Chapter 6: Salt The ... Eggs ?!

Krieg awoke with a shit eating grin on his face, not only did he made hot love with Maya, but he also got the crap beat out of him in a series of violent nightmares, he was all for masochism, but some of it got a little hot and heavy. One of his nightmares was actually quite calm however, he was walking in a zoo, or animal reserve, he could feel a tiny hand wrapped around his finger as he walked from exhibit to exhibit. In this nightmare he did not feel the mad burning urge to turn someone into fondu, which made him extremely uncomfortable. The tiny hand squeezed tighter and a girl giggled.

"Tiny ... Sounds like a nick name for someone" Krieg mused

The alarm went off with a loud buzz, Krieg snarled and picked it up and smashed it on the adjacent wall.

"OOH A LOT OF GOOD YOU DID ME... I'M GUNNA TURN YOU INTO A VIBRATOR, THEN YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF !" He screamed

Maya giggled from the other side of the bed "Good morning to you too, handsome" she said yawning.

He cupped her breast and pushed her back down on the bed, kissing down her neck with delicate pecks. She giggled more and socked him in the face. She loved giving pain as much as she loved giving pleasure, it worked out well when dating a psychopath who was more unstable than a toaster covered in Eridium glazed skag shit. she had to smirk, hanging around Krieg had given her a more vulgar set of metaphors. She clipped her bra on and went to the kitchen, turning on a coffee pot made out of some kind of midget skull, she would have been disgusted if it weren't so damn Feng Shui. She looked over her shoulder and grinned.

"How do you want your steak, Medium ? Rare ?"

"ALIVE AND SCREAMING LIKE BAMBI IMPALED TO A MERRY-GO-ROUND HAHA !" he sneered thirstily

She rolled her eyes "Last I checked, you don't have extra-rare venison in your fridge. How about nothing then ?"

Kreig pouted "Pancakes ... With smiley face bacon..."

Maya cocked an eyebrow, she was waiting for it "And ..."

"AND A GUNSHOT WOUND TO THE FACE ! IN THE FACE !" He shouted

She grinned and kissed him hard, letting her tongue do all the convincing "That's much better, I can do that ...don't try hold back, you can't help being psychotic"

"It's been a while since I've had food made for me, got kicked out of a few diners ..."

She rolled her eyes "For ..."

"FOR STABBING THE COOK IN THE HAND WITH A FORK ... AND KNIFE ... AND SPOON !"

"Did he live ?"

"SPENT A FEW DAYS SHITTING OUT UTENSILS, YOU TELL ME ?"

Maya flipped the pancakes over in the heated pan, popping another cube of butter into the pan for the easy slick n slide surface she wanted. She turned to him and grinned. Flicking the pancake mid air and drawing her pistol, a small bullet hole the size of a quarter popped through it and exited the roof. She leaped out and caught the pancake on a plate. Laying eyes and teeth of bacon on the head shot victims doughy face. She was curious about why he wanted smiley face pancakes, Maya knew a lot of guys were in touch with their childish side, but it seemed out of character for Krieg.

"So why the smiley face breakfast, hun ?"

Krieg rubbed his temple, a small aches but nothing more "I ... think I used to make it for someone ... long ago"

Maya noticed that when Krieg rubbed his temples, he acted more collected and sane "That so ? Who do you think she was ?"

"Did I say she ?"

"Seems obvious ... Unless you had a boyfriend you made dirty breakfast for"

"Weird bitch"

"Crazy asshole" She kissed the tip of his nose and carried on cooking, grinning all the while.

With each bite, Krieg felt more and more euphoric nostalgia wash over him like a hot wave of mental stability. He grinned, the pancakes were good and the bacon was a little tough, but he was not a fucking food critic for some phony master chef show. He loved the fact it was made by someone else with love for him, not stolen food or cooked enemies, simple greasy fatty foods made by a pretty lady with a foul mouth. He sipped his coffee and watched her work, flashes of a past life-like burned after images in his mind, was he seeing his old wife ? It was hard to tell, all he knew was that particular life was over now, nothing remained of it but broken memories

"And a daughte... BACON SHIT !"

