in thought and concentration. He wondered if she had even heard his question, but he knew she had. He had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that he wasn't about to particularly enjoy the words that were about to tumble from her lips, and steeled himself for it.

She answered after what felt like hours. "I was... seeing someone, I guess."

His brows furrowed, his mouth set in a frown. "You were?"

She shrugged, "I mean, I guess. I wouldn't exactly call it seeing someone, and it most certainly wasn't dating."

"So then, what was it?" He wasn't entirely sure why it was so important, or why he'd chosen now to actually participate in the ritual of gossip, but he couldn't stop himself.

Lily looked at a loss, stuck between not wanting to tell him, knowing it had the possibility to push him further away, but also not wanting to lie to him about it. She found herself in an odd place that she'd never been before. Usually she would've just told him what was on her mind and wait for his words advice, but, this was different. They weren't close anymore, and this could devastate him.

"I... I don't really know, honestly." She was having a hard time putting it into words, because, what had they been exactly? He seemed to sense this and cut off this eloquent banter back and forth, cutting straight to the point, being blunt in a way she hadn't expected.

"Was it, James?"

He hadn't wanted to ask her, mostly because he already knew the answer was yes. Her hesitance to answer his questions had been answer enough. But, he did ask her, even though it was a tough pill to swallow. He wanted to be her friend again, and he didn't want to fall back into the same one sided situation as they had previously, which is why he was carrying on. If she had been with James Potter last year, so be it. He had been given an opportunity that he hadn't ever thought he'd get, and regardless of his mixed emotions for her, he wasn't about to let Lily walk away a second time. If he had to endure her go on about James Potter or her relations with any of the other boys that fancied her, than so be it. He would be a good friend to her this time around, he would be the guy she deserved to have sit by her side. Not some shy, beaten boy who spent too much time in his own head. He wanted to be the Severus that she saw, the kind, wonderful, reserved best friend she raved to her Mother about. Which was why he had asked the question without any malice or judgement in his voice.

Lily shot her head towards him at that, her eyes a little wide and narrowed at the same time, and if the air hadn't been so tense around them he might've thought it funny. She could feel her stomach drop, her heart was beating too fast and she felt nauseas. She gave him a simple, "Yes." seemingly incapable of anything more.

He nodded, bringing his gaze away from hers, "Did you sleep with him?" It was hard for him to ask, and he almost didn't want to. He wasn't sure if he'd like the answer either way, honestly.

"Yeah." She choked out, it tasted almost bitter on her tongue. "It kind of is what it is with him. I think he knows that we're not good for each other, that we don't fit. But, we were kind of just playing pretend; James is really good at that."

Severus felt his stomach somersault and his heart drop, but shockingly, it didn't alter his reality or rock his world as he had been expecting. That bothered him more than anything else, honestly.

He cleared his throat, "Were?" He had noticed the past tense in the way she used to describe her... affair with James.

"Yeah. Were. It was never really a 'thing', James and I." She found the courage to look at him, although she couldn't keep his gaze for long periods of time as she spoke. "It was honestly more of a matter of convince and lapse of judgement than anything else." She started tearing at the grass around her, fidgeting in her nervousness. "We're just... different."

"How, ah, how did this even come about?"

She lifted her eyes up to meet his from where her head was bowed, facing the ground. He was being awfully curious for someone who hated James. She had expected an angry rant, some choice words, and a storm out; she was seriously under prepared for this calm, rational conversation about her misgivings with someone he truly disliked. Why was he so interested now?

"Um, well, at the beginning of the year I expected a lot of Marauder recoil from after what happened last year, I thought James would use it as his 'in' with me. But, as I started distancing myself from everyone, somehow James had begun to slip in." She looked at him with disbelief in her eyes. "He was being so unlike his usual self, the one we all loathe and ignore, he would just sit down near me and almost ignore me. Eventually we would just start talking, about books, school, family. He was charming, almost. It was easy to be around him."

"So, what changed?" That, he was honestly interested in. If Potter was as changed and charming as she was implying, why were they a past tense and never a full fledged couple? He was sure that no one knew about the two of them, he would've sworn on it and been wrong, so why had they not started dating and told everyone about how perfect they were as the golden, Gryffindor couple?