Maya wheeled around, eyes accusing "What did you just say ?"

"Bacon shit ?"

She sneered "Before that ..."

He shook his head, fingers to temples again "IT'S ALL CHANNEL 6 ... FUZZY AND DEAD!"

"Okay, if you say so ... Hey, how about we take a drive later ? I saw a Catch-A-Ride station somewhere down the valley, Roland told me about an old friend of his who lives down at Tundra Express, maybe he has some information ..."

"And why must we twinkle toe to this little ... MEATLY ALLY OF OURS !?"

"He might be able to help us uncover the past of yours, he was on the planet long before Hyperion took charge, it's worth a try right ?"

"HMMNYEAAAAH ! fine ... We shall take a little stroll down BLOOD SOAK LANE HAHA !" he cheered

"Finish your damned food first! Psycho's need their protein or else they will turn into midgets ... or so I've heard"

"Your lies turn me all the way on !"

"Might not be too late for a little desert perhaps" she gripped his neck and pushed him to the floor, climbing on top greedily.


fifteen minutes later they stepped out the door, zipping up their pants and grinning distractedly, walking towards the Catch-A-Ride station, hand in hand, heart in heart. The station was a little run down, crude groins and rude names spray painted across the walls like childish doodles, but nothing that would affect their travel. They inserted a few bucks and got spawned perhaps the most ugliest vehicle they had ever seen. An old Bandit technical with a rusty color scheme, they then realized it was not paint but real rust. The seats were old and torn up, the wheels without tread and shot at by the looks of it, but they supposed it would serve their purpose well enough.

"I'll drive ..I have a Pandoran Drivers License TO KILL ALL THINGS ON THE BLOOD ROAD!" He screamed

"Shotgun" she winked

"I LOVE THE WAY YOUR EYES PIERCE MY NADS LIKE JACKKNIVES!"

And with that they were off, speeding down the barren lands, through tundra and desert. They talked casually during their drive, Maya was able to fix the radio, only to turn it off after Handsome Jack's propaganda started blurting out the speakers. They made it to an arid land, a large river passing through it, cutting snow from grass. A giant bridge crossed the river, a supply route made by Hyperion to safely get their trains from A to B without running the risk of a bandit heist or crusader ambush. At the center of this valley, atop a great mound of rocks was a tall tower, protruding from a few small buildings, the top of the tower looked like a crows nest to Krieg. A large bird cawed overhead, marking their approach, or perhaps was it warning them.

The com crackled as a man spoke up "Yo, you Roland's friends ? If I had known you were on your way I wouldn't have drank so much last night, Eh Bloodwing ?"

The bird cawed in response "You knew we were coming you're just an alcoholic, Mordecai" Maya said rudely, a flicker of a smile.

The man, Mordecai, laughed "I guess you won't want a drunk then ?"

Maya rolled her eyes "I didn't say I wasn't an alcoholic. I've brought company ... My boyfriend" She blushed

"Is he cool ? I don't want him tearing up the place, even though it's a rat's ass in here"

"I'LL TEAR YOUR EYES OUT YOUR SPHINCTER!"

Maya winced "Uh ... He's a... Psycho ?" She trailed off

"Fine ... Come on in, I'll open the gate" He sighed

The tower's interior was truly a man cave, decorated animal heads, hides and flat screen Tv's. Not to mention Beer, Wine, Vodka and even Eridium laced Tequila. Krieg expected the drink was only favored by Sirens, but he wondered if this guy had tried some himself. The sound of heavy boots cluttered down the stairway as Mordecai came into view, clearly sizing up Krieg for safety sakes. He grinned and shook their hands, not flinching or even noticing the power in Kriegs grip, Krieg respected a man who could shake hands correctly. He was a tall skinny man with a long Goatee and long black hair tied back from his goggles, no doubt contaning the best sniper eyes on Pandora. A large menacing bird perched on his shoulder, occasionally rubbing against his head affectionately, his pet.

"What can I do for you Maya and ... Psycho ?" Mordecai's words lightened, not know how to next proceed

"Krieg, I met him at a train station, saved my ass from Rat's. Things ...well...went uphill from there" She brightened

"SHES THE BONNIE TO MY CLYDE!" He cackled

Mordecai smirked and nodded, popping the cork off a bottle and taking a deep swig of its dark liquor "What can I do for ya's ?"

Maya shrugged "Information on Hyperion"

Mordecai cocked an eyebrow "There's a lot of it, and yet that does not exactly help me help you" He gestured to filing cabinets stuffed with documents

She pointed to Krieg "Human experimentation, Hyperion made Psycho's, abducting families ... That kind of shit" Maya replied

Mordecai bit his thumb in thought "All I know is people go missing, many don't return and those who do, aren't always ...uh...sane"

Maya sighed "Any leads ? Maybe where some of these facilities are ? Krieg is trying to find answers to his past, he has missing memory's"

The sniper rummaged through a folder "There are a few people who might be willing to talk ... OH...That wait a minute"

"WHAT whut WHATT !?"

"A colleague of mine, she's a demolitions expert, a real wiz with things that go 'Wooof!' haha" He made an explosion gesture

"What about her ?" Maya asked

"Well she lost her family in similar circumstances, she's only thirteen but man, she really hates Hyperion" Mordecai said

"Where is ... uh ?"

Mordecai slapped his forehead, Bloodwing Cawed in a short laugh "Sorry, name's Tina ... or Tiny Tina to her bandit adversaries"

Krieg felt his heart slam into his rig cage, he spat out the mouth full of alcohol he had sipped gingerly. Maya and Mordecai turned to him bemused, her expression growing shocked and serious. She saw the recognition Krieg felt in his mind, her hand grabbing both of his shoulders as he blurred in and out of consciousness. Krieg reverberated the name in his head, but what was it to him ? Tina ? Tina ? Who was Tina ? But he knew she was from before, before things went to shit, before his body was twisted into a psychotic husk of his former self.

"Where is she ?" Krieg asked calmly, catching his breath

Mordecai's mouth gaped slightly open "You don't think he's ... uh... She's down below this tower, her workshop / Home is connected to mine"

Maya looked deep into Kriegs eyes "Krieg ... Is she something to you ? Do you remember seeing her before ?"

Krieg shrugged, nodded then shook his head "I DUNNO ! I HEAR VOICES AGAIN ... Pleasant ones"

Maya gestured to the stairway "We need to see her, Mordecai. Even if it's just to get info on the facilities Hyperion used"

Mordecai nodded "Uh sure, right this way"


He led them down a wide stairway which descended into the rocky cliff side. The rocky walls were covered in bright crayon drawings, depicting rockets with big breasts, Decapitated bandits, rabbits with top hats and unicorns with laser eyes that shot rainbows out their butts. It was art in its most innocently violent child's play. One of the pictures caught Maya's attention, but she shrugged the feeling off, the picture was of a tall man with an eye patch, his uncanny appearance to Krieg shocked her, but it was just crayon doodles, right ? Mordecai reached the bottom bulkhead door, thumbing the intercom he spoke.

"Tina, you have guests here" he said

Buzzing static, than a bright melodious voice replied "Cooooomming! Just ... Gimme...A...Sec...Uh oh" A loud explosion shook the tunnel

"Tina ..." Mordecai sighed

"That was literally the BEST THING EVER! Oh, I also need a new microwave Mordy!" Said Tina, bubbly as ever.

Maya though Tina's loud outburst mid-sentence was awfully familiar, she elbowed Kriegs chest in jest. Her smile faltering as she saw the glassy relfection in his eyes, was he weeping ? She embraced him and awaited the door to open.

Mordecai sneered "THAT'S THE THIRD ONE THIS WEEK ! Why do you need to destroy every microwave I buy you ?"

"Oh well maybe it's because SHUT THE HELL UP MORDY!" She shouted

"Yup ... uncanny" Maya grinned

The pistons in the door hissed and pulled open, the lock lifted and the steel door pulling open. Inside they saw a large cave, filled with explosives, playground equipment and even a school bus crashed into a nearby wall, most of its parts stripped clean. Sitting at a small table with a pot of tea and explosion singed marks covering her face, the girl, Tiny Tina, watched them enter with bemused interest. She was a little thing, short blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, she wore a cracked bandit mask on one side of her head and dark overalls that were stained with oil, gas, paint and cranberry juice. She was cute and deadly at the same time, Krieg felt deep knifes bury in his heart.

"Wazzup Suckas! welcome to my humble Abode" she cheered, her attention mainly focused on Krieg.

Maya waved "It's nice to meet you Tina, I'm Maya and this is my boyfriend Krieg. We are here with a few questions"

She raised her hands in the air as if surrendering "Heeey listen gurl, the rocket that hit the bandits was totally of the Shiiiizzle, I be apologizing"

Maya smiled "Nothing about that ..."

"DID THE BANDITS TURN INTO MINCE !?" Krieg interrupted

"Ohhh it was so goood. It as like BEWM! BEEEEWM! BOOOM!" Krieg and Tina both laughed, but Tina was beginning to study Krieg more, was there something she knew afterall ?

Maya continued "Anyway, do you know much about the Hyperion facilities ? The bad men who kidnap people and take em away ?"

Tina nodded, sadness danced behind her childish manner "They be Robots though, Suckas are metal as fuuudge"

"Right ... Do you know where they go ?" Maya corrected herself

Tina shook her head "I knew how to get out of their facilities, but I don't remember how to get back in..."

Maya nodded "Lastly, do you by any chance remember Kr-" Krieg placed his hand on her arm, shaking his head

"Thanks for your help... We'll be on our way" Krieg said calmly.

He turned and began walking towards the exit. Maya paused then ran after him, grabbing his arm and leaning up to whisper to him, he only shook his head, she decided not to ask, she noticed his hand was trembling and knew something was truly up. Tina watched them walk away, her breath catching in her throat as she searched for the truth in herself, no it couldn't be, could it ? Mordecai shrugged and headed for the door, but stopped as Tina rushed past him, sprinting towards the two new people, more accurately, sprinting towards Krieg.

"H...Hey Mister! Hey ... WAIT UPP!" She cried after them.

Krieg turned, palms sweaty "Hmm ?"

She looked to the gravel, kicking a pebble side, her eyes filling with tears "I...Is..Is that you... Daddy ?" Her lips trembled as if it were cold.

Maya heard herself Gasp, Mordecai likewise.

Krieg slowly paced forward and squatted next to the young girl, Wiping the dark smoke smudges off her face with his thumb, then gently wiping a tear from her cheeks. She placed her hand on his mask, her fingers trailing the respirator and leather straps. She gently tugged the strap and lifted the mask off, his single brown eye meeting her piercing blues. She made a low whining noise in her chest and threw herself at him ,burying her face in his shoulder and sobbing loudly, he wiped a tear from his one remaining eye, lifted it on one finger and examined it, it had been a while since he shed a tear. He gripped her close to him and whispered.

"I finally found you ... Pumpkin"

it was one of the most Sanest things he had said all year.


Authors Note

First of all I really need to apologize, I have no real excuse for not continuing the story a while ago, I was lazy, I fell out of touch with Borderlands and I started working on a Akame Ga Kill and a Naruto Fanfic with a few mini shots in between.

But thanks to your support and popular demand, I will try my best to continue this fic until the end :)

I sincerely hope you enjoyed it.

Thank you all

~Phillip