She sighed, shrugging her shoulders. "We're different. And we having almost nothing in common. He doesn't get what it's like not being raised in the magical world, he doesn't understand pictures that don't move, or music that's made by muggles, and he doesn't get movies. Movies. That's like a sin." Severus bit back a chuckle, because in Lily's world, it most definitely was. "Plus, no matter how easy it was to talk with him or be with him, no matter how much he had changed to really grasp my attention, he's still an arrogant prick. He's still rude and says things to people that he knows he shouldn't. He doesn't have any compassion or grace, he's just... there. It was an easy way to distract myself from what I was feeling, he was really good at being just that, a distraction."

She was looking at him in the eyes by that point, using her hands to emphasize what she was trying to say. He felt better after her explanation of what were meant. It still bothered him on a basic level, but he knew that he would've felt this way even if it hadn't been Potter. "Did anyone else know?"

Lily shook her head, "No. Not even Alice, not Sirius or Remus, Emmeline or anyone. I made him swear not to say anything, I think he was keeping that promise in hopes that it'd turn into something more permanent. But, we both knew that it was never going to happen, time only proved that." She tightened the elastic of her ponytail and started to braid the end of her hair to do something with her hands. "I think he might feel the same way, even if he doesn't want to admit it. I think he liked me because I hated him, and now that he's had me, the thrill is gone. I think he's starting to move on, but doesn't want to seem like that's the only reason he was interested in me."

"I see." He honestly had no idea what to say.

Lily pushed herself into a split, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the ground and put her face in her hands, looking back out at the water in front of her, so close she could smell it. Severus sat with his knees pulled up, his forearms dangling across them, he too not looking at anything in particular. They sat again in silence, although this time, it was less intense and a bit more comfortable. They had discussed something major that this time two years ago would've broken them, that would've caused her to cry and him to storm off. Harsh words and guilt trips, judgment and anger would've ensued because of it. And now here they both were, seated beside one another, quietly taking in all that had been said.

She wasn't at all sure how they had gotten to this point, but she was certainly grateful.

It was a long time before either of them spoke again, the sun shifting just slightly, the heat peaked and now the temperature was dropping a small fraction. She could hear his even breathing, imagine the calmness in his face, his eyes unfocused and un-narrowed, his strong jaw unclenched and his face poised. She didn't even have to look to see it.

Lily liked when he was like that, calm, quiet, open. When he left himself open for her to see, without all that guarded mystic he shrouded himself in. She liked when he felt easy and comfortable around her, she had worked so hard to make it that way when she was younger. She found it odd that he could be like this after the total bomb she just dropped on him, but she wasn't about to question his change in demeanor from two years ago. Whatever had happened in this past year had changed both of them, for the better or for the worst, and maybe their very dramatic removal from each other had been the best thing for them.

She wasn't entirely sure what moved her to speak, to break the easy, compatible silence that had washed over them, but she couldn't stop her mouth from opening or the words from tumbling out.

"Sometimes I hate myself." She turned to look at him from where she sat, still on her stomach facing the water. "Do you hate me?"

The very raw honesty to her voice made her cringe and made his heart beat faster.

His expression was blank as he responded, "Occasionally."

She nodded and brought her gaze away from his, cutting off the conversation and bringing her eyes back up to look at the sky. "Good."


A/N: Okay, wow, let's all take a breath after this chapter, yeah? That was a weirdly emotional roller-coaster chapter and the ending has been written since before I even posted this story, so I'm glad to finally have it in. Now, I know some of you are going to hate me and stop reading because I had her hook up with James. THERE IS A PURPOSE TO THIS, so, sorry it had to happen. Also, realistically, in this AU world I've created, it makes sense for Lily to find comfort in losing Severus with James. IT'S POETIC PEOPLE. Anyway, a serious thank you to everyone who continues to review, PM, favorite, follow, stalk, love, and even hate this fic. You guys are seriously, like, fucking amazing and I love you